Twenty-Eight
The next couple of weeks were back to normal. Everyone enjoyed the amusement provided by Connor and Maddie. Sometimes the family and guests even fought as to who would sit or stand front row to witness up close the fire between the two. Much to everyone’s delight and expectations, Maddie won most of the arguments. It was utterly refreshing for Connor. Thank the Lord everything was normal again.
Maddie was happy and at peace. Since the day of Maura’s confrontation, Maura hadn’t bothered her. She had heard from Kirk that Connor threatened Maura and ordered her to leave. Maddie continued to spend her days playing with the children and doing a little light cleaning. She couldn’t explain why it was that she was still feeling ill. Every morning her stomach turned over. Many times, she felt lightheaded throughout the day. She kept sleeping more and more, and felt oddly weak. Now, she didn’t really have to force feed herself large portions. Nay, all she wanted to do was eat. She was cleaning her and Connor’s chamber when Miriam came in to converse with her.
“I believe that it’s time for her to return and face her fear, Maddie,” Miriam said.
“I agree. It needs to be done slowly. Returning to the McLeans will bring back a host of emotions and memories, but perhaps ‘tis best that she face her fear, else, she’ll never return there and see her dear friend Cassie,” Maddie responded while storing away her freshly cleaned and sun-dried dresses.
“Yes, ye’re right, Maddie. I knew ye’d help me resolve this conflict. What’s the matter?” Miriam asked when she witnessed Maddie grabbing hold of the bedpost for support.
“Oh, Miriam, I’m not sure! When Connor was being so distant with me and I thought he didn’t love me any longer, I was in such turmoil. I woke every morning feeling ill, and would empty my stomach. I fainted and grew dizzy frequently because of the worry that he no longer loved me. Now, even after his renewed vow of love, my symptoms remain the same. I still wake up with a weak stomach that I must still run to empty. I am still lightheaded. Now, though, I sleep too much and instead of force-feeding myself food, I find that I actually have an extremely large appetite,” Maddie said with obvious distress as she sat on the bed.
Miriam smiled. Maddie looked up and caught the showing of teeth.
“Miriam, why are you smiling like the kitten who licked the cream? Something could seriously be wrong with me. I might be suffering from a deadly ailment, and I am so frightened,” Maddie said and burst into tears.
Miriam came over and rubbed Maddie’s back, bringing her into her arms.
“I doona smile at yer belief that ye are ill, Maddie. It would sadden me greatly if ye had a deadly ailment, much like a mother saddened when losing a child.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate that you would. You see,” Maddie said making a gesture, “I’m overly emotional, too.” Tears fell from her eyes.
“Maddie, ye arena suffering from a deadly ailment. Nay, ‘tis the opposite in fact. Ye are experiencing one of the greatest joys a woman can experience.”
Maddie looked up with perplexity.
“When was the last time ye had yer monthly?”
“I can’t remember. Probably since a month after my marriage to Connor. Yes! That’s it. I haven’t had it since then,” Maddie replied, still not catching on.
“Ye’ve been married for how long now? Four months?”
“Four and a half months,” Maddie corrected.
“It was after then,” Miriam said.
“After then, what?”
“That ye got with child,” Miriam said and waited for a reaction.
Maddie’s eyes grew wide and her hands instinctively went to her stomach.
“Miriam! I’ve had to let my dresses out some but I didn’t think anything of it since I had been eating more portions,” Maddie said smiling.
“Ye are carrying, Maddie!”
Maddie hugged Miriam, laughing.
“I am so excited! We must keep this silent from Connor and everyone, Miriam! I want it to be perfect when I tell him. Mayhap in a couple of days.”
“Oh, then Katie and I shall miss his reaction, but I will keep this a secret from all until ye decide to share this wonderful news.” Miriam hugged Maddie.
“I’m scared, Miriam. What if I die in childbed?”
“I will be there for ye, Maddie. Ye will not die in the childbed so take the thought out of yer mind. I didna die, and ye willna either. I couldna be happier that ye are having my first grandbairn. Ye will be a great mother. Of that I am positive. And Connor- he’ll be overprotective, but he’ll be a good husband and father.”
Maddie’s face was flush with happiness. Her hug was tight when she embraced Miriam. Finding that she was tired again, Maddie sprawled on the bed for a nap when Miriam left.
*****
Connor came in later that evening. When he saw Maddie wasn’t seated at the dinner table, he headed upstairs and saw her sleeping. Connor returned downstairs to get a plate of food for her. When he stepped into the bedroom again, she was up and groggy.
“You brought food up for me?” she smiled at him, rubbing her eyes.
“Yes,” he said, smiling in return. “Are ye feeling alright, Maddie?”
“Yes, just tired,” Maddie said, reaching for the food.
