LINDSEY
I had been tossing and turning for hours, unable to fall asleep. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a restful night.
Thinking of Adam kept me up and tortured my soul.
“What will I do?”
It was clear as day to me that I had feelings for him. And what was even more clear was the fact that I was using Mark to forget about the mess in my head. I wouldn’t have admitted that if not for the dissatisfaction I was left with after every interaction with my boyfriend.
He was Mark, and who I wanted was Adam.
“What will I do?” was the question of the day.
Then, Adam called. He wanted to talk to me. Maybe it was a sign.
Even the thought of confessing to him made my stomach flip; my hands were going cold, my head was spinning, and I was on the brink of crying.
“This cannot go on like this. I need to do something.”
First things first, I was happy to see Adam. I was intrigued by his request to meet, especially since it was the middle of the night, but I couldn’t get ahead of myself.
I got dressed and got into my car. As I drove to the coffee shop where Adam was waiting for me, I went over everything I knew so far.
“Don’t they say boys pick on the girls they like?”
He hated me the better part of two months; check.
Then, there was his sudden change of heart, and him taking care of me lately.
So he felt protective; check.
Despite the fact that he wasn’t a man of many words, I could see that he didn’t like Mark.
Jealousy? Maybe; check.
But it couldn’t be possible. These feelings were disgusting, right? He was a good man; he would never let something like this happen to him.
“No. I must not make a fool of myself. I must keep my feelings in check,” I told myself, although I knew that meant I had to suffer. But that’s what I got for falling for my step brother.
My hands were sweaty when I parked the car in front of the coffee shop. I stood up straight and walked into the shop, nonetheless. Adam was waiting for me.
“Hey,” I said and sat down. I hid my shaky hands under the table.
“Hey. You look tired.”
“Couldn’t sleep. What is it?”
He looked down, visibly uncomfortable with what he was about to tell me. I waited a full minute, watching him breathe in and out, like he was trying to choose his words carefully.
“I... This is so fucking hard to say,” he mumbled.
“Oh, my God!” I blurted out. He felt the same thing and was trying to tell me! The happiness that took over me warmed my core and gave me courage.
I reached for his hand.
“It’s alright,” I said softly and smiled. “You don’t need to be embarrassed.”
He looked at me and squinted.
“I understand how hard it is to say it. But it’s alright. It might help if you knew I feel the same way.”
“What?”
“OK. I’ll say it first, then.”
He frowned and tried to pull his hand back. I tightened my grip; he wasn’t running away from his feelings this time.
“I have feelings for you. There, I said it. I think I fell for you. I don’t know how it happened or...”
“Mark is cheating on you,” he blurted.
My heart froze as time stood still around me. Suddenly, everything was clear.
He wasn’t about to confess his feelings. He was telling me that I was a scorned woman.
I couldn’t move, I wanted to die.
The last shred of the illusion that all was just a bad dream broke when he stood up and left. Then, everything came back to a cruel reality.
“Oh, my God. What have I done?”