First Time With A Cowboy

The never-ending countryside panorama ran on either side of the road, the perfect picture of rural serenity. To the right, it looked like it stretched into the horizon, and Emma felt insignificant in comparison to the grandiosity of Mother Nature.

 

She almost felt tears prickling her eyes, congratulating herself for finally taking the time to drive around El Paso. It seemed like the best way to relieve some of the stress from adjusting in a new city.

 

She had been so busy getting accustomed to college life that she had been bound to the campus for several weeks. Sighing, she took in the impressive landscape, the tension that had accumulated since the beginning of the school year diminishing significantly.

 

A smile split her face at the sight of a herd of cows, lazily grazing in the distance. “Oh, the wonders of country life,” she thought.

 

As a city girl from the East Coast, she never had a connection with her food. She knew she had to eat clean, organic, but not much else. Now, she tried to comprehend the grandeur of the moment, of realizing she was witness to the natural process that would result in the milk she took for granted every day.

 

She couldn’t remember why she had been reluctant to come to the small El Paso college. True, she had been disappointed at first about not getting into a bigger college, but the important scholarship they had offered her to study biology had been a nice incentive. Her dream of becoming a doctor meant more to her than studying at a high-profile college in Texas.

 

She couldn’t stop smiling, content in the silence of her trip. She was glad now that she didn't waver in her decision to study as far from home as possible. Yes, she needed a break from her family, but judging by the serenity of the moment, she now understood that she also needed a break from her uneventful life. She needed to experience life in as many ways as possible. She needed to grow.

 

Lost in thought, Emma didn’t notice that her car was slowing down by itself until it stopped. She searched for any suspicious light on the dashboard, but couldn’t see any.

 

“Stupid old car,” she muttered, getting out.

 

She looked under the hood, hoping to find what the problem was, but since she didn't know the first thing about cars and engines, the effort proved to be in vain. She decided to call her roommate to come and pick her up.

 

“Oh, hell no!” She shook the phone, frustrated. Of course there was no signal in the middle of nowhere.

 

After walking around a few paces, her phone held high in a futile attempt to find a signal, she returned to the car. “What now?”

 

Hands on her hips, she looked at the engine once more, trying to see if she could pinpoint what was wrong, when a shadow obstructed the sunlight. She turned and looked up, but couldn’t distinguish anything in the bright sun. The silhouette swayed on the back of a horse, casting a moving shadow over her.

 

“Car problems, Miss?” the man asked, his voice low and husky. She stepped to the side to see him better.

 

He dismounted and came level with her, his hands on his belt. Emma looked down, intimidated by his tall stature.

 

“Can I offer any help?”

 

“Um, no, thanks. I mean, it’s a rental, I can’t just do anything I want to it,” she stuttered.

 

“Sure.”

 

In the awkward silence that followed she dared to glance at him. He was blond, a few days stubble covering his strong jaw. The large cowboy hat obstructed most of his face, but she caught a glimpse of a smile. She blushed.

 

“What’re you going to do, Miss?”

 

She didn’t know. “I tried calling my roommate, but…”

 

“There’s no signal here.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The awkward silence fell over them again. She cleared her throat, trying to dispel the uncomfortable feeling.

 

The stranger finally broke the silence. “I suppose I could give you a ride. You could use the phone on the ranch.”

 

“Really? That would be wonderful!” She gave him her prettiest smile, grateful for his suggestion.

 

“Sure. Have you ridden a horse before?”

 

“What?” She backed away a few steps. “I…You mean a horse ride to the ranch?”

 

Her surprise seemed to amuse him. “Why, yes, Miss. It’ll be too long to just walk there.”

 

“Oh. I thought you had a car close by…”

 

His laughed. “No car, Miss. So, have you ridden a horse before?”

 

She shook her head, embarrassed.

 

“No worries. You just have to hold on tight. Come on.”

 

She looked at him in puzzlement. He offered her a hand but the novelty of the situation made her reluctant to oblige. Taking charge, he pulled her close, making her gasp. Blushing, Emma felt his hands go around her midriff, and then she was suddenly in the air. She blurted out a small scream, startling the horse .

 

He grabbed the reins tightly and calmed the animal with a few whispers.

 

“Settle now, Shade,” he said, patting the horse on the neck. “Be careful now, Miss. The horse ain’t a bike. Try to be calm.”

 

She nodded, embarrassed. In a swift move, he mounted in front of her, his broad back shielding her from the light wind that had just begun to blow their way.

 

“Hold on to me, Miss.”

 

Blushing, she timidly wrapped her arms around his waist. When the horse started moving, she had to grab on to him tighter. Mortified the entire trip to the ranch, she was grateful to feel the trusty ground under her feet again. He smirked at her, probably amused by her wide-eyed expression.

 

“You’re not really used to big animals, are you?” he joked.

 

“No. I’m used to the city.”

 

“Ah. Plenty of big animals there, Miss. Just not the kind we have around here. Where are you from?”

 

“Newport, Rhode Island.”

 

“Here to study?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Now, what exactly are you doing home at this time a’ day, Son?” a woman’s voice came from the direction of the house.

 

“Hey, Momma. This girl…”

 

“Emma.”

 

“Emma. Her car broke down and she needed to use a phone.”

 

“Look at you, always helping damsels in distress,” the woman joked. “Well, come on in, Miss. You can use the landline.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

She hurried inside and went straight for the phone. Emma tried not to pay attention to the woman’s amused expression.

 

Her roommate picked up after the second ring.

 

“Hey, can you come pick me up? My rental broke down.”

 

While listening to her roommate's mandatory lecture, she glanced at the woman, who was busy drying dishes with a kitchen towel. Her son came into the kitchen and pecked her on the cheek. Emma couldn’t hear what they were saying, but a nagging suspicion that they were laughing at her made her face flush.

 

Replacing the receiver, she shrugged the uncomfortable feeling off and walked into the homey kitchen.

 

“Thank you for letting me use the phone. My friend will be here soon.”

 

“No problem, doll,” the woman said. “Would you like something to drink while you wait?”

 

“No, thank you. I’ll just walk back to the main road.”

 

“Suit yourself. In this heat, some lemonade would do you good, but it’s your business.”

 

Feeling guilty for refusing, Emma thanked the woman and hurried out. Instinctively, she looked around for him. He was on the other side of the large yard, preoccupied with checking the sturdiness of a fence.

 

“Hey. I just wanted to thank you again for your help. I’ll be off now.”

 

“No problem. But isn’t your girlfriend giving you a ride?”

 

“She is, but I figure it would be easier for her if I were closer to the main road.”

 

“It’s pretty far from here. Wouldn't it be better if you waited?”

 

Emma blushed and looked down, trying to hide the fact that his smile made her weak in the knees. After another moment of hesitation, she waved him goodbye and turned to leave.

