Chapter Eight – Rebekah

My heart aches as it pounds in my throat. Watching Bryn walk away from the court is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do. He just looks so crushed and I can’t shake the horrible sensation that it’s all my fault. Talk about me acting out of character, it seems like this isn’t his way of behaving either. For some reason, around one another, in that chemical connection, we seem to change… like animals without any control, driven by primal urges. Other people act like that too, why should we be the ones who are punished for it?

I’ve been desperately trying to see Bryn, to work out if I’m right and something might actually happen between us, but now I’m understanding why he might have been avoiding me. Maybe it’s because of his career.

It feels like the whole world has stopped as I watch Bryn walk away. Everything else blurs into nothing but background noise, all I want to do is chase after him, to make him feel okay, but if I’ve caused the problems so far, and since Bryn has been a star player up until the moment I started on the cheerleading team it seems that I have, then I can’t make it worse by making it obvious that something is happening between us.

“So, that was super awkward,” Tia laughs nastily and rolls her eyes. “But we should carry on, right?”

I stare at her with wide shocked eyes, wondering if she’s lost her mind. How can she even think about cheerleading when the team is crumbling around us? Even the other players have frozen in the moment. She must have no heart, that’s the only way I can explain it. She’s got a lump of coal in her chest instead.

“We… we can’t,” I stammer back. “We have to… to…” I don’t know where I’m going with this.

“Why can’t we?” Tia’s hands fling onto her hips and her eyes burn holes into me. “What’s the problem? Is it the boys? Since you seem to be completely obsessed with all the guys on the team.”

She doesn’t exactly call me a ‘slut’ but it’s implied. I can almost see the accusation dancing behind her eyes. This cannot all be because of James, can it? She can’t be serious. I don’t even like him and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t either. She just has this territorial attitude about him which is ridiculous. I would much rather her have him since I don’t want him. That way will get him off my back. Not that he’s a massive problem, but still…

“I don’t know what you mean.” I narrow my eyes and glare right back at her. “I just think we should take a break. Something’s going on here and it affects us all. Can we just have some… some respect?”

Even I can hear how crazy I sound, but I’ve started down this road now and I have to go all the way.

“Yeah…” Mya stands next to me and joins in. She has no idea what’s happened but she’s my friend. Thank God. “I think that we should all have a break, right? Take a moment to just… chill out.”

Tia flickers her eyes around the rest of the cheerleaders, searching for back up but no one wants to meet her eye. I don’t know what everyone else’s angle is but I’m glad for it. When no one speaks up, I take the opportunity to turn on my heel and run away. I can hear Tia shouting insults at me but I let them roll off me in waves. Water off a duck’s back, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. She can say what she wants, I need to see Bryn.

Of course, I don’t find him right away, he’s in the changing rooms probably losing his mind over what just happened. I don’t feel like I can be patient, but I’ll have to give it a try… for him. I’ll go against the grain and force my body to calm down as much as it can until he comes out. Then I can sort this out. I pace up and down, twirling my fingers anxiously around and around. My heart and the butterflies in my stomach flutter in unison, but I remain where I am. I care about Bryn and I really care for the connection between us. If that means being there through the hard time, then so be it. I want to be his shoulder to cry on… if he’s a crier. Oh God, I hardly know anything about him. Damn him for being so private, I can’t even read about him first!

Eventually, the changing room door swings open and I see his horror stricken face. He looks like he’s been punched and he cannot believe that his friend did it. Or maybe like his boyfriend is screwing someone else… maybe that’s what I looked like when I was faced with that scene. His whole world has fallen out beneath him and he doesn’t know what to do about it now. He can barely even keep himself standing in an upright position.

“Bryn,” I whisper to him while stepping closer to him. “Oh my God, are you okay? What can I do?”

He shakes his head at me, looking like he might burst into angry tears if he opens his mouth. He puts his hand up to stop me getting even closer to him which cuts me deep. I hate him blocking me out, especially as he’s been so physically open with me. Then again, physical intimacy doesn’t equate to emotional intimacy. Not to guys anyway. Maybe this is my problem, I allow myself to fall deeper than the other person.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize and I don’t really know what I’m saying sorry for. “I don’t know what happened.”