“I’m content that ye have opened yer appetite. Ye are gaining weight.”
She decided to tease him. “You know, Connor, it’s rude to point out a woman’s weight gain,” she said seriously.
He was quiet, pondering her statement. He stared at her, uncertain what to say. She started laughing and a smile spread his face.
“Maddie, I’ve been meaning to ask ye what ye meant that day with yer comment about the difference between man and wife, and husband and wife.”
Her lips widened in a small smile as she finished chewing.
“‘Tis simple, Connor. A man has been a man since he ceased being a boy. Pronouncing us man and wife doesn’t add responsibility to ye, nor a new title, but the woman must accept a new role, life, and title. At marriage, a man becomes a husband and a woman becomes a wife. To pronounce that a man is still a man yet the woman is now a wife, seems to infer that the man has no new responsibilities. It almost seems as if being a woman wasn’t enough to retain the title after the union.” She shrugged as her cheeks took on a rosy hue. “I had a lot of time to think about this when I lived with my father.”
Connor sat back, thinking. While her explanation was a bit confusing, he had to admit that it made sense to him. He knew she was intelligent, but her insight was remarkable.
“That is interesting, Maddie. Yes, I can see yer logic. I apologize. Ye’re right. We are husband and wife, nay man and wife.”
Maddie smiled and leaned in for a kiss. After eating, she looked so tired that he couldn’t bring himself to exhaust her further with lovemaking. Instead, he was satisfied by simply holding her tightly in his arms.
*****
The following morning, Maddie awoke and wasn’t surprised to find out that it was half past the day. She knew that on days when she overslept, Katie would be playing with the children while they waited for her to appear.
Maddie went outside and it was time to play a game of Hide-and-Go-Seek. The rules had long since changed, though. Markers, consisting of red cloth on stakes, were now posted. Maddie, Katie, and the children were to stay within the limits. They were in place since the day after Binouix had taken her.
As was the usual strategy to outlast the children, Maddie and Katie hid separately. She peeked and hid back when one of the children ran by. Maddie crouched, inhaling deeply from the close call. She heard warriors conversing nearby and couldn’t help but listen in.
“I’m not one for gossiping, Sean, but I heard something interesting.”
Sean snickered. “Well, out with it, Patrick. Who does it concern?”
“Lady Madeleine.”
Maddie’s heart skipped. Gossip about her? She hid better to make sure no one found her.
“What about our mistress?”
“I overheard Connor’s men talking, and heard the real reason for Lady Madeleine’s presence here.”
“But I thought that she was rescued by our laird,” Sean said.
“Nay,” Patrick said, and continued, “it was his plan all along to bring her here.”
Maddie took in a breath and held it. What was Patrick talking about?
“This is a lengthy story, so doona interrupt me,” the warrior said surly. “I hate it when ye do that.”
“Alright, then, get on with it!”
He pursed his lips but continued with his tale. “One of Lady Madeleine’s brothers violated Lady Katherynne. Sir Malcolm provided information about the Wynton family and a plan was developed for vengeance days after Lady Katherynne’s defilement,” Patrick said.
Maddie’s heart stopped beating. One of her brothers violated Katie? Bile crept up her throat. She felt like stones were in her stomach.
“I overheard Kirk’s conversation with Iain yesterday.”
“Why were they talking about this so freely?” He looked skeptically at his friend.
“They didna know I was there. It was Iain who was remarking as to the significant change our laird has undergone since Lady Madeleine’s arrival.”
“Continue, Patrick,” Sean urged.
“The night that the pact was made, our laird thought to have a group of our men take Lady Madeleine from her land and then he would later rescue her to make it seem as if he were noble in cause. They were to bring her back here, where he was going to seduce her in order to bring shame to her and the Wyntons.”
Maddie shook her head in disbelief as tears began to fall from her eyes. She forced herself to stay and hear the rest of the story.
“As it turns out, our men didna have to take Lady Madeleine for it was Athyn who took her and one of his men had mistreated her. I couldna hear why they took her, for Kirk and Iain had lowered their voices considerably. Laird Connor rescued her from Athyn and the plan went forward.”
“So ye mean to say that our laird married Lady Madeleine for vengeance,” Sean asked, laughing at the incredulity. “That is nay something to joke upon, Patrick. Nay, ye pull my leg. The marriage of a laird is no trivial matter.”
Patrick shook his head.
