Thirteen
Much had changed in the two weeks since he received those letters. Maddie now ate with the family without trepidation. She felt welcomed, wanted, and happy. She cleaned but not as often or as fanatically. She said that old habits were hard to break. She still spent time with Katie and the children. Although everything seemed great, Maura still caused trouble. Maddie didn’t let her taunts get to her, though.
Out on a walk one day, Katie finally confided in Maddie.
“I was violated, Maddie.”
Katie nodded her head at Maddie’s shock. Maddie’s eyes had softened. Tears formed as she grabbed Katie’s hands.
“Aye. That was why I locked myself in my room when ye first met me.”
“How did it happen, Katie?”
The warmth and kindness in Maddie’s eyes helped Katie share her secret. She bit her lip, which had begun to tremble, and inhaled deeply.
“I was visiting the McLeans on the border. Cassie, the laird’s daughter, and I are good friends. We’ve known each other since we were younger. My father and Laird McLean are strong allies. Well, Cassie and I went for a stroll to speak privately without eavesdropping ears. Cassie has younger brothers. We sneaked away from the guards and went into the fields. That’s when men came out and held Cassie while they violated me. They were going to do the same to her, but they heard McLean soldiers approaching and left.”
“I’m so sorry, Katie.” Maddie gave her a tight hug. “I don’t want to make ye uncomfortable, but do ye know who did it?”
Katie shook her head.
“Nay, Maddie. All I know is that they were English. I heard their accents.”
Maddie gasped. Tears welled in her eyes.
“Katie, please forgive me. I am so sorry,” Maddie said, dismayed. She squeezed Katie’s hands.
“For what, Maddie?”
“How do you not hate me? I am English.”
“I hadna noticed, Maddie. Truly,” she said when Maddie looked up. Humor lit their eyes and both started laughing.
Katie inhaled a long shuddery breath again. “I doona hate ye in the least. ‘Tis the truth, in a home full of men, I love ye as a sister- as the sister I’ve always wanted and needed.”
“I feel the same.” Maddie smiled and gave her a tight hug. This was the sweetest thing anyone had ever told her.
“Are you sleeping well?”
Katie grimaced. “As well as I can. I have night terrors. Ye have helped me a great deal. When ye kept me company, ye took me out of my head. I’m nay sure I will ever truly heal, but I am hopeful that I can have some normalcy to my life again.”
Maddie nodded in understanding. “I’ve never truly felt wanted, Katie. ‘Tis odd that in the most unlikely of places, I do.”
“We want ye here, Maddie. We all adore ye, ye know.”
Maddie laughed. “Don’t be silly. I am in debt for your family’s hospitality, but I’m near to overstaying my welcome. I do love this family. It is a family that I’ve never had, and one that I have always wanted.”
It hurt her to say it, but she saw too many differences between her family and Katie’s. The differences were too many to ignore them any longer. The realization of who her family was, was finally coming upon her despite how painful it was to see it.
“But I thought we were similar, Maddie. Ye were the youngest and had three older brothers.”
“Aye, but none of them as good as Connor, Iain, and Kiel.”
Maddie shared with Katie the story about her past. She confided the truth behind her cleaning frenzy and the truth about Binouix.
“They just left ye with that man, Maddie? That’s nay acceptable!” Maddie almost laughed at Katie’s words. She sounded like Connor. He always said that.
“I have thought about it and I know now, Katie, that it was not proper. I have to think, though, that somehow my father was looking out for my interests. I have to,” Maddie said sighing and looking off into the distance.
Katie looked at her profile. She didn’t tell her what she was thinking, for it was apparent that Maddie was hurting. Katie wanted to tell her that she wasn’t trying to believe that her father cared, but instead she was trying to convince herself of it. She was seeing things how she wanted to rather than how they were. Her father’s love was nonexistent. He didn’t care for his daughter, but that would be for Maddie to figure out for herself.
*****
Connor was surprised that Maddie hadn’t asked more questions about her father. She asked why he hadn’t come for her only once after her sickness. Connor lied and said that he had arranged it so that she could stay visiting here with his family for a while since she enjoyed her time here.
One evening, they stayed longer at the table after his family had finished eating. He noticed her unrest and asked what was wrong.
“Nothing, but thank ye for asking.”
He wasn’t easily dissuaded.
“Maddie,” he said in a soft tone and lifted her chin to look up at him, “What’s wrong? Ye can trust me.”
