UN-FRICKIN-BELIEVABLE. There was absolutely no way I was going inside. I clutched the piece of paper tightly, on which Danny had written the address of his business, and looked up again at the number above the door in the hopes that I was wrong. I felt so stupid. I, who questioned everything, had never asked Danny what sort of business he ran. Apparently, my streak of fortuity had come to an end. I was standing outside of the heavy oak doors of Driscoll’s Boxing Gym.
A thickset arm reached from behind me to pull open a door by the polished brass handle, and I was jolted forward as the biggest man that I had ever seen caught me with the edge of his gym bag. As he walked inside, oblivious to the knock, he turned to hold the door open for me.
“Well then, darlin’, are you coming or going?”
I said nothing but swallowed hard. He chuckled at my obvious discomfort, winked, and let the door fall shut behind him. I stood staring at the doors like a zombie. The guy was huge and fiercely intimidating, but I hadn’t felt even slightly scared of him. A little overwhelmed, maybe, but not scared.
“Fuck it,” I said aloud, pulled the door open, and walked in with more bravado than I actually felt. I passed slowly though a narrow corridor and up a flight of steps as the sounds of the gym grew louder. On the right was a huge notice board, covered in posters promoting fights, and handwritten notes advertising equipment for sale. Among all the signs was one that read, ‘FRIDAY IS SUBS DAY. IF YOU HAVEN’T PAID YOUR SUBS DON’T EMBARRASS YOURSELF BY HAVING TO BE ASKED FOR THEM.’ That explained why Danny wanted me at the end of every week. If that was when subs were paid, chances were that was when he paid bills and wages, too. Knowing I couldn’t stand in the corridor forever, I approached the gym as unobtrusively as I could. The place was much bigger on the inside than you could ever guess from looking at the street entrance, and it was absolutely packed. At the back of the gym was a full-size boxing ring but all around were stations where fighters were training, some with hanging punch bags and others with speedballs or just pads. Caught like a deer in the headlights, and with a death grip on my shoulder bag, I scanned the room for Danny. One or two of the fighters noticed me and stared inquisitively, but much to my relief, no one stopped training.
My gaze stopped on Cormac O’Connell, and I doubted there was another woman under sixty whose eyes would have drifted any further. I was right about him being tall. Even from this distance, he looked to be at least six-foot-five. His back was to me as he tapped fist to fist against a speedball, and what a view it was from behind. Broad shoulders rippled with definition down to a lean waist. He was too far away to see any detail, but the tattoo that I’d glimpsed beneath his shirt spanned his arm from his elbow all the way to his shoulder and around his upper back. It was as hot as the body it adorned. As though O’Connell could feel my eyes on him, he stopped punching and turned to meet my stare. Just like that, his face lit up with a smile. Not a cocky throwaway grin, but a genuine smile, like he was really pleased to see me. I felt as though he’d caught me gawking and looked away. Thankfully, my saviour, and the one who’d gotten me into this predicament in the first place, came to my rescue. Despite my fear that he would, he didn’t shout across the gym at me, but when he spotted me from a door at the back of the room, I had the sense that he wanted to. He stomped my way, and I was amused at the sight of big burly fighters hurrying to move.
“Found us okay, then?” he asked.
“You run a gym?” I squeaked stupidly, stating the obvious.
He motioned for me to follow him as he ploughed another path through the fighters.
“I’ve had this gym for over thirty years. Don’t think I could ever work for anyone else. I live, breathe, and sleep this place. Smells like home to me.”
“It smells pretty bad, Danny,” I replied, with another squeak.
“It smells like hard work and pride, sunshine.”
I felt ashamed. I’d been knocking Danny’s livelihood when he’d been kind enough to offer me this job. Not knowing how to dig myself out of this one, I kept quiet.
“Don’t worry about it, girl,” Danny smirked, “you’ll soon get used to it.” He led the way to his office. With one last look over my shoulder at O’Connell’s curious smiling face, I followed him in.
