I TRIED NOT TO CRY as my stomach emptied itself repeatedly. For one brief and glorious moment, I’d feel better, then my stomach would churn, and I’d vomit all over again. Even when there were no fluids left inside me, I was still going, retching so much that my stomach hurt.
“Make it stop, please,” I begged O’Connell, as he held back my hair. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear amusement in his voice or even censure. It was the least that I deserved, but he seemed genuinely concerned for me.
“Sunshine, if I could take your place, I would. But it will stop soon, I promise.”
With his free hand, he rubbed big comforting circles on my back, and I slumped against his enormous frame.
“I don’t deserve you. I get blind drunk on my first real taste of alcohol, vomit all over you then spend the rest of the night showing you exactly what I had to eat yesterday. And you’re still here.”
He chuckled as he let go of my hair and reached up to wet a washcloth in the sink. Squeezing out the excess water, he placed the cool compress over my eyes.
“Ahh, that feels so good,” I moaned in relief, as it shielded my poor retinas from the blinding bathroom light.
“Before I met you, this was pretty much my typical weekend morning. I hate that you’re feeling shitty, but I kind of like the fact that you felt comfortable enough to get drunk with me. I know you wouldn’t have let down those barriers of yours if you didn’t think I’d protect you.”
“That’s important to you?” I asked him curiously.
He removed the compress and looked into my eyes.
“When you’re with me, you never have be afraid of anything. I would decimate any fucker who so much as looked at you wrong if you asked me to. Tonight, you believed that, and you dropped your guard. You trusted me. Every time you let down another one of those barriers, I know that you’re a bit closer to being mine. One day, when the last one falls, you’ll be as much mine as I am yours.”
With that mind-blowing declaration, he kissed my forehead gently.
“Are you sure you want them down? The stuff behind them isn’t pretty,” I whispered hoarsely.
“There’s not one bit of you, inside or out, that isn’t fucking beautiful. Nothing that happened to you before me is gonna change that,” he replied.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, the tears running tracks down my reddened cheeks.
“Me, too. I’m scared that you’ll take my heart and stomp the fuck out of it. But there ain’t nothing in this world for me worth fighting for more than you.”
O’Connell was literally seeing me at my worst. I was raw and ugly, yet still, here he sat, making himself as vulnerable to me as I was to him.
“I’ll tell you everything. But not today, okay?” I whispered, and he smiled gently.
“Not today,” he agreed.
“I’m sorry about your shirt.” I groaned.
“You really will do anything to get my clothes off, won’t you?”
I couldn’t help but laugh, only to stop suddenly and lurch forward. Instinctively, O’Connell reached for my hair as I retched again, praying that this would all be over soon.
THE POUNDING SOUNDED like a bass drum next to my ear.
“Is that my head or the door?” I mumbled to O’Connell, my voice muffled by the pillow I’d pressed over my ears. A few months ago, I’d have been in the wardrobe at the first knock. Now, I trusted that O’Connell was bigger and badder than anything on the other side of the door. He would never know just how much progress that was for me.
“You’ve got company, sunshine,” O’Connell called out, as a body collapsed on the bed beside me.
“Why’d you disappear last night on me, bitch?” Nikki’s voice was hoarse from all the drinking she’d done.
“Don’t call me a bitch. It’s not nice,” I answered, though I was barely audible with my face embedded in the pillow.
“I don’t feel nice this morning, but I need credit for being an amazing friend ‘cause I bought you a coffee on the way over.”
I groaned with appreciation as I inhaled the delicious aroma. Peeling my face gently away from the pillow, I braved the daylight to look at her.
“You look like I feel,” I groaned.
“Now you’re definitely being a bitch.” She grinned.
O’Connell walked toward me with a glass of water and some painkillers, and sat down next to me on the bed.
“How you feeling, baby?” he asked, as I gratefully downed both.
“Awful. Why would anyone do that more than once?” I asked.
“Last night was great. Totally worth the hangover,” Nikki enthused.
“Maybe you should go a little easier next time,” O’Connell cautioned.
“I am NEVER. DRINKING. AGAIN,” I replied firmly. He chuckled and pulled me into his chest.
“Considering those abs are rock hard, you give pretty good cuddles,” I complimented him, as I snuggled in deeper.
“Yuk. Get a room,” Nikki complained.
“We did. You’re in it!” O’Connell replied. I smiled at the two of them, but I knew if Nikki wasn’t there, getting closely acquainted with each one of O’Connell’s abdominal muscles would have sounded like a pretty good hangover cure.
“You need anything before I go?” O’Connell asked me.
“Do you have to leave?” I groaned, perfectly happy to spend the rest of the morning lying across his chest.
“If I miss training even once, I don’t think that Danny would have me back. Kier’s supposed to be sparring with me today, so if he turns up hung over, Danny’s already gonna be on the war path,” he warned.
“Don’t worry. I know you have to go.” I glanced up at him, and he looked torn.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, alarmed.
“You never ask me to stay, and the one time you do, I really have to go,” he replied.
I smiled gently, even though it really made my head hurt to do it.