 

“It's Ridley,” she heard him behind her.

 

“What?” she asked, turning to face him.

 

“My name is Ridley.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Ridley.”

 

“Are you up for another horse ride?”

 

She smiled, shaking her head. “Sure. I promise not to scare Shade again.”

 

“You better,” he laughed and went to bring the horse.

 

Slightly more comfortable around Shade, Emma managed not to scream when Ridley lifted her into the saddle. She even allowed herself the liberty to wrap her arms around his waist uninvited, eager to touch his muscular body again.

 

The horse strutted at a leisurely pace, giving her the opportunity to truly appreciate the beauty of the trip. “I’m on a horse! With a freaking cowboy!” she said to herself, her face split into a childish wide grin. 

 

*****

 

She hated Thursdays. The one day of the week she had more courses than she could handle, and little time for breaks.

 

Taking advantage of the free half hour before the last seminar of the day, she went outside to take in some fresh air. Emma loved to sit directly on the ground, legs crossed comfortably, slowly sipping the weak coffee she bought at the cafeteria. She could feel exhaustion seeping into her bones, but forced herself to sit up straight, her back against the old tree, to chase away the sleepiness.

 

A confident looking guy, probably a football player, started in her direction. She averted her eyes, trying to look as uninterested as she felt. As her mind wandered, she found herself comparing the guy with Ridley, the difference strikingly favoring the cowboy. Leaning back against the rough tree bark, she couldn't stifle a smile at the memory of his hard abdomen.

 

The guy seemed to get the wrong impression and sped up his pace. “Oh, God, no. Please, make him go away,” she prayed to herself. At that moment, her phone rang. She frowned, not recognizing the number.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hi. I'm looking for Emma.”

 

Ridley's voice sent a shiver down her spine.

 

“You found her.”

 

“Hey, sorry to intrude upon your schedule. I'm...”

 

“Ridley.”

 

“Yes. I’m glad you remember me.” She could picture his smile at the other end.

 

“How did you get my number?”

 

“I'm a crafty man, Miss. You called your roommate from my phone so I just called her back and asked politely for your number.”

 

“Oh, Mary Anne,” she whispered, closing her eyes. She made a mental note to scold her friend when she got home.

 

“Now, don’t be mad at her. I don't know anyone who didn't confess their darkest secrets when I had my way with them. I didn't give her much choice.”

 

Emma laughed, glad to see the other guy changing course. “Charming.”

 

“I hope you don’t hold bad memories from the horse ride, Miss.”

 

“On the contrary, I quite enjoyed it.”

 

He chuckled. “Well, I'm glad to hear that. And since we're on such good terms, how would you feel if I asked out?”

 

“Like on a date?” She held her breath in nervous expectation.

 

“Yes. What do you say, city girl?”

 

Emma swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry. She hadn't taken her attraction to him too seriously, being accustomed to keeping her fantasies to herself. Faced with the reality of his proposition, she had to make a decision fast.

 

She liked him, and was thoroughly taken by his rugged charm, but she feared she would just make a fool of herself in front of him. Besides, did he really like her, or was he just curious about her “city girl” allure?

 

“Well?”

 

“Yeah, sorry. Sure, I’ll have a coffee with you,” she blurted before consciously making a decision.

 

“Alright. What do you say about tomorrow?”

 

“Sounds perfect. I have courses until 4 PM but I'm free all evening.”

 

“Then let’s make it a dinner. Shall I pick you up at 7?”

 

“See you then.”

 

She hung up, her heart racing like she had just run a marathon. 

 

*****

The lame-looking pile of clothes in the middle of her room spoke of Emma's indecision on what to wear that night. Her roommate had teased her for hours.

 

Too nervous to eat all day, she had struggled to pay attention to her classes in the morning, the shock of finally having a date — a real date! — being too much to deal with.

 

Ever since she had gotten home, she had tried to piece together a nice-looking outfit but ended up more frustrated than ever. She dropped next to the pile of clothes, sighing heavily.

 

Emma's intention to bolster her confidence with the perfect outfit while making a good impression on Ridley had backfired; the look she had in mind impossible to obtain with the clothes she owned, and the process of discovering this had made her more nervous than ever.

 

She had often dreamed about the moment she would go out with someone, always picturing herself looking breathtaking at her date's side. Up until now, she had only fantasy to sooth her mind, her parents being too strict to allow her on a date.

 

She growled, angry at them and at herself, frustrated that her fashion sense had magically disappeared when she needed it the most. Defeated, she grabbed her phone and dialed Mary.

 

“Hey, did you finish rehearsals? Sorry to disturb, but I really need your help with something. I need to borrow some clothes. Everything I have looks like it belongs to a middle-aged housewife. From the 70s.”

 

She breathed easily when her roommate agreed to come. At this point, she was willing to suffer through Mary's jokes if it meant she would look great at dinner.

 

True to her word, Mary arrived sooner than expected and, in less than an hour, Emma was ready. She checked herself in the mirror, satisfied with the casual ensemble. The short denim skirt and plain salmon T-shirt looked pretty, but not like she was trying too hard.

 

One glance at the time and she began hyperventilating. Ridley had texted her that he was on his way to pick her up, and that was almost half an hour ago.

 

“You need to calm down, girl,” Mary said, passionately chewing her bubble gum.

 

“I'm already late!”

 

Mary shook her head in disbelief, watching her roommate run around, not knowing what to do first. When she finally managed to settle on a pair of tan sandals, Emma grabbed her bag and ran for the door.

 

“Gee, you act like you've never been on a date before.”

 

Oh, she had no idea how close she was to the truth.

 

“Oh, and, Emma?” Mary called again.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Wear protection!” Too embarrassed to move, Emma didn't even motion to catch the condom her fried threw at her. “That cowboy charm could lead you places you never imagined, I'm telling you.”

 

Mary's laughter followed her out the door, making her feel even more embarrassed for her inexperience.

 

Still not fully recovered from her friend’s joke, Emma hurried to the agreed-upon meeting place, a garden behind her building. Closer to the street, it was an easy place for Ridley to find.

 

The fact that he was already waiting for her made Emma feel even worse. If the evening continued in this manner, the date seemed like a disaster waiting to happen.

 

He turned to her with a smile that started the butterflies in her stomach in a frenzy.

 

“Good evening, Miss.”

 

“Hi. I’m sorry I have kept you waiting, Ridley. And please, call me Emma.”

 

“No trouble at all, Emma. You look amazing.”

 

She blushed, looking at her feet.

 

“Shall we?”

 

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer. Looking up, she lost herself in his green eyes, lightheaded from all the emotions bundled up inside. She swallowed hard, trying to get a hold of herself. Unable to speak, Emma nodded her agreement and followed him to his sleek pick-up truck, somewhat gracefully lifting herself onto the passenger seat.

