Chapter Twenty – Rebekah

“Oh my God!” Mya gushes with an excitement that seems misplaced. “You’re in this paper as well. Look at this picture of you, you look incredible in it. Your hair is all sheeny and glossy. I’m jealous.”

I sigh loudly, blowing out a massive breath of air. “I wish that I could feel the same way as you. I don’t see any good in it at all.” I glance over at the picture, and I have to grudgingly admit that I do look good in it. But that’s hardly the point. “It’s scary having everyone looking at me all the time. I’m freaked out to be honest.”

“Yeah.” Mya nods slowly. “I suppose it has been a bit intense. Did Bryn know how it was going to end up when he told that reporter? Do you think that he thought this through at all before he spoke?”

I giggle and my cheeks go red. “I don’t think he did, I think it just came out, but it was really sweet what he said. I think that he just wanted to do something nice, he just wanted everyone to know about us, that’s all.”

“Yeah, he definitely loves you a lot, that’s really obvious.” Mya nods enthusiastically. “But, still, I mean what’s going to happen now? How are the pair of you going to get through this?”

“It’ll die down eventually, I’m sure. People can’t be interested in us forever. I guess we just wait until the next scandal happens and go from there. Something’s got to be more exciting sooner or later.”

Mya flicks over to the next newspaper, and there we are on the front page, suggesting that it’s going to take longer than I first expected. I guess because Bryn is the star player at the moment and he’s also usually very private, this is much more exciting than it would be normally. Still, I’m going to have to just get through it. This is what I was getting myself into when I started dating someone who is in the public eye.

“So, did you manage to tell your parents about you and Bryn? What did they say?”

I huff again as I remember that conversation. “It was strained but okay. I don’t think they fully get it.”

“The boy.” Mya cocks her hear curiously. “Or the baby?”

“Both. I probably should have gone home to tell them face to face but it’s so close to the finals that I don’t have time… and maybe I’m chicken shit. Perhaps I should have kept it to myself.”

“You couldn’t afford not to tell them, not when it is all over the papers.”

Just as I’m about to answer Mya, to tell her that I know for a fact that she’s right, Tia claps her hands together hard and indicates that we’re about to start practice. I’m not really in the mood for any of this, I would much rather be tucked up in bed, but I need to keep focused. I have to cheerlead while I still can.

“Right everyone.” She sounds like she’s got a bee in her bonnet which I don’t like the sound of. “We have some business to discuss right now. And I would like you all to be here for it. I think we should all talk together.”

Flo glances up at her adoringly, reminding me of the first time I met them. “Yes, Tia, what is it?”

“There is one of our girls here who has been causing… trouble, shall we say?” She winks around the crowd as if she’s on stage. Whatever the hell is going on here, she’s loving every single second of it. It’s sickening. I have a funny little feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is going to be bad news. “And this trouble affects the whole team. With the finals coming up and a lot of attention on us…” Us, rather than the team. There she goes again acting like her performance is the only freaking thing that matters! “We want to remain as professional as possible, don’t we? We don’t want to get negative attention from anyone.” There’s a murmur of agreement coming from everyone else but me. “So, for that reason alone, I’m sad to say that someone has to go.”

All of a sudden, her eyes fix upon me and I feel my blood run ice cold. “Me?” I demand. “What have I done?”

Tia lets out a nasty laugh. “Are you serious? Girl, you’re crazy. Fucking hell, what haven’t you done? First off…” She ticks this off on her finger like it’s a list she’s already prepared. “There was the thing with you and James, when everyone knows that I have a claim on him. By breaking Girl Code, you created a real unnecessary tension between the whole team. No one wants to work with another girl that they can’t trust. Especially not in a job where we all have to balance on one another. For cheerleaders, trust goes a very long way.”

“But nothing happened between me and James, what are you even on about? And you don’t balance anywhere near me anyway so what does it matter if you trust me or not? We can quite easily not talk to one another.”

“You are at the bottom of the pyramid,” Tia explodes, bemused at me. “And I’m at the top. Of course, I rely on you. You are a part of the team that needs to be trusted. Do you understand that?”

“Which is why you need me! You can’t have a bottom of the pyramid without me.”

“No, not unless I get Farrah back.” She smiles smugly. “Which I’ve already done. She’s dried up her tears, gotten over the drama, and she’s willing to come back for the final. So, yeah. You are out.”

“But why?” Tears fill my eyes which makes me very annoyed. I don’t want to fall apart.

