Four
“What in the world are ye doing, Maddie?”
She sat up from hunching over the floor. She let the brush fall from her hands and the suds of soap slopped from the floor onto her dress. On her knees, she turned around.
“Good! Ye used my name! Well,” she said dusting her loaned gown as she got up from the floor, “I am cleaning. Idle hands are open to the devil’s work. Yes, I believe that’s what they say…” she trailed off looking up in thought. Her eyes returned to Connor and she smiled. “I must help. I can’t simply stay here and accept your hospitality without giving back.”
Maddie had on a rich blue gown. The bodice fit her snugly, and although she was thin, she had plenty to spare above. The material didn’t have any to spare, however. He’d have to tell Mairi to make some dresses for her while she stayed here, and quickly. These loaned dresses were entirely too tight at the top. It wasn’t that he minded the view, but he’d be damned if the other men got a glimpse of her body, too.
“Yes ye can, and yes ye will.”
“Nay, I won’t and ye insult me by refusing my assistance.”
He ignored her comment. She would drive him mad if he didn’t.
Maddie had dust on her face. He almost laughed, almost, until he remembered why he was in here.
“Here is parchment. D’ye know how to write?”
“Aye, I do.”
He nodded. “Ye may write to yer father.”
“Thank you, Laird. Well, I supposed if you used my name, I could use yours. Thank you, Connor,” she said, smiling. The light hit her gilded eyes and he swore he saw them sparkle with stars.
When he continued to stare at her, she asked, “Connor, is there something wrong?”
“Nay.” He looked away for a brief moment. “I must leave, but should ye need anything, please ask Aimee or one of the servants.”
Connor turned to leave but she called to him.
“Wait, Connor,” she reached out a hand but let it fall limp when he turned.
“Yes?”
“I met your mother,” she said and looked up. A smile was playing on her lips. “Lady Miriam is so gentle and sweet. Please, I do not wish to hurt her feelings. She didn’t want me cleaning, so please do not let her know that I continue. I simply must do something with my time. Will you allow me?”
If it made her complacent, then he was for it. He needed her to trust him. Why would a lady be so obsessive over cleaning, though? He’d seen nothing like it before her. Then again, women to him were entirely meant for one purpose, and he had no patience to try and understand them apart from it. They were also, for the most part, fickle and emotional- at least the ones that he’d had the misfortune of knowing. ‘Twas why he decided he’d never marry. Fortunately, his mother and sister were the exception.
When Connor had planned out his scheme, he’d pictured Maddie as a lady who complained about everything. He pictured tantrums, pouts, a sharp-tongue, and hypocrisy.
She was nothing like this.
Connor nodded at Maddie, an odd expression coming over his face.
He left the room.
*****
Later that day, Connor returned to the keep. Maddie had occupied his thoughts for most of the day as she had for the previous month, only now he was able to put a face to the name.
He’d thought about it, and came to a grim conclusion. Connor needed to woo her. His brothers had said as much but he’d balked at the thought.
Woo?
He groaned.
Connor was going to invite her to have dinner with him. The dinner shouldn’t be too terrible, if she kept quiet.
If he was being honest with himself, though, he would admit that he was definitely attracted to her. This was purely a carnal desire. He had his choice of women for pleasure, but he found no comfort or satisfaction with them beyond bedsport. None of them were worth the vows and trouble of marriage. He had yet to meet a woman who was.
Maddie was just another woman, he told himself. Her character was too weak and she was too thin. Aye, she was beautiful, but that was it.
Connor went up to her room and knocked at the door. She opened and he almost fell over.
“What in the world!”
She raised her hands up to her hair self-consciously.
“I must look dreadful, but not really any different than usual. ‘Tis why most of my dresses are simple.”
Simple? More like dreary and ugly if the last one was a representation of her wardrobe.
Maddie’s face was covered in soot smears.
“What have ye been doing?”
“Cleaning the hearth.”
“Cleaning the what?” His voice was a near shout.
“You said I could!”
He groaned, lifting a hand to his forehead. Why couldn’t she be more accommodating. More importantly, why did he care? Well, how was he supposed to gain her trust and seduce her if she was this fanatical about cleaning? There was that reason.
“I wrote the letter,” she said excitedly, and went to get it. Maddie handed it to him.
“I shall send it at first opportunity.”
“Did you need something else, Connor?” she asked after a moment.
“Aye, I wanted ye to join me for the evening meal.”
“I’ll be fine eating in my chamber.”