 

The restaurant he had picked had a beautiful terrace with white wrought-iron tables and dim light from lamps hung sparsely around.

 

“I like this place. How do you know of it?”

 

“My uncle owns it. He’s a bit of a rebel. Left the ranch a while back to be a chef.”

 

“Rebel?”

 

“When the oldest son of a rancher doesn't want to continue in his father's steps, that's considered rebelling around here,” he explained.

 

The owner himself came to take their order. The men patted each other on the back, the affection between them heartwarming.

 

Ridley ordered for both of them, giving Emma the opportunity to watch him in amazement.

 

She couldn’t take her eyes off him. Pleasantly surprised to see him without his cowboy attire, she took in the sight of him wearing a casual white shirt, in strong contrast with his tanned skin. Without his hat, she could appreciate the virile beauty of his face. The blond beard gave him a bad boy look, perfectly matching his sun-bleached hair.

 

Caught in the act of staring at him, Emma almost choked on her water when he turned his green eyes on her.

 

“Are you OK?” he asked, handing her a napkin.

 

“I'm fine, thank you,” she mumbled, feeling like a fool.

 

Against all odds, however, the evening turned out surprisingly well. The food was amazing, a perfect example of local cuisine, and Ridley acted like the perfect gentleman.

 

They had talked about everything with unexpected ease. Once she had her first glass of wine, she loosened her tongue and told him about her biology major, and the struggle of adjusting to campus life. He asked why she chose biology.

 

“I want to get into med school.”

 

“Sounds like a lot of work. Impressive.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah, why not?”

 

She looked away, a shadow crossing her face.

 

“What is it?” he inquired.

 

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Just boring stuff.”

 

“I'm a patient man.”

 

“My parents,” she began, after a while. “They want me to be a neurosurgeon.”

 

“I take it you don’t want that.”

 

She shook her head, smiling weakly. “I don’t know. They want me to be someone…prestigious. They’ve always been like this. Always demanding, never asking what I would like to do.” She felt the familiar sting of tears she had gotten used to shedding, crying becoming her only way to deal with the frustration of never being good enough.

 

“Well, what do you want to do?”

 

“When I was little I wanted to be a ballerina, but they got me a violin teacher. Now, I want to be a pediatrician.”

 

“Working with kids?”

 

She nodded. “I know it might seem stupid, but…”

 

“It ain’t stupid. You might think that ‘cause you feel like you’re rebelling, but wanting to help children is never stupid.”

 

Emma looked into his eyes searchingly, surprised he understood. She felt grateful to him.

 

He raised his glass, saluting her dream. She felt drawn to him, with all his surprising sides, and gentle nature hidden under that tough cowboy facade. Watching him speak, she felt ripples in her stomach, a warm feeling of contentment easing the tension she had accumulated over time.

 

Emma snapped back to reality from her reverie, as she heard Ridley speak with new passion: “…They are allowed to kill the ones they find on state-owned lands, and it ain’t fair. These animals are smart. And you cannot believe how gentle.”

 

She frowned. “Kill? You mean horses?” Too distracted from looking at him, she hadn't been paying attention to what he was telling her.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been talking about.”

 

“You know they use them as therapy animals.”

 

“Horses? Yeah. But I’m not there yet,” he laughed and took a sip of bourbon.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, my rescue center doesn't have the resources for a training program. I would love to expand the organization. It'll only help more horses.”

 

She frowned, thinking that she should help him. He looked excited, animatedly gesturing with his hands. She wanted to be part of that.

 

“How big of an organization?” she asked.

 

“Beside me, there are five other men. Permanent staff, if you’d like. And the occasional volunteer. Sometimes Momma gives me a hand, but she's not official.”

 

“You know there are funds for this type of organization, right?”

 

“I know, but we cannot afford to pay someone to write us a grant proposal,” he said, sheepishly.

 

“I could help, if you want.”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“I took a course in high school. With my father’s charities and everything, I thought it would’ve been a good fit.”

 

“Impressive.”

 

“It's really nothing. I would need to know more about your organization, if I am to write a grant proposal, though.”

 

“You can come to the ranch.”

 

“What? Your ranch?” She blushed, looking away.

 

“Yeah. The rescue center is adjacent to my ranch. You could stay there while I show you the ropes.”

 

Emma swallowed hard. “I could? At your house?”

 

He gave her a crooked smile, the glint in his eyes telling her she would be more than welcomed.

 

It wouldn’t be so bad if she accepted, would it? She wouldn't do anything wrong, after all. She would stay at his place while gathering the necessary information, nothing more. Besides, his mother would be there.

 

“OK. I suppose I could free up a weekend to see the ranch. The horses, I mean.”

 

“Sure,” he grinned and downed the last of his bourbon. 

 

*****

She was finally doing it! She was actually packing for a weekend with him.

 

“Oh, my God,” she kept repeating to herself, still far from believing what was happening to her.

 

Since the evening of their first date, Emma barely had any food, her stomach too busy hosting a dance festival for the pesky butterflies she got every time she thought of Ridley.

 

Zipping up the bag, she placed it on the floor and went to take a shower. Under the hot water, she couldn’t stop thinking of his muscular frame towering over her, his scent still fresh in her nostrils.

 

She sighed, slipping a hand between her legs. Leaning against the tiles, she rubbed her clit, imagining their bodies tangled in forbidden passion, roughness mixed with tenderness in the way he took her.

 

Enveloped in the pleasure of her fantasy, she lost track of time. When she finally got out of the shower, she was already running late.

 

She dressed in a hurry, grabbed her overnight bag and bolted for the door.

 

“Going home?” she heard Mary from the kitchen.

 

“Not quite.”

 

Mary squinted at her, looking suspicious.

 

“No, no you wouldn't!”

 

“What?” Emma tried to act innocently, putting on her flats.

 

“Oh, dear. You’re going to his place, aren’t you?” When Emma didn’t reply, she insisted. “What did I tell you about cowboys?”

 

“Oh, I’ll be fine, Mary. Can I go or is the lecture not over yet?”

 

“Fine, suit yourself. But don't come crying for help to me when you’re in over your head, girl.”

 

Blowing a kiss to her grouchy roommate, Emma left. She had rented a car, careful to pick a newer model this time, and could barely contain her excitement.

 

She didn't even see the beautiful landscape that had soothed her nerves not more than two weeks ago. It felt like she had held her breath up until she finally pulled up the large driveway. Taking in a deep breath, she stepped out, praying that her wobbling knees wouldn't give her away.

 

“There you are!” she heard Ridley's voice.

 

“I did say I would come.”

 

“I’m glad you kept your promise.”

 

She felt small against his over-six-foot frame, the only thought on her mind being how much she wanted to jump into his arms.

 

“Let me help you with that,” he said, reaching for her small bag, his husky voice making her body quiver.

