Chapter Sixteen – Rebekah

I don’t go into cheerleading practice for three days. I tell Tia that I’m sick, which isn’t too far from the truth. I am nauseated and dizzy the entire time, I can barely stand up straight. Since she’s so scared of getting ill, Tia tells me not to bother coming back until I’m sure I’m not contagious, which gives me a couple of guilt free days to recover. Of course, these days aren’t guilt free at all, I feel like crap the whole time, but that’s beside the point.

That’s three whole days of nothing. No communication with anyone aside from the odd text from Mya, nothing at all from Bryn, which leaves my brain stewing in a pit of craziness. I don’t know how to cope. I know that Bryn is shocked, I understand that completely, but doesn’t he realize that I’m going through this as well? Having a baby affects me just as much as it does him. More, actually, I’m the one who has to birth and have him or her.

I rub my belly, thinking hard about the little seed growing there inside of me. For a brief moment, I considered the unthinkable. I thought about getting rid of the ‘little problem’ once and for all so that me and Bryn can go back to our normal lives and act like this never happened. But I quickly dismissed the idea when I realized that I might not be prepared for this child, but I already love my baby. I’m scared, but I want this. So, since Bryn doesn’t I guess it really is up to me and me alone. I’ll have to figure out a way to cope with this somehow.

I turn onto my side on the couch where I’ve been lying for most of the morning, to stare at the TV screen. Some old sitcom is playing, I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m not really watching it anyway. It’s just background noise while I ponder the biggest choice of my life. Now that I’ve made it, I just have to figure out how to make it work for myself. Somewhere over the next nine months, I need to plan being a single mom.

What will it be like when I tell my parents? I think idly to myself. Will they be proud, or annoyed that I’ve swanned off to have a career that I want and I’ve thrown it away already? I mean, I can’t exactly be a cheerleader with a baby, can I? I don’t see how that will work at all. Maybe Mom and Dad will be really disappointed…

I groan to myself as I picture their faces, I don’t think there’s any chance of them being proud. Maybe I won’t say anything to them until it’s absolutely necessary to do so. Then I won’t make them worry. It isn’t like I’ve spoken to them too much since I left home anyway. Not because we aren’t close, we just don’t need to talk all the time. We’ve never been that sort of family. I can get away with keeping it a secret… from them, anyway.

Next, I moan as I imagine what it’ll be like when everyone at the club finds out. Of course, Tia will have a field day, she’ll step up the torture to another degree. If she doesn’t immediately kick me out the team. Maybe she’ll let me stay just for long enough for her to really upset me, make my life hell, then send me on my way.

Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

I almost jump up as my cell phone blasts out, my pulse races in my chest. I scrabble around for it, hoping and praying that it’s going to be the one person who I haven’t heard from in far too long… but no, it isn’t.

“Hey, Mya.” I try my hardest not to sound sad as I answer. “How’s it going? What’s been happening?”

I should be touched that she’s called, glad I have such a good friend, rather than wishing that it was someone else calling. Bryn doesn’t want to know, of course he isn’t going to get in touch with me.

“Hey, Rebekah.” She sounds harassed, like something bad has happened. “Have you heard what’s happened?”

Okay good, it seems to be a drama about someone else. That should take the heat off of me. “No, I haven’t.”

“It’s Bryn.” My blood runs ice cold at the mere mention of his name. Mya knows all too well how this will affect me, so the fact that she’s bringing it up means it must be serious. I push myself into a sitting position and brace my spine while I wait for her to continue. “He’s been suspended from the team. I think because of…”

“Me?” I demand angrily as she trails off. “Me and the baby? Someone found out?”

“I don’t know too much about it, but I think Bryn might have told the coach himself. Then the guy flipped because of the ‘no fraternizing’ rule and he kicked him off the team. Or he suspended him anyway.”

Holy shit! No wonder Bryn hasn’t contacted me. He’s has all of this to deal with. I bet he’s in a real mess right now, trying to work out what his next step should be. “Oh my God,” I gasp. “What about the finals?”

“No one knows, Rebekah.” Mya’s tone becomes grave. “It’s all a big mess here. I think it’s all falling apart. All the other players are distracted, none of them can play right. Some of them are annoyed at Bryn because he’s let them down right at the last moment, and some are angry at the coach because he’s sent Bryn away for doing something that the rest of them do all the time. I don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s a nightmare.”