God she was beautiful! They hadn’t shared another passionate kiss since before her fever, but the tension and heat that were in the room when they were together was enough to light candles.
She stared at him intently and gifted him with a small smile.
“I do trust ye, Connor, more than anyone else.”
She said it with such conviction, he smiled in return. He felt honored and powerful. He felt like he could slay men by merely looking at them. He also felt like the waste of the earth. What would she say if she found out the truth? How would she feel if she knew that he had actually wanted to ransom her when they first met? It would change how she viewed him and how she felt about him, and he couldn’t allow that. She could never find out the truth.
“It’s just that…well…” she meandered. He found it adorable when he didn’t find it annoying.
“Go on, Maddie.”
She smiled again, but it was a sad smile this time.
“I just…oh! I’ll say it!” She paused but continued before she lost her nerve. “Is it horrible for me to feel the way I do?”
Connor held on to his patience.
“How do ye feel?”
“Traitorous!”
He took deep breaths and waited for her to continue.
“Go on, Maddie,” he said, grabbing her hand.
They looked up at each other and their eyes locked. The magnetic chemistry danced between them. She moved her hand from underneath his grasp and looked down.
“I don’t want to go back, Connor. I feel loved and wanted here. Over there, at home, I was so lonely and unhappy. I find myself wondering how I could ever go back to that after I experienced the happiness that I have here. I compare both homes. It was so dreary there and now I see things as they can be, and I’m not sure I can do it,” she said, a tear falling from her eye. “Go back, that is,” she finished in a rough whisper.
Connor grabbed her hand and moved over to her. He gently forced her head on his shoulder.
“Ye doona have to go if ye doona want to, Maddie.”
“What will I do, Connor? I can’t stay here and abuse the hospitality you and your family kindly extended to me. Even if I hadn’t already abused my stay, I am too old and too English to remain here. I just don’t belong. No one wants me. The one man that I loved and he-” she didn’t finish. “I just can’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “‘Twouldn’t be at all proper. My father wouldn’t allow it. Of course he wouldn’t allow it.”
His heart stopped. She loved another? He couldn’t find his breath or any words. He took a minute to gather his thoughts before speaking.
“He what, Maddie? Who do ye love?” His tone was harsher than what he’d intended. He couldn’t help it. His lungs stopped expanding and he couldn’t take in any air. He was growing hot from one moment to the next.
Maddie looked up at him and pulled away, shaking her head.
“No, Connor. ‘Tis impossible!” She stood up. “I cannot be a strain on you and your family any longer, and I cannot go back.” She paused to breathe. Her voice was softer. In a hurtful tone, she said, “and the man that I love…he doesn’t love me back. ‘Tis an impossible situation!”
She ran out of the room, sobbing.
Connor hated it when she ran away from him. He remained sitting at the table, seething. Who did she love, and was that man insane by not reciprocating her love?
He was too late.
Nay! He would make her love him. Damn it! The one woman he should have never cared for, and yet he did.
How cruel fate was, indeed.
*****
“Are you ready? You’ll have to find Katie and I.”
“Maddie, ye scheat, doona ye? We nebber find ye!” a little girl said in her baby voice. Maddie looked down at her and laughed. She was so adorable! She had blond, curly hair with light green eyes. She was only five summers young.
“That’s because she’s a witch! She disappears and comes back like air!”
The little girl, Gretchen, looked up at Maura.
Connor was speaking to someone, but when he saw a crowd and Maura in the center of it, he knew something was amiss. He walked closer to hear better. He hadn’t spoken to Maddie since the night she confessed her love for another man. It had been two of the longest days of his life.
Maddie stepped in front of the children.
“You will not speak like that in front of them. I won’t tolerate it! They’re just children!”
Little Gretchen peeked out from Maddie’s skirts and came forward. She stepped in front of Maddie.
“She canna beeya witch,” Gretchen said as a matter-of-factly. She nodded her head to emphasize her point.
Maura looked down with disgust at the little girl. Gretchen took a small step back and Maddie placed her hands on the child’s small shoulders. Gretchen looked up and Maddie smiled down at her. The child visibly relaxed.
“Why do ye say that?” Maura asked, frustrated.
“She’s too perty! She doesna look lika witch,” Gretchen responded.
“How do ye know what witches look like? What does a witch look like?” Maura mimicked impatiently, not knowing how ridiculous she looked arguing with a five year old child.
Gretchen slanted her head to the side as she seriously thought about the question. Her eyes rounded suddenly.
