Chapter 16

Evelyn

Walking up the stairs and into the house, I consider Shawn’s response to my demand for him to stay with us.

And it was a demand.

I just can’t help it! He just came back into our lives. Shawn didn’t really say anything. No argument at all. Nothing about him needing to be anywhere else or any other commitments.

Thank fucking God. I would hate to have to kill him so soon after finding out he’s alive.

Entering the house, I look over and see Mattie, our neighbor and the babysitter, with Tanner in the living room, watching cartoons.

It looks like James has stormed through already. I can hear banging from the direction of the kitchen.

Mattie is no dummy. She’s lying low and out of the way with Tanner.

“Hey, Mattie. Do you think you guys could move up to Tanner’s room to find something to do for a few minutes?”

Mattie’s eyes widen as she takes in Shawn walking behind me.

Oh, brother.

I know what she’s thinking, and I don’t have time to explain right now. She will just have to think I was just busted by James with a boyfriend.

“Shawn!” Tanner zips over and throws himself at Shawn.

Not missing a beat, Shawn scoops him up and spins him in a circle before putting him down in front of us again. “How was school this morning, buddy?”

“It was awesome! We had chocolate muffins!” Tanner is hanging on Shawn’s arm with both hands, jumping up and down.

“Lucky!”

Shawn’s response gives me an idea.

Bending down so I can talk to him at eye level, I turn Tanner’s body by the shoulders, so he will focus on me.

“Tanner, I need you to go upstairs and play for a few minutes with Mattie, so I can talk to James and Shawn about the wedding cake that we went to check out this morning. Maybe after, we could make some muffins or cake for after dinner tonight?”

“Okay!” He’s already on his way up the stairs as he calls down to Mattie. “I have some new Skylanders you haven’t played with me yet.”

“Mattie, this is Shawn.” I don’t want to be rude even though this day is going to hell in a handbasket.

Even though this is all uncomfortable and shitty, it’s worth it. Shawn is here, alive. And no matter what happens, Tanner has his father back.

She leans in briefly to shake Shawn’s hand, murmuring, “Nice to meet you,” before heading up the stairs behind Tanner.

“Thanks, Mattie.”

She throws a sympathetic look over her shoulder before rounding the corner.

Now I have some questions. I’m not going to let James storm away and throw a temper tantrum. I know how to run offense, too, and he has some explaining to do.

Entering the kitchen, I find James staring out the back window with his hands on his head. As he swings around to face me, I don’t let him speak before starting in on him.

“Can you please explain to me how you saw Shawn die?”

I think I’m keeping my voice surprisingly cool and calm considering the circumstances. It probably has more to do with Tanner upstairs than anything else.

His mouth gapes open and shut a few times before stuttering out, “I was sitting right next to him. He died.”

“Well, obviously not!” Lowering my voice again, I hiss my words in anger. “I know in the past we haven’t discussed this because my grief around the situation made it impossible. But Shawn is here. And alive. I want more details this time. Right now.”

James face turns red at my demands. His voice is as falsely controlled as mine as he clips out his words.

“We were under fire. Heavy fire for a long time. Sitting there, trapped in a building, taking turns firing, they threw a bomb in. The building collapsed. Half the roof fell on him. I was hurt, too.”

His eyes are shifting from me to Shawn, who has come into the kitchen next to me. I feel like he’s backing me up, just like old times. I’m glad he’s hearing this. I can imagine he has the same questions that I do.

How could this have ever happened to anyone in the service?

“They dragged me out on a stretcher. I didn’t get to see them try to dig him out, but they said he was dead and that he couldn’t be dug out with the tools they had. Not on the evac schedule they were keeping. It sounded like they needed heavy equipment to move the debris, and there weren’t exactly any cranes and forklifts sitting around over there!”

My anger at the situation is starting to fade. James doesn’t really seem to know any more than that, and it makes sense. He was counting on his superiors and evac team to do their job, and obviously, someone dropped the fucking ball!

