Thirty
A week and a half passed and Connor returned to the castle. He was eager to see his wife, to feast his eyes on her again like a hungry man did food. He remembered the last night of passion they shared. His cock stirred.
Connor dismounted from the steed and stalked towards the castle. He searched the keep for her and he couldn’t find her. He asked everyone and they all responded that they hadn’t seen her. To his alarm, some even said it had almost been a week since they saw her or spoke to her. He searched the grounds thinking maybe she was playing Hide-and-Go-Seek. Connor asked the children Maddie was usually with whether they had been with her earlier that day. Gretchen’s response nearly felled him to the floor.
“Nay, Layord! I’ve not seen hor for a long time!”
Connor squatted down.
“What are ye saying, Gretchen? Has she not come out to play or have ye not seen her at all?”
Gretchen shook her head, tears coming to her eyes.
“No one pays me attention, Layord. I told them Maddie hasna played with us. I havena seen hor!” She stood there in front of him, twirling her blond hair.
Connor let little Gretchen go back to the care of her father and rushed up to their chamber.
Calm down.
Maddie had been overly tired as of late. That was why she hadn’t been playing with the children. Maddie wouldn’t leave Gretchen alone for so long, though. He knew that Gretchen idolized Maddie, and Maddie would never trample on the little girl’s feelings.
Connor went to their chambers and it was in immaculate condition. Everything was as it should have been and that scared the hell out of him. Although Maddie kept things tidy and clean, this was just too sterile and too orderly. It was almost as if it were unlived in.
He entered the bedroom and looked at the bed and felt relief sweep over him.
Of course! She was sleeping. Aye, she had probably been sleeping through the day and by the time she woke, believed that it was too late to play with the children.
Connor walked over to the bed and slowly eased the covers back in order to slip in. He stopped midway and the blood drained from his face. His heart was beating at twice the normal speed.
A stuffed pillow and black threads to mock her hair was all he found.
The room moved in on him as he spun around in a circle.
Where was she?
Who had her?
More importantly, how would he get to her?
*****
Connor mobilized nearly a hundred of his men to comb the grounds in search of Maddie. Every moment that passed, she could be getting further and further away.
He couldn’t think straight. It was as if a raw emptiness invaded the center of his chest, which he knew wouldn’t go away until he held Maddie in his arms. Everyone tried to reason with him, though. Malcolm, Iain, Kiel, and his men in command tried their best but it was futile.
What if something had already happened?
He wanted to yell with anguish. She was his life.
He stood in front of the fire in the great room after his men prodded him to take a respite. He looked into the fire, mesmerized by the flames as he recalled their own passionate love. The yellow flames in her eyes were more beautiful than these that he looked upon now. These were mocking Maddie’s golden glow.
He had a third cupful of strong spirits. His eyes were red. He wouldn’t sleep until she was back home and in his arms.
Damn it!
He threw a ceramic pitcher into the fireplace and it shattered.
Iain and Malcolm came in just at that moment.
“I was supposed to protect her!” he bellowed in anguish. “Who took her? How?”
“‘Twas nay yer fault, Connor. Calm down, for anger will not help us now,” Malcolm said.
“Night is falling and she is missing, Father! Only God knows since when she’s been missing. She is so delicate and innocent! Damn it,” he said. “Damn it!” he roared, pounding his hands into the stone.
“The search-” Malcolm began to say, but was interrupted by Connor.
“The search will continue until she is found,” Connor said flatly. He backed away from the mocking flames of the fireplace and left the room.
Malcolm knew his son wouldn’t listen to him. He felt it best to stop for the night, for without the moon, there wouldn’t be sufficient light. Connor felt differently.
Connor searched with his men once again. He explored throughout the night and well into midday the following day. The stable master approached Connor and Connor sensed something amiss. What news awaited him? His patience was short at the moment, so he egged the man to get on with his news.
“What is it?” Connor asked impatiently.
“The light mare is gone. I’ve only just noticed,” the stable master said.
“What do ye mean? How could ye have only just noticed this?”
“She tends to free herself and wander. When I saw no trace of her, I thought it odd. Then I heard of our lady’s disappearance and I decided to come to ye now.”
Connor nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Charlie was a good stable master. Connor didn’t doubt that. Although he was angry, he wasn’t about to explode on him.
The search continued well into the next day and nothing turned up. Connor decided to search the outer limits of his land for himself. He had already sent warriors riding out since the first day of Maddie’s disappearance but they turned up nothing. He sent out fresh warriors after their return and continued the rotation, keeping them searching on the outskirts of Ramsay land.
He was growing frantic.
Dear Lord, please protect her.
Connor felt desolation nearly choking him by the throat. He hadn’t taken a full lungful of air since he returned home the day before last.
It was during midday on the second day when David, one of his men, called out to him. He pointed to something in the loch. This loch in particular was the largest in the area, and it was located towards the outer limits of Ramsay land.
