I WAS WALKING ACROSS CAMPUS, with an armful of textbooks, when I heard a crazy voice scream, “Emmmm... wait up!”
Running toward me, like a penguin on speed, was Nikki.
“Jesus. You can certainly tank it when you want to. I’ve been chasing you forever.”
“Sorry, I was in a world of my own.” That was a scary thought in itself. Spatial awareness was usually my speciality.
“Here.” She thrust a coffee at me. “It’s a peace offering for dumping you the other night.”
“You didn’t need to do that. I didn’t need a babysitter you know,” I replied.
“I know, but I talked you into going. I should have been your wingman.”
“You’re right.” I grinned. “You’re fired as my chaperone, but lucky for you, there’s a job open as my personal stylist.”
“I’ll take it,” she said, shoulder bumping me.
“So, now we’ve established that I’m forgiven, it’s time to spill the beans on Hottie McTottie.”
I laughed at her nickname for O’Connell.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I teased.
“Girl, you know exactly who I’m talking about. If that boy was any hotter, you could fry eggs on his six pack,” she retorted.
“It’s more like an eight pack really,” I sighed, and this did make her stare.
“And you’ve seen him without his top off how?”
“It’s not what you’re thinking. He’s a boxer at the gym I work at.”
“I thought you were a waitress?” she asked, clearly confused.
“I am. The gym is my second job,” I replied.
“Well, I’d say you were working too hard, but I can see where you get the motivation.”
I grinned and shook my head as we carried on walking, not keen to pursue the subject, but not denying what she said either.
“So, what’s his name, and how have you not jumped him yet?” she persisted.
“His name is Cormac O’Connell, and even if I wasn’t looking to avoid any kind of relationship right now, he’s out of my league,” I answered reluctantly.
“Em, just because his packaging is pretty doesn’t mean that his chocolate tastes any sweeter than yours.”
I burst out laughing at her analogy. O’Connell was totally like chocolate. One bite and you were totally addicted, but any more than a little occasionally was bad for you.
“So, what happened after he walked you home,” she enquired.
“Nothing,” I protested.
“He just made sure I got home safely, that’s all. He really isn’t interested in me like that.”
“Oh, my dear Em,” she sighed dramatically. “You really are clueless, aren’t you? No boy leaves a party where he has hot girls on tap and an unlimited supply of free beer, to walk a co-worker home based on a sense of duty and platonic friendship. I’m telling you, that boy wants a slice of your pie.”
I was glad that I’d swallowed my sip of coffee, or I’d have spat it all over Nikki by now.
“Thanks, Nikki, but I’m pretty sure you’re wrong. He almost had sex with another girl at the party.”
“Almost?”
“Well.... he said that he couldn’t go through with it and blew her off.”
“I see, and where were you when all this was happening?”
“I was talking to Albie and some of his friends.”
“Did he see you with Albie?” she enquired.
“Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Then I’m betting that he was trying to make you jealous but couldn’t go through with it.”
“That’s pretty much what he said,” I revealed reluctantly.
“And you still don’t think that he’s into you?”
“Even if by some miracle he was, you should have seen the girl he was with. There’s no competition.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and smiled.
“Come, my young padawan friend. You have a lot to learn, but in time I will show you the ways of the force.”
“Nikki?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re a little bit geeky, aren’t you?”
“That I am, my friend. A little bit geeky, but mostly a kickarse, hardcore bitch.”
I had to smile at that. What I wouldn’t give to be the same.
IF I WAS TRULY HONEST, I didn’t really believe that O’Connell would change, but I liked the fact that he wanted to try. Although, the incident at Daisy’s had changed the dynamic of our relationship. I started to think that maybe he and Kieran really were beginning to consider me a friend. It was with that thought in mind that I walked into the gym on Thursday, my step a little bit quicker, and my heart a little bit lighter. I was proud to be making my own way, but more, that I was carving out a real life for myself. My empty heart was filling up with friends, people who cared that they knew me, who could say that they’d been a part of my life. That was something that Frank couldn’t take away from me. If he found me tomorrow, at least I could say that. My life now was more than I’d ever hoped I’d have. I had no doubt that if I’d stayed, I’d be dead by now, or so brutalised that I might as well be. Of course, that was exactly what would happen if he found me again, but I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I’d never had a life worth fighting for before, but I had it now.
“Hello, baby. It’s been a long, cold, lonely week without you. What say you give me your number, and I’ll keep all your nights next week warm for you.”
I’d barely even made it through the door before Tommy was throwing his sweaty arm around me and trying his luck. I couldn’t help but laugh, but my laughter didn’t seem to put a dent in his ego. It was like I’d given him the reaction he was looking for.
“Tommy, get your arm off her right now, or I’m gonna break it in at least three places,” O’Connell shouted down from the ring, as Kieran helped him on with his gloves.
“Fuck off, O’Connell.” He smiled in good humour. “She’s totally into me.”
Tommy was clearly just yanking O’Connell’s chain, but both O’Connell and Kieran stopped, stock still, and turned to face Tommy. Suddenly, I wasn’t so sure he was joking when he’d threatened Tommy, and from the speed at which he moved his arm, neither was Tommy.