 

Not trusting her voice, she followed him quietly. Once in the kitchen, she searched for his mother.

 

He chuckled. “I live alone, don't worry.”

 

Her eyes widened in surprise. “You live alone?”

 

“Yeah. I'm a grown man,” he laughed.

 

She took a step back, wringing her hands.

 

“You wanted my mother to be here,” he realized.

 

“I…No, it’s alright. I’m here for the grant proposal, after all.”

 

He nodded, watching her face in confusion. When he let go of her hand, she almost reached to grab his back, but managed to stop herself in the last moment.

 

He showed her to the guest room and told her he'd give her a tour of the ranch in half an hour. She took advantage of her time alone to freshen up and try to calm her nerves.

 

Back in the living room, she found Ridley waiting for her patiently.

 

“Shall we?” he asked, reaching for her hand.

 

She nodded, relieved to see he wasn't upset. He guided her to a back door that opened into an enclosure of some sort.

 

The surrounding fields were fascinating with their beauty and serenity, but the ranch, where some of the rescued horses were kept, left her in complete awe.

 

A couple of lame colts were lazily sunbathing, separated from the newer horses by a sturdy wooden fence.

 

“Do they fight?” she asked, fascinated with their size and beauty.

 

“Sometimes. But the fence is more for their own safety. They stress easily and it’s best they get used to one another gradually. The last thing this center needs is problems with the rescued horses.”

 

She nodded, eager to learn about his world.

 

Leaning against him, Emma enjoyed hearing his heroic stories. They walked side by side, while he told her about the time he physically stopped a crew of four men from loading horses into a truck destined for slaughter, or the time he first brought the idea of an official rescue center to a couple of his friends. Most had laughed at him, but one stuck around, becoming his most trusted ally over the years.

 

He explained to her what everything was called, where everything came from, and how he preferred training his horses the natural way, by understanding the way they thought and behaved.

 

Emma learned that his own horse, Shade, was one of the first horses he rescued and trained with this method.

 

“How long since you set up the rescue center?”

 

“Five years now.”

 

“Wow. Impressive. And where did you get your funding from so far?”

 

“Well, it started out of my pocket. Mainly from my family’s cow ranch. I inherited that after my old man passed, not long before I started the center. Some of my friends helped, too, and later we started a program for kids. Students would come in groups to learn about horses and take a few riding lessons. It helped us until now, but horses keep coming and it's getting harder to stay afloat.”

 

“It's amazing how much you love your mission,” she murmured. “And I’m sorry about your father.” She looked up into his eyes, gently caressing his strong jaw with the tips of her fingers.

 

The daring gesture came out of nowhere and she started to pull her hand back, but Ridley caught it. His smile made her feel like anything was possible.

 

Then, suddenly, he kissed her. 

 

*****

Hours later, she touched her lips, still incredulous about the kiss really happening.

 

Changing into a long, pale orange dress, she hoped it looked good enough for dinner. She didn't want to look too dressed up.

 

Ridley wasn’t in the kitchen, so she sat on one of the breakfast bar stools, waiting patiently.

 

Emma felt her cheeks burn at the memory of how embarrassed she had been after the kiss. When he had asked what was wrong, she couldn’t tell him she had kissed only one other guy in her life. She feared he'd think less of her after finding out about her lack of experience. Emma knew he had the right to know, but the prospect of confessing sounded dreadful.

 

“What's gotten you thinking so hard?” she heard Ridley ask. He was proudly holding a bottle of red wine.

 

“Nothing,” she lied, blushing.

 

He placed the bottle on the counter and turned to her.

 

“What are we having for dinner?” she tried to change the subject.

 

“Oh, you’re not changing the subject.”

 

“I’m not…”

 

“What is it?” he insisted, stepping closer.

 

Emma felt frustrated to tears, caught unprepared by his questions. She knew that if she spoke, she’d cry.

 

“You can tell me anything, you know that right?”

 

His words made her look up into his eyes. She wasn’t so sure he would like what she had to tell.

 

“Come on, tell me. I promise I will help you however I can.” Looking intent on getting the secret out in the open, he sat down in front of her and reached for her hand.

 

Glancing away, Emma tried to think of something else to say. Maybe if they’ll just get on with it, it wouldn’t be such a big issue.

 

“It’s nothing, really. Besides, I’m hungry. Let's eat.”

 

He didn't buy it.

 

She stood up, trying to avoid his scrutinizing gaze. Walking into the den, Emma tried to get a hold of herself by focusing on her surroundings.

 

He wasn't rich, but she felt content in his house. It was cozy and tidy, and he looked like he lived a comfortable life. She got the feeling she would be happy in a place like this. Everything was so different from the rigorous life her wealthy parents had given her. She had all the money in the world growing up, but none of the warmth she saw Ridley and his mother shared.

 

He cleared his throat and interrupted her thoughts.

 

“Everything alright?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Look, was it the kiss? I apologize if I was too forward with it, but I thought you were drawn to me. I must have misread you.”

 

“No, you don't need to apologize. I do like you.”

 

“Then what is it?” She could hear the confusion in his voice. “Look, if you like me, and I like you, then what is it? We can take it slow if you want that.”

 

“You like me?”

 

“Well, isn’t it obvious by now?” he laughed, making her even more uncomfortable.

 

“I don't know. I'm not used to this. And I don’t really want to take it slow. I mean, I would like to, but I don’t think you'd…”

 

“You’re rambling. Just say what it is that’s bothering you. Is it your parents? Because I’m a rancher, and they’ll think I’m not good enough for you, or...”

 

“No! I don't care about that. And it’s not about you.”

 

He exhaled loudly. “They all say that, don't they? And it always means it is about me.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Whenever you want to play with someone but you don't want commitment, it's always the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ business.”

 

“You mean like an affair?”

 

“I don't know. What do you mean?”

 

“I don't know what you're talking about, but I’m sure I don't want an affair.”

 

“Then what is it that’s ?”

 

She pursed her lips, trying to stall.

 

“Doll, if it weren’t for this thing that’s , do you know how much fun we could’ve had by now?”

 

“But we did have fun. You didn’t like our dates?” She looked at him wide eyed.

 

“I don't know what is it about you, but the type of fun I’m talking about is nowhere near what we had. Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of our dates, but…”

 

“Oh, you mean sex,” she finally figured it out and immediately blushed, making him chuckle.

 

“Emma, you’re so pretty when you blush.”

 

She tried to hide a smile, clumsily fidgeting with her fingers.

 

“And sex is too…clinical. The things I do are more on the scorching hot end, if you know what I mean. There’s more to it than sex. How I could touch you, kiss your body all over,” he teased, running his fingers over her thighs. “Kiss your pretty lips, go down on your body…God, I want to taste you so badly, woman! You have no…”

 

“I haven’t had sex before,” she blurted out her damning confession.

 

“What? You mean like ever?”