“Ye’ve been here all day,” he said, and his heartbeat quickened as he neared her.
“I’m used to eating alone, Connor. ‘Tis not an unusual occurrence for me.”
“I insist, Maddie.”
After thinking about it for a long pause, she nodded. Damn, but she tried his patience.
“Oh, well I can’t go like this, anyway. I’ll take another quick bath.”
“I’ll let Peter know to bring water.”
“No, I can do it. Don’t disturb anyone.”
He gave her a stern look. “Ye will not. Ye’re a guest, Maddie, and a lady, not a servant.”
“‘Tis no more than I’m used to doing!”
He needed to get out of here. She was so peculiar!
“Peter will be bringing up the water. I’ll see ye in the great hall in an hour’s time.”
He turned to leave, in effect dismissing her. She muttered under her breath. He stopped cold and turned back to her.
“Did ye say something?” he asked, confusion evident on his face.
“Nay, Connor,” she said, smiling.
He turned and strode from the room. Connor heard something crash against the door. Nay! He must be hearing things. She was making him daft.
Maddie stared at the door and the bucket she threw at it. Maintaining control of her temper would be difficult around him. She said a couple of prayers, asking God for forgiveness for her show of temper.
At first she thought Connor was pleasant and generous, but now she found him irritating.
Not clean? He might as well tell her not to breathe.
*****
Connor noted Maddie was punctual. She was wearing a deep velvet green gown. Frankly, it was cut entirely too low for both of their tastes. The gown complimented her eyes, though. They looked as if they were glowing.
Connor rose and took the seat out for her, all the while looking at her breasts. Damn if he didn’t react to seeing them.
He sat down next to her.
“Let us eat.”
“Where are Sir Malcolm and Lady Miriam? And your brothers?”
“They are occupied.”
“You do not eat together?”
“Sometimes. Does yer family?”
“Aye, they do.”
He would regret fishing for information, but even in this short span of time he had known her, he knew that her words were precise and deliberate. She gave no more and no less than her true intended meaning. Besides, hadn’t she said that she usually ate alone?
“They? Ye do not eat with them?”
“Nay, I stay in the kitchens making sure the food remains warm. They do not like to eat cold food. I also eat in my chambers.”
“But they eat without ye?”
“Aye. It’s my choosing, Connor. You needn’t have a disapproving tone.”
Connor shrugged. He began to serve himself and she waited. He looked over to her curiously.
“Milady? Do ye nay care to eat?”
“After you, Connor. I’ll serve myself after you.”
Maddie waited patiently as he served his dinner. His utensil was halfway up to his mouth when she cleared her throat.
“What?” He paused and then said, “I apologize for my manners. I shall wait until ye serve yerself.”
She placed some food on her plate and what she served herself wouldn’t feed a bairn of two summers.
“Is that all?”
“Aye. Father says I’m too large and I mustn’t eat so much.”
“What ye have there I’d be able to swallow in one gulp.”
Maddie looked down. Connor believed she was being demure. Maddie, actually, was counting to ten and back.
Connor thought he heard her mumble numbers but he wasn’t sure. He picked up his utensil and took a bite, but she cleared her throat again.
“What now?”
“We must thank the Lord for this meal.”
“Verra well. Do say the thanks since ye’re the guest of honor.”
Maddie smiled and he stopped breathing. She hung her head and shut her eyes, but he didn’t. He looked at her all the while she gave her thanks. She wore her hair loose and the black tendrils fell forward, shining in the candlelight.
“Lord, we thank you for our blessings and this meal. We thank you for gifting us with shelter and loving families. Thank you for our health and that of our loved ones. Bless us all. And may I be selfish, and ask that you hasten my service to you, my Lord. Amen.”
“Amen,” he said, puzzled. He would regret it, but he asked anyway. “Hasten yer service to the Lord? What did ye mean?”
Connor was biting a mouthful of pheasant when she answered.
“To hasten my time here so that I may return home.” That answer wasn’t so puzzling, he thought. He was grateful, until she continued. “Then, once home, I’ll soon be able to join the convent all the more quicker. I know ‘tis selfish to ask for personal wishes, but-” she stopped talking when he began to cough.
He gulped down the entire contents of his goblet. Maddie stood and patted him on the back.
“Good Heavens, Connor. Chew first, then swallow,” she said patting him still.
He nodded and she sat in the chair again.
Convent!
“Why would ye want to go to the convent?”
