*****
I was in utter shock. Three days had passed since the incident and things could not have gone any worse.
I stood in my bathroom, frozen, incapable of comprehending what that little stick was telling me.
“Oh, my God,” I kept whispering, my hands shaking uncontrollably. This was not possible, there was no way.
When I was finally able to move, I went straight for my phone. I called in sick and balled up on the couch. “Please, Lord, make this be a mistake,” I prayed, hoping that the third test would show a negative.
How could I tell him? Should I?
We had left Hawaii the same day we had been discovered. I had never seen Aldo so tense before. I had been afraid to even touch him. When we had arrived back into the city, he had sent me home alone in the limousine, explaining that we needed to wait until the situation had cooled off before we could see each other again. He had promised me he would do everything he could to defuse the situation and I had believed him. I had even suggested that resolving his organization’s little blackmailing issue would help. He had agreed and that was the last I had seen of him.
And now?
What was I to do now?
I looked at the clock and jumped up. This test would set things right; I was sure of it.
In the bathroom, I had to try hard to steady my hands to read the test. With the gasp of shock, I collapsed to the floor, feeling myself shatter into pieces.
For the first time since Hawaii, I dared to cry. I let the tears roll freely down my cheeks, unable to stifle the helplessness that infused every cell in my body.
I was hurting. Physically hurting.
All day, my mind was blank. I couldn't even muster the energy to turn the stove on so I didn’t eat for hours. Then I worried for the tiny sparkle of life forming inside me and I forced myself to chew some nuts. They tasted like dirt in my mouth.
By nightfall, I had decided Aldo deserved to know. I knew he had the right to know, regardless of whether he ever meant not to see me again.
Why would he want to be with me? After all, who was I to compete with his powerful family?
I grabbed my phone and hovered an undecided thumb over his name before finally pressing the dial button.
“Yes?” he answered and I shivered at the thought of the news he was about to receive. “Give me a second,” he excused himself and I heard him move to a quieter place. By contrast, I realized the noise that had I heard before wasn’t in my head, but that it meant he was somewhere, busy.
“Hi, Aldo. I’m sorry to disturb you like this,” I began but didn’t know how to continue.
“Yes?”
“I… Can you talk?”
“No, not really. I am a bit preoccupied at the moment. Is it something important?”
“Depends on how you see it,” a cynical thought crossed my mind.
“Yes. Yes, I think it is,” I mumbled, instead.
“Can this wait, Lydia?”
I didn’t want to press him. I was hurting too much as it was. Fighting back the tears threatening to choke me, I said:
“No, it’s OK. Just… Please call me when you can. We should talk.”
He paused and I heard him exhale in frustration. “Look, give me a little time. Let’s see what I can do tonight.”
I hang up, too weak against the torrent of pain that spilled out into bitter tears. I had a suspicion he wouldn’t call anytime soon so I just lay on the couch, where I had fallen on the side, and cried hard, holding my belly.
It had to have been too good, too perfect to be true, what we had. It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to prepare myself for the possibility of losing him. Especially like this. But I had to face the music.
I had a good job, I could afford to be a single mother. I had a big family and they could help me. All that mattered now, strangely, was to have a healthy baby. I had just learned of it’s existence today, but my thoughts were already revolving on him. Or her.
But what about Aldo? I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him again.
I placed both my hands on my belly, trying to get used to the fact that, regardless of whatever might happen next, I still had a part of him. A part that I will cherish and protect for the rest of my life.
I had almost fallen asleep when my phone rang. It was him, he had kept his word.
“Hi, Aldo.”
“I’m sorry for earlier, but people were listening in, my love. I managed to leave the dinner party early. You sounded upset. What happened?”
Hearing him call me his love had broken the dams again and tears were now falling down my cheeks.
“Are you crying, Lydia?”
“I’m sorry, I’m fine.”
“Oh, God. I’m so sorry I haven’t called these days. But I had to show them I was still in charge. It’s dangerous if they suspect any sign of weakness and I have lots of enemies inside the organization I have to worry about. I’m sorry I haven't been in touch, baby. I really am.”
I simply listened to him, happy to hear his voice again. Of course, I understood. He wouldn’t have abandoned me like that, he had a reason for his behavior.
“Baby? Are you still there?”
“Yes. Sorry.”
“What was it that you wanted to talk about?”
I felt a knot in my stomach. “It’s… Umm… It’s OK. Maybe we should talk face to face about it.”
“What is it, my love? You know we cannot be seen together now.”
“I can’t. It’s just… It’s not something you should find out over the phone.”
“I don’t like the sound of that, Lydia. Tell me.”
His tone had changed, he sounded harsher. “Tell me.”
I felt sick. “I’m pregnant.”
“What?”
“I’m pregnant. I’m sorry you had to find out like this. Oh, God, I'm going to be sick.”
I dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom. Before I could regain my composure enough to come back out, Aldo was already at my place.