Chapter 30

Evelyn

The need to throw up threatens to grab hold of me. I stop, close my eyes, and tell myself, Mind over matter. I repeat this mantra, hoping it’ll work.

“Listen, Evelyn,” Shawn turns toward me. “I need you to focus and help me.”

It’s hard not to burst into tears, scream hysterically, or simply pass out. Only a mother could understand how I feel right now.

Tanner, my son, my life, my light, my love is gone. Disappeared. Vanished.

Where could he be?

Shawn suspected some type of practical joke on the part of Tanner. He would think that, wouldn’t he? I mean, he doesn’t know Tanner the way I do, his mother.

But Tanner was so excited about being ring bearer. He would never ever mess that up. What’s more, Tanner is not the practical-joke-player.

“I’m listening.”

His eyes search mine. They’re looking directly into my soul.

“Not only are we going to search as we go along, we’re going to ask people when the last time was that they saw Tanner.”

I nod.

That’s all I can do: nod mechanically.

“I think we better stay together,” he adds.

Again, I nod.

My eyes roam the room. We’re at the back part of the church. Shawn insisted on searching through each and every confessional cubicle, in case Tanner was hiding.

I’d tried to tell him Tanner wouldn’t hide. But Shawn had insisted.

“Okay.” Shawn’s turning away from me. He grabs my hand. “He’s definitely not in the church.”

Duh.

Now I’m crying again.

Tanner had this great way saying ‘duh’. I once used it, and he picked it up instantly. Since then, he’s been using it spot-on every time. I could hear him say it now.

“If he’s not in the church, he might be in one of the rooms out here.”

I feel myself pulled along by Shawn. I swear, any second, my legs might give way.

The first room looks empty. But Shawn is not satisfied and walks all the way into the room. He looks under tables, behind curtains, and even opens the cupboard doors.

Nothing.

Seeing him be so thorough wakes something up in me.

Instead of watching Shawn search this room, I head out the door.

“I’ll be in the next one,” I call out to him.

Without waiting for a reply, I open the door to the room across from the one Shawn’s searching.

Someone bumps into me.

It’s my Aunt Cheryl.

“Sorry, Cheryl,” I mumble and am about to continue walking when I stop. “You haven’t seen Tanner, have you?”

She shakes her head. “I’ve just been to the ladies. I checked each cubicle to be sure he’s not hiding. But he’s not in there.”

I nod.

“Thank you, Cheryl. Do you know where you saw him last?” Shawn asks from behind me. My aunt spins around to face him.

“Let me think.” She purses her lips and furrows her brow. “I think I saw him with you, Evelyn. You were straightening his tie. And then he ran that way, I think.” She points vaguely to her left.

“That’s great. Thanks so much.” Shawn grabs my hand. “At least we know he ran away from the entrance to the church.”

“He wasn’t running away,” I protest. Why would Tanner need to run away?

Shawn sighs. “I don’t mean ‘run away’ in the sense of him running away. I mean, he was headed away from the church.”

It takes me a few seconds to digest what he’s trying to say.

My eyes roam the corridor.

Part of me hopes he is playing a practical joke on me. I hope he’ll make me look like an idiot, saying my son doesn’t do this sort of thing.

If he were to jump out now and say, ‘Got you!’ I’d hug him and never let him go.

But I’ve got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s a foreboding. I can tell something’s wrong.

I have no idea why or how I know this, but I do.

The knowledge of this feels like a giant weight crushing me into the ground. I don’t think I’ll survive this.

What if something happened to him? I couldn’t live with myself. I couldn’t…

I stop the thought.

Stop jumping to conclusions, I scold myself.

“Come on,” Shawn pulls me out of my nightmare.

“Where to?”

“I think we need to ask a few more people if they recall seeing Tanner.”

I put on the brakes.

“You ask. I’ll keep looking,” I tell him and pull away from him.

He furrows his brow.

“I don’t think we should separate,” he starts.

And I don’t want to go and ask a hundred or so guests what they’ve seen or what they haven’t seen. By now, some of our guests have had a few glasses of wine. Who knows what they’re going to say.

No. I’m going to fucking keep looking for my son until I find him.

Just as I’m about to move off, my legs give way, and Shawn catches me before I hit the ground.

His strong arm around my waists supports me as he walks me to a seat.

“You’re in no condition to go anywhere on your own,” he says and sighs.

“I need to find him, Shawn.” I’m almost screaming this at him. “I need to find Tanner. I need…” Now I’m sobbing.

No mother should have to go through this, least of all on her wedding day. This was meant to be the second happiest day of my life. And now it had turned into a total fucking nightmare.

“Evelyn.” Shawn’s voice sounds a long way away. “Evelyn, look at me.”

His hand lifts my chin.

“We need to find him,” I sob again. My whole body is shaking.

“We will. Do you hear me, Evelyn? We fill find him. But you must help me. You must stay focused. Come on. Let’s just keep looking around here before we head outside.”

Shawn practically drags me up from the seat.

“You can do this,” he tells me, and I just stare him. “Breathe, Evelyn, breathe.”

I try and do as he tells me. In, out, in, out.

With a few deep breaths, I manage to decrease my shaking.

“Ready?”

I nod and follow Shawn to the next room. This one is a lot smaller, and it takes no time to see Tanner is not in here.

By the time we get to the front door, any hope I’ve had of finding Tanner has evaporated.

I mean, if he’s not in the building, chances are he’s not outside. What reason would Tanner have to leave the building on his own?

But if he didn’t leave on his own…did he leave with someone else? Was he forced to leave?

Oh my god.

Please, no.

“Concentrate on the here and now, Evelyn,” Shawn says as if he can read my mind. “We’ve got no idea why or how he’s gone missing. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

I nod.

I can do this.

As soon as we step through the front door, I look around. A sea of cars is all I can see.

“Do you see him?” I try to sound a little less hysterical than before.

“Not yet.” Shawn’s squinting. He’s got a look of sheer determination on his face.

“Let’s walk down to the carpark and look at each row as close as we can. If need be, let’s look under the cars, too.”

We walk from row to row. No sign of Tanner.

I’m feeling dizzy again.

It seems hopeless. Tanner is gone. Vanished without a trace.

“What’s that?”

My head snaps up, and I look at Shawn. “What?”

“The black SUV over there.” His voice is a little lower, and he starts to move toward the vehicle.

I frown. Isn’t that James’ car?

“But—” I start and break into a run to follow Shawn.

“Hey!” he calls, but just then, the SUV maneuvers out of the car park and takes off.

“Fucking son of a bitch!” Shawn yells. I trip over a rock, stumble, and fall. At the last minute, Shawn catches me.

“Let’s go and follow that prick,” Shawn says as he helps me up.

His eyes have a strange expression in them, and I fear for whoever is driving the car.