LINDSEY
“OK, you pick something to do. You don’t want to watch a movie and order take-out, fine. Tell me what you want to do?” Mark asked, not even the smallest hint of exasperation in his voice.
I had been objecting to every suggestion he had put forward so far and he hadn’t even moved a muscle.
“What about the shooting range? You have a permit, and I can get one.”
“The shooting range? What, now Adam’s military head weirdness is rubbing off on you, babe?”
“Excuse me?”
I had been fairly calm the entire evening, but something was still on my nerves. Besides the fact that Adam had told me Mark was cheating. But if I was to think of that, I had to live through the embarrassment I had put myself through that night again.
“I hate guns. My dad made me get that permit, before he left on another one of his business trips. I hate the fucking thing, you know that. Next.”
“Fine. What about running?”
“Are you serious?”
“What?”
“What’s going to be next? Boot camp?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He stood up and ran a hand over his face, the first time I was seeing him lose composure.
“Don’t you see what you’re trying to do?”
“I’m not trying to do anything,” I defended myself. I really didn’t see what his point was.
“Come on! You’re trying to make me do things Adam would do. You’re trying to make me into Adam.”
“That’s not true.” My words said one thing, but my mind was already spinning in another direction. Why couldn’t Mark be more like Adam?
“Oh, my God,” I whispered. I was actually doing it.
“You can’t deny it, Lindsey. I mean, think about it! All these things? And before? Trying to convince me to go fishing with your dad? You want me to be Adam.”
I sat quietly, trying to consider my options. I was seeing my ways now, I had been trying to made Mark more like Adam, but I didn’t know how I got there.
I was avoiding him every chance I got, and when I couldn’t, Adam did a pretty good job at avoiding me. So, why was I doing this?
“Of all the guys out there, you pick Adam. He’s your brother, for suck’s sake! That’s disgusting, Lindsey,” Mark kept berating me. He was finally opening up, as they call it.
In any other circumstances I would’ve been more than happy to see him finally talk, finally sharing with me, but now? I couldn’t care less.
“Look, I mean, I don’t understand it, but I am willing to try. OK? So, when you decide what the Hell is happening in that head of yours, you come to me and tell me what you chose. I’m outta here.”
“You’re cheating on me,” I said as he was putting his jacket on. He stopped midair and shot me a surprised look.
“What?” he had the guts to ask.
“So, I’ve decided,” I continued, ignoring his question. “You’re leaving and I’m not going to come after.”
I was still looking at the floor when he finally exploded.
“That’s a lie! Did he tell you that? Adam? He’s a fucking liar! I never cheated on you.”
“You’re leaving,” I insisted, quietly.
“Fuck you, and fuck Adam, and fuck the sick, twisted thing that you two have. Fuck you!” he shouted, then slammed the door. I flinched at the sound but remained seated.
“It’ll come to me,” I told myself, gripping the edge of the bed. Calmness will come, and everything would be alright again.
But it didn’t. I started crying in silence, the situation too hard to bear.
I hadn’t been on trial, but I had lost on both counts. Now, I was running away from Adam, while Mark was fleeing in disgust.
I was alone. Completely alone, but that was on me. I had to bear the consequences, and I had to move forward.
If I only knew how to do that. I could barely stand up from my bed, let alone face another day. I felt completely pathetic.