“To give my services to the Lord, Connor. I’ll take my vows and devote my life to Him.”
“Doona ye want a husband and children, Maddie?” he asked, clearly puzzled.
“I did once, but no one was ever interested in me. No one offered for me even though I had a sizeable dowry. Father is generous. I know I’m not attractive. I am too old to marry.” She shook her head. “I gave up that dream a long time ago.”
“Not attractive? Who told ye that lie?”
Her eyes flashed anger, but he must have been mistaken.
“My father and brothers put it delicately to me, Connor. They weren’t cruel, just honest. They were very gentle with my feelings and told me not to expect to have a husband or children.”
Connor’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared. “When did they tell ye this?”
“When I was near ten years old, I believe. I appreciated it. It helped me to realize what I’m truly meant for. Serving the Lord.”
He was seething.
“But doona ye want to have yer dream?”
“‘Tis not possible, Connor. Serving the Lord is my new dream. I am too old and no one wants me. ‘Tis a truth I’ve accepted about myself. I feel no shame, and I don’t feel sorry for myself. That’s a sin.”
“That is nay a sin, Maddie.”
Maddie let go of her utensil and it tumbled onto the table. She looked up at him and he nearly laughed. Maddie looked peeved. Why, the mouse did have teeth after all.
“It is for me!”
Connor wouldn’t push further. She was too protective of her family, and he was slowly realizing one truth. She was definitely not the woman he pictured when he was plotting his scheme.
“I apologize for making ye upset, Maddie.”
Her smile was tight and her eyes betrayed her upset composure, but her words belied her body language.
“Apology accepted, Connor. We must all have patience and have a forgiving heart. We must never show our temper, either.”
Connor wanted to erupt in laughter. She hadn’t even realized that her temper was more apparent than her breasts busting out of the dress. Incidentally, he decided to address this.
“I will have Mairi make yer dresses tailored for ye, Maddie.”
“That’s not necessary, Connor. I want no special treatment and any dress is fine. You saw how much I wear them down.”
Connor ignored the retort that he wanted to say to her. Nay, shout to her. “Stop cleaning!” his mind screamed.
“Nevertheless, Maddie. Ye came of yer own volition, out of fear for yer safety. I canna allow ye to be treated any less than what is due a guest, especially a lady.”
Maddie looked up and smiled. Connor’s heart fluttered. What in the world was going on with him?
“Connor, I have to say that I’m astonished. No offense to you or your countrymen, but I never envisioned receiving this hospitality from you. Scots hate the English and some English hate Scots.”
“Not some English. All of them hate us,” he corrected.
“Nay,” she shook her head. “All of us are God’s creations. I hate no one,” she said quietly.
He looked at her a long second, his brows furling down.
“Eat, Maddie. The meal grows cold.”
“Do you want me to heat-” she began but he raised a hand and smiled. He knew what she would say.
“Nay, Maddie. While I appreciate the offer to warm the food, ‘tis fine.”
Her heart stammered and her eyes locked on his. He saw it. Aye, he saw the curiosity and confusion at his comment, but he saw something else. Infatuation? Attraction?
The emotion swam in her eyes, but died in seconds.
“Don’t you?” she asked after a couple of minutes.
Here we go again.
“Doona I what?”
“Want to have children.”
“Aye. Why do ye ask?”
“Because they keep referring to you as inevitably unattached, as if you don’t have any inclination to get married.”
“I doona,” he answered curtly. She ignored his tone.
“Then how do you expect to have children if you don’t get married?” she asked innocently.
“Ye doona have to get married to have children, Maddie,” he said looking at her.
She was a deep shade of crimson when she caught on to his meaning.
“Oh, my-my mistake,” she faltered. He almost laughed but he knew that it would hurt her feelings.
Feelings?
Thinking about women’s feelings, now was he? Connor shook his head.
The rest of the meal was in silence, each lost in his and her own thoughts. So much for wooing, he thought. Once done, she went to pick up but he gently took her hand, staying it.
“Aimee will do that, Maddie.”
Maddie hesitated, wanting to protest, but nodded her head. She stood up.
“Good night, Connor. ‘Twas nice to eat with someone for a change.” She smiled and he thought he saw sadness in the golden depths of her eyes.
“Sleep well, Maddie.”
She left the room and he stared after her.
Connor wouldn’t. He wouldn’t feel sorry for her! Not when his Katie suffered so much.
It was a sad truth.
In a game between men, women were often the pawn.