 

She nodded, afraid to open her eyes.

 

“You’re a virgin. For fuck’s sake!” He stood and started pacing the room.

 

“I’m sorry,” she tried to apologize, her voice small, on the brink of tears.

 

“What? Why? Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

She glanced at him, trying to understand what he meant.

 

“Emma, I could fuck you right now! Up until this moment, I wanted you so badly, you wouldn't believe. And you're saying that no man has ever been inside you? God, you have no idea how hard it is to stop myself.”

 

A ripple of excitement traveled down to her core, the prospect of being only his growing the wetness between her legs. Her breathing shallow, she watched him fight the urge, her glassy eyes following his every move.

 

“Then don’t,” she dared.

 

He groaned. “Jesus, don't say that, woman. You don't know what…”

 

“I don't.” Her voice grew stronger. “But I know I want you.”

 

“Are you sure?” He swallowed hard, the expectation too much to bear. When she nodded her answer, he lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom, too eager to waste any more time. The anticipation made her body quiver. She buried her face in his shoulder, trying to settle her nerves. 

 

*****

The sensation left behind on her jaw by his fingertips was too much. She managed to stifle a whimper, but Ridley didn't let her hide her face again.

 

“Don’t,” he whispered.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

With a tender kiss he told her she shouldn’t be. Then his lips traveled down her neck, his breathing sending hot shivers through her body. She started to shake, nervous for what was about to happen.

 

He moaned, his head bent to kiss her neck, and mumbled “God, you’re so sweet, Emma.”

 

The words vibrated through her skin, making her feel the desire in every pore. Her legs parted by themselves, in a fit of bravery. Without losing one second, he pulled himself between her thighs, pushing the dress above her hips.

 

She dared to watch his expression as he took in every new inch of naked skin. His eyes were glazed, his lips parted, his face a picture of desire. He wanted her.

 

The realization prompted yet another shiver, her wetness, a statement of her eagerness, becoming harder to hide.

 

The passion in his eyes when he met her gaze made her swoon. She was grateful for lying down, because she was certain her knees had turned to jelly.

 

Her shyness got the better of her shortly and she hid her eyes under a quivering forearm. She felt his hand slipping up her thigh, finally stopping to caress her core.

 

“Fuck. Me,” he whispered. “You’re already wet. So. Wet.”

 

She felt ashamed, like she wasn’t supposed to be that way. He took her hand away, forcing her to look into his eyes.

 

“You're perfect, baby. Relax.”

 

As if his words were meant to have the opposite effect, her body tensed and started to shiver again. She felt cold and on edge under his weight.

 

“Alright,” he said, as if he had read her mind.

 

Gently, he went back to kissing her shoulders, slowly moving down to her breasts. His tongue found her perky nipples and circled them gingerly, wetting the thin fabric. She couldn’t suppress a moan. Petrified, she held her breath. What was she doing?

 

He groaned under his breath, flicking his tongue faster, as his free hand inched under her to cup her ass.

 

Concentrating alternately on her erogenous zones, he started rubbing her clit more vigorously. She whimpered under his touch, too weak to fight the need to be his. Soon, he made her writhe, begging for him to take her.

 

With every second he spent teasing her, she felt more at ease, more eager. He broke their kiss and rose to his knees.

 

“Baby, I’m going to taste you now.”

 

She managed to nod, barely breathing. Gently, he pulled the dress over her head, leaving her in her tiny panties. Licking his lips, he spread her legs again, desire glinting in his beautiful eyes.

 

Seeing him wanting her so overtly, the reality of what was happening undeniable anymore, made her attempt to cover herself again.

 

“Oh, no, baby, please,” he protested and pulled her hands off her round breasts.

 

He grabbed both her wrists in one hand, while he slipped the other under her.

 

The feeling of his rough skin against her own amplified the feeling of giving in before his desire, as her body screamed for his touch. Every sensation was heightened tenfold, getting her drunk on his scent and touch.

 

She watched him bend down until his tongue touched her clit, making her whimper in agony.

 

Ridley teased her clit, circling around just enough to take her breath away, then lapped along her wet slit until she couldn't take it anymore.

 

“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God,” was all Emma could mumble.

 

In the heat of the moment, he scraped his teeth on her clit, making her scream. Her body wanting, she bucked her hips, grinding against his mouth.

 

“You’re ready,” he decided, placing one last kiss on her clenching pussy.

 

He crawled back to her lips and she could taste herself on his tongue. Her taut nipples rubbed against his hard chest, the sensation agonizing.

 

“Are you sure, baby?” he asked for her permission one more time.

 

She couldn't focus enough, feeling his bulging erection against her pussy. Her answer came as a moan, but he understood the meaning.

 

He didn't waste any more time. In a second he had gotten rid of his clothes, completely disregarding any ceremony. Emma couldn't suppress a gasp at the sight of his erection, still concealed under his boxers. He grinned and pulled them down. Her mouth watered at his length as he came on top of her again.

 

Playfully, he teased her with his cock, going up and down her engorged slit as he gently kissed her nipples.

 

“God, I love your tits.”

 

She giggled and pulled him closer, his weight pressing on her breasts.

 

He looked into her eyes and whispered, “I’m going to fuck you now, baby girl.”

 

Her body quivered and she felt cold again as he placed his elbows over her shoulders, to keep her in place.

 

He positioned his cock at her entrance and waited.

 

Puzzled, she searched for his gaze. When her eyes reached his, he thrust for the first time. She cried out and tried to pull back, instinctively.

 

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, as he struggled to penetrate her. “You're too tight. I’m sorry.”

 

She swallowed hard, trying her hardest not to cry. She knew it would hurt but she had never imagined it to be like this. A confusing mix of emotions threatened to take over her mind, but she fought them. No, this was not a time to be confused. She was certain she wanted to be his and she was intent on taking the pain, any pain, if it meant  bringing them closer. If it meant he would be her man.

 

The pain was different than anything she had experienced before. His cock struggled against her untouched body, their desire to completely belong to one another giving him the power to make her his woman.

 

Opening her eyes, she saw the concern on his. She felt guilty and thought that she had to meet his efforts, remind him that she wanted it as much as he did.

 

Taking a deep breath, she braced herself and bucked against him, increasing the pressure and the pain. He gasped and stopped the movement of his hips. Emma smiled, reassuring him of her consent and eagerness.

 

That was all he needed. Pulling back to gain more force, he thrust into her once, breaking every barrier keeping them separated.

 

She cried out loud, feeling his cock pass her tight entrance and slide inside her. The sensation was new and, after she recovered from the initial pain, she welcomed him, his cock stretching her virgin pussy at last.

 

Her body relaxed, giving him the freedom to enter her fully, slowly, careful not to hurt her any more.

 

“Baby, you’re so tight. Does it still hurt?” He had stopped thrusting when he caught a glimpse of her frowning.

