*****
Work was busy today. A couple of the women in our houses had been contacted by their abusers and I was in charge of investigating the matter.
I barely had time to breathe all day and was now thanking the Lord for the first moment of peace I could catch.
Buried in work, I didn’t have the chance to think about Jack, so my mood was positive. I was even smiling as I poured myself a cup of coffee.
“Winston, there’s a husband who wants to see his wife,” one of my subordinates said.
“Ask her, but I advise against it. They’re tricky bastards.”
“Will do. Oh, and here’s the quarterly report. The accountant made a note about needing funding soon.”
“Thanks, George. Leave it with me and I’ll talk with the boss about it.”
He nodded, more than grateful to let me take on this unpleasant task.
I opened my mouth to joke about his fear of finances when my phone rang.
“Daniel!” I exclaimed, my heart starting to beat faster. He didn’t call often, as Jack was monitoring my phone records, so it meant something was up. “Hey, baby.”
“Hi. How’s it going?” he asked.
“Pretty busy, but I’m on break now. How are you?” I was glad I could hear his voice, but there was something I didn’t like about the way he talked. Like he wanted to give me some bad news.
“I’m good. Listen, when do you think you can come by my place?”
“Miss me?” I tried to joke, but my heart was already sinking with fear of the worst.
“All the time, baby, you know that. So, when do you think you’d be free these days?”
“I don’t know. Jack spoke to my mother, and he knows she’s better now. What’s wrong?” I held my breath waiting for his answer.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you this in person.”
“What?” I could feel my world shattering already.
“I got called. A mission on foreign soil.”
There was tense silence for a few moments as I tried to contain my tears.
“How soon?” I managed to ask.
“Will be deployed in three days. I’m sorry. I can’t … You have no idea how bad I feel.”
“For how long?” My words came out mangled as I choked on my tears.
“I don’t know, baby.”
“I’ll try and come by your place …” I started, although I knew it would be next to impossible. Best case scenario, Jack would punish me for my behavior.
“No, baby, listen. I do not want to be the reason you suffer. I hate that I couldn’t get you away from him, I hate myself for that already. Please, promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”
“How could I? How can I not see you? You’re leaving, for God knows how long. What if you won’t come back for months? Or years. What if … something happens to you?” I was crying now, I didn’t care who saw me. Luckily, I was alone.
“Melissa, calm down. Breathe. Nothing will happen to me. I promise you that. And no matter when I return, I will come to you. Do you hear me?”
I nodded, then realized he couldn’t see me. “Yes. I know, but …”
“Baby, promise me you won’t do anything stupid. If you manage to get away from him without any risks, that’s good. But do not try anything. OK?”
“OK.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise,” I whispered, knowing that he was right, and hating myself for that. Why didn’t I accept his offer to save me? I could’ve been fully his by now. I could’ve had the chance to see him every moment up until he left. Tears were running down my cheeks again.
“OK, baby. Call me when you can. It’ll be easier, right? I love you.”
My lungs ceased to work for a split second as I heard those words for the first time from him. “You do?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes. How couldn’t I?”
“I … I love you too. I love you so much.”
“I know, baby.”
“Winston, the woman said she wants to see her husband,” George intruded in my moment.
“I’ll leave you to work, baby. You have an important job.”
I was still holding the phone to my ear after Daniel hung up. Good thing I had my back to George, so he couldn’t see me crying.
“What do we do?” George insisted.
My mind was scrambled and slow, too consumed by my own sorrow to worry about others.
“Let them talk,” I said without really thinking about it. It took me a minute to realize what I had just said and I ran after George to set the situation right.
“Make sure it’s heavily supervised. Get the biggest guys we have and put them oppressively in the room. Scare the bastard,” I said, and I could hear the hate rising in me.
The rest of the day I spent focused on work, even worked overtime without Jack’s approval. At one time, my boss came to tell me Jack had called to check up on me. It was a good thing that the shelter really had a crisis to resolve, so the manager had covered for me inadvertently.
My work offered me great rewards, two of the biggest ones being my pride in saving women from lives of Hell and giving them the chance to start over, and the opportunity to punish men like Jack, lash out my bottled up anger and recharge before going back home.
And home I went every night, the same as tonight. No matter how late I managed to work, I still had to go back to Jack at the end of every day.
He was mad about my disobedience. He grabbed me the second I stepped into the house and slapped me even before I could get my jacket off.
The thing was, I didn’t care. Everything was happening in slow motion, as if I was moving through water. He shouted, belittling and offending me, he hit me, he threw me against the wall, but it all seemed like a movie to me, like I was seeing somebody else’s life through my eyes.
When he got tired of me, not satisfied with my lack of reaction, he locked me in the bedroom. I was to skip dinner, as he had decided that I didn’t deserve food.
After a while, I assumed he had fallen asleep watching TV.
In my solitude, I cried my eyes out, muffling my wails with the pillow.
I had lost Daniel, the only sparkle of hope I had been able to see in a long time, and life didn’t even let me say a proper goodbye to him. It was unfair, cruel and impossible to change.
At some point, I slipped into a restless sleep from which I woke to Jack shouting at me to get my lazy ass into the kitchen.
I fixed him breakfast, then left for the shelter. There, I was itching to call Daniel on every break, eager to hear his voice as much as possible before he left, but I couldn’t.