It isn’t his fault. Fighting over this right now won’t change the past. We need to move forward. If there is someone we need to sue over this, that isn’t the pressing issue right now.

“Okay.” Taking a deep breath, I try to will my temper under control.

“Okay? What does that mean?” James is still fired up, his hands on his hips.

“Okay, I’m letting this go for the moment.” I fire back immediately. “You obviously don’t seem to know anything more about it.”

“Well, that’s very considerate of you, but I would like to know why you took him to our cake testing appointment!”

“He was here and volunteered to go.” I shrug. “That’s more than I can say for you.” I just couldn’t help the last jab in there.

James has gotten worse and worse about really being present in the relationship. I guess I didn’t mind before because, when it comes right down to it, I’m still not sure how I feel about him. He’s always played second fiddle to Shawn’s memory.

“You should have told me. You should have told me as soon as he showed up. When did he show up?”

Uh-oh.

He has a point, but I really wanted to see how he reacted when he saw Shawn. The whole situation just doesn’t make sense somehow.

Shawn has moved a few feet away and is leaning against the wall by the entrance to the kitchen with his arms crossed. His eyes are slits as he watches this play out.

I know that look. He isn’t impressed with how this is going.

“Yesterday.”

“Yesterday?”

Damn it. I refuse to feel guilty about Shawn being here. He’s my fucking husband, for Christ’s sake!

“Yes, yesterday evening. I was shocked, of course. He doesn’t remember us. He’s getting to know us.”

I can see the imaginary steam start to pour out of James ears at my words. His face is redder than ever as he steps closer to me.

“What does that mean, ‘getting to know us’?” He air quotes sarcastically, practically sneering the words.

I’m shocked at his attitude—but not super surprised. He’s mad and hurt. We’ve been friends and dating casually for years. As Shawn’s best friend and his partner, we consoled each other and grew close while grieving his death.

“I think it’s time to take a pause. I have some things to say, too.” Shawn has stepped up next to us, holding his hands up.

Good timing because I’m at a loss for what to say.

“James, I’m not here to step on your toes and steal your girl.” Pausing, he lets that sink in as James crosses his arms with a stony expression on his face. “I’m putting my life back together with the small amount of memories that I still have. I have never forgotten Evelyn’s face. I dream about her almost every night. When I saw you propose to her on TV, I knew that was the woman in my dreams. That’s what led me here.”

Shawn is staring at me, even though his words are for James. And of course, I’m gazing back at him.

“Do you still plan on marrying me?” James direct question pulls my eyes to him.

I can feel myself blush as I glance back at Shawn, who is looking just as interested in my answer as James.

“Well, technically, I don’t know if that’s even possible if my husband is still alive.”

It’s such a convenient out. All this time, I’ve been indecisive. Because of my love for Shawn. After being put on the spot during the proposal, this is such a relief.

I’m such a wimp, I know, but I don’t want to hurt James. He doesn’t deserve this, either. The life he’s planning with me is disappearing with Shawn back in the picture.

He knows if I don’t pick him now, it’s over. But how can I pick him when I’m married?

“I think before she makes that decision, we need to spend some time together and discuss our marriage—or divorce.”

Slowly nodding my head, I realize that I agree with Shawn’s statement. Butterflies explode in my stomach.

I look over at James to see how he is taking it.

“Where are you staying?” James is looking at Shawn with his words, but I jump in immediately.

“He’s staying here.”

“Oh, fuck, no!” James yells, and the next minute is a blur as he flies at Shawn.

His swing at Shawn’s face doesn’t connect because Shawn ducks. As Shawn comes up from ducking, he smoothly tosses his fist into James’s stomach, and it’s game over!

James doubles over, gasping, and Shawn throws his arm around his shoulders and starts moving him towards the door.

“I think it’s time to step outside.” Shawn’s apologetic look to me is totally unnecessary. “I’ll walk him to his car.”

I’m still stunned, frozen in place as Shawn moves a still doubled-over James towards the door.