 

“No, it doesn’t. I was just wondering how you managed to fit,” she disclosed, her cheeks burning in embarrassment.

 

He chuckled. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t gotten in entirely.”

 

“What? Why not?”

 

“I thought it hurt you.”

 

“How…How much more…?”

 

“Wanna find out?”

 

She nodded, more inclined to believe he was joking. She already felt full, stretched to the limit around his size. There was no way she could accommodate more of him.

 

He smirked, giving her a second to prepare, then rammed into her a couple of times, fast, every time thrusting deeper, until she finally took his cock to the hilt.

 

The pressure made her eyes water. She opened her mouth in an attempt to breathe, but her lungs stung too much.

 

“Fuck…” she eventually gasped, struck by both the pain and the pleasure he was causing her.

 

He kissed her neck and changed his rhythm, sliding in and out gently, protectively cradling her head against his arm. She held onto his shoulders, trying to keep from being pushed up the bed, but soon her limbs turned into jelly, useless against the force of his thrust.

 

She had experienced orgasms before, having masturbated often, but the way he was filling her now and the sensations he was awakening in her were all new and hard to take in. He got her fighting for air again, when he angled his cock upwards, thrusting steadily against her tender core.

 

“Oh, yes,” she dared, lost in his eyes as he watched her writhe under him.

 

“That's right, baby. Let it go.”

 

She lost her thoughts in a blissful haze as her eyes locked onto his, welcoming the finality of their shared passion. A new sensation, stronger than anything she could have dreamed of, filled her body. She wrapped her legs around his hips, nearing the agonizing release with every one of his thrusts.

 

As if on cue, he moved faster, thrusting deeper, until she finally rolled her eyes, her body stiffening under his gaze.

 

With one last moan, she came, the beginning of a different kind of orgasm taking hold of her body and mind.

 

“Ridley,” she mumbled, as her body shuddered with the last waves of her orgasm.

 

“Yes, baby, yes. God, you’re perfect,” he tried to speak, as he rammed into her some more.

 

Oblivious to anything else but the bliss they shared, he came undone, completely lost in her lustful eyes.

 

Sweat beads glistened on his forehead as he collapsed on top of her, his lips gently brushing on her neck.

 

Emma felt so tired that she barely acknowledged his kiss. The experience of the last few hours had gotten the better of her and she drifted off to sleep, completely at ease and safe in his arms. 

 

*****

She had planned on coming home Sunday afternoon at the latest, knowing that she had to work on her essay, but ended up sneaking into her room on Monday morning.

 

Too busy learning to ride by herself, gathering info on his horse rescue center, or making crazy hot love with Ridley, she had completely forgotten about coursework.

 

“Oh, my God,” she whimpered, barely dragged herself to her desk.

 

It took her half an hour to fumble through her books, and more than two hefty cups of strong coffee, before she could manage to write down the first line.

 

Only a miracle of nature made it possible for her to finish her essay just in time for the first seminar. A cold shower helped her muster just enough energy to survive through the course so she could deliver her work after class.

 

Having skipped her noon class to catch up on some sleep, she had to deal with her roommate's scrutinizing stare all day. On top of that, she felt lousy for hours, a strange case of an upset stomach tormenting her on and off.

 

Her mood improved significantly in the evening, when Ridley called. Emma giggled like a little girl, too happy to hear his voice.

 

Everything seemed perfect until he gave her the dreadful news.

 

“Tomorrow I would be gone the entire day, so don’t be upset if I don’t pick up, alright, doll?”

 

“What?” She felt sick to her stomach again.

 

“Well, you know how your phone didn’t get a signal when your car broke down? I’ll be in the same situation tomorrow.”

 

She sighed.

 

“Now, don’t be like that, baby girl. Tomorrow evening I’ll be back home.”

 

She could surely survive the day, right?

 

Too tired to think too much about the next day, Emma slept like a log. In the morning she had to face the fact that they would be completely apart for the entire day.

 

During classes, she struggled to focus enough to take notes, too busy counting the seconds until she would hear his voice again.

 

The huge amount of reading she had to do, on top of the mandatory essays, didn't do anything to improve her mood.

 

“Well, maybe it’s a good thing. It’ll keep my mind occupied,” she tried to think positively. It didn't work, especially not on an empty stomach.

 

It turned out that a humble PB&J was the perfect source of mental energy. Soon, she was so focused on her work that she didn't even hear her roommate coming in. In fact, she managed to go through almost half of the things on her to-do list before her phone finally rang. Checking the time, she was surprised to see it was almost midnight. Ridley's caller ID could only come as a sweet reward for a good day's work.

 

“Hey,” she cooed, abandoning her school books.

 

She confessed to him that her day was difficult without him, information that he seemed to like.

 

“Of course you missed me, baby girl. You're mine,” he stated with confidence.

 

“I can't bear another day like this,” Emma cried, her lips pursing into a pout.

 

“Oh, dear. This was nothing, baby. Sometimes I go for more than one day at a time.”

 

He sounded cheerful, like he wanted to make light of the situation. Emma felt broken.

 

“When?”

 

“What?”

 

“When do you have to leave for days?” she asked again, her voice small. She felt on the brink of crying.

 

“Oh, let me think. I believe I have some obligations with a friend of mine next week. Why?”

 

“Next week? For how long?”

 

“Around three days. Now, don’t be sad, baby…”

 

“Can I come see you this weekend?”

 

Her heart sank listening to his silence.

 

“This weekend I have some things to help my momma with. I’m home every night, but during the day I'm engaged, baby.”

 

Long after the conversation had ended, she couldn't shake the sadness. Where she usually spent hours working through the night, she couldn’t find any motivation tonight. She just sulked in bed, too blue to even think straight. What was the point of everything?

 

At some point, her body won and she fell asleep.

 

The alarm woke her up from a restless sleep, and she needed a few long seconds before she could manage to rise to her feet.

 

Splashing some cold water on her face, she got an idea. Why not go see him tonight? She welcomed the idea with a mischievous smile.

 

She sent him a text before class, notifying him of the change of plans.

 

His typical reply came almost immediately: “Are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely.” 

 

*****

Emma almost dropped her head on the table. She couldn't remember ever being so tired.

 

Looking around, she realized she was completely alone in this section of the library, which was nothing out of the ordinary since there were no exams this time of year.

 

She shuffled the books in front of her and sighed again.

 

“Maybe if I sleep a little bit, I will be just fine. I only need a couple of hours, right?” she thought, closing her books one by one.

 

She hadn’t retained any of the information on the last pages anyway.

 

Deciding that going back to her room would only take more precious time, she laid her head on the heavy table and fell asleep the next second.

 

The exhaustion of juggling the heavy coursework she had picked for this semester and constantly driving down to see Ridley was starting to get to her.