I didn’t know what I expected, but there weren’t many signs that Danny spent a great deal of time here. Facing the door was a large walnut desk, which sat in front of a battered leather swivel chair. A much lower, comfier looking, but equally battered chair, faced it. Danny pointed to the lower chair with a chuckle.
“I make the boys sit there if they have to explain to me why they haven’t paid their subs. Does the gobshites good to sit lower than me while they squirm.”
I think it amused the secret masochist in Danny to watch big guys feel intimidated. Hell, I felt intimidated just being in the same room as him, and I probably weighed more than he did wet, which was saying something, given my stature. A blind, thick with dust covered the large picture window behind the desk. In the little space left in this tiny room, a filing cabinet and small table, on which sat a coffeemaker, were tucked to one side. The desk housed an older looking computer and a huge stack of papers, so I had no idea where he wanted me to start. I asked him, and he chuckled.
“Start wherever you like. I’ve been told I should computerise my records for the next tax year, but I haven’t got a feckin’ clue how those things work,” he said, banging hard on the monitor.
“One of the boys sorted me out with the computer. Said it should have all the stuff you need. There’s a copy of last year’s return in the cabinet. Most of my receipts for the year are on the desk and entries for dues are in the ledgers, so just see what you can do.”
I sat down with a thump in the office chair and looked around dejectedly.
“Too late to back out on me now, sunshine.”
I frowned at the mess before me, and he looked at me like he knew I was going to bolt at any second. I probably would have, too, if I hadn’t been feeling so guilty about offending him earlier.
“Okay, Danny. I’ll give it a go.”
He nodded at me then jerked his head in the direction of the coffeemaker.
“Help yourself to coffee. I’ll come and see how you’re getting on later.”
With an audible sigh as he closed the door, I dropped my bag under the desk, draped my coat across the back of the chair, and got to work. By the time Danny returned, I’d given the desk a rudimentary dusting and had sorted the mess of paperwork into some semblance of order.
“So, how did you get on?” he enquired.
“Danny, your books are a mess,” I beamed.
“If they’re such a mess, what’s put that grin on your face?” he retorted.
“I had fun making some sense of the chaos, and it’s a lot less stressful than waitressing.”
“Well, so long as I’m getting my money’s worth,” he huffed, but I could tell he was pleased that I hadn’t bolted.
“Tomorrow’s sub collection, so the boys will be by through the evening to drop ‘em off. That okay with you?” he asked.
I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being alone, in a tiny office, with some of these guys. But this was part of the job, and Danny was paying me too well to turn my nose up at it. I’d had a great time burying myself in the books, and if any of the boys made me feel uncomfortable, I’d mention it to Danny. That didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to make myself sick between now and then worrying about it, though.
“It’s fine,” I mumbled quickly, before I could talk myself out of it. Nodding curtly, he gestured his thumb towards the door.
“Come on then, sunshine. You’ve overstayed your welcome. You get off home now, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I shut down the computer, making a mental note of what I needed to bring tomorrow, threw on my coat, and slung my bag over my shoulder as I headed out of the door. Although the gym had emptied a little since I’d arrived, I was surprised to see people still training. As dedicated as they were, I hoped they didn’t notice me skulking toward the door.
Outside, the cold crisp air threatened snow, and I breathed deeply before rocking on my heels and contemplating how long it would take me to walk home.
“Hello, sunshine,” a voice spoke softly to me, as warm breath grazed my ear. I jumped and put my hand over my heart, as though that could alleviate the impending cardiac arrest. I turned to see O’Connell behind me. Too late, I realised that I’d instinctively cowered away from him, flinching against a blow that never came. His face dropped, as he understood what I’d done.
“Ah shite, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just trying to be friendly.”
He held up his hands in a gesture of innocence, and I was mortified.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m a little jumpy, that’s all. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be behind me.”
I could feel my cheeks colouring, making the embarrassment worse. In my defence, it was the first time since high school that I’d had anything resembling a conversation with a good-looking guy.
“So, I hear Danny’s got you working the books. You go to school around here?” he enquired.