“I’m not asking you to stay. It’s important that you don’t let Danny down. If you mess this up, he might not give you another shot. Be gentle with Kier, though. I have a feeling he’s going to be a bit delicate today, and if you knock him out, you won’t have anyone to spar with. Then Danny really will be pissed.”
“You’re no fun.” He grinned. “I’ve been looking forward to beating on Kier all morning.”
I had the feeling that Kieran was really going to regret agreeing to train today. I was guessing that O’Connell kept a change of clothes in his car, because he was carrying his training bag when he bent over to kiss me.
“Bye, baby. I’ll see you soon.” He spoke softly, as we tried to ignore Nikki’s dramatic gagging noises by the side of me.
“Bye, Nikki,” he called out, winking at me on his way out. The soft click of the door sounded like a gunshot in my head. In the absence of O’Connell’s lovely warm body, I collapsed back into the pillow.
“If your man was a bar of chocolate, I’d be nibbling on that all day.”
“Nikki!” I blustered. “If he was a bar of chocolate, I’d never let you open the wrapper.”
She giggled at me, and I blushed, both of us knowing that we were picturing O’Connell naked.
“Don’t worry.” She sighed. “That boy only has eyes for you.”
The fact that O’Connell and I were technically just friends, and that Nikki had every right to look as much as she wanted, was something that would have to wait until my hangover had gone.
“I feel like crap,” I complained.
“Go back to sleep then. You’ll feel better later.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked her. It was kind of a weird situation, never having had a friend around just to hang out at home with before.
“I brought my laptop and some movies so I’m going to veg here all day until I feel less like I’ve been licking the pavement all night.”
“You dragged yourself all the way over to my shitty apartment to do that? Your place is much nicer,” I told her in disbelief.
“What can I say, bitch. Misery loves company,” she retorted. Having set up the laptop, she climbed under my covers, and we spent the next couple of hours watching movies. My eyes were begging for sleep, but I loved every minute of just chilling out with Nikki, so I wasn’t giving this up. Sleep could wait until later. By the time she left, I was exhausted but less nauseous. After a quick shower that brought me back to life, I climbed into bed and slid my hands under my pillow. The sharp pointed edge of a folded piece of paper jabbed at my fingertip, and I pulled it out with a smile.
Jeez, that boy seriously knew what he was doing. With Nikki gone, I was starting to worry about how I could face everyone tomorrow, knowing that I’d completely humiliated myself by puking all over O’Connell. Now, all that I could think about was my seriously sweet, hot fighter.
THE REST OF THE WEEK rolled by quickly. Despite my anxiety, none of the guys made a big deal about ‘vomit gate’, and I think they knew me well enough to guess that I’d retreat back into my shell if they gave me too hard a time about it. I hadn’t seen O’Connell since Saturday, but I had a note waiting from him every single day, either posted underneath my door before I woke or delivered by Kieran. I was beginning to think that the main entrance to my building was less of a security door and more of an inconvenience to O’Connell, because he never asked me to buzz him up to deliver any of these messages. They were so much better than text messages or emails, though, because each word was in his handwriting and holding them in my hand made them tangible and real. O’Connell hadn’t been able to give me flowers and take me on extravagant dates, but this stack of notes that I kept so carefully was his way of dating me. I loved it. They conveyed so much more than a text ever would have. When his handwriting was messy, I knew that he was tired. When he underlined the word sexy, I knew that he was horny. When he signed with a kiss, I knew that kiss was real. True, I missed his voice, but I really did love these notes.
I CAME OUT OF CLASS Thursday to find Kieran leaning against his fire engine red bike, legs and arms crossed and winking at all the pretty first years.
“Seriously! Don’t you ever get sick of chasing girls?”
“Nope,” he replied. “Having a body like this is a gift, and I feel a moral obligation to share it with the world.”
I wondered if he was joking, but I doubted that he was. There was no denying that Kieran was sex on a stick, but O’Connell was the only flavour I was interested in. I grinned as I waited for him to hand me my note. I really was starting to get a little clingy about those.
“Why is he sending me a note? I’m seeing him later,” I asked.
“Not soon enough, apparently. He sent me to come and get you because he’s having withdrawals.” He reached behind him to grab a helmet.
“No note, then?” I was disappointed about the note, but jump-up-and-down excited that he was as eager to see me as I was to see him.
“Fucking hell. You two are getting ridiculous with these notes. I’m not a fucking postman you know,” he grumbled.
“How does this thing do up?” I asked, ignoring him as I fiddled with the strap of my helmet. Instead of a cool biker chick, I suspected that I looked more like a bobble head. He rolled his eyes and fastened the strap for me.
“Did I ever tell you how awesome you are?” I asked him as I climbed onto the bike behind him.
“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled. “You only love me ‘cause I bring you stuff from your man.”
“He’s not my man, you know,” I reminded him.
“Whatever you say, sunshine.” He sighed, and we pulled off toward the gym.
“THAT WAS AMAZING!” I squealed as I climbed off the bike fifteen minutes later.
“Liked that, did you?” Kieran grinned as he took back my helmet.
