Porsha still couldn’t believe it. Raven had secretly redone her internal video message, and this new recording was much more damaging to Pastor Black than the one on Facebook. It just didn’t make sense for her to continue down this path, so what was this all about? Was Raven doing this to get back at Pastor Black for sending her to prison years ago? Or was this some sick way of securing revenge against Dillon? Porsha wasn’t sure one way or the other, but she had a feeling someone was going to get hurt. She also hadn’t forgotten about that mysterious guy who’d shown up at Bible study.
Porsha slipped out of her black bolero blazer and matching sleeveless dress and pulled on a pair of heather-gray workout shorts and a white NVCC T-shirt. As she stood in front of her dresser mirror, looking at the church’s logo displayed across her chest, she felt miserable. She’d helped Raven start NVCC two years ago, and although she knew she hadn’t honestly represented herself to their parishioners, she was going to hate not being able to see them anymore. That would be the hardest part about leaving, but nonetheless, she didn’t have a choice.
Porsha grabbed her cell phone, left her bedroom, and went downstairs. But when she arrived in the kitchen, Dillon called her.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, baby, how are you?”
“I’m good. You?”
“Couldn’t be better. Just got home from church.”
“Me too.”
“So am I coming to your house or are you coming here?”
Porsha didn’t want to lie to him, but she wasn’t going to tell him about Steve either. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I have other plans. Something I need to take care of.”
“I hope it’s not with another man.”
Porsha changed the subject. “We just saw each other yesterday, remember? Not to mention Thursday and Friday, too.”
“I know, and I want to see you today.”
“I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“You know you’re enjoying our time together. We’re both enjoying it.”
“I never said I wasn’t.”
“Then why are you trying to make excuses about being busy?”
“I’m not. I really have something else I need to do.”
“Well, you know that makes me wonder, right?”
“What?”
“Who you have these plans with.”
“Look, Dillon, I would love to see you. I really would, but I can’t.”
“All right, all right, all right. I won’t pressure you, but just so you know, I’m not happy about this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So now what am I supposed to do on this beautiful Sunday afternoon? Especially since I already told my dad I wasn’t coming by for dinner.”
“It’s not like you can’t change your mind.”
“I know, but that’s not what I wanted to do today. I wanted to spend a few hours with you.”
Porsha didn’t say anything, and for a split second she thought about calling Steve and canceling their visit. But she knew she had to follow through on her decision to break up with him.
“We’ll get together another day,” she finally said.
“What about tomorrow?”
Porsha laughed. “You don’t give up, do you?”
“No, and it’s not like you want me to anyway.”
Porsha thought she heard a car door and rushed toward her entryway and looked out. “I have to get going, okay?”
“Already?”
“I do, but I’ll call you later.”
“You promise?”
“Yes.”
“If you don’t I’ll be calling you.”
“I’ll call you this evening. Really.”
“Talk to you then. Bye, baby.”
Porsha pressed the End button and switched her ringer to silent. Then she went back into the kitchen and set her phone on the island. Seconds later, her doorbell rang and she went and opened the door.
Steve smiled and walked inside, and as soon as he shut the door behind him, he pulled her into his arms.
Porsha pulled slightly away from him.
Steve let go of her. “Wow, so we’ve gone days without seeing each other, and this is the kind of welcome I get?”
“Let’s go sit down,” she said, turning away from him and heading toward her family room.
When they walked over to the sofa, Porsha took a seat and Steve sat next to her. Then he wrapped his arm around her, trying to kiss her.
But she leaned her head in the other direction. “I’m sorry, but we really need to talk.”
“What’s wrong now? What’s going on?”
Porsha scooted over a couple inches and positioned her body so that she was facing him. “This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and all I can hope is that you understand.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t see you anymore. This affair of ours is over.”
“You have got to be kidding me. Why, Porsha?”
“It’s not right. It never was.”
