Forty
Connor sat down on a bench facing the door. She was expecting his bairn and he had missed the last couple of months of her growing with child.
His child.
All this because he stupidly didn’t read into the letter, and because he hadn’t trusted his instincts and heart that told him that she wasn’t dead.
Connor thought she had staged her death and wanted to get away from him. He wanted to weep with happiness when he saw her alive. He heard footsteps and looked over to his left. Sister Margaret walked towards him.
“How is she?”
“She is in pain, Laird. She has had a difficult couple of months.”
“She mentioned to me that ye always want her calm. Why is that, except for the obvious reason of her condition?”
“Come with me, Laird. You must be weary and have thirst. Have some soup with this old woman, and I shall tell you everything.”
Connor nodded and followed the woman into a dining hall. Once settled with warm soup and a cup of ale, both conversed.
“Maddie came here very fraught and scared. The poor girl actually thought you didn’t love her.”
“What makes ye believe that I do?” he asked her reservedly.
The nun smiled.
“You’re here with me now, aren’t you?” She paused and told him, “Maddie revealed to me that she was carrying. She insisted on doing garden work and sewed things for the baby. A month after arriving here, it was her fourth month with child, she began cramping.”
“She had a small belly before she left our home. I stupidly thought it was due to weight gain,” Connor said gruffly.
“Easy now, Laird. All will mend.”
He nodded. “Please Sister, Connor will do,” he said and almost smiled because he sounded like Maddie.
“Very well, Connor.” Her lips smiled briefly. “Once the cramps began, I worried for they were not good signs.”
Connor’s face paled.
“Nay, please do not tell me that. She will survive!” he said passionately.
She patted his hand.
“I cannot give false assurances, Connor, but God has protected Maddie well throughout her life.”
“Sister, I thought her to be dead. She left a letter. Here, read it,” he said, handing it to her.
Once she read it, she looked up.
“I know logically that she would never take her own life but it sounded as if she had. That, in conjunction with the torn hood we found in a loch, had me believing after a time that she had taken her life.”
“I can see how, Connor. Do not blame yourself, for the evidence was strong.”
“I have lost her, Sister. I have accused her of feigning her death. I have lied to her about how we first met and my intentions towards her. I canna undo this, and she will not forgive me. Nay, she doesna love me, Sister.”
“You’re very mistaken, Connor. She is madly in love with you.”
“But she says she doesna trust me.”
“She does, deep down. Just give her time, Connor. She thought that you didn’t love her- that you had given up on your marriage. In a short period of time, everything she thought she knew was proved false. Again.”
“I canna live without her, Sister Margaret. These last few months, I have only merely existed. I was numb, uncaring, and unfeeling except for the pain that was left within me.”
She patted his hand.
“I will do all that I can, for I see the love between you two.”
Lady Margaret led Connor to an empty chamber.
“The other chambers have been filled with the men who came with you. This room is a little far from Maddie’s, but you’ll see her enough in the morning. Keep some distance and she will come around.”
With that said, she wished him a good evening and left.
Connor looked around the room. After appeasing his curiosity, he stretched out on the bed, and contemplated the day and the last few months.
Connor recalled the last night they were together. Maddie’s mood had been odd. The way they had made love had been the most passionate joining they’d ever experienced. She had told him again and again that she loved him. Connor remembered the tone of her voice, and the tightness of her arms. He understood it now for what it had been then.
She had been saying goodbye.
Connor found it difficult to breathe. He choked through a cough as his eyes grew moist. He closed them in pain. He had done this to them. His breath came and left him in rough pants. He opened his eyes and shook his head. His neck muscles strained as he fought the hatred for himself. Their love was pure and true, damn it, despite the foundation on which it had begun.
‘Twas a miracle. Not only was his Maddie alive, but she was also carrying his bairn. Hope surged in his soul. He closed his eyes, this time in appreciation, and heard the thunk of his heart. He felt the organ come to life in his chest with the prospect of being paired with its mate again.
Connor wiped a hand down his face and sighed. He wouldn’t give up on her. Nay. He wouldn’t give up on them, neither her nor the baby. He wouldn’t lose her again, and he would destroy anything that dared to separate them.