“Chill out, guys. I was only kidding.” He turned and gave me a quick peck on the cheek as he said, “I’ll come by for that number later, baby,” before legging it to the locker room.
“You’re doing something about that when you spar later, aren’t you?” Kieran questioned O’Connell, as he finished tightening hisgloves.
“Oh, yeah,” O’Connell smirked. “That cocky fucker’s gonna be kissing the canvas before the night is over.”
I wasn’t worried about Tommy. He was quick and cocky enough that he’d find a way out of a beating later. Besides, none of these guys seemed to need an excuse to whale on each other. I was still standing there like an idiot, when Kieran climbed out of the ring and walked over to me.
“Hello, darlin’. You’d best go and say hello to your man before he goes at it with Shane. He’s all fired up tonight, and he fights badly when he’s in a temper.”
“He’s not my man, Kieran,” I pointed out.
“Well, Em, someone best tell him that, and it ain’t gonna be me,” he said, as he ambled off to start with his own training.
I looked back at O’Connell shadow boxing in the ring, and I could see that Kieran was right. He was always full of energy, wired almost, which was weird to see in a guy his size. But tonight something was wrong. He seemed edgier and darker than usual, like he was boxing to kill, not hurt. Not knowing if I was entering the lion’s den, I walked tentatively up the steps to the ring and rested my arms on the top ropes. As soon as he saw me, he stopped and walked over. There was no easy grin tonight.
“Hey, sunshine,” he said, “you okay?”
“I’m fine thanks. How are you doing?”
“I’m better now that you’re here.” He hung his head as he banged his gloves together, and I had the strongest urge to run my hand through his hair, like you’d do to comfort a small child.
“You know a problem shared, is a problem halved,” I told him, hoping to lighten things up a little.
“Thanks.” He smiled sadly at me. “But sharing my crap just drags you into it. Tell me about your day; that will help.”
I hated that he was clearly upset. I wanted him to open up, but our friendship was still too new and fragile to push it too far, so I struggled to think back over my highly uneventful day.
“Nikki gave me a hard time for not jumping your bones, but I got an A on my spot test, so it wasn’t all bad.”
He wasn’t better, but I’d managed to get a smile out of him, at least.
“Well, I’m in Nikki’s camp there,” he spoke softly. “You heading off to the office to work?”
I nodded my head in agreement. He ran the back of his glove along my cheek gently.
“Okay, sunshine. I have to train late tonight, so Kieran’s gonna walk you home later, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
He looked so sad, that the urge to kiss him, to comfort him, was overwhelming. But I didn’t. Of course I didn’t. Because guys like him didn’t kiss girls like me. I just gave him a small nod and walked down the steps toward the office. Just as I reached the door, I stopped and turned. Only part of the ring was visible, but it was all I needed to see. He rolled his shoulders and looked up toward Shane. In that instant, all trace of sadness and vulnerability was gone, and in its place was pure, unadulterated rage. The bell rang out and O’Connell’s wrath was unleashed. He bounced up and down on the canvas like he had too much energy to keep contained, ducking and weaving as he did, with a stealth that belied his size. He eyed Shane like a predator sizing up his kill, and as Shane made the first lunge, O’Connell dodged left and slammed into his midsection, with a rib crushing right hook. I’d taken a few right hooks in my life, so by all accounts; this show of violence from O’Connell should be freaking me out. But I was so turned on I couldn’t see straight. My heart was beating so loudly that I couldn’t hear anything else. Everything just faded into white noise. Shane was clearly winded and dodged around the canvas, trying to recover his breath. Seeing the weakness, O’Connell went in with a combination. Considering that they were supposed to be sparing, he wasn’t pulling any punches. The sweat beading around his forehead trickled down his cheek and splashed onto his chest, and damn if I didn’t want to follow its path with my tongue. I imagined the feel of those tight, sweaty abs beneath my fingertips and how the silk of his training shorts, encasing all that hard muscle would feel pressed up against me. There wasn’t a single part of my body that wasn’t totally aware of every single part of his, and the more he lost control of himself, the more I lost control with him. By the time he’d knocked Shane out with another killer right hook, I was a mess.
“For fuck’s sake O’Connell, you’re supposed to be fucking sparring, not knocking him into next week. I’ve warned you before. This has got to fucking stop.”
Danny was going ballistic, and O’Connell, still breathing hard, dropped his hands to his sides while he tried to control himself. I knew that I couldn’t be right in the head to be this turned on when he’d just knocked a man he called a friend into unconsciousness. I was breathing as hard as he was, as though my lust, like his temper, was something we could rein in. He turned and caught my eye, and he knew I’d seen the whole thing. His mask of indifference was replaced with a frown, and I guessed he was worried that he’d scared me with his performance. Before he decided to come over, I turned and shut myself in the office. I couldn’t deal with O’Connell when I was in this state. Christ, even being a foot taller than me, I’d have his back flat against the door the second we were in a confined space. What I needed right now, was to pull myself together.