“You drive like a demon, but it was amazing.”
“I was going thirty miles an hour most of the way. Con threatened to cut off my balls if ANYTHING happened to you. I don’t think I could take the pressure of giving you a ride again. Besides, I couldn’t breathe anytime we went round a corner. You’re stronger than you look, half pint.”
He rubbed his rock hard stomach as though I’d actually wounded him by clinging on so tight.
“I’m totally getting a bike one day,” I told him seriously.
He laughed out loud at me.
“Unless you can find a way to ride wrapped in bubble wrap, Con’s never gonna let that happen. Do you even know what type of bike this is anyway?”
“Of course, I do. It’s the big shiny red type. I think I’ll get one in black.”
He rolled his eyes at me smiling, but I could tell that he was pleased I’d enjoyed myself. I practically skipped into the gym because I was so excited to see O’Connell. The atmosphere inside was electric, and the place was packed.
“What’s going on?” I asked Kieran who walked in behind me.
“Danny’s got Con a fight in two weeks. The guy he’s fighting is established, meaning there’ll be sponsors there. If he puts on a show, he could get sponsorship, and that’s huge. He’ll get paid to train, and Danny can get his name out there, get him better fights.”
I was so pleased for him but terrified at the same time. An established fighter meant that he’d become established by pounding away at other heavyweights and winning. Danny didn’t usually like me hanging around in the gym when the boys were training. He never said anything to me, just scowled more than usual, which had me scuttling as quickly as I could to get to my office. The clock on the wall at the back of the gym told me that it wasn’t even five, and I wasn’t due to start work for an hour. Deciding that facing Danny’s wrath after a week of O’Connell abstinence was worth the risk, I wandered towards the ring. I found him on the floor doing sit-ups, while Mac was throwing medicine balls on his stomach. He was covered in sweat, but those abs looked like they’d been carved in ice. I didn’t want to interrupt his training, so I hung back, watching my fill. He was so fine that with every rise and fall of his chest I was getting more and more turned on. My palms were sweaty and the heat building between my thighs had me squirming where I stood, giving me away to Danny.
“You’re a bit early, aren’t you, sunshine?” Danny barked.
“Umm…” I scrambled to explain my presence at the gym. I swear that Danny was like a disapproving parent. He only had to scowl at me in a certain way, and I knew that I was in trouble.
“I thought I’d get an early start tonight and someone offered me a lift. So...” I felt like I needed to keep talking, because when I stopped, he stared at me with his arms crossed while a cigarette dangled precariously from his lips.
“And I’m a feckin’ monkey’s uncle,” he said after what felt like forever. He sighed like I was the biggest pain in the arse in the world.
“Con,” he practically shouted, “get your lazy arse up. You two get ten minutes then I want you back here with your head in the game, understand?”
“Sure, boss,” O’Connell agreed happily, as he grabbed me and started walking. I could hear Danny muttering about how he’d never get anything good out of O’Connell now that I was here.
He pulled me into the office and shut the door behind us. Before I could even say hello, he pressed me up against it, and his lips were on mine. He groaned into my mouth as he moved his hands around to my backside and lifted me to wrap my legs around his hips. His hardness against my achy core had me rubbing up against him, trying to find some relief.
“Fuck!” he hissed out loud, and I flinched at his tone.
“Sorry, baby,” he whispered, as he pressed his forehead against mine. “I didn’t mean to scare you but having you like this is just about the sexiest fucking thing ever. I’d give anything to be balls deep inside you right now.”
“Aww,” I replied giggling, “you say the sweetest things.”
He didn’t reply but pressed against me harder. I stopped giggling and groaned as the ache became worse. If I’d been any other girl I’d have given him the relief that we both needed, but I wasn’t that brave, so this was as much as he was getting. Tommy probably had his ear to the door anyway. O’Connell bent his head toward me and breathed deeply, as we both tried to calm down. After a minute or two, he released me and walked over to the chair. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck.
“Mmm. You smell beautiful, sunshine.” I sighed, trying to stop myself from squirming around. I was so turned on that the need to ask him to touch me was almost unbearable.
“This gets harder every time we see each other, doesn’t it,” I told him.
He groaned. “If it gets any harder, it’s likely to snap.” I laughed but immediately felt bad, because O’Connell really looked as though he was in pain.
“You know, if you were with any other girl you wouldn’t have to wait.” He knew exactly what I meant, and he didn’t like it.
“If I was with any other girl, baby, it wouldn’t be hard.”
I frowned. Of course, it wouldn’t be hard. Sex with anyone else would be a walk in the park. Most girls probably didn’t even wear underwear around O’Connell to emphasize just how easy it was.
“No, sunshine,” he chastised, reading my thoughts by the look on my face. He grabbed my hand and, bold as brass, placed it on his cock. “With any other girl, it wouldn’t be hard.”
“Oh, my God! I can’t believe I did that,” I squeaked, pulling my hand away and burying my head into his chest with embarrassment. He chuckled and hugged me against him.
“Sorry, love,” he apologised. “It just got even harder.”