“He didna set out to marry her. Before leaving to find Lady Madeleine in England, Iain warned our Laird that he would have to woo the lady, something Laird Connor isna adept at. As I see it, when he saw that seducing Lady Madeleine was difficult- remember how pious and obsessed with cleaning she was- he thought the best recourse would be to marry. Hell, ye remember our laird had no intention of ever marrying. He never wanted to. So, I guess he figured it would be more practical to get married for vengeance than to stay unmarried. I figured he bedded Lady Madeleine and intends to let her go back to her family shamed that he had managed to seduce her. That she had willingly gone to his bed with a Scot, no less, is a graver insult than him forcefully taking her innocence. Iain said that our laird had stated that getting her to fall in love with him would be all the more sweeter.”
“But she is still here, Patrick. That proves that what ye overheard is false.”
Maddie nodded her head in fearful agreement.
“Nay, Sean. Remember when Lady Madeleine and Laird Connor were in rough waters? I believe she found out the truth and after some time, they worked it through. Perhaps they’ve overcome this.”
“And if not?” Sean asked.
Maddie grew more ill by the moment. She was devastated. Her eyes burned from threatening tears.
“Then either he’s truly in love with her, which is difficult to believe since it was one of her brothers who violated Lady Katherynne, or she doesna know and he continues this farce of a marriage for vengeance.”
“That is foolish. What if a bairn results?”
“Ye are simpleminded, arena ye Sean?” Patrick asked, laughing. “He needs an heir to continue the line. If he gets one from this marriage, better for him. He wasna intending to get married anyway, and probably would have ended up accepting a bastard as his legitimate heir if he hadna married.”
“Ye’re telling me that he wouldna care about having a bairn with the enemy?”
“Nay! A bairn born out of a marriage is in a much better position than one born out of bastardry, even if the legitimate heir is half English and an enemy.”
“So he would keep the bairn and send her off?” Sean snorted.
“Aye, havena I said as much!” Patrick snapped, annoyed.
Maddie’s hand covered her stomach protectively and continued listening on. No, he wouldn’t keep the baby!
“To make matters more interesting, Laird Connor asked for a ransom. Many letters were exchange between the two parties. He thought it would be a waste not to. He never anticipated that her family wouldna care about her, much less nay even give a fig in exchange for her return.”
Maddie felt ashamed. She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Aye, and Laird Connor referred to a child of their union as a bastard bairn touched by the devil’s hands.”
“Patrick, why would he refer to his heir by such a description?” he asked doubtfully. He pushed the other man.
“Watch it, damn it,” he said, rubbing his shoulder. “I doona know, Sean. I repeat what I hear. He got what he wanted, though, for Lady Madeleine is in love with Connor and she willingly went to his bed. Aye, he got what he wanted alright.”
Those words brought back the memory of their wedding night when she had foolishly told him she wished she could give him a gift. He’d said that he’d gained what he wanted.
Sean pushed Patrick playfully. “Ye’re like a gossiping woman.”
Patrick snickered. “Aye, but tell me that wasna a bit of juicy gossip.”
Sean laughed. “Aye, it was.”
Maddie turned and left. Tears streamed down her face as she raced for the castle. Katie spotted her and stopped her.
“What is the matter, Maddie?”
“I’m not feeling well, Katie. Please, I must go rest,” Maddie said and hurriedly left.
Miriam was nearby.
“It’s alright, Katie. Leave her. She’ll be fine,” Miriam said, smiling inwardly. Aye, the bairn was making Maddie ill, but in time, she’d feel better.
Once upstairs, Maddie closed the door and everything started spinning.
No!
Get a hold of yourself.
There was more at risk than just her life. Her baby was in jeopardy. In the anteroom, Maddie searched Connor’s desk for the letters. Part of her was hoping she wouldn’t fine them. She hoped that what she heard the men talking about was a delusion she’d had in the hot sun.
Maddie found them and her legs failed beneath her. She fell on the floor with the letters in hand and read them. Even her own letters to her father were there.
How foolish she had been!
She had been foolish and naïve!
More tears glided down her face. She hadn’t wanted to believe what Patrick said but now she had evidence.
It was all a lie!
Her marriage.
His love.
Lies. They were all lies. Everything between them was a lie.
Hate.
He hated her.
All of them knew? Miriam? Katie? Did they? Was that why Miriam was happy? Because she was getting a legitimate grandchild from her marriage-loathing son?
To think that Connor had lied to her about being saved. He really thought she was damned.
A bastard bairn touched by the devil’s hands!
Dear Lord, what a foul way to refer to any child.
Nay.
Maddie couldn’t allow his poison to destroy her baby. Had Miriam lied about her mother as well? Maddie wondered if Miriam’s mother still lived.
“What am I going to do?”
Her mind reeled and her stomach lurched. She ran over to the chamber pot and emptied her stomach. She had to think. She couldn’t stay here, but how could she leave? Maddie rinsed her face with water in an attempt to clear her head.
There were so many guards! Even if she made it out of Connor’s land, how would she reach the border when she didn’t know which way to go?