“There, laird. I see something!”
Connor looked in and saw it, too. Please don’t let it be. Please, Lord!
He reached down and grabbed it.
It was Maddie’s gray hood and it was torn and ripped.
“Dear Lord!” Hugh breathed in.
Connor began to shake his head. The hood had teeth marks.
“Nay!” Connor yelled and his echo bounced everywhere around them. “NAY!”
Connor made to jump in, but his men wouldn’t allow it.
“Damn it! Get away! Let me in!”
Iain came just in time.
“Nay, Connor! This loch is wide and large. Treacherous animals live in its depths,” Iain cautioned.
“But she’s…but she’s…” His hand lifted in futility. He couldn’t say the words and neither could anyone else. Iain tried to come up with anything to justify Maddie’s hood in the loch.
“Connor, she may have lost this while going by,” Iain said, but saw that his words had no effect on Connor.
“Continue the search,” he ordered, and took the hood with him as he stalked back to the castle.
Connor went up to their room and searched it. He was looking for her hood, hoping that the one he held in his hand wasn’t hers. After not finding another, he had to face the fact that it really was Maddie’s.
He sank down in the chair by the hearth as despair and fatigue swept over him. He rubbed his hand over his face, distress squeezing him like a vice around his chest. He had not slept in over two days.
He wouldn’t give up!
He stood and walked out of the sleeping chamber and into his anteroom. As he passed his desk, he saw a note with his name on the outside.
He recognized it as her handwriting.
His heart beat with renewed vigor as he opened the parchment. He read the letter.
Dearest Connor,
I have discovered the truth about Katie’s violation and the motives surrounding my presence here. I know that it was one of my brothers who assaulted her and I also know that you sought vengeance by seducing me. You are the victor, Connor. You successfully seduced me and I unsuspectingly went to your bed each night under the deception that you loved me. I understand now that it was a façade, for the only love that was present in our relationship was mine for you. Our marriage has now died, as has the trust we once had. Aye, and you were successful there, too. You made me fall in love you. Well, now you are free of me, but at least some of my dignity remains. I have felt much pain in my life and all of the pain commenced when you entered into it. Now we are both free. You can return to being the insufferable unattached man once more, and I will never again feel the pain you caused me, for in escaping, I have become free. I often wonder how many people were involved in this farce. Mayhap they were people I also loved.
When you read this letter, it will be too late. I will be taking the most precious gift God gave us. Don’t try to find me, for your efforts will be for naught. My soul is journeying to a place I thought I’d never see, and I’ll be closer to the Lord in a different way than I had ever thought I would be. I am leaving the marriage ring behind. It is a family heirloom. Perhaps one day, you’ll give it to a woman whom you truly love, and not one you secretly despised as you hated me. This life holds nothing for me any longer, and so I leave it, and you, behind.
Goodbye forever,
Maddie
And our child would have never been a bastard bairn touched by the devil’s hands.
The last sentence was scribbled harshly, which was at odds with the smooth elegance of the above script. It was as if it was written in an afterthought.
Iain, Malcolm, and Kiel were standing at the door. Connor hadn’t noticed them, nor had he noticed that he read the contents of the letter aloud.
Connor sank to his knees and let out a roar of anguish. He had seen her dejected and quiet but never had he thought that she knew. Never had he thought that she would take her own life.
He let out another bellow of agony as tears fell from his eyes. He should have told her himself! Connor lifted his shaking hands before him and looked at them with wide unseeing eyes. He might as well have killed her with them since he had led her down this path. His breath came in short and irregular pants. The veins in his face were engorged and bulging. He beat his chest like a madman. He slammed his hands against his chest to restart his heart.
He didn’t feel it.
She took it with him.
It felt as if it were ripped out of him. Breath eluded capture, as he felt as if he was drowning.
“How did she find out! Who told her?” he said in a shouted.
Strained moments of silence passed.
“It doesna matter. I should have told her! I should have told her!” he kept saying hoarsely. “Maddie!...Maddie!” he roared.
Despair moved into his bones and swept into his soul. He sounded like a wounded animal. Connor began shaking his head, eyes wide and horrified.
Denial slowly took over.
She wouldna take her life. She wouldna.
Malcolm walked over to his son.
“Son, ‘tis not yer fault,” he said, placing a hand on Connor’s shoulder.
Connor shook it off and quickly got to his feet. He wiped the tears away and shook his head.
“Nay. She is not dead! Nay! Keep looking!”
With a glance at the gleaming ring on the table, Connor walked with heavy steps out of the room. The men caught up with him but there was no stopping him.
“She wouldna kill herself! I doona care what ye say!” he said frantically.
For the next couple of days, logic evaded Connor, as did sleep.
Reason and sanity were gone, and he wasn’t listening to any other’s.