 

Over the last few weeks she had disregarded more and more of her obligations, unable to help herself from being with him. Several times a week she slept at his place, taking advantage of the few days he wasn’t away this time of year, and always driving back to campus as late as possible. She hadn’t skipped a class in her life until now. This last week she had attended only half of her courses, missing even a mandatory lecture.

 

She had tried to make up for it by staying late and doing as much work as was physically possible, but four hours a night, seven days a week had depleted her energy.

 

From all the stress troubling her lately, Emma had a nightmare that woke her up from her library catnap in a startle. She hugged herself, cold sweat trickling down her spine.

 

The automatic lights on several of the empty sections of the library had turned themselves off, and darkness surrounded her on three sides. Shivering, she gathered her books and hurried out.

 

The night sky was clear, shy stars twinkling on the vast canvas above the campus, but she couldn’t see them. She was too tired and her only mission was to get to her bed, to hell with coursework.

 

A migraine was pressing on her temples and she feared it would keep her from falling asleep. Once in the dorm room, she searched the bathroom for some painkillers, but couldn’t find any. The pain felt like a weight on her head and she knew that if she wanted to make the most out of what was left of the night, she needed to take care of it.

 

Careful not to make a sound, already feeling guilty for bailing on her roommate a few days ago when she was too tired to remember she had promised to attend a protest Mary had organized, Emma sneaked into Mary’s room and rummaged through her nightstand.

 

“What are you doing?” Mary’s sleepy vice startled her.

 

“Nothing, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just needed a painkiller.”

 

She stepped back, ashamed.

 

“Check the glass bowl. What time is it anyway?”

 

“A few minutes past 3. Go back to sleep,” Emma whispered, relieved to find the pills.

 

“Why were you up so late?”

 

“I…had to do some work for one of my courses.”

 

“You mean you had to catch up with the rest of the world?”

 

She shrugged, not wanting to explain herself. Every time her roommate started questioning her, Emma became defensive. The other reason she had let her roommate down last week was because Mary had expressed her doubts about Emma’s relationship with Ridley. She had said it was too intense to end well and the conversation had ended in an argument.

 

Emma scurried out of Mary’s room before another confrontation arose.

 

“You know it’s crazy to be up this late night after night. You’re going to kill yourself. And for what?” she heard her roommate, who seemed to shuffle out of bed.

 

“Mary, I have a headache. I am in no mood for your lectures right now, OK? Good night.”

 

She felt her anger rising and thanked God she was too tired to give in to it.

 

Once in bed, she fell into a deep sleep fast, her body eager to repair itself.

 

Her alarm went completely unnoticed, but a hand shaking her shoulder woke her up unceremoniously.

 

“What?” she mumbled, unable to open her eyes.

 

“You need to wake up. Now,” her roommate ordered.

 

Emma was too tired to reply and was already drifting back to sleep when she felt the warmth of coffee steam right under her nose. This was tempting enough to make her open her eyes, sit up, and face the dreadful conversation she sensed was coming her way.

 

Dangling her feet over the edge of the bed, she grabbed the mug with both hands and decided to keep her eyes on the ground for the ordeal.

 

“Well?” Mary demanded, after a few minutes of tense silence.

 

“Why don’t you spell it out, Mary?”

 

“You want to be like that?Fine.”

 

She stormed out of the room and Emma thought she could finally breathe easily, but Mary came back shortly, having brought her pocket mirror.

 

“Look. I don't need to tell you anything. See for yourself,” she said, thrusting the mirror in Emma’s hand.

 

She wanted to be stubborn and averted her eyes. Her effort proved to be futile, her tired eyes managing to catch a glimpse of the reflection. She gasped.

 

Her face was pale, the dark circles under her eyes bluish against the fairness of her complexion. Bloodshot eyes and lifeless hair completed a picture of pure misery. Just like she felt.

 

She smacked her lips and felt her mouth go dry and cottony. Her hands were shaking, and she barely had the strength not to spill her coffee.

 

Defeated, she dropped the mirror in her lap, turning it face down, too ashamed to see herself.

 

“Shall I ask again?” Mary boomed.

 

“What do you want?” Emma whispered, too weak to fight.

 

“I want you to be well. You’ve seen yourself. Do you think you look well?”

 

“What do you want me to do?” Emma insisted, looking up at her roommate.

 

“Something! You cannot go on like this. Do you hear me? You’ll die before graduation. Hell, before the end of the semester!”

 

“I just have a bit of a backlog, that’s it. I’ll talk to my teachers, maybe see a counselor, and I’ll get through it.”

 

“You’re not listening to me.”

 

Emma met her gaze. She truly didn't understand what her friend wanted.

 

“Are you going to see him tonight?” Mary asked softly, changing tactics.

 

The thought of Ridley holding her brought a smile to her lips. She did want to see him tonight, but was afraid she wouldn’t manage. But she had already planned to leave some of the already past-due work for tomorrow. One night with him would give her just enough energy to work.

 

“See? That’s what’s wrong with you!”

 

“I don't understand you, Mary. What do you want? Just spell it out.” Emma was starting to feel irritated.

 

“Look, it’s your life, after all, and I can't tell you what to do…”

 

“That’s right, you can't,” Emma cut her off.

 

Mary raised her eyebrows, for a second looking like she wanted to retaliate. But then she backed off. Turning for the door, she threw over her shoulder:

 

“I see you can’t see anything past his cowboy boots. Find a way to make it work, if you want him so much that you’re willing to give up your health and your dreams. If he means more to you than your future as a pediatrician, then marry him or something. But you can't do both. You’ll kill yourself.”

 

The thud of the door made Emma jump. Tears rolled down her cheeks, the struggle to admit Mary was right being too painful to cope with. She curled on her bed, forgetting about the coffee she was holding. The liquid spilled all over the floor. She didn’t bother to clean up. Instead, she let the mug slip from her trembling fingers.

 

“What is happening?” she asked herself, tears blinding her eyes as violent sobs started shaking her small body. 

 

*****

The entire day turned out to be a waste. Emma couldn’t muster the strength to get up, losing all motivation to attend classes or catch up with coursework.

 

She spent all day in bed, either crying until her eyes burned or falling in and out of a troubled and restless sleep. The headache had come back with renewed strength.

 

Awakened by the need to use the bathroom, she glanced at her phone and saw two missed calls from Ridley. Her heart ached at the thought of him.

 

Checking the time, she learned it was late; he had to have been home for hours.

 

After coming back empty handed from a trip to the fridge, she called him back. She couldn’t suppress a heavy sigh when he picked up.

 

“What happened, baby girl?” he asked. She could sense the alarm in his voice.

 

“Nothing. I’m sorry.”

 

“What for? Are you alright, baby?”

 

She pinched the bridge of her nose to stop the tears that were threatening to choke her up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“I’m fine, baby. It’s OK. I’m sorry I haven’t picked up your calls.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“In my room. Why?”

