Chapter 33

Shawn

My entire body is energized by the force of the bike. I lean hungrily into the wind as I force her up to her full speed. The revving of the engine is like music, the throbbing vibrations through my body settle my nerves, yet fuel my rage.

I feel Evelyn gripping me from behind, and I know this day is going to work out. A great day that turns into the worst day can still turn itself around.

Everything is going to be fine. I can’t linger on the feelings of betrayal, and I can’t think about my own feeble mind that didn’t put this together sooner. None of this is my fault.

I don’t think to blame myself. Not now that I have a face for my worst fear. I have someone that needs to get fucked up by my fist, and nothing is going to stop me.

We’re almost there, cruising through more thickly-housed streets, when the bike starts to choke. I realise she’s out of fuel and get her to roll through the streets for as long as I can. Thankfully, we’re not far away.

“Are you okay?” I hold my hand out to Evelyn as I prop the bike up, swinging myself off carefully so I don’t kick her.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She takes my hand gratefully, keeping her balance as she swings her leg over the end of the bike. I know now is not the time, but damn, her bare leg looks amazing in that lace stocking.

She looks as good as the day we met. Her hair is a mess of curls, so dark against her pale skin and the shaded ivory of the gown. Her eyes are sharp, and she looks at me with promise and passion in her face.

I grip her hand, smiling as we start to walk. We swing our hands as we stride quickly towards the end of the street, like teenagers walking home after prom.

“So, you know I’ve been having nightmares,” I start speaking softly. I need to explain this to her. “I see explosions and horrible scenes from the war. I see all sorts of horrible things. I know I’m getting buried, trapped. I’m afraid.”

“When it can’t get any worse, I see someone standing above me. Menacing,” I continue. “For so long now, the end of the dream slips away. I can’t see to the end. I almost see the guy that knocked me out, but I never see his face.

“I was starting to think it might be a hallucination—like maybe I was knocked out by falling debris, and the shadow figure I could see was just my mind trying to blame someone for the accident.”

I shake my head, looking over at Evelyn as we walk. “Looks like I was wrong—there really was someone to blame. I saw James. I saw him knock me out. Maybe he thought he killed me, and that’s why he told you he saw me die.”

I can see Evelyn trying to process this. She’s so confused and freaked out right now, but she’s striding down the street in a wedding gown looking like she’s about to step into a high society event.

I bet she could pull it off, too, even in the bloody, stained clothes. Just look at her. It’s all in her stance. In her eyes. She’s ready for anything.

Her inner strength shines through it all. She meets my eyes, squeezing my hand. Her gaze is so steady, so composed.

“Why. Why would he do all of this?”

I shrug, looking away. “Maybe for the inheritance. Maybe for you. I don’t know.”

“For me!” she says in disbelief.

“Maybe he really does love you. Maybe he wants you for himself.”

“Way to go about it. Stealing my son on my wedding day.”

“Maybe he just wants to ruin the wedding.” It’s a poor time for a joke, but it’s one I can’t resist.

Evelyn leans in, stopping me. She wraps her arms around me and presses herself to my chest.

“He took you away from me once. He won’t do it again.”

She pulls back, looking into my eyes.

“He stole seven years from me,” I whisper, “Seven years of my life—and you. He did it.”

She shakes her head, removing any trace of her careful updo.

“I still can’t believe it.”

“Well, we’re almost there. We can ask him.”

We walk slowly around the wide corner and on to James’ street. The houses are far apart, and there seems to be nobody about, so no one notices us.

I’ll call the cops when I’m good and ready. When I’ve done what I have to do.

I’ve played it cool with Evelyn. I don’t want her to feel bad. I can’t imagine the suffering.

She went into James’ arms for comfort, thinking her husband was tragically dead under disastrous circumstances. How could she have known the one she went to for comfort and healing was the one who had done the hurting?

This could mess with her mind, twist her up. She chose him, invited him into her arms and her life. She was going to marry him, for fuck’s sake.

I want to reassure her that she made no mistakes. I don’t want her weighing everything she does for the rest of her life. I know what it’s like to have past choices lurking in the depths of your mind, trying to convince you that nothing is real.

It’s frightening, thinking even for a second that every choice you make is wrong. That no matter how hard you try, you are always going to take a wrong turn. That’s the kind of thinking that makes you crazy—real proper, fucked up, bug-nuts crazy.

I need to show Evelyn that she did nothing wrong. It was this cunt with his fucking schemes and deception that fucked all of us over.

You can’t cover all the angles, not every time. Sometimes you have to trust, even if you’re going to strike out. That ability to trust doesn’t make you gullible, or stupid.

That’s just what the bad guys want you to think. Even if you’ve done it a few times, and you’re terrified you’re going to get burnt, so long as you can trust, take that leap, and they haven’t beaten you.

You need to realize the strength it takes to trust, even when you can see the fall. It’s the thrill of why we do it, after all. Trust wouldn’t be trust without a little fear.

And yeah, sometimes you’re going to get that beautiful, fragile thing fucked up by some prick who chooses to abuse that gift. But that’s where people like me come in.

We live to set the balance right. That’s what so many soldiers think when they sign up—I just want to help people. Save them, if I possibly can.

I might have gotten side-tracked. I might have lost my path. But I found it again now, and I’m not slowing down for anything.

I watch Evelyn striding out in her pretty heels, dress flowing around her like a princess’ gown. My fists clench, and my heart starts to pound.

I will fuck him up. He has so much to fucking pay for.

“There’s his house.” She pauses behind some bushes on the corner. I come up behind her, spying over them.

“The SUV!” I gasp. It’s definitely the same one.

We crouch behind the bushes. I pull Evelyn close for a kiss. I watch her face in the growing shadows.

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” I hug her tight, just for a second.

Then I stand up straight, willing all the pain and stiffness out of my body. It’s time to face the enemy that’s been haunting my dreams for so long.