Chapter Five – Bryn

“I hear you had a shocker, mate!” Andrew bellows out with laughter, immediately making my ears prick up. It’s been absolute agony not asking anyone what happened last night, which I can’t do because I’m never interested so it would arise too much suspicion. But maybe now I’m about to be rewarded for my patience. “Did you get blown off again, James? Because you were giving in large in the men’s toilets beforehand, telling everyone who would listen that you were going to… what was it? Destroy the new bitch?”

I don’t like the way James has spoken about Rebekah again, but now isn’t the time to get into that. My whole body freezes and I mentally beg for them to carry on talking so I can finally find out everything.

“Yeah, well, Tia put her off, didn’t she?” James shrugs, trying to play it off but I think it’s pretty obvious we all know that isn’t the whole story. “You were right, she’s out to get me now. Shagging her was dumb as fuck.”

“Sleeping with any of the cheerleaders is a mistake!” Andrew insists. “They’re much too close to home. You should only do that if you’re actually going to marry them, for crying out loud. All it causes is drama.”

“Alright, well I’m not going to, am I?” James replies hotly. “It’s already been ruined for me. I don’t need you to remind me. She said no, that’s it, end of story, okay? Now, can we just forget about it, please?”

Everyone falls into a hushed silence, the only thing I can hear is the thump of my heart beat against my rib cage. I’m sure it’s so loud that the whole room can hear it, but thankfully no one reacts.

She said no… I can’t stop my insides from dancing at this. It didn’t happen, they didn’t have sex.

But that shouldn’t be exciting, I should not be feeling this way. I know it would have crushed me had they slept together, but at least I could get my mind off her and back to where it needs to be. On the outskirts, this sounds like good news… great news, but really it’s bad. Now, I’m free to obsess over Rebekah forever more. I can imagine her when I’m in the shower, when I lie down in bed, as I watch TV with Dad, and during training too. And I do. There’s no hiding it from myself, she’s on my mind all the time. However much I try to push her to the back, she’s still there. I even missed a few shots today because my nerve endings were all standing on edge. Knowing that she’s here somewhere and she could turn up at any point is really hard. I’ve honestly never even noticed the cheerleaders before, they’ve always just been ‘about somewhere’ but now she’s changed that.

I’m a fucking mess. How the hell am I going to stop this now? It would help if I didn’t feel like an excitable fucking bunny rabbit wanting to bounce around like an idiot the whole time. I can barely contain myself. There might even be a crazy little smile spreading uncontrollably across my lips…

“Whitting!” Coach yells me, but this time he doesn’t sound pleased. “Come into my office.”

Those words are dreaded, they can’t ever lead to anything good, so the whole room descends into silence. I hang my head low and walk through everyone, noticing that they all part like the red sea. Coach doesn’t say anything, he simply walks in silence, indicating for me to follow him, which I do with a heavy heart. All the good feeling from learning that James and Rebekah didn’t hook up is long gone now.

There’s a short elevator ride up to his office which seems to take an eternity today. Coach won’t even look me in the eye, much less say anything, which is very unnerving. It’s only when we’re in the only sleek room of the whole building that isn’t open to the public, that he opens his mouth.

“Whitting, we have a problem.” Coach rubs his forehead as if he’s trying to stave off a headache. “We are far too close to the finals for everyone to be off their game, and they all are.” He looks up at me and I can see the crushing disappointment behind his gaze. “And I include you in that, which isn’t something that I thought I would ever have to say. Today’s practice was bullshit. When you are down, they all are, so what’s going on?”

The cheerleaders are distracting… I have a thing for Rebekah… I can’t stop thinking about her…

Not that I’m going to say any of that. Not only would I get a bollocking, so would she and I can’t imagine anything more embarrassing. I don’t want to get Rebekah kicked off the squad because I’m a freak who can’t even handle a little crush. Although I suppose that would destroy any possibility of us ever having anything…

“I think it’s the pressure.” I blurt out the same lie I’ve used before. “I think it’s getting to us all.”

Coach shakes his hand and bangs his fists angrily down on his desk. “That isn’t good enough, Bryn, and you know it. We can’t be winners if we can’t even fucking get through some practices. This is horse shit.”

Guilt claws at my chest. What if it is my fault that everyone else isn’t doing well? I’m supposed to be the star player of the team, maybe despite the fact that I’m ignored off the court, I’m a central focus on it. I’m always so focused on my own game and how I’m slotting into the team that I barely worry about anything else. I certainly haven’t taken the time to wonder if anyone here looks up to me at all. I just assumed they wouldn’t.

