Thirty-Nine
Maddie heard the door open but she immediately knew that it wasn’t Sister Margaret, for she would have said something by now to allay Maddie’s fears. Maddie was so tense she nearly cried out. Worried tears began to form in her eyes as she kept her back hunched and her head bowed. She didn’t have to feign praying; her lips moved with desperation and earnestness.
Heavy footsteps?
Had something happened to Sister Margaret?
The stranger approached. She heard his steps move closer and she huddled further into the hooded robe Sister Margaret lent her. Sweat began to form on her forehead and the baby within her did cartwheels. She moved her hand to her belly and rubbed it hurriedly. She folded her hands and placed them on the armrest again. She gripped them so tightly she stopped the blood flow.
The stranger climbed the short steps and stood before her. All she saw were boots, for she didn’t dare move her head.
Standing there, Connor wasn’t sure that it was her. The hood blocked all view of her face. His heart beat faster. His skin prickled and his breath caught.
Was he going to get a second chance to be with the love of his life?
“Sister?” His voice was low and a tad uncertain.
He knew it was her just then. Her hands betrayed her; they were smudged with dirt.
“Sister?” he asked again, more aggressively.
Good Lord! It was Connor!
“Are ye mute?”
She nodded her head yes.
Connor wanted to smile and would’ve if he hadn’t wanted to throttle her.
“Madeleine, quit with this farce. I know ‘tis ye.”
She stayed huddled down.
“Maddie!” he said harshly.
Her head snapped up, and angry golden eyes collided against blue fierce ones.
Connor was momentarily stunned by the changes he saw on her face. She had gained a considerable amount of weight. Black shadows were underneath her eyes. Fatigue was apparent in every beautiful feature of her striking face.
“So ye were here all along not caring what yer deceitful actions have done to my family or my clan,” he said in such a hard voice that it almost made her cry. “Or me.”
“You have nerve to speak of deceitful actions, Laird, when you reign as king on that throne!” she said bitterly.
“My mother, Katie, and my father. Kiel and Iain. All of them were heartbroken! Have ye no care? Was it so terrible to be married to me, Madeleine?” he asked cruelly, but whispered the last part painfully.
“You purposefully left yourself out of that list of names, but no pretense need be made, Laird, for I know well you were not heartbroken. I did what I needed to do!”
He ignored her former comment and focused on the latter.
“‘Tis unforgivable!”
“Unforgivable! ‘Tis sinful to speak so frankly before God, but you have nerve to speak of unforgivable acts when I know that you married me solely because you couldna bed me otherwise! Aye, and bed me for vengeance you did!” Maddie said shouting. She remained kneeling on the floor, disguising the full extent of her condition. She wondered if Miriam had told him anything. “You’re a damn hypocrite.”
“Ye never gave me the opportunity to explain! Ye jumped to premature conclusions, Madeleine. But ‘tis no good now, for what ye have done is unforgivable!” he bellowed.
“We are in the Lord’s house and don’t you dare yell in here or at me!” she shouted.
“Ye are yelling!”
“‘Tis only because you are an insufferable duplicitous brute!”
“Me?” he laughed cruelly. “Ye have led my family and my clan through purgatory. And me. Ye left me devastated, Madeleine!” His nostrils flared. Connor’s jaw clenched so tightly he feared he’d crack a tooth.
Maddie saw a muscle throbbing in his neck.
“I know ‘twas horrible to leave, but I left a note! At least I showed more consideration than you had ever shown to me,” she explained vehemently.
Frustrated tears fell down her face when she realized that she would never have another opportunity with Connor. Then she grew angrier at the absurd thought. How dare it be his choice! He should be begging her for forgiveness. More tears fell down from her face when she directed the anger at herself for her momentary weakness.
Maddie clenched her hands tightly. Her lips trembled, but she didn’t know if it was from anger or sadness.
She would never return to him.
“Consideration? Ye must be daft woman! To feign yer own death to escape Keisealle and me at the expense of my family-”
“To w-what?” Maddie sputtered. Her eyes rounded in shock and confusion.
“Feign. Yer. Death.”
He just wanted to grab her and take her into his arms.
To kiss her all over.
To shake her.
He cursed himself for the weakness.
“I did not feign my death! How dare you accuse me of such a sin!” Her eyes were darker and her lips were pressed into a line.
“Doona deny it. Do not lie to my face, for I’ll not take it!”
She stood up suddenly, as fast as she could given her condition, and jabbed a finger in his direction. She forgot about disguising her condition.
“You ass! I did not feign my own death. I left you a letter with my whereabouts hidden in a riddle so that you could find me if you so had the inclination! And you didn’t! I should have known after all. How could I be so delusional? And now, you come to make me miserable here as well? Leave!” she screamed, pointing her finger at the door down the aisle.