 

“I was just there, 15 minutes ago. You didn’t answer the door. I’m coming again.”

 

“What?”

 

He had hung up already and she panicked. He sounded upset. Was he mad at her for not picking up his calls?

 

He said he had knocked on her door earlier. He was concerned. Maybe he was checking up on her instead?

 

She felt guilty for putting him through something like that and, with renewed energy, she went into the bathroom to freshen up, then cleaned the coffee stain as well as she could. She was on her way to the kitchen to make some more coffee when she heard the knock on the door.

 

“Just a minute!” she yelled, throwing the dirty paper towels in the trash.

 

When she unlocked the door, Ridley stepped right in. She blushed, sheepishly looking at her feet.

 

“You look unwell. What happened, Emma?”

 

“I’m fine,” she lied, swallowing hard. He wrapped her in his arms tightly. Just what she needed, the safety of his body. The happiness of seeing him brought tears to her eyes.

 

“Your roommate told me you weren’t well when I called. She said she arranged for you to be excused from your courses today, but didn't tell me what was wrong,” he informed her.

 

“She did?”

 

“What’s going on?” he asked again.

 

“I…nothing. Just tired, I guess.”

 

She walked into the kitchen and fumbled with the coffee filter. She didn't trust herself to look at him.

 

He sat at the small table separating the kitchenette from the living room and watched her with concern in his eyes.

 

“You’d tell me if something was wrong. Right, baby?” he began.

 

She nodded.

 

“I’d like to think you trust me enough to confide in me.”

 

“I do,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

 

“Then why don’t you tell me? I’ll do my best to help you, you know that.”

 

She didn’t know how to tell him, but she wanted to get it out in the open too badly.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Ridley.”

 

“About what?”

 

“About me, my life. About us.”

 

He kept quiet. Not daring to look at him, she went on.

 

“I love you.”

 

Her words hung in the air for a long while. She didn't expect a reply, and started to talk again when he interrupted.

 

“I love you too, baby. And I want you to be happy. I will listen to anything you have to say, so let’s work things out, alright?”

 

She nodded, relaxing.

 

“You know I dream of becoming a pediatrician.”

 

“Yes. A very sweet thing to do.”

 

“The thing is I cannot stay away from you either. If we’re apart more than a day, I hurt.”

 

She knew she sounded stupid, showing a side of her that might make Ridley run for his life. That possibility brought fresh tears to her eyes, but she kept on.

 

“And I’ve been coming to see you any chance I get. Only life doesn’t work that way. I’m beginning to understand this. I’m starting to see I need to choose, but first I need to know something.”

 

When she finally looked into his eyes, he seemed to have listened intently. She swallowed hard.

 

“I need to know if you want to be with me.”

 

“I am with you, baby.”

 

“No, Ridley. I want to know for sure. I know it’s a lot of pressure and I am so sorry to have to put you in this position, but I need to know if you want to be with me. Seriously, with common goals and dreams. Do you see a future for us?”

 

“Emma, it’s hard to promise something like that.”

 

She looked down, nodding.

 

“All I know for certain is that I want you and I will do whatever is possible to be with you. But the future is a mystery. I can tell you this, though: I’ll do my part in this thing as well as I can. I don’t know if that’s what you wanted to hear, baby. But that’s the only truth I know.”

 

Another moment of silence passed between them.

 

“Now, your turn. Why did you need to ask me that?”

 

She looked away.

 

“I needed to make a choice.”

 

“What kind of choice?”

 

“I had to choose between two things I hold dear, and your answer settled things.”

 

“Don't you think that I deserve to know? At least talk about what it is that’s making you hurt this badly.”

 

“I will drop out of college,” she finally said.

 

“What? Why? You love it here! And what about med school?”

 

“Yes, but I love you, too. I love you more. And I need to focus on one thing at a time. It’s hard to be torn between two sides.”

 

“So what? You want to just get married and live on a ranch?”

 

“I…” she didn't think he would be so blunt about it. Embarrassment for not taking into account the kind of commitment he had to accept burned her cheeks. She wished the floor would swallow her up, keep her from further making a fool of herself.

 

“You’re not that type of woman. You’re meant to be a doctor. The best in her field, I am certain. Why abandon your dreams like that?”

 

“I can't do both. I am exhausted all the time and my performance in school isn’t good. I wouldn’t even call it mediocre. It would just complicate things.”

 

“But if you give up your dream, it will eat away at you. Baby, don’t you see? You’re meant to fulfill your dream. And I wouldn’t want to stand in your way. I couldn't live with that.”

 

“But I can't bear the thought of losing you. I would end up just the same, good for nothing without you. I wouldn’t get into med school with my grades anyway...”

 

“What if you can do both?” he cut her off.

 

Her mouth stayed open, but no sound came out.

 

“Can’t you change your schedule? I mean, make it so that you have fewer classes or something?”

 

“I can study part time. But I would lose my scholarship and my parents won’t pay for anything they disapprove of. There’s no way I could manage…”

 

He rose and stepped towards her. With one steady hand, he pulled her close, kissing the top of her head protectively. She figured that she had scared him off with her proposal, and he was trying to find a way to lay her off easy.

 

“Don’t worry about the scholarship. I’ll pay for your school.”

 

“What?” she pulled back, her mind struggling to comprehend the meaning of his words.

 

“I’m sure that I can afford to support my woman. Common goals and dreams, isn't that what you said?”

 

She started crying, the reality of his unconditional support finally reaching her.

 

“Aw, baby. Don’t cry. I told you I will do my best to help you.”

 

“So, what are you saying?” she mumbled, unable to believe the happiness Ridley was promising.

 

He chuckled. “Why don’t you get your courses changed to part time. I’ll take care of the tuition.”

 

“But part-time students can't live on the campus. Where will I go?”

 

“You’re moving in with me, baby girl. Isn't that obvious?”

 

“What?”

 

Her voice had left her. A strange trembling in her chest was making her want to cry, but rendering her unable to do so at the same time.

 

“Yes. You’ll study part time, move in with me, and everything will be OK. What do you say?”

 

Her reply was to bury her face in his chest and cry like a baby.

 

“I know you’d make the best doctor in the world, and children anywhere would be lucky to have you. Your dreams are my dreams, baby girl. This is how serious I am about you. About us. I love you.”

 

She tried to mumble “I love you, too” between sobs, her hands grasping his checkered shirt tightly. For the first time in her life, Emma felt safe. She dared to look into his eyes, trying to show him how grateful she felt. He held her gaze, his comforting smile warming her heart and bringing new tears to her eyes.

 

He bent and kissed the tears away, holding her close in a protective embrace. Emma knew that together, they would able to overcome anything life wanted to throw their way. She wasn't scared anymore; she was free.

*****

THE END