ADAM
After such a good evening run, all I needed was a hot shower and I was good for a full night’s sleep.
I walked into the living room and started for the stairs. Too absorbed with the music in my ears, I didn’t see the suitcase until I hit it with my foot.
“What the...?”
Next to it, there were a couple more.
“Mom?” I called out. “What’s this?”
“I’m in the kitchen,” she shouted back.
“What’s going on?” I asked again, turning the corner into the kitchen.
Mom was scrubbing the sink, looking very busy. I knew there must’ve been something on her mind; if not for the strange pile of suitcases in the hallway, every time she was obsessively cleaning the kitchen sink was a sure sign she was upset.
“Mom?”
She scrubbed for a few more seconds, then turned to me.
“I’m moving back with your grandmother, honey.”
“You are?”
“Yes.”
“And the house?”
“I’m renting it out. I already have people lined up.”
I knew she was waiting for me to ask where I would be living, but I didn’t. I could take care of myself.
“Did you break up with Mike?” I asked instead.
She nodded. “But it’s not that. We weren’t working out anyway. I’m too... clingy and I can’t deal with his ex--always hanging around. It’s just the way I am; plus, we agreed it was best if we went our separate ways.”
“OK, that sounds decent. So why the relocation?”
“He’s going to a private health resort in California and I thought it was a good time for me to be with my mother. She’s sick, you know? I want to be with her.”
“Sure. And Lindsey?”
I didn’t know why I was asking, but I wanted to know. Judging by Mom’s raised eyebrows at my sudden interest, there was no turning back from this point anyway.
“I’d imagine she’s going with her father.”
“But she’s a student here!”
“Yes, but credits can be transferred. And, she has been unhappy over the last few weeks anyway. Besides, son, that’s what family does, it sticks together. Maybe you should follow her example.”
“What? Come live with you and gran?”
“Why not? You can’t afford rent here with your salary and I am renting the house. I’ve quit my job so I need the money.”
“I don’t need you to leave the house for me, Mom. And I’ve applied for housing on the base. You know that?”
“So you’d rather live in barracks than with your grandmother and me?”
“What barracks? I’ve applied for a house.”
She rolled her eyes and threw the sponge in the sink. “You know they only approve houses to couples or families. They won’t give you a house. Be realistic!”
“That’s not true.”
It couldn’t be. I was a soldier, and I had served my country proudly; they had to give me a place to live. They had to approve the place I had requested.
“Even you don’t think much of your odds,” Mom remarked before resuming her sink scrubbing.
I had to see my CO about this. I felt it was a matter so pressing, I didn’t even stay to take a shower. I jumped into my car and drove off in a hurry.
As soon as I hit the road, it was like I had pressed a button. Every time I found myself alone in the car, I started soul searching, and tonight was no different.
Only that this time, it was the sort of searching I was trying my hardest to push back, keep it locked into the recesses of my mind.
But Lindsey kept popping up in my head. It was always her, always tormenting my thoughts with her attractive looks, her smarts, her forward thinking and her feelings. “Those feelings...”
Instead of doing something about them, instead of dealing with the matter, I had run away like a coward. I never ran away, I always confronted even the most difficult situation and the stubbornest demon.
So why was her different?
She wasn’t, she was just another girl. With a crush on me. Also, my step sister.
So she was different.
“But she’s not my step sister. Now even less than before,” my mind made sure to point that out.
Do I needed to admit something to myself? Judging by the spark of hope that thought had given me, I must’ve.
“Impossible.” I finally denied myself the ordeal of thinking about my feelings and stopped at the gate of the military base.
After presenting my ID, I was allowed access. As I drove past houses occupied by fellow military men or their wives eagerly waiting for their returns, I couldn’t help but picture a life in which I had the same thing. A nice house, a lovely woman and a bunch of kids waiting for their father to come back from his assignments. Was it too much to ask for?
Feeling somewhat disillusioned, I parked the car and knocked on my commanding officer’s door. I was realizing now that maybe it was a bad time to make an unexpected house visit but, for the second time tonight, there was no turning back.
“Hey, sport. What’s up?”
“Evening’, Sir. I’m sorry to intrude like this.”
“No problem. Do you want to come in? The wife is making dinner.”
“No, Sir. Thank you.”
I shifted my weight awkwardly, shuffling my feet like a young boy. My superior officer’s gaze was piercing; he was trying to assess my state of mind.
“Sir,” I started, “It’s about my housing application.”
“Ah,” he said, followed by silence.
I felt compelled to keep talking.
“Sir, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I think I have a right to a house in this community. There’s plenty of empty ones. I know my concerns are unfounded, but I had an argument with my mother and she is adamant that my application would never be approved. I disagree...”
“Your mother is a smart woman,” the man interrupted.
“Sorry?” was my instinctive reaction. “Sir.”
“Get a girlfriend, move in together and things could change for the better.”
I raised my eyebrows, ready to argue the unfairness of it all, but he stopped me.
“Look, you know what I’m saying. Do whatever you have to do, and I will personally make sure you get approved for a house. Do you understand me?”
I had my suspicions, but I couldn’t do what he was suggesting. If he was meaning I should do something unsavory for the sake of approval, I didn’t agree. If he was referring to the Lindsey incident, then he was far out of line.
I wanted to tell him so, but thought there was no point, so I excused myself and left.
“How could he even hint to that? Lindsey is off limits,” I stubbornly repeated in my mind.
But, then, was she?
The fact was that, despite my best efforts, I was thinking about her most of the time. She was always there, at the back of my mind, like a background for my thoughts.
When I dared to think of her truly, I ended up either feeling jealous of her boyfriend or worried about whether she was alright or not.
And how was she doing now? It couldn’t have been easy to deal with her father’s accident, having confessed to me the way she did, our parents splitting up and being forced to move away. And on top of that, I had told her that Mark was cheating on her.
It must’ve been hard, and she was all alone. I couldn’t imagine her telling anyone about the things she was going through.
A sudden change of mind made me turn the car around and knock on my CO’s door again.
“What if I had a girlfriend?” I said as soon as the door opened.
“Jim? It’s for you,” the round middle-aged woman called to the kitchen.
“Sorry, Ma’am.”
“This young man is asking you about his girlfriend,” she explained with a smile. I lowered my eyes.
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Potentially,” I replied. They seemed amused.
“Well, then. Potentially, you’d have a house to your name in this very community.”