“Um, I’m studying applied maths at UCL,” I offered, reservedly. He whistled as he raised his eyebrows.
“So, does that make you out of my league, then?” he asked. I frowned back in confusion. Even if I hadn’t chosen to live a life that would make a nun seem easy, this man was so far out of my league that we might as well be on different planets. Finally figuring that he must be teasing me, I kept my mouth shut and looked away as my cheeks became even redder.
“Don’t worry, Princess,” O’Connell said softly. “I get the message.”
How could this crazy, beautiful man think that I was agreeing with him?
“I’m not really in anyone’s league. I don’t date.”
I adjusted the bag on my shoulder, betraying my nervousness, and looked anywhere but in his eyes. I had good reason for being this way, but it didn’t make me feel any less stupid saying it. I wanted O’Connell, but I was completely out of my depth with him. He didn’t move for a few seconds, so I risked a look at his face only to find him grinning down at me. Not the nice smile that he’d given me when I first walked in, but the cocky grin, signalling to women everywhere that they should get ready to drop their knickers. This time I didn’t bother looking around and just gazed straight at the floor.
“I’m just messing with you. You have to loosen up if we’re gonna be friends.”
“Um, I don’t really do friends, either,” I replied quietly, as I glanced back up at him.
“Well, you do now,” he answered, as though my opinion on the subject was completely irrelevant.
“Don’t look so worried,” he reassured me, “I’m a fierce friend to have in your corner.” He turned toward the gym to grab his bag, and I saw my chance. Bolting past him, I all but ran back to my apartment. Closing the door behind me, I chucked my keys on the table and collapsed onto my bed, throwing my arm over my eyes. I’d had more human interaction in the last couple of days than I’d had in the last six months, and my head hurt. Meeting new people, and talking without fear of reprisal, was hard. I wasn’t a natural conversationalist, and any confidence I might have once had, was gone. As hard as today had been, though, and as much of a fool as I’d made of myself, I’d loved the work. It was pretty much a dream job while I was studying. Once the door to Danny’s office had closed, I’d lost myself in numbers and everything outside of that office ceased to exist. The scariest part was those five minutes with O’Connell. I’d been attracted to boys like Noah when I was younger, but once the abuse started, I was sure that part of me had died. Five minutes with the full force of O’Connell’s charm was all it took to realise that I was wrong. Everything about him, from his heart-stopping gorgeous smile, to a body that I could spend days memorising with my fingertips, screamed sex. The man was the whole package. But I couldn’t become the sort of girl O’Connell was used to in a week, and I was pretty sure that’s how long it would take for him to realise that I wasn’t worth the effort.
I SQUEEZED MY EYES SHUT TIGHT and pretended that he’d knocked me out cold. The pain in my side was agonising, so breathing in and out to make it seem like I was unconscious was excruciating. It felt like he’d broken a rib. I had no idea whether he usually stopped beating me when I passed out, but I was guessing so. Where was the fun without the fear? As always, Mum was my Achilles’ heel. As soon as I came home from school and saw him whaling on her, I intervened. Not that I thought I’d stop him, just deflect the punishment and hope that he didn’t kill us both. She’d never done the same for me, she’d always run and hid when it was my turn, but I had hope. I could feel the sick fuck standing over me, assessing his handiwork. Frank wasn’t the type of guy to beg for forgiveness and plead remorse after a beating. The arsehole took pride in his work. I felt his big sweaty hand squeeze my breast roughly, and I fought my gag reflex to keep pretending. It wouldn’t be long now before the beatings turned to rape. As my body matured, I could sense the change in him. When his tongue licked the path of blood along my cheek, I opened my eyes and sat up with a start.
My cracked ribs, like all my other injuries, had long since healed, but breathing wasn’t so easy anymore. I ran a glass of water to calm myself down and reached for my candle. I’d have to get another one soon because the dreams were becoming much more frequent lately. It was like he could sense that I was beginning to live again, and he was letting me know he still had dominion over me. As long as the sick fuck was still in my head, I’d never really be free.