“Because, secondly, you have also been fucking Bryn, which you cannot deny…”

“Not that I would want to! Everyone knows about us, we’re a real relationship, so…”

“And you’re having a baby. Like I said before, we cannot have a pregnant cheerleader. And what with everyone staring at you because of the media attention… well, you have to go.”

I feel stunned into silence, I don’t know what to say. Tia looks absolutely proud of herself which means she’s won. I know as I see that expression that she’s got all bases covered in her mind. All I can do is have dignity.

“No fucking way!” Mya explodes, not having the same realization as me. “No way, Tia. This is fucking bullshit. You can’t throw Rebekah out for this. Loads of us have had flings with the players, that’s normal. What Rebekah has is a real relationship, she cannot be punished for that. It’s ridiculous.”

“She has a baby in her stomach.” Tia points to me like I’m a fucking statue or something. Someone without a personality anyway. “She cannot be doing flips and stuff, it just isn’t right. This isn’t something personal, it’s about health and safety. Anyone would say that this isn’t possible.”

“You’re just jealous!” Amber joins in, her face flaming as she yells as Tia. “You wish that it was you on the front page of every newspaper. Don’t be such a bitch. You can’t act like this, Tia.”

“I agree!” someone else joins in. I can’t even see where the voices are coming from now.

“This isn’t a dictatorship, we should have a vote. We all have an opinion.”

“The media attention might be a good thing. At least people will be looking at us!”

“Tia, you can’t just keep being cruel to all the other girls all the time.”

“How is Farrah coming back after what you did to her? There’s no way, Tia.”

A rabble breaks out in the crowd and I can see things all falling apart. We’re so close to finals, the team can’t fall apart now. Not only do the players need us, but this is a big stage for the cheerleaders too. Many people will see them on the court and on their TV screens which can lead to all sorts of incredible things. I don’t want things to turn to shit because of me and my decisions. I am beginning to struggle with the moves anyway and that’s only going to get worse. Maybe Tia is right about the health and safety complain – even if she only threw that out there in the heat of the moment – I might be even more restricted on the day which will affect everyone.

My heart races in my chest as I try to work out what I should do for the best. My brain churns, my stomach spins, I feel like I might throw up at any given moment… which is very possible at the moment. Anything can make me vomit, even if I’m just about out of the first trimester at the moment. It hasn’t gone anywhere.

“No.” I rise to a standing position and glance around at everyone. “I really do appreciate your support, it’s very kind of you to say, but Tia is right.” There’s a collective gasp around the room. “I can’t keep cheering at the moment, not when I’m having a baby. It isn’t right. I should… take care of myself and my baby, I need to have my priorities right. I need to put my baby first. This is the best thing for all of us.”

“You can’t go,” Mya insists. “We need you here. You are an essential part of this team.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t. You don’t need me at all. This Farrah is coming back to take my place which is wonderful. I’m sure that she’ll do an amazing job. But for now, I need to take a step back.”

“Will… will you be back?” She gives me a desperate look. “You aren’t going forever, are you?”

“Maybe next season I’ll be back if Tia will have me.” I shrug. “I don’t want to say goodbye forever.”

I give Tia a look, and she appears completely blown away by me agreeing with her. She nods, but I don’t think she really knows what she’s answering me about. I’m sure she expected me to put up a fight and cause a scene but I’m not going to. To be honest, with all of this media attention, I think it’ll be better if I’m out of the frame. Being here is causing me anxiety anyway, so I’m going to step down with dignity and take a step back.

“So, I’m going to go now,” I say to the very silent room. “But I’ll be there to see you at the end. I’ll have my fingers crossed for you all because I really want you to do well. Love you all, okay?”

None of them really answer me, so I take a step back and I walk away. I feel good about my choice actually. Much as cheerleading is my dream, now I have Bryn and another dream, and I really do have to be careful. My baby doesn’t deserve to be tossed around. This is the best way for everyone. And maybe I can get back to it when the time comes. I haven’t closed the door completely. Or, perhaps I’ll change my mind and I’ll want to do something else. Who knows? That option is ahead of me now. Things are different, now I love with Bryn, nothing is as it was and that’s okay. I don’t fear change one bit.

I wonder what Bryn will say when I tell him. He might flip out and go nuts like he did when he defended me last time, but I’ll have to calm him down and make him know that this is what I want. Actually, this choice calms me down and makes me feel very happy. It’s a choice for the future.