*****
It had become unbearable. I hadn’t seen Daniel in over a week, and the waiting was starting to feel harder to live with.
I had seen him three times since that night, every day Jack had to work on my day off I would spend it at Daniel’s. They were the most beautiful days I had ever lived, but also the most painful when the time came to say goodbye. He could never walk me home, or come to get me, and going out was impossible for us, as I didn’t know when those vultures of Jack’s friends were watching me. So far, there had been no incident. I had been careful.
Today, though, my usual reserve of strength seemed to be on empty. The drops of hope and happiness that Daniel had given me were gone far too early and I felt down. There was a knot of dread in my stomach, and I was struggling not to cry.
I decided that I should think of how Daniel liked to lift my spirits with silly jokes and childish games. His voice filled my mind, his laughter irresistible even if he wasn’t next to me.
I couldn’t stop a smile as I chopped away for the chili con carne that Jack had requested. To keep from giggling, I thought of how I would never eat this dish again, if I had to choose. I hated everything that had reminded me of him, even remotely.
Daniel had managed to give me strength without even being there. I was starting to be more and more certain that I loved him, that I could love again and that it wasn’t a sin.
“What are you grinning about?” I heard Jack from the sofa. My smile disappeared like a charm.
“Nothing. I was … thinking of my mother,” I lied.
He snorted.
“Speaking of whom, could I call her? It has been a long time since I talked to her,” I continued, trying to make the lie credible enough.
“Ha. Why do you need to talk to her?” he asked, distracted by the TV.
“She’s my mother, Jack. Please, can I call her? The chili is almost ready. I’ll be done by the time I should set the table.”
He shot me a harsh look. I hoped I hadn’t gone too far with my lie.
“Sure. You’ve been good. Surprisingly so, might I add. Go ahead.”
I forced a smile and reached for my phone.
“Some might say you’re planning on killing me or something.”
My hand stopped just short of the phone.
“You know, with you being so good and all.” His voice was quiet, steady. After a minute of tense silence, during which I didn’t know how to react or what to say, he grabbed my hand.
“Are you?” he insisted, squeezing my wrist until my fingers twitched. It hurt, but I refused to show him my pain. He reveled in it; his evilness thrived in my reactions to his abuse.
“Jack, I couldn’t. You know me,” I murmured, afraid of what he might do next.
As fast as it had begun, he started laughing and released my hand.
“Nah, you wouldn’t have the guts. Go ahead, call your mommy.”
My hands were shaking as I picked up my phone and dialed her. I couldn’t go away. I had to stay in the room for Jack to watch me. And even if I’d wanted, I couldn’t call Daniel. I didn’t have his number. It would have been too dangerous as Jack was periodically checking my phone.
“Yes?” my mother’s voice came at the other end.
“Hi, Mum. It’s me, Melissa.”
“Hi, honey. Long time, eh? How have you been?”
“Good, Mum. Real good. How are you?”
“Eh, I broke my hip, and your father has high cholesterol, according to the doctors. Same old, same old.”
“What? Mum, when did this happen? Do you need anything?” I wasn’t cautious of Jack anymore. Because of him I had to be away from my own family.
“Oh, dear. Only seeing you would do, but since you’re so busy …”
“Mum, I don’t know,” I started, remembering the shackles Jack had put on me. Then, an idea came to my mind. “I will see, Mum. I will do everything possible.”
She thanked me and I could really hear the gratitude in her voice, gratitude for the mere fact that she might see her own daughter, who lived in the same small town as she did.
I hung up and turned to Jack, clutching the phone in both my hands. I cleared my throat before speaking.
“Jack, my mother had an accident. She needs me.”
“So, what?” he spoke over me.
“I was wondering if I could go and see her,” I dared, closing my eyes instinctively.
“You were, weren’t you? Wondering, that is. More requests. Typical of you.”
I waited in silence for his rant to end.
“I am going out with the boys tonight. You were supposed to wait for me at home, like a good bitch. Wanna go out now?”
He stopped to take a sip of his preparatory beer. I took advantage of the moment to speak.
“But, I will be home alone. The food is ready, and my mum needs me. You’ll know where I am. You can check with her. I don’t like waiting for you alone.” As I spoke, I sat on the armchair next to him. I didn’t know where I got the energy to be so cunning; I was disgusted with myself.
He smirked. “You missing me, kitten?”