Steve scooted to the edge of the sofa, fuming. “So let me get this straight. You just all of a sudden want out of the relationship?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Well, being in love with someone and then cutting them off for no reason doesn’t make sense. I mean, who does that?”
“I know you’re upset, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’ve had a huge change of heart, and I can’t keep sleeping with another woman’s husband.”
Steve laughed like a crazy man, but Porsha knew this wasn’t funny to him. It was actually just the opposite, because for as long as she’d known him she’d never seen him so outraged.
“I’m sorry, Steve. I really am, but every night this week I’ve gone to bed feeling guilty and I wake up the very same way. Each day this feeling has gotten worse, and I can’t do this with you anymore.”
Steve didn’t respond for at least half a minute, seemingly trying to calm himself down or find the right words to say. “Okay, baby, I know you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, but we can work this out. I love you with all my heart, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I hear you, and I appreciate that, but I just don’t have the desire to keep doing something I know is wrong. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life claiming to love God and then sleeping with you. Hoping you’ll leave your wife and child. Hoping you’ll get a divorce and marry me. I just can’t.”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
As recently as last Sunday, Porsha would have quickly asked him again to file for divorce, but not today. “It’s your wife who you need to work things out with.”
Steve frowned. “And how am I supposed to do that?”
“Pray about it and go to counseling with her.”
“But, baby, I don’t love her. I haven’t loved her in a very long time, and you know that.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Why do you keep saying that? I mean, what is ‘sorry’ supposed to do about any of this?”
“Steve, I know you’re upset, but I can’t change the way God has been speaking to my heart.”
“Yeah, go ahead why don’t you. Blame this lie you’re telling all on God.”
Porsha stared at him. “Why would I lie about something like this?”
“So you can lay up with some other man. Because I know that’s what this fake, holy-roller spiel of yours is all about. I’m not stupid, Porsha.”
Porsha didn’t even bother commenting. She couldn’t deny that Dillon had helped make her breakup with Steve easier, but she was also telling the truth about the way God was dealing with her. Even she didn’t know why He’d decided to shake her conscience as much as He had over the last few days, but none of that mattered. The reason: God didn’t need a set hour or week to do anything. He worked in His own timing, and if He chose to, He did it quickly and without warning.
“So just like that?” he said, speaking louder than before. “You’re breaking up with me and moving on? And you expect me to do the same?”
“I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I just needed to be honest.”
“Honest, huh? Then why don’t you be honest about Thursday night? You know, tell me the real reason you stopped me from coming over here.”
“Let’s not keep doing this,” she said. “Let’s not keep going back and forth with me trying to explain things and you calling me a liar. Because no matter what I say at this point, you won’t believe me.”
“Yeah, you’re definitely right about that. And it’s all because I know you better than this. I know you’re seeing someone else. I’d be willing to bet every dime I have on it.”
Porsha looked away from him, not knowing what else to say.
“This is what I get for sleeping with some so-called minister. Someone playing with God and then profiting from it.”
Porsha squinted at him. “Really? So you’re innocent in all of this, I guess?”
“I never said that, but you knew I was married, and if you weren’t planning to stay in this for the long haul, you never should’ve started sleeping with me. You never should’ve become the reason that I cheated on my wife.”
“Excuse me? So being an ordained deacon wasn’t a good enough reason for you not to? It didn’t make you think twice about having an affair?”
“You’re impossible,” he said, standing up. “Got me sneaking around on my wife and falling in love with you, and now you’re done.”
“You know what, Steve? I think it’s time for you to leave.”
Steve tossed her an evil look and left the room. He never looked back at her, and soon she heard her front door shutting.
Porsha’s nerves were shot, and she hated that their relationship was ending on such bad terms. She also couldn’t deny that a part of her was hurt, because she did love Steve. But none of that mattered because she also knew she’d done the right thing. She would no longer be sleeping with someone else’s husband, and that gave her peace. She was relieved and could breathe just a little easier.