Raven reached across her shiny, dark mahogany dining room table, gently holding Kane’s hands. Miss Ethel, her part-time cook, had prepared dinner for them but had just left to go home. Miss Ethel would have been more than willing to stay and serve them, except Raven preferred spending her Sunday afternoons alone with the man she loved. To be honest, she couldn’t wait to find a full-time cook now that she could afford it, but when she did she would still give her new cook Saturday and Sunday afternoons off. She, of course, wished she could simply keep Miss Ethel, but Miss Ethel had recently turned seventy-five and just wasn’t interested in all-day work.
Raven and Kane bowed their heads and she said grace. “Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this wonderful opportunity of fellowship with my dear Kane, and for the food that has been prepared for us. I ask that you please let it serve as great nourishment for our bodies and good health. In Your Son Jesus’s name, Amen.”
“Amen,” Kane said.
“So,” Raven began, lifting a baked chicken thigh from the glass dish and setting it on her plate, “did you enjoy service today?”
Kane spooned out some green beans from a ceramic bowl. “I did. It was a blessing, and your sermon was great.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Raven picked up a dinner roll with metal tongs and then scooped out some red potatoes from another container. She knew it should be the furthest thing from her mind, but for some reason, she thought about the kind of life she’d lived with Dillon. Not her married life, but her material life. They’d purchased a five-bedroom, six-bathroom home, and she missed that. She even missed the twelve-seat dining room table that they’d sat at daily for dinner. The house she owned now was fine, and it certainly wasn’t anything to frown at, but it wasn’t the same as her former residence. She knew there was nothing wrong with having a four-bedroom home, what with her living alone, but she wanted something bigger, something more luxurious, something people took a second look at when they drove by it. She wanted something even grander than the house Porsha owned.
Raven had decorated her current home with lots of expensive furniture and accessories, but it still didn’t compare to the house she’d shared with Dillon. That was okay, though, because, with the way things were going with the ministry, it wouldn’t be long before she was able to build herself a small mansion. If it was the last thing she did, she would construct something spectacular and memorable—something she could be proud of.
Raven ate some of her chicken and gazed at Kane, who was the kind of man most women dreamed about. He was tall, dark, and handsome and had just the right amount of muscle.
“So what are you looking at, my dear?” he teased.
“You, of course.”
“Why? You like what you see?”
“No, I love what I see. I love everything about you.”
Kane ate a forkful of his food. “Is that a fact?”
“It is.”
“Then why won’t you marry me?”
Raven wasn’t sure how to respond and was sorry she’d set herself up this way.
“You’re not going to answer?” he asked.
“Baby, you know I can’t do that right now.”
“Yeah, that’s what you keep saying, but I have to tell you, that line is getting pretty old.”
Raven showed no facial expression, but she was a little thrown by his response. He was never happy when they had this conversation, but he’d also never sounded so irritated.
“I just need you to be patient with me,” she said.
Kane leaned back in his chair. “I know I’ve told you this many times before, but I’m not your ex-husband. I’m not a cheater, and I would never hurt you the way he did. Why can’t you see that?”
“I do see that. I know you’re a much better man than he was. A much better man than he’ll ever be. But I don’t want to marry you and then not be a good wife. I don’t want you to feel like I’m not devoting the kind of time to you that I should.”
“Well, I guess I need you to explain what that means, because I don’t see how that would be a problem. We spend lots of time together now, and we’re not even married.”
“I know, and I’m glad you feel that way, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve thought long and hard about it, and it’s now time for me to elevate the ministry. Take it to a whole new level.”
“I still don’t see what that has to do with our relationship.”
“Baby, it has everything to do with it. Taking the ministry to a different place will require a lot more of my attention. And I will likely be doing it on my own.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know how long Porsha and I will be able to work together.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“We don’t see eye to eye on certain things, and I can tell she wants more control. Just like today, when she spoke before I gave my sermon, that was all her idea. She never even told me until a few minutes beforehand. She did what she wanted whether I liked it or not.”
“Maybe you just need to talk to her. Let her know how you’re feeling.”
“I think we’re already beyond that. Porsha thinks her investment gives her the right to do whatever she pleases. I can just tell.”
“When did you start noticing that there might be a problem?” Kane asked.
“I’ve noticed here and there for a while. But incorporating this new message of hers makes me wonder what else she’s up to.”
“I still say you should talk to her. Because the worst thing anyone can do is assume they know what another person is thinking.”
Raven heard Kane, but she wasn’t planning to discuss anything with Porsha. Not when she basically wanted Porsha out—something she’d decided on this afternoon, while driving home from church. She wasn’t sure how she would sever their business relationship, but somehow she would.
“Maybe I will,” she said, lying. “We’ll see.”
“Enough of that, though. What about us?”
“I just told you. I really need you to be patient.”
Now Kane folded his arms. “Is it that you don’t love me? Because if that’s what this is really about, just tell me. Just be honest.”
“What? That’s not it at all. I do love you. With all my heart. You know that.”
“I’m not sure what I know anymore. Not with you insisting that we have to wait to get married. I understand your desire to spend more time with the ministry, but if I’m not worried about being neglected then you shouldn’t, either.”
Raven shook her head, wiped both sides of her mouth with a black linen napkin, and scooted her chair back. Then she went around the table and hugged Kane from behind. “Baby, please. Let’s not fight, okay?” she said, kissing him on the side of his face.
“I hate when you do this,” he told her.
She knew full well what he meant but said, “Do what, baby?”
“You know what. Ignore my concerns and then try to use your little seductive ways to silence me.”
“That’s not true,” she said, kissing his neck.
She could tell he was succumbing to her advances, so she caressed his chest with both her hands.
“What we’re doing is wrong, anyway. Having sex outside of marriage goes against everything God stands for, not to mention everything you preach about.”
Raven tuned out his words, steadily kissing him and undoing his tie. Then she unbuttoned his shirt. Kane still tried to act as though he wasn’t giving in all the way, until suddenly he moved her hands away from him and scooted backward.
Then he stood up, drew her close to him, and kissed her forcefully on her lips. She loved when he showed aggression. It was clear that he could no longer resist her and wanted her badly—just like always. They were good together. They had been for a whole year, and not even Kane could deny that. Raven knew he wanted to be married, but she simply couldn’t make that kind of commitment and still become the most powerful female pastor in history. It wasn’t possible, and all she could hope was that Kane would eventually become satisfied with their current arrangement. Because she certainly didn’t want to lose him. But if he continued pressing her, she would be forced to choose between him and New Vision Ministries, and sadly, her choice wouldn’t be him. She did love Kane, but she loved her ministry so much more—much more than anything or anyone else she could think of.