I looked down, faking shyness. In truth, I wished he would leave home one evening and never return.
He raised his hand and grabbed my hair.
“You sly bitch. You want me, in your sick mind. OK. I’ll drive you there. You call me when you’re done, so I can pick you up. Understood?”
I nodded, unable to believe my luck.
“The things I do for you,” he mumbled as I went to change my clothes.
On the way over to mother’s place, I was putting the finishing touches on my plan. If only lady luck would be on my side tonight!
“Don’t stay too long. You might get ideas in that dumb head of yours,” he warned me one last time before driving off.
I took a deep breath to chase away his ugly words, and walked up the steps to my parents’ house.
“Oh, my dearest! You finally made it!” my father greeted me, leaning in for a hug.
I held him tightly as I fought the tears pricking my eyes.
“Hi, Dad. Where’s Mum?”
“Upstairs. She’s bedridden for now.”
“I am not bedridden!” my mother shouted. “Just resting in bed. Doctor’s orders.”
I laughed. Mum was still the same happy, strong woman. If only I had inherited that from her.
I went up the stairs and knocked on her bedroom door.
“Would you look who it is?” she laughed. I went to her side, smiling with true happiness.
“Busy with that handsome fella of yours, aren’t you? How’s he treatin’ my little girl?”
Oh, how I was torn between telling her everything and being ashamed for my weakness!
I just smiled weakly and thought of Daniel. Then I told Mum my man was making me the happiest woman on the planet.
I spent the evening trying to avoid talking about my personal life too much. Lies could go only so far.
My favorite distraction was my parents’ old dog, Ollie. He was occasionally passing by my chair, trying to get in my lap. He hadn’t quite grasped the fact that he wasn’t a tiny puppy anymore, but a huge couch potato now, too heavy to hold.
“Oh, dear. I think he needs you-know-what,” Father whispered, setting his tea cup on the side table. My visit had been confined to their bedroom, but I had enjoyed it nonetheless.
This was my chance. “Why don’t you let me give him a walk, then?”
“Shh,” they both scolded me, but it was too late. Ollie had already heard the word and was taking it as a binding agreement that he would get his wish.
I laughed. “It’s alright. It won’t take long. I have to call Jack anyway.”
“If you don’t mind, sweetie. We’re two old farts and this dog is a handful,” my father joked.
“Isn’t Jack a treasure? Picking you up every time like that,” mother cooed. I smiled politely, hiding the pain in my heart.
Before they could say anything else about the fairytale of Jack that I had made up for them, I hurried out.
I had only a short time before it got too late, so I ran with Ollie, never stopping until I got to Daniel’s place.
I had never been to his house outside our designated days, but felt that this visit was absolutely necessary. This was the main reason I had insisted in such a shameless manner to visit my mum alone.
I waited impatiently at the door, starting to have second thoughts about my decision. I didn’t get too far with my self-doubts, as Daniel opened the door soon enough.
“Hi,” he said, surprised. I blushed.
“I’m sorry to drop by like this.”
“No, I like this. Come in.”
“I can’t. I don’t have long, I’ll explain it later. I just need your number.”
“You said it wasn’t safe to have it in your phone.”
“I know. I’ll save it under a woman’s name. Somebody from work. Jack doesn’t know everyone from the shelter.”
Daniel remained quiet, compelling me to look up at him.
“You work for a battered women’s shelter. I don’t want to point out the irony to you.”
I smiled bitterly. “I know. I … It’s difficult.”
“I trust you. Here’s my number. And who is this?”
Ollie was jumping up and down, eager to be held by Daniel. I laughed. “He doesn’t like many people. He hates Jack.”
“I bet he does. Smart dog, yes he is,” Daniel cooed, scratching Ollie’s head.
“Thanks for the number.”
“What are you thinking?”
I pursed my lips. “I might get away from Jack from time to time, to visit my mother. With a bit of preparation, we could see each other more often. That is, if you’d like to …” I suddenly remembered my decision had been one-sided.
“There’s no way I would refuse to see you. Ever. You keep that in mind, OK?”
I nodded and he pulled me to his chest to kiss the top of my head. I loved when he did that.
“Any time, baby. You call me any time, it doesn’t matter.”
“Thank you,” I mumbled in his chest.
“So, who am I?”
“What?”
“In your phone.”
“Oh. Maria Salvador. I gotta go, baby.”
“Muy bien, señorita. Hasta la vista.”