“Like ye!” Gretchen said, and opened her mouth wide as if only just realizing it. She ran behind Maddie, and peeked from behind her skirts again.
Everyone laughed, and Connor did too.
“Ye little-”
Maddie grew angrier and held up a hand. He hadn’t seen her angry in a while. Connor remained where he was, waiting to enjoy the spectacle about to begin.
“Don’t you dare insult these children!” For every forward step Maddie took, Maura took one back. Parents had long been outside witnessing the commotion.
“They’re as vile as-”
“I’m warning you, Maura. Say what you will about me, but not about them. They are innocents and I won’t let you talk to them in an ill manner. Has it been so long since you’ve been an innocent that you can’t remember what it’s like to be one?”
Maura gasped and everyone laughed at her expense.
“Ye shouldn’t be one to talk, whore, when everyone knows ye carry the Laird’s heir! That’s why ye swooned!” Connor went to move forward, but Iain stayed him. Connor was surprised to see his brother there and looked behind him.
All of his men, including the ones training, were looking at the spectacle. They were grinning, and admiration showed in their eyes as they looked at Maddie. He turned back to look at the beguiling woman.
Anger flashed in her eyes. They seemed to glow. Green crept in the yellow pools, and even from this distance, Connor could see their vibrancy.
“I should be so lucky!” she paused and Connor stopped breathing. Had she just said what he thought she did?
Maddie continued, “He’s a good man, and a good leader. Frankly, he’s near a saint for having allowed you to stay here. I don’t believe that the position of whore at Keisealle is available, however, nor has it been for some time.” Maddie tapped her fingertips on her chin for effect. “How long have you been here, Maura?”
Maura gasped, outraged. The crowd laughed in chorus.
“Ye, ye witch! Why even now yer eyes are glowing! Witch!”
Maddie nodded her head. “Aye, and for my next trick, I plan to make you disappear!”
“How do ye plan on doing th-aaahhht!”
Maddie threw a bucket of water on Maura.
“Ewwww!!!!!” Maura yelled in indignation.
“You better leave before I think of another one!”
The crowd was hysterical with laughter. After looking around at everyone laughing at her, Maura sauntered off. Maddie whirled around, shocked at the many clansfolk who had gathered.
“Ye told ‘er, Lady Maddie,” she heard from the crowd. Everyone nodded and mumbled their agreements.
“Alright. Let’s get back to our duties,” Connor said, walking over to Maddie.
Maddie looked up in surprise. He stood before her, looked down at her, and smiled. Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were gleaming and he looked at her so gently. He brought a hand up to her face and caressed her cheek. She leaned into his hand.
“I’ve missed ye, Maddie.”
She lifted surprised eyes up to his luminous ones.
“I, ah, have been busy, Connor.”
Connor shook his head. Realization struck him hard. It had been him who she was talking about that night. Why else would she have said that she would be lucky to carry his bairn?
“I think ye’ve been avoiding me, Maddie. Why is that?”
She couldn’t think when she was staring into his eyes. She looked down.
“I haven’t been.”
Connor moved her chin up, forcing her eyes to return to his.
“I think ye have, Maddie. Ye’re a bad liar,” he said, smoothly. Maddie’s heart would stop beating if he continued to touch her. Her heart was slowly being sucked out of her and headed towards this gigantic lure of a man.
“I am most definitely not, Conn-”
Connor’s head dove down and kissed her hungrily. His arms wrapped around her and swept her upwards until they were eye to eye.
Maddie was lost in his kiss and in his strong embrace. Her hands flew to his hair and tangled there. She hungrily kissed him back as if she would die if she didn’t. Raw emotions churned within her. She always became lost in his arms.
After a moment, Connor remembered where they were and stopped. He gently placed her back on the ground and kept his arms around her when he saw that she was unsteady. She had an awestruck look on her face and her eyes were hazy with passion. Then he heard applause, whistles, and cheers. They both looked and noticed his clan was still there. He looked at Maddie, and she was as red as he’d ever seen her.
“Kiss ‘er again, Laird! Kiss yer lady,” someone yelled.
Connor looked down at Maddie and she looked horrified. She shook her head vehemently and said, “Don’t you dare, Connor!”
Connor said in a loud booming voice for all to hear, “Aye. I shall kiss my lady again!” Connor dipped his head. This kiss was shorter but the crowd cheered once again.
Maddie stepped back and held a finger out at him to make him stay back. Then her head tipped to one side in confusion and her eyes looked to the right as she thought about it.