He rakes his hand through his hair and flicks his eyes to the ceiling. “The problem is I don’t get distracted. Ever. I don’t let people get into my head, I create a barrier, and that’s for a reason. I have to be on top of my game at all times. I need to be the one in charge.” He sighs loudly and finally brings his eyes down to meet mine. “And then I met you. And you have changed everything. You’ve climbed under my skin and you’re fucking everything up. I can’t play well anymore because I can’t stop fucking thinking about you, and it’s messing my life up.”

Okay, so maybe there should be many more things for me to take from that, but all I’m getting is that he can’t stop thinking about me… just like I have been for him. That resonates with me and gives me that intense glimmer of hope. It might be murky waters to navigate but I’m pretty sure that we can do it. If we want to.

“Bryn,” I say softly. “I know this might be new, but it doesn’t have to be so hard.”

“Rebekah, just stop.” He tries to be firm but his voice wobbles. “Don’t make this any harder. We have to end this. I need to be able to focus and I can’t do it when you’re around. I can’t lose this team, it’s everything.”

I smile to myself, amused at the way he’s overcomplicating things. “Bryn, I’m not leaving the cheerleading team,” I insist. “You want to be a basketball player, and this is what I want to do. I refuse to give that up.”

“I’m not asking you to…” He narrows his eyes, not seeing where I’m going with this.

“No, I know that, but what I’m trying to tell you is that I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be around, distracting you, no matter what.” While his guards are down, I rest my hands on his shoulders to stare deeply into his eyes. I want him to see how serious I am as I talk. “Don’t you think it’ll be more distracting if you try to ignore our chemistry? If you try to forget what we could be? Don’t you think that will be worse?”

“W… worse than what?” he stammers back, slowly cracking.

“Than if we just be together,” I reply with a blasé shrug. “If you know that you’re going to spend time after practice with me and you get to know me better and just be with me, then surely your time at practice will be so much simpler? You’ll be able to really get your head in the game because everything else will just make sense.”

He purses his lips thoughtfully, thankfully considering it, so I remain quiet while I wait for him to decide. I’ve made my very rational thought, he knows my point of view, now it’s completely up to him. As his eyes rise from the ground I can see that his expression has softened. He’s coming around to my way of thinking which is perfect.

“You really think so?” he asks me so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“Yeah, I think so.” I push myself up onto my tiptoes. “At least I think it’ll be better to try, better than ‘what if’.”

Bryn’s shoulders start to relax, I can see him caving. Thank God he knows that I’m right because I really want to kiss him once more. I hook my hand around the back of his neck and drag his lips to me, needing that wonderful sensation once more. Bryn doesn’t fight me anymore, he gives in and soon his mouth has connected with me.

“I can’t believe you’ve made me do a complete one eighty,” he murmurs breathily into my mouth. “There’s really something about you.” He pulls back to look me in the eyes, I can see a little twinkle there, a sparkle that makes my core pulse. “Do you need to get back to practice or do you want to get out of here?”

I could go back to the other cheerleaders, really, I probably should, but I can’t face anymore bitchiness from Tia today. I don’t want to see her sneering face or listen to her making digs at me. “I think we’re pretty much done today,” I reply with a smirk. “Let’s get out of here, shall we? Where do you want to go?”

As we walk out of the building, Bryn has a smile on his face. I’ve managed to turn his mood around almost instantly which has to be an awesome sign. I hope he sees that the same way as I do, the start of something real.

“I would say that we should go out to dinner,” he starts slowly. “But I don’t think I’m in the mood for that after today. Do you mind if we just go and hang out at my place? We could get a take out.”

I almost shudder with excitement, this is awesome news! I would love nothing more than to hang out at Bryn’s. I really want to get to know him, inside and out. I want to see every aspect of his life and since I know that he doesn’t open up much this is very exciting. If he feels secure with me then all the better for us.

“That sounds amazing,” I reply with a nod, feeling like I’m floating on air. “I am definitely up for that.”

Bryn climbs into his car and I do my own to follow him, then once I feel like he might not be able to see me I let out a cheer. I was a little worried, I was scared that things were going to fall apart for us when we didn’t speak for a while, but now it seems like we’re on the upswing. Thank God.

I fire off a quick text to Mya letting her know that I’m going, then I hit the gas pedal to keep up with the sports car ahead, diving further into the wonderful life of Bryn freaking Whitting.