I try to picture how things must be, but the image is too awful. I cannot believe that me getting the cheerleader job was the catalyst for all of this. Everything has come crashing down and it’s all because of me. I shouldn’t have come here, I should have stayed far away. I should never have allowed anything to happen between me and Bryn, it would’ve been better if I was stronger. Now, I’ve screwed everything up. This is all my fault.

“Right,” I whisper to Mya. “I see. I’ll try and do something about it. I’ll… yeah, I’ll let you know.”

I have absolutely no plan in mind, but I know that’s what’s expected of me. Since I caused all of this, Mya wants me to put it right. I so desperately want the same, but I don’t know where to start. I can’t believe my presence has been so chaotic, I’m usually the girl who mostly blends into the background, I’m a part of the wallpaper. I can’t quite put my finger on the moment that things changed.

Wait, yes, I can, my brain unhelpfully pipes up. It was the moment that I met him.

Hmm, I guess that’s right. Meeting Bryn changed me, it made me see that I can be special. It made me view myself as more beautiful than before, more worthwhile. Well, look how that worked out in the end.

Without giving it another thought, I grab hold of my car keys and I race down the stairs. I need to drive over to Bryn’s house to speak with him. I don’t know what it’ll achieve, but I can’t do anything here alone. I take the stairs two at a time and blast into the outside area. Once there, I jump into my car and I flick it into gear. I speed along the roads that have become very familiar to me recently. The route between mine and Bryn’s home isn’t one I’ve travelled before, but more recently I’ve done it a lot. Only not when I’m planning a speech.

“Bryn, I…” I mutter to myself, trying to work out what I’m going to say. “I don’t think you should… No, we shouldn’t let… Oh God, no. Bryn, I believe that we should make a plan when it comes to…”

Nope, none of it feels right. I need to play it by ear, speak from the heart, hope that works instead.

***

Only, when I’m standing at Bryn’s door, waiting for him to answer, that feels like the most stupid plan on the planet. I haven’t even got a clue what I want the outcome of this conversation to be which doesn’t help things. I mean, how am I supposed to work towards a goal when I’m not even sure what it is?

Then, the door to his apartment swings open and all the breath is stripped from my body completely as I see him there. I’ve forgotten how much he knocks me from my feet with everything else going on. The monumental effect that he has on my body works its magic and I feel like I’m flying through the air all over again.

“Bryn, I…” I start with a shake to my voice. “I think that we should have a talk, don’t you…?”

But then he silences me, and he does so in a very shocking way. He brings his lips down to mine and he claims me in one of the most powerful kisses that I’ve ever felt from him in my life. Even if I have a plan beforehand it would be gone now! I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore. He’s sweeping me off my feet.

“I’m so sorry for how I acted before,” he gushes, while cupping my face in his hands. “That was wrong.”

“Oh.” I feel vilified, not that I even came over here to yell. “No, I understand, it’s a shock.” This is so weird, after not speaking for days I didn’t think that we would reunite like this! “I don’t blame you, I went nuts too.”

“No, you didn’t.” Bryn grabs my hand and he pulls me inside. “You handled it with dignity and strength, which is just one of the many things that I admire about you. That’s why I cannot wait to go on this journey together.” He gives me a much too bright smile. “It’s going to be the adventure of a life time!”

The words are all right, but they feel so wrong. My insides are all churning and messy. “If you’re all happy about this now, then why didn’t you contact me?” I demand. “Why did it have to wait for me to come here?”

His face falters. “I have some other things going on as well. I suppose I needed to deal with it all.”

“You’ve been suspended from the team?” He looks away from me, not wanting to discuss this, but I need to push him. “And you have to find a way back onto it. You understand that, right? It’s your life.”

“They don’t want me,” he growls with anger. “They don’t want me because I’ve fallen for you and because I’m not playing well. Coach is all pissed off that I’m distracted at the moment.”

He’s fallen for me? This is amazing news! Not that I’m here to focus on that part…

“Bryn.” I take his hands in mine and give him a soft look. “We can fix all of that.”

“No, we can’t. it’s too late.”

I utterly refuse to let him get away with that. “No, Bryn, it isn’t. It’s never too late. And this is something that we can work on together.”

“I can’t have it all.” He shakes his head, defeated. “I have to pick and I choose you.”

“That’s really sweet, Bryn, but you’re only choosing me because you think that the team isn’t an option. But we’re going to make it so. We’re strong together, we can do this, give me a chance to prove it to you.”

He pauses before giving me a nod, and when he does I feel my heart lift. Now, I have hope, something to focus on, a task at hand to make all of us the happiest that we can be.