Porsha could kick herself for doing this. About an hour after Steve had left, Dillon had phoned her back, and unfortunately, she’d answered him.
“So I’m sure you’re wondering why I keep calling you, huh?” he said.
“Hmmph, you must be a mind reader.”
“No, but the thing is…I miss you more than you can imagine. I realized that a while ago, but as soon as I heard your voice yesterday it brought back a lot of good memories.”
“Really? So you call what we had good memories? Us sleeping with each other behind Raven’s back and then me giving her a video of us having sex?”
“You know what I mean. When things were good between us, they were good. Very good, and you know it.”
Raven couldn’t argue with that, but she kept quiet.
“I’ll tell you something else, too,” he said. “If I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t have started seeing Taylor at all. I would’ve divorced Raven and married you like you wanted.”
“Yeah, but you did start seeing Taylor and you got engaged to her. And for the record, even when things ended between you and Raven, it wasn’t you who filed for a divorce. Raven did. You would’ve stayed married and messed around for as long as you had to.”
“That’s true, but I was a different person back then. I had a lot of personal issues going on with my dad, I started drinking again, and I was confused about life, period.”
Porsha made herself more comfortable in her bed and leaned back against three pillows. She crossed her legs, and even though her television was on mute, she saw that the news was coming on. She hadn’t realized it was already ten o’clock.
“Are you there?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“You don’t have anything to say?”
“About what?”
“What I just told you?”
“You mean about you being different back then? Well, even if that’s true, I was the one who ended up hurt. The one left looking stupid.” Porsha thought about how she was allowing Steve an opportunity to do the same thing to her. It was the reason she’d let him know tonight that she wouldn’t keep seeing a married man or wait for him to get divorced three years from now.
Porsha wondered why any woman, including her, got involved with married men in the first place—why they fell in love with them. But she didn’t want to think about that anymore and changed the subject. “So when you called me yesterday, you still didn’t say a whole lot about what you’ve been up to.”
“Well, if you’re talking about my relationship with my dad, things couldn’t be better. We finally have the kind of father-and-son connection we should have, and even Matthew has somewhat warmed up to me,” he said, referring to his younger brother.
“That’s really good to hear. I know you wanted that, so I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you. It was a tough road, but I can’t complain.”
“What about a church, though?” she asked. “Are you planning to start a new one?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Is there a reason?”
“I just don’t have any desire to preach sermons anytime soon. I’m content working behind the scenes at my dad’s church. Right now, I’m his VP of broadcasting.”
“I didn’t even know you had an interest in that.”
“Neither did I, but I really enjoy it. And I only have one more year to go before I finish my degree in that area.”
“Wow, you’ve been busy.”
“I have.”
Porsha was still a bit surprised that Dillon had given up on having his own church, because once upon a time, he’d wanted nothing more than to be a megachurch pastor. But maybe working things out with his dad had truly changed his thinking.
“So what else is going on?” she asked.
“Can I come see you?” he said.
“What? Maybe you didn’t hear me. I asked you what else is going on?”
“I heard you. But I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t want to talk at all. I just want to come see you.”
Porsha didn’t like this. Their whole conversation was starting to make her nervous, and she worried about where it was headed. So she quickly told him, “No, definitely not.”
“Why?”
“For one, you’re engaged to be married, and two, I’m a minister at your ex-wife’s church—a church we run together, remember?”
Dillon chuckled.
“So I guess you think that’s funny?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Well, I doubt you’re laughing for no reason. So what is it?”
“You really want to know?”
“I do.”
“Okay, you asked me so I’m going to tell you. I’m laughing about you being a minister. I mean, what’s that all about?”
“Oh, so you don’t believe that God calls women to preach?”
“I never said that. I just can’t believe you’re a minister.”
Porsha didn’t like the way Dillon was ridiculing her, but sadly, she understood his skepticism. She would never admit to him that the reason she’d settled on giving herself the title of minister was because she hadn’t known what other position in the church would give her regular interaction with the whole congregation. And as it had turned out, her choice had been a good one, because everyone seemed to like having her in that role. Except now, of course, Porsha was regretting her decision to become a minister more and more and didn’t want to play with God any longer. She didn’t want to keep lying to people about what God’s purpose was for her. The only problem, however, was that she didn’t know how to stop being a minister without being humiliated. Public shame and condemnation wasn’t something she wanted to deal with, which meant she would have to continue her façade a little while longer. Maybe if she stopped delivering sermons, though, it wouldn’t be so bad.
“Baby, come on,” Dillon said. “Because I know you haven’t forgotten all those Mondays we used to spend together. Remember, that was my day off from the church, and I would drive over to your suburb. We would make love on and off all day long. We never got tired of each other.”
Porsha knew he was telling the truth, and she couldn’t help thinking about the way they would in fact make love multiple times.
Of course, Dillon was thinking the same thing. “Don’t you remember how it used to be? Multiple times, all the way into the evening. Plus, we just liked being together. Remember?”
Porsha felt herself becoming weak, but then she thought about Steve and how she’d just had sex with him earlier.
“No. It’s not happening.”
“Why are you trying to be so hard about this? Because I know you want me. I can hear it in your voice.”
“I have to go, Dillon. I’ll talk to you later.”
She hung up before he could say anything else. Now, though, she breathed in and out. Why was he doing this to her? Contacting her and trying to be with her again after all this time? This just couldn’t happen, and she had to end whatever scheme he was plotting. She had to put things to rest between them once and for all. She would try to forget that he’d called her tonight, and that he’d been right about what he’d said. Because, God help her, she did want him—more than ever. She knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. She couldn’t help wanting to commit the very same sin with Dillon she was committing with Steve. The only difference was that Steve had a wife, and Dillon had a fiancée. Still, sleeping with either of them was wrong, and there was no changing that. Facts were facts, and she couldn’t pretend otherwise.