“What did you say?”
“My lady.”
An ‘O’ formed on her mouth. “Are we back to formalities then, Laird?”
He laughed and leaned down, brushing a kiss on her lips again.
“We shall discuss this later,” he told her. In a louder voice, he addressed the crowd. “‘Tis sad, but our demonstration has ended. For now that is,” he waited until the cheers died down. “Now get back to work!” Connor said, laughing.
He turned away in the arrogant style he always did. His men smacked him on the back jovially.
Maddie was the only one who didn’t understand his true meaning. She saw him leave and was only made aware that she was staring at his back when Gretchen touched her hand.
“Maddie? Was I a bad gurl?”
Maddie snapped out of her confusion and looked down at Gretchen. She squatted in front of the little girl.
“Nay! I was so proud of you! You were strong, courageous, and truthful. All are fine qualities to be admired, Gretchen,” she said, tweaking the little girl’s nose. Maddie started to tickle her and the Gretchen’s effervescent laughter reached all the way to Connor, who turned back to look. He stared at her with Gretchen, as his heart expanded. She would make a great mother.
“Aye, she would,” Iain said, grinning, as he passed by Connor.
Connor hadn’t realized he’d spoken aloud. Gretchen was still laughing hysterically when Connor turned around, heading in the direction of his men.
“Lady Madeleine is right, Gretchen! Ye showed a lot of courage!”
Maddie stood up to look at Gretchen’s father, Wilson. Gretchen ran to go join the children.
“Thank ye, milady, for being warm with her.”
“Nonsense, Wilson, ‘tis a delight for me to play with the children. They are all so dear! Gretchen is very special. She’s such a wonderful child.”
“It’s been difficult, milady, I mean Maddie,” he corrected himself. “Ye see, it’s been difficult since my Keilsa died. It’s only been me and my little Gretchen.”
“When did Keilsa die?”
Sadness crept into the man’s brown eyes. “She died while birthing Gretchen.”
Maddie found the irony astonishing. She was surrounded by so many people who understood what she had gone through.
“I understand, Wilson. My mother also died while birthing me. But you don’t blame Gretchen, do you?”
He shook his head and inclined his head to the side. Now she knew where Gretchen learned that from.
“Nay, Maddie. She’s the light of my life, she is. Gretchen is the verra image of my Keilsa. She doesna have any women to learn from, but now with ye, she does. She doesna stop talking about ye for a moment. She’s infatuated with ye, she is,” he laughed.
Maddie looked intently at the man. She couldn’t help but compare this father to hers. It hurt like hell to realize that Wilson was the type of father that Maddie had always wanted, and that she had stupidly believed her father to be him.
“We are all appreciative, Maddie. Many of us, even those families with mothers and fathers, are busy throughout the day, so much so that it is difficult to look after our children and do our duties. The children often help us. It builds good character and they must learn life skills, but they are children and need to play. With ye caring for the children as ye’ve done, it has helped us immensely. We are all so grateful to ye. Ye’re an angel.”
Maddie’s eyes swam with tears.
“One day, Wilson, you’ll find a woman who will love you and your daughter. Until then, this is a clan and we must all help one another. It is a clan that raises a child, not just one or two of the child’s parents.”
He smiled, nodding. Maddie gave him a quick hug.
“Ye’re special, Maddie, and everyone, especially our Laird, knows that.” He looked at her in the eyes, said goodbye, and walked back to his duties.
Maddie walked up to Katie who was with the children.
“Well, our game has been postponed long enough! These crazy adults,” Maddie said, making a dramatic sigh. The children giggled.
“Alright! Ye know what ye must do- find Maddie and me! Now, all of ye turn around and no peeking! Count to twenty like we’ve been showing ye and then find us,” Katie instructed.
Maddie and Katie made silent motions to show where they would hide. They decided to hide together this time.
“One…two…” Daniel started counting.
“Ah, ah, ahhh! That’s too fast, Daniel. You know better!” Maddie said, and the children laughed again. “Start over!”
*****
“What has ye so distracted, Laird? Could it be yer Lady?” a young trainee asked.
Yer lady. My lady. He liked the sound of that. He couldn’t wait to talk to Maddie this evening.
“Ye’re going to lose yer ear if ye keep daydreaming, Connor,” Iain said, chuckling.
Connor snapped out of his reverie, and stood at command. He motioned for his brother to come forward.
“I’ll show ye who will lose his ear. And tongue!”