Connor didn’t do anything. In fact, he didn’t even breathe. He just stared.
Her belly.
It couldn’t be.
“Ye…” he cleared his throat and began anew, “ye…uhh… have gained a lot of weight, Madeleine,” he said clumsily.
“Aye, and ‘tis your fault, too. ‘Tis not food I carry in this belly, for if it were, it would be one long malady of indigestion that kicks and moves!”
The force of what she said shook Connor. His knees were weak.
He looked into her eyes with confusion.
“Ye’re expecting?” he whispered hoarsely. “‘Tis my bairn.”
“Aye, I am expecting, and nay, it is not your baby.”
“Not my baby? Ye couldna be carrying another’s bairn.” His chest heaved with emotion.
“‘Tis not your baby, ‘tis mine, and you won’t take it away!”
“Ye were expecting all this time?” he asked brokenly.
The blood had drained from his face.
A bairn.
His Maddie was carrying his bairn.
“Why? Why did ye leave and not say anything? Why did ye have to feign yer death?” he asked in a hurtful whisper.
“I didn’t!” She almost stomped her foot on the floor. “I didn’t feign my death. Why would you think that?”
He took out her letter.
“You have my letter?” she murmured, surprised.
“Everywhere. Near my heart. I carry it everywhere since ye’ve been gone,” he said softly, looking from her golden eyes to her protruding belly.
Connor read the contents of her letter and she heard the words from a different frame of mind. After he finished, he told her about the hood they found in the loch.
“But it fell off my shoulders while the horse was in gallop. I couldn’t risk stopping to retrieve it.”
She confessed her side of the story and Connor looked as if he believed her.
“Maddie, I-”
“What is this?” she asked and reached out to touch the leather cord around his neck. She pulled it out and her hand dropped to her side. “You wear this around your neck?” Her voice was tremulous and pain cloaked her eyes. Maddie’s watery gaze lifted from the ring to his eyes.
“Aye. Every day since.”
She inspected him closely. He was more muscular. His shoulders were broader. His skin was bronzer. There were lines around his eyes and dark circles resting beneath.
Maddie placed her hand to her brow and wavered on her feet. Stretching one hand out, he steadied her.
“Easy.”
“Wooo,” she said laughing. She placed a hand over her belly, rubbing and patting it.
“What?” he asked worriedly.
Maddie took his hand and brought it to her stomach. The baby did another cartwheel. His mouth dropped open and formed into a smile. Surprised blue eyes, lit with amazement and wonder, met hers.
She was so large!
“Very active. The baby keeps me up at night,” she said, laughing as the baby moved again.
He grew suddenly serious.
“Maddie, we need to talk.”
The smile melted off her face.
“Nay,” she shook her head. “There is nothing to discuss, Connor. I will not allow the baby to be used as temporary mortar to mend this irreparable marriage.”
Connor couldn’t let her go.
Not now. Not ever.
“Maddie-”
She cut him off when she had a cramp.
“Ugh.”
Maddie placed her hand on her stomach and hunched her shoulders. Connor saw her grimace.
“What? What is it?” His heart stopped. Connor’s throat tightened and he was barely able to swallow. This was the delicate condition Sister Margaret had mentioned.
“Pains. I’ve had them for a while now. Sister Margaret always wants me calm,” she said and gave a sad smile.
He cursed himself for upsetting her.
“‘Tis better to leave with the morning light. We will need to stay the night here.”
Maddie shook her head.
“I am not leaving here, Connor. This marriage was a pretense. It was begun with affectations of love and continued with such,” Maddie said, working the woodiness out of her legs by taking small steps.
“I love ye, Maddie.”
She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. I could never trust you again.”
“NO! Maddie, ye must come back with me!”
She shook her head solemnly.
“Do ye not love me anymore?”
“Love means nothing without trust, and I do not trust you.”
She began to walk to the door.
“We’re sleeping in the same room tonight. I will protect ye.”
“Nay you’re not, and ‘tis quite safe here.”
“Nay, Maddie. I will-”
Another pain gripped her. She moaned. Connor placed a hand on her back.
“Nay, you will not. You will sleep in another room,” she said in a painful whisper.
Fearing that he would cause more cramps, he agreed. “Yes, I will stay in another room.”
She nodded, and continued walking. Connor hovered over her to make certain that she wouldn’t fall.
Sister Margaret was suddenly there. She saw the strain on Maddie’s face.
“I’ll help you to your room, Maddie. Laird, please remain here and I shall take you to yours.” Not waiting for an answer, she took hold of Maddie’s elbow and led her away from Connor.
Connor’s heart broke anew at seeing her leave his side, even if for the night. His chest tightened. He fisted his hands.
“Goodnight, Maddie,” he called out.
She turned back but continued walking without saying a word. He stood there watching the other half of his heart and soul walk away from him.