Porsha lay quietly, staring up at the ceiling, wondering how she’d allowed any of this to happen. Why hadn’t she fought harder to say no to Dillon the way she’d been planning? Because if she had, she wouldn’t be lying next to him in his bed. She also wouldn’t have felt the need to lie to Steve last night, claiming that she had church business and couldn’t see him. Steve had called her around six o’clock after he’d left work and had been on his way, so needless to say, he hadn’t been happy. But she’d promised him that he could come by on Sunday the way he always did, and that had seemed to calm him down a bit.
But what Steve didn’t know was that Dillon had called her a half hour before that, saying all the right words in all the right ways, and she hadn’t been able to resist him any longer. He’d come on to her so strong that before she’d even been consciously aware of it, she’d invited him over. Then she’d slept with him only minutes after he’d arrived—and tonight she’d slept with him again at his place, and she was ashamed of herself. But, God forgive her, she also had enjoyed being with Dillon, and she couldn’t help it.
Dillon turned toward her on his side, propping himself up on his elbow and caressing her face. He still looked as handsome as always.
“I have really, really missed you,” he said. “You know that?”
“You missed me or what we just did?”
“Both. Being with you feels like old times. You and I were always so good together, but we couldn’t share our love publicly. Now, though, we can be together anytime we want.”
Porsha thought about Steve and the affair she was having with him behind his wife’s back. Without question, that was a sin she no longer wanted to commit, but even though Dillon wasn’t married, she was still sinning with him, too. She was fornicating, and no matter how “good together” they were, it was wrong. It had always been wrong, but for years, the idea of sleeping with a married man or even sleeping with a single man out of wedlock hadn’t bothered her. She wished she could say she’d felt bad about it, except mostly she hadn’t. But now she did, and at this very moment, she knew God was speaking to her heart about it whether she wanted Him to or not.
This was also the reason she was having a hard time reconciling the many thoughts that were spinning through her mind. She was struggling with the idea of wanting to do the right thing but still doing wrong.
“Can I ask you something?” Dillon said.
“What is it?”
“How long are you planning to keep dealing with Raven?”
Porsha knew that it was only a matter of time before she left New Vision, but she still didn’t trust Dillon enough to confide that kind of information. So she said, “Is that what you came over here for? To talk about your ex-wife?”
“No, I just can’t understand why you got mixed up with her. And did you know she called my dad yesterday, apologizing and saying she would change her statement? But then never did it?”
“Really?” Porsha said, realizing now that Raven was no longer sharing any news with her. Not about her personal life or church business. She’d been blowing off their friendship for a while, which was fine with Porsha, but now it was a lot more noticeable.
“Yep, and I’m not about to let her get away with what she’s doing,” he declared.
Porsha didn’t comment.
“Not when my life is finally in a place that it’s never been in before. This is the first time I’ve felt extremely close to my dad and the rest of our family, and my dad’s ministry is doing better than ever. So we don’t need to be involved in some new scandal.”
Now Porsha rolled on her side, facing him. “I’m really sorry that this is happening.”
“Actually, none of us should be surprised about anything Raven does, but all I know is that I won’t let her ruin us or our church. I’ll protect it any way I have to.”
Porsha wondered what he meant by that, but once again, she didn’t say anything. She sort of wished she had, though. Because maybe if she’d kept talking, they wouldn’t have heard her phone vibrating in her purse. Of course, Dillon couldn’t wait to question her about it.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?”
“No.”
“Why? Is it your man calling?”
“No.”
“Maybe I should answer it for you,” he joked while raising his body up.
Porsha hurried to pull him back down. “No, don’t.”
Dillon laughed. “Now I know it’s your man calling.”
“It’s not.”
“How can you be so sure? Did you tell him you were coming to see your other man tonight?”
Porsha refused to acknowledge his accusations. “So, how is your sister? And her husband?”
“Yeah, change the subject, why don’t you. But they’re fine and couldn’t be happier. They were made for each other. Just like you and me.”
Porsha shook her head. “Whatever you say, Dillon.”
“You think I’m joking?”
“How’s everyone else doing?” Porsha asked, still refusing to acknowledge his questions.
“Everyone is good, and my baby sister, Curtina, and I are as thick as thieves.”
“Really? How sweet is that, and how old is she now?”
“Eleven. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but when she and I first met we didn’t care much for each other. Actually, none of my siblings cared for me, but then of course, Alicia and I eventually became as close as any brother and sister could be.”
“I’m so happy for you, Dillon, because I know that’s what you always wanted.”
“I did, and although my stepmother and I mostly just tolerate each other, we get along.”
“That’s great, too.”
“So all is good.”
“That’s really a blessing. But there’s still something I don’t understand.”
“What?”
“Why you no longer want to be a pastor.”
“I just don’t.”
“Do you still consider yourself a minister?”
“Nope.”
“So just like that, you decided not to be one?”
“I was never a called minister in the first place.”
Porsha couldn’t believe what she was hearing, because the Dillon she had known would never have admitted something like this. But at the same time, she lay there thinking about her own choice to become a minister and how she hadn’t been called by God, either. She seemed to think about this truth all the time now, and it wouldn’t go away.
“Why are you so quiet?” he asked.
“No reason.”
“I know you probably don’t understand my decision, but I just didn’t want to do that anymore.”
“What, be a pastor?”
“No, keep pretending. I didn’t want to end up like my dad, caught up in one scandal after another. I mean, even though my dad was really called by God to preach, he abused his calling. He talks about that all the time, and although it took him years to get things right, he finally did. I’ve watched him closely, and I’ve even tested him with a couple of situations, and he works hard not to do things that will go against God’s Word.”
Porsha got quiet again, but while Dillon had been speaking she’d been coming to her own decision. She would continue building her singles ministry for women, but she wouldn’t accept any more invitations to preach at other churches. She was also going to cancel any that were confirmed on her calendar for the rest of the year. Even if Raven was planning to be out of town on any upcoming Sundays, Porsha would tell her to bring in a guest minister from somewhere else to fill in for her. Then, once Porsha got her singles ministry up and running, she would publicly announce that she was leaving pulpit ministry. She would make it known that her assigned ministry from God was something totally different, and that her purpose was to help women.
“Plus,” Dillon said, “to me, our broadcasting division is a ministry in itself. So it’s not like a person has to preach from a pulpit or be a senior pastor to have one. Ministry can be so many other things.”
It was almost as if Dillon had read Porsha’s mind. “I know, but you just seemed so determined to be a prominent pastor.”
“Yeah, but only because I was angry at my dad and wanted to prove to him that I could be more successful than he was. That I could even take his members from him. But needless to say, I don’t have to feel like that anymore, and I don’t.”
“It sounds like you’ve really made a lot of changes.”
“I have,” he said, moving closer to her and kissing her. “And the more we spend time together, you’ll see just how much.”
“I still don’t trust you.”
“Maybe not today. Maybe not even next week. But you will.”
Porsha lay in his arms, wanting to believe him. She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. It was just the way things were, and all she could do now was hope for the best.