By time I was ready to leave, O’Connell was nowhere to be seen. Kieran was waiting outside for me just as O’Connell had been that first night. He would know exactly where O’Connell was and how he was doing, but I was too gutless to satisfy my curiosity. He filled the uncomfortable silence with his usual cheerful banter, but it was woefully one sided as my thoughts were consumed with the well-being of one man.
“Are you going to be okay here?” Kieran asked, eying the security of my door with some scepticism.
“I’ll be fine, thanks. There are about five locks behind my door.”
I paused as I contemplated what to say. Fuck it.
“Is O’Connell all right? Will you take care of him?”
I spoke so fast that I wasn’t even sure he’d heard the question. He smiled at me, like he was pleased that I cared.
“He’ll be fine. He just needs to blow off some steam. Don’t worry, Em. I’ll make sure he’s good.”
Of course, he’d be okay, and now Kieran was probably laughing his arse off at my concern over a giant of a man who trained to hurt people.
“You just make sure that you lock this door good and tight behind me, and I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”
I frowned but nodded. He waited on the top of the stairs for me to shut the door and throw the locks before I heard him descend. Knowing that I was too keyed up to sleep, I took a hot shower and dried my hair before throwing on a pair of yoga pants and a vest top. I’d piled as many blankets and throws on my bed as I could, and diving under the covers, I shivered as I waited for the cold sheets to warm up around me. It was pointless to turn on the heater. By the time the piece of crap warmed up, I would be ready to go to sleep, and I couldn’t afford to run it all night. The low after my earlier lust-filled adrenaline rush had hit, and the lure of sleep beckoned. Knowing that I could never fulfil the sexual fantasies of my own making, I surrendered to it.
THE SERIES OF LOUD BANGS at my front door had me bolt upright and out of bed in seconds. My heart beat like a jackhammer as I approached it, knowing that if it were Frank, I’d have seconds to dress and grab my emergency backpack before escaping through the window. I looked through the spy hole to see O’Connell staring back at me. I had no clue what he was doing at my apartment, but I wasn’t going to find out on this side of the door. Taking a deep breath, I ran my hands though my hair in a futile attempt at bringing order to the chaos. As the next round of banging began, I opened the door.
“I missed you, sunshine,” O’Connell told me, with the kind of ridiculous, doe-eyed, sad face that a toddler would use to evoke sympathy.
“I can tell by the need you have to break down my door at...,” I grabbed his thick wrist to check the time on his watch and dropped it again just as quickly, “...three o’clock in the morning. Do I even want to know how you got through the main entrance door?”
He stood there looking stupid and sheepish.
“It wasn’t locked,” he slurred. I shivered involuntarily at the lapse in security and tried hard not to think about how easy it was to get to me. My illusion of safety was quickly evaporating.
“You know it’s a good thing I’m here to look after you. This is not a safe building, you know.”
“And do you have any suggestions as to where I could move that would be cheaper than this place?” I asked sarcastically.
“You could live with me,” he suggested hopefully.
I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness. It would serve him right if I agreed, then waited until he woke up sober, with a raging hangover, before announcing my new found residency status as his housemate.
“Fuck me, O’Connell. Even off your face, you’re fast,” Kieran piped up from the doorway.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“He was already half baked when I found him, and I’ve been trying to keep him out of trouble all night. He had the bright idea that he wanted to say goodnight to you, and there was no talking him out of it. He sprinted up here as soon as we got in sight of your building.”
“Well, thanks for trying to help. Do you think you’ll be able to get him home on your own?”
Kieran looked over my shoulder and chuckled.
“Sorry, Em, but I don’t think that’s going to be an option.”
I turned around and sure enough there was O’Connell, passed out on the right side of my bed.
“Great. How the hell am I supposed to move him?”
Kieran rubbed the back of his neck, seeming to ponder the problem while he tried and failed to hold back a smile.
“Look, if you really don’t want him to crash in your bed, I can try and make up a pallet on the floor and move him there, but I won’t get him far. He’s out cold.”
I felt bad then. I wasn’t really selfish enough to roll him onto the floor. This place was so cold at night he’d probably wake up with hypothermia.
“It’s all right. Leave him there. I’ll think of something.”
“Thanks, Em. I’m off then, ‘cause no offense, but your place is kind of small, and I don’t feel like crashing on the floor.” He walked over to my desk and grabbed a pen and sticky note.
“Here’s my number. If you need me, just call, but if you let him sleep it off for a few hours, he’ll be fine.”
He closed the door with a wave, and I bolted each of the locks in turn.
“Well, I don’t have a phone, but the thought was there,” I muttered to no one in particular.
Although I’d already done it before I went to sleep, I ran through my security routine again, because the front door had been opened. By the time the adrenaline rush from my late night visitors had worn off, I was exhausted and freezing cold. I managed to get O’Connell’s boots off, but after that struggle, I gave up with the rest of his clothes. He’d probably be warmer with them on anyway. In the absence of any alternative, I pried the blankets from under him, which took some doing, and threw them over both of us. His body radiated heat and I curled up against his side, contemplating all the while how to pass the whole night without jumping him.