Jack was checking my calls against the records from the phone company, so I never deleted Daniel’s calls. That was the reason I talked so rarely to him and why I was unable to call him today. It would have looked suspicious to talk that often with one of my colleagues, even if I was her supervisor.
I was reserving my next call for tomorrow, the day before Daniel’s deployment.
Time seemed to pass more slowly than usually, and I had trouble focusing on the job. I couldn’t help but check my watch every five minutes.
After work, I had to go home in time, as we had resolved the breach in our security and I had managed to fire the security guard who took payments to release addresses to angry husbands or crossed pimps. I had also made sure to press charges against him, collecting reports from all the women his little side business had affected.
A small victory, given the dire financial situation the organization was in, but I would take anything positive to try and lift my spirits and motivate my team.
I was exhausted, but Jack didn’t care. He demanded I make him apple pie, and I fantasized about sprinkling broken glass in it.
He didn’t abuse me that night, and I managed to fall asleep early, a headache torturing my temples since early afternoon.
I spent all of the next day crunching numbers and writing my suggestions on how to get funding for the next quarter. It was a mind-numbing and boring job; I had volunteered to do it in the hope that it would keep my mind busy.
Against my saying that I was fine doing the job alone, the boss had sent an assistant to help me, so I didn’t get a chance to call Daniel for hours. I couldn’t wait for the lunch break.
When the clock showed noon on the dot, I stood up from my desk and went into the cafeteria. I bought a sandwich, although I wasn’t hungry, but my paranoia made me think I needed an excuse to walk in the park. Most of my colleagues loved Jack, and I just knew they wouldn’t miss the chance to tell him I was cheating.
Forcing myself to chew, I sat on an empty bench and pulled my phone out. I dialed Daniel’s number, but he didn’t pick up. “Maybe he’ll call me later,” I thought, disappointed. Or I should dial again.
Before I could tap the button, Jack called. He kept me on the phone until my break was over and my assistant came looking for me. As I was talking to Jack, Daniel had called two times.
I could barely hold my tears back as I walked behind my assistant. Why was fate so cruel to me?
I didn’t get another chance to speak to Daniel that day. To my surprise, Jack came to pick me up.
“Give me your phone,” he demanded. It meant that the monthly records had arrived and he wanted to check who I had been talking with.
I obeyed without a word and kept silent all evening. When he asked me about it, I told him I was coming down with something.
“You’re disgusting. You’re sleeping alone tonight. I’m not catching anything from you.”
Holding onto my phone, he locked me in the bedroom again.
I didn’t have tears anymore, my pain burning too hot, drying them up. I didn’t know when I fell asleep. My mind was hurting too much to keep track of when I ceased being awake.
I could've been in a coma, for all I knew. In fact, I would have preferred it to what was happening around me, but I had no such luck.
In the morning, Jack shook me awake and shoved my phone in my face.
“Who’s Maria?” he barked. My heartbeat sped up as my mind raced for an answer. What if he called the number? Had Daniel left, or would he answer the phone?
“It’s … work. She’s a colleague,” I lied.
“No, she’s not. I know all of your colleagues, and there’s no Maria. Who is this, bitch?”
“She’s new. I’m training her. I told you last month that we hired two immigrant girls.”
“Let’s see, shall we?”
I held my breath as he dialed Daniel’s number. I knew he would kill me if he found out.
“Yes?” a woman’s voice answered. I was confused for a few moments.
“Carla, is that you?” Jack asked, setting his clever trap.
“No, this is Maria. Who is this?” The woman talked with a perfect Latin accent. I figured she must be Daniel’s neighbor.
“Maria?”
“Miss Winston? Are you alright? Who is this? I’m calling the police.”
“Don’t call the police. I’m Melissa’s boyfriend. I’m sorry to disturb you like this, but I was looking for her.”
“Why do you have her phone?” the woman asked.
“I told you, she’s my girlfriend.”
“So?”
“So I can have her damn phone if I so please,” he snapped.
“No, you can’t. I’m calling the police.”
The woman hung up, leaving Jack red with fury. I wanted to hug her for her performance.
“Fucking slut! Dirty Mexican, doesn’t even speak English and threatens me?”
Jack was enraged. I curled up, trying to keep out of his sight. Luckily, he stormed out, slamming the door. I was guessing he was going to get wasted with his friends.
I jumped out of bed and peered through the window. He got into his car and drove away. Once Jack was gone, I grabbed my phone and dialed Daniel again. Since his neighbor had answered, maybe he hadn’t left yet. Maybe he had guessed it couldn’t be me calling so soon and had given her the phone instead of answering himself.
“Look, mister, I have called the police …”
“Hey,” I interrupted the woman.
“Melissa?” Her accent vanished now, leaving behind a perfect English. “Are you alright?”
“Oh, this is a surprise,” I said, smiling. “Nice acting.”
“Thanks.”
“Is Daniel there?”
“No, sorry. He left real early this morning, but he gave me his phone to answer.”
“Oh. He did, didn’t he.”
I thanked her and hung up.
Daniel was gone, nothing else mattered. Nothing else, except for him protecting me even when he wasn’t there. He was keeping his promise of taking care of me and I loved him for that.
“Will I ever see you again?” I asked aloud, new tears welling up in my eyes.