Twenty-Seven
Maddie was driving Connor daft. Again. Anything he requested, she did. There were no more arguments or complaints. The only thing he liked about the new obedient Maddie was that she was finally eating properly and gaining some weight.
Since she’d fainted, it had been the longest, most strained month of his life. The only remnants of her feisty personality came out when they made love at night. Her fire and passion came through then, but when the day came, the quiet and obedient Maddie returned. The last straw occurred on the day Maura caused trouble again.
“Ye threw that leather ball at me!” Maura cried in indignation.
Connor grew incensed. He really needed to take care of Maura for good.
“I did not throw it to you, Maura,” Maddie said calmly as the children skirted behind her. Apparently, the children didn’t like Maura and looked as if they were scared of her.
“Ye did! Ye did it on purpose!”
“Nay,” Maddie said and turned to leave.
Maura reached out and turned Maddie roughly back to face her. The gathering crowd made their objections to Maura’s treatment of Maddie known. Some smiled though, in anticipation of the fight starting to brew. They loved to see their mistress argue and put Maura in her place.
“What is it, Maura?” Maddie asked serenely.
Even Maura looked at Maddie oddly.
“Admit it, Madeleine, ye tried to hit me! I want an apology or I shall go to Connor and inform him of yer assault!”
Maddie paled a little. Maura saw that and latched on to the weakness. Maddie’s only thought was that Maura couldn’t go to Connor. He was just beginning to come around and love her again. If he thought she was arguing like she used to, it would ruin everything.
Maddie always did something to destroy the love others had for her. It was her fault her mother died. Her father hated her for that, she was sure. She could never please him no matter what she did. She always disappointed him.
Now, she would be disappointing Connor.
“Nay, Maura. You have my apology. There is no need to bother Connor,” Maddie said quietly.
“Say it louder!”
Maddie’s head snapped up and Connor was growing relieved. Her fire was coming back. In one second his hope rekindled, but it was gone the next.
“I apologize.”
“For what?”
“If I inadvertently hit you with the ball.”
Maddie turned to leave with the children.
“I will tell Connor. Think ye that I doona know ye two are having issues?”
At that statement, Maddie turned around. The worry on her face was evident and in that moment, Connor knew that his mother had been right all along.
His wife feared that he didn’t love her anymore.
Connor felt as if an arrow went through his lungs. His heart seized in pain as he realized that his beautiful wife doubted his love for her.
It both saddened and angered Connor. How could she doubt his feelings for her? Didn’t she know that everything he did was for her? The more he thought about it, though, he knew he was the cause. In his aim to protect her, he had given her the wrong idea.
“He has come to my bed! Did ye know that? Ahh, I can see ye didna,” Maura said in full confidence. She smiled at Maddie’s discomfort.
Connor couldn’t let this continue.
“You’re lying. You’re lying! Connor wouldn’t do that. Our marriage is sacred!” Maddie screamed.
Maddie’s head started spinning and all the blood drained from her face. Her breathing became shallow.
Dear God, was that why he was so cold to her, so distant?
Maura smiled, reveling in the way that Maddie responded to her barb.
“He’s in my bed. He says I please him the way ye never could!”
“No…no…” Maddie said breathlessly. Thoughts raced in her mind and she couldn’t capture one. She side-stepped, lost in confusion.
Connor moved forward and the look on his face made Maura take a step back.
“Enough!”
Maddie looked over to him and he saw her eyes. They were moist and unfocused.
“What Maura has said is untrue, Maddie.” Connor tried to reach out to her.
Maddie didn’t seem to be understanding what he was saying.
“Connor?”
“Yes, Maddie?” he asked, worriedly.
“I can’t feel my legs…”
Connor moved just in time to catch her in a dead faint. He picked her up and looked over at Maura.
“Yer days here are numbered, Maura. I want ye gone! Do not speak to my wife again,” he growled. “Were ye a man, I’d strike ye down. Be it as it may, I’m sorely tempted to regardless.”
Maura gasped, watching as Connor headed towards the castle.
“Dear Lord, what have ye done now, Connor!” Miriam said, getting closer to look at Maddie. “The worry is doing this to her, ye know.”
Connor felt choked up.
“Aye, Mother, I know. It is my fault. It’s time that this nonsense stopped,” Connor said as he began to ascend the stairs. “I will be unavailable for the remainder of the day. Please have two trays of supper sent up.”
Connor entered their chamber and set her down on their bed. He took off her clothes and settled next to her, watching her sleep.
Damn, he was the naïve one. He was stupid to believe that what he had done would protect her. It only served to sadden her and make her life miserable. If she had acted like such a pacifist with wenches like Maura, then his plan to protect her had failed.
After a brief slumber, Maddie stirred awake. She murmured something incoherent.
“Hello,” he said as she opened her eyes.
Tears gathered as she recalled that afternoon.
“I’m sorry,” she said shakily. “I’m sorry. I tried not to argue.”
He touched his forehead to hers. Pain and fear was evident on her face.
“I just want you to love me, Connor. I’m sorry I’m such a failure. It’s my fault. Everything is my fault,” she said crying softly.
“I love ye, Maddie. I’ve been distant and harsh because I would rather have ye hate me and live, than love me and die. I needed ye to obey me. I canna lose ye,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I only wanted to protect ye from yerself.”
More tears fell from her eyes.
“You mean it, Connor? You still love me?”
“I always have, but it angered me that ye disregarded yer safety, Maddie. Ye matter to so many. Ye are a part of their lives and they love ye. Most importantly, ye are my life. I thought it didna matter how ye felt, as long as ye were alive, but I realize my error. I was foolish and selfish.”
She reached up and wound her arms around his neck. His eyes were intense as they bored into hers.
“I havena been to Maura’s bed since I met ye. She lied.”
“I know.”
He moved back and she saw his confusion. “How did ye know? It seemed like ye were beginning to believe it despite yer fervent denial to her.”
“I didn’t believe it because you’re a man of honor and of your word. Our vows are sacred and you would never break them. The more I heard her and thought about it, however, the more logic and reason lost its fight to fear and worry.”
Connor kissed her gently. He rubbed their noses together.
“Please, Maddie, not another day of my obedient wife. Please. I miss my fiery, argumentative, and opinionated wife.”
She laughed and it was music to his ears. Sweet music. He smiled at her.
“But promise me that ye will look after yer own safety, Maddie,” he said, his eyes soft but worried. He continued, “Promise me, for if something happened to ye, I would cease to breathe. Cease to live,” Connor said gruffly.
“I promise ye,” she said and smiled gently.
He leaned down and kissed her.
They ate when their super was brought and then they kept themselves busy. They made slow, sweet love all night long.
Later, when they were reveling in the afterglow of their lovemaking, she began to talk about her dreams. Connor wasn’t doing much listening, though. He was spent.
Maddie had laced her fingers through his, using his chest as a pillow.
“You know, Connor, I’ve always wanted to teach children. That was something I was looking forward to when entering the convent. I used to think that if I couldn’t have children myself, teaching others was just as good.” She paused and smiled, remembering her old dream. “My father never wanted me to learn anything. He didn’t want me to learn about the history of my country or how to read, but the sisters at the convent always taught me when I visited them. Although I wouldn’t be in the convent, I would still love to teach children,” she said, sighing.
She picked her head up.
“Connor? Are you awake?” she asked, looking for a sign of consciousness.
After a couple of moments of silence, she leaned up and kissed him gently on his forehead. “I love ye.”
She joined him in dreamland.