Porsha’s thoughts were all over the place. One minute her mind was focused completely on the short message she would be delivering to the congregation this morning, and the next, it was fixated on Dillon. She’d tried to tell herself that it was best to take things slow with him, but not only had she seen him on Thursday and Friday, she’d also spent most of yesterday at his home. He did seem as though he’d changed for the better, but she also couldn’t ignore her common sense. She couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t slept around on his wife, with both her and a second woman, not to mention, he’d done so while he’d been a pastor.
But then, who was she to judge anyone when it came to being a minister when she was knowingly deceiving innocent people? After leaving Dillon’s home last night, she’d even considered confessing the truth today. Because in all honesty, she needed to clear her conscience. She knew this would prove to be her most humiliating moment, but she also knew she would be free. She wouldn’t have to lie anymore about being called by God for pulpit ministry or walk around consumed with guilt. Her only worry, though, was the potential aftershock. Because what if publicly coming clean caused every person she knew to turn their backs on her? What if people questioned what else she’d lied about and then ended their relationships with her? As it was, she didn’t have any immediate family members, but what if the few women at NVCC who she did see as friends distanced themselves from her?
Porsha clasped her hands together just under her chin, closed her eyes, and prayed for direction. “Lord, I come before You asking for full discernment and complete clarity. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I won’t find peace until I boldly confess and repent of my sins. But even when I’ve done that, I’m asking that You would please give me the strength I need to do the right thing. I also ask that You would please guide me with proper timing. That I will have the courage to move forward when I should. I ask You for these and all other blessings in Your Son Jesus’s name. Amen.”
Porsha read through her message again and set the document back on her desk. She looked at her watch and saw that it was time she headed out to the sanctuary. But before she stood up, she thought about Steve and how he was coming to see her this afternoon. She didn’t want him to, but she still felt it was better to end things in person.
When the praise and worship team took their seats, Porsha walked up to the podium. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God,” she said, quoting the same scripture she’d started with the previous Sunday. But over the last few days, she’d decided that she would begin with these particular words from now on, even with her women’s ministry meetings. There were many wonderful passages in the Bible, but speaking about the importance of everyone loving each other was a priority for her. Especially since as far as she was concerned, most people didn’t love each other enough. They either hurt or betrayed those whom they claimed they cared about, or they focused only on themselves.
“Before I share my inspirational thought with you this morning, I also want to announce the launch of NVCC’s newest ministry. It will be called Daughters of Ruth, and it’ll be designed to help our single women.”
Many of the members nodded with approval, and some of the men made comments and chuckled a little.
Porsha smiled. “All right, gentlemen. I know you might feel a little left out, but please know that this was not my intent. I just feel that women and men have different concerns and problems, and sometimes it’s a lot easier for us to discuss those issues privately. It’s better to share openly amongst ourselves. Plus, I’m pretty sure that there are certain things men like to talk about that you wouldn’t want us ladies to hear, either. Am I right?”
Everyone laughed, and it was at this moment that Porsha wished she could be honest about everything. Tell their members who she truly was. But no matter how hard she stood there trying, the words wouldn’t come out. She just didn’t have the courage.
“That’s what I thought. Men and women are very different, and my hope is that one of our elders or one of our other members will start a ministry designed only for men.”
There was more nodding of approval.
“So ladies, single ones that is, our first meeting will be held Thursday after next, and then we’ll meet every fourth Thursday thereafter. But between now and then, Michelle, our executive assistant, will be sending out email reminders and also including that information on our automated phone calls. I think most of you are on the list for our weekly phone updates. But if you’re not, you might want to register for it, because we make sure to keep you abreast of any news you might need to know before Sunday mornings. But either way, I really hope to see as many women as possible, and I look forward to everything we’ll be doing together.”
Porsha scanned the outline for her mini message. “Now, before I take my seat I just want to share a few words with you, which won’t take long at all. Last week I talked about my desire to meet the right man. Someone who would love and cherish me. I still feel that way, of course, but what I also realized was that part of my true purpose in life is to help other women who are battling the same problem. Good women who have an amazing amount of love to offer but who can’t seem to find a good man to love them back. Women who know that they have a soul mate out there, but they just haven’t met him yet. Or in some cases, their true soul mate might be someone they already know, but they’ve somehow overlooked him. Or maybe the circumstances weren’t lined up the way they needed to be when they first saw each other. As for me, I know I’ve struggled with relationships since college. I’ve been in and out of them, I’ve sometimes been misused and taken advantage of, and sometimes I’ve been hurt by men so badly that I curled up and cried like a child. But here’s what I know to be true. And it’s something that God only recently opened my eyes to. And that something is this: Until we truly begin living the way God wants us to live, nothing will work out the way it should. Until we fully begin trusting Him completely and praying to Him without ceasing, we will never truly be happy. So my final thought for you today is to trust in the Lord with all your heart. And as you know, in Proverbs, that passage finishes by saying, ‘and lean not to your own understanding.’ So, women, if you want to find the man of your dreams, then you must stop looking on your own. What you have to do is ask God to send you the man He wants you to be with. The same goes for single men. If you want to find that one special woman, then you have to ask God to bring that amazing woman into your life. But even if you’re sitting here today and you don’t have that sort of problem—maybe you’re already happily married, but you’re unhappy about something else—well, if so, the same message applies. Because if you’re going to a job every single day that you hate, then you’re not following your passion. You also aren’t walking in your purpose. And if this is the case, then the only way you’ll ever discover your true purpose is by asking God to tell you what that is. You have to ask and then spend lots of quiet time with Him, listening. You have to take Him and His Word a lot more seriously. You have to do what He expects you to do in all areas of your life. You have to stop saying you’re a Christian who believes in God and start acting like one!”
The congregation applauded, and Porsha hadn’t felt this good about herself—well, in a very long time. She still hadn’t shared anything about her decision to leave pulpit ministry, but she knew she was on the right track. She wasn’t so naïve that she thought she could fix all her wrongdoing at one time, but she was now looking forward to being a relentless work-in-progress. First, she would end her affair with Steve this afternoon, and then she would figure out how she was going to handle her situation with Dillon. From there, she would find the courage to resign from her position as associate minister and then figure out how to sever ties with Raven. She wasn’t sure how the latter would work from a financial standpoint, but her hope was that Raven would be fair. Even if she wasn’t, though, Porsha wouldn’t fight over money—money that she knew she’d invested for all the wrong reasons. So if it came down to it, Porsha would walk away with nothing. She would find another church to attend, one that she could hopefully start her Daughters of Ruth ministry with. She would then work toward taking Daughters of Ruth online. She was so excited about all her new possibilities that she burst into tears. She had a lot to do, but at this very second, she felt more joy than she had in years—maybe even in her whole life.