“I will make sure it doesn’t happen again,” I rasp back. “I’ll pick it up and make the others do the same.” This is false promises, I don’t have a scrap of control over anyone else really, but I can try. “I’m sorry.”

“I just don’t want you to fuck this up, Bryn. You have a real shot at something great here.”

I’m swimming in guilt now, drowning under the weight of it as it fills up my lungs. What the hell am I playing at? I already know that this is the worst time in the world to focus on anything but the sport.

“I know.” I feel like a child being yelled at by Dad. I didn’t ever want to disappoint him and the same goes for now. “I’ll do better, I promise. I won’t let any of this happen again. I want this too.”

Coach eventually stands up from his chair and ends our conversation. There’s a look behind his eyes as I do the same that I really don’t want to digest. He feels like I’ve let him down and to be honest, I agree with him. I shouldn’t be this idiotic horny teenage boy following my cock around. I had the chance to do that already, not that I did, so now it’s time to take my life more seriously. No matter what Dad, James, and my other team mates say. This isn’t the time to put it about, this is the time to focus. I need to forget about Rebekah.

So, of course, the first person I come across as I step out of Coach’s office is her. I absolutely can’t believe it. I even blink my eyes a couple of times to check that I’m not hallucinating and inventing her.

“Oh, hi, Bryn.” Her soft voice strikes me to my core. This is definitely her. “Is this the coach’s office? Tia has some stuff that she wants me to give him and I keep getting lost.”

“Oh, right. Yes, it is.” I step to one side and indicate towards the door. “He’s in there.”

Did she hear the conversation? Does she know that I’m in trouble? Does it even matter?

I shake my head, trying to get rid of all the thoughts and I watch her go inside. Then I step hurriedly to the elevator and I press the button a few times to try and get in here as quickly as possible. If Rebekah has only just used it then it should still be here which means I’ll be able to escape before she gets back. I can’t exactly stop thinking about her if I’m with her now, can I? I need to be gone before I can get stuck with her…

“Oh, can you hold the elevator!” She was in and out! This is no good. “Thank you, Bryn.”

I have to do as she asks, so when the doors pop open I step inside and hold my arm in the way to keep them from closing. This is exactly what I didn’t want, to be stuck in a small enclosed space completely alone with the woman who makes me feel absolutely out of control. I like having power over myself, it scares me to lose that, I don’t know what to do about it. With Rebekah next to me, making me sizzle, it’s already slipping away.

“Thank you for waiting for me.” She stands much too close to me. Or maybe I’m just far too aware of her. “I keep getting lost in this place, so maybe you can help me find my way out. If you’re going…”

“I’m done for the day,” I reply stiffly. “I can show you the way out.”

Get her out of your system, I warn myself, or you’re going to lose everything. I glance at her out the side of my eye, immediately feeling an overwhelming lump in my throat. Kiss her, I tell myself all of a sudden, shocking myself with the random, out of place thought. Kiss her one, get her out of your system that way.

I almost want to laugh the idea which is so ridiculous. What, I’m just going to lean across and kiss her and then forget all about her? Judging by the way that my mouth is salivating that will only make it one hundred times worse. But now that the idea is in my brain I can’t shake it. Nor can I drag my eyes off her. My brain is screaming at me to stop staring like a stalker but I still can’t do it. Not even when Rebekah meets my gaze with her own very curious stare. I gulp, knowing that every single part of this moment is oh so wrong.

The dark desire in her eyes, the thick air that I can hardly breathe in, the way that my breaths are falling raggedly out of my mouth and my chest is completely constricted under the pressure of it all.

“I…” I start, needing to say something, anything to stop myself from going mad.

“Should…” Clearly, Rebekah has the same idea.

We both chuckle as we interrupt one another but the sound is awkward and tense. The good thing is at least it’s broken the magic of the moment. We’re no longer surrounded by a thick and heady lust. It’s all vanished in the uncomfortableness of that, so we’re all good…

So, if that’s all true, what I can’t understand is how not even two seconds later, our lips have crashed together and we’re kissing like there’s no tomorrow. It’s like being in a dream, nothing feels real. Well, nothing except for Rebekah’s hands, her lips, her breasts which are pressing into me.

What am I doing? I ask myself desperately. This isn’t supposed to be happening.

But it’s too late. I’ve lost complete control over myself and I’ve surrendered myself to her. She consumes me, she’s all of me, and I don’t even care how dumb this is. It feels far too good to be bad.