Katie and Miriam. They were leaving to the McLeans.
“Yes!”
Perfect. They would lead her to the border. She would have to follow closely behind as if part of the procession. Maddie would follow with her hood. If she could sneak passed the red marker stakes on the east side where the forest was, it would be difficult for the men to see her from the towers.
Now that a plan was formulated, she gave into her tears. She settled herself on the bed and began to cry. She had never cried like this in her entire life, for nothing hurt her as much as what happened today.
Connor came in just then. He feigned his alarm. She saw through it and had the urge to vomit again.
Remain calm. He mustn’t know that you know.
“What is the matter? Why the tears?” he asked as he came over to the bed. He sat down and reached out to touch her face.
“Nothing, Connor. I’m just fine,” she responded. She wanted to move her head backwards to avoid his touch but she resisted the urge.
Miriam lightly tapped the door and came in.
“Maddie, I brought ye this to drink. It will soothe yer stomach.”
“What is wrong with her stomach?” Connor asked concerned.
How deceitful he is.
And Miriam. How could she have been a part of this?
Maddie was grateful that Miriam promised her that she wouldn’t tell anyone about the baby. This would give her much needed time. Hadn’t Miriam told her earlier today that Katie agreed to go to the McLeans and that they would be spending a month there?
Aye! That would be better for her, too.
Miriam brought Maddie back to the present.
“She has still been feeling ill, Connor. Ye gave her quite a scare when ye were distant with her. It takes time for the physical symptoms to leave, even though she knows ye love her,” Miriam said, smiling gently.
Miriam was helping her plan without her even knowing it. Maddie was able to breathe easier.
“I see,” Connor responded thoughtfully.
“Yes, Connor. Please understand that Maddie will be moody and emotional for a time. Here, Maddie, take this. This will calm ye. I’ll see ye downstairs.”
“Are ye certain ye’re alright?” Connor asked when Miriam left.
“Yes. Please do not worry. Your mother is right. It’ll take some time to adjust back again. Even if it has been a few weeks,” Maddie said, anticipating his next comment.
That evening, after the meal, Maddie sat by the fire as usual. She couldn’t break habit. He’d see right through it.
“Are ye ready to go to our chambers?” Connor asked.
Maddie shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to make love with Connor. Although her heart soared at the thought, her head screamed in refusal.
Her stupid, dumb, traitorous heart.
“I would like to stay and knit for a spell longer. I’ll be up shortly.”
Connor nodded, wanting to give her the room that he felt she needed in order to come to terms with the fact that he indeed, loved her. He looked at her lovingly and went upstairs.
Maddie sat by the fire and knitted. After a few moments, she felt a presence and looked up. Maura stood there and her appearance gave her goose pimples over her skin.
“I want ye gone, Madeleine. I’m warning ye to leave, or ye shall pay the consequences,” Maura said, her voice had an eerie note to it.
Maura’s eyes reflected the barren soul that was housed in her body. She was an ominous presence and Maddie grew very afraid. She felt the evil spewing from her.
“That is yer last warning. He doesna love ye,” Maura said and turned to leave.
How right she was.
Maura stopped again and turned, giving Maddie a blank, ghost-like glower. Empty eyes and a hollow stare made Maddie involuntarily shudder. Maura saw her reaction and flashed a cold, eerie smile, and slowly walked away.
Maddie began trembling and when Maura was gone, she placed her hand over her small growing belly, and rubbed it gently. Maddie was wound so tight, she felt she would soon snap.
Maura had been right all along.
Connor didn’t love her.
And yes, she had to leave.
*****
Days later, Maddie’s reprieve from the façade that had become her life came with ease. As it turned out, Connor would be gone for a week to another clan, Munroe or Menzies, she thought she heard him say.
During the last few days, Maddie had been distant. It was convenient that Connor thought she was still distant because of the incident when she doubted Connor’s love for her. What a fool she had been. She had been right all along to doubt him.
Maddie couldn’t help but be aloof. Every night she sewed by the fire in their chamber. She was afraid to sew late in the great room after Maura’s threat, and so she always made sure someone was there with her.
Connor wanted to make love many times but she would always pretend to fall asleep in the chair by the fire. She’d hear him get up, walk towards her, pick her up gently, and carry her to bed. When he placed her down, he’d push her hair back from her face, kiss her forehead, and tell her how much he loved her. It was only once he fell asleep, that she would give in to the tears that burned behind her eyes.
Her heart was shattered into a million pieces and oh, how she wanted to believe that he really did love her.
Connor asked her many times whether she was all right. Maddie would always reply that she was. She’d always catch him staring at her, though, no doubt relishing in the fact that he had successfully conquered the enemy.
Well, he wouldn’t have to feign anything any longer.
Soon, she’d be gone.