Twenty-Nine
Connor felt her aloofness like a knife in his back. She was distant, and it seemed as if it was one moment to the next. Even though she would say she loved him, he felt a difference in her. He now knew how she probably felt when he had acted the same with her a month earlier. For some reason, though, it was no comfort.
He felt his heart constrict when he looked at her. She was so nurturing, loving, happy, intelligent, beautiful… Well the list of her virtues could go on and on. She hadn’t wanted to make love, though.
Nay, he was being overly imaginative.
Maddie would fall asleep every night by the fire in their chamber. He hadn’t brought himself to ask why she was afraid to be left anywhere alone, especially in the great room. He had noticed her skittish behavior but he didn’t want to make the situation worse. In time, she would come around and tell him, and he would listen and do what he could.
He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried. It wasn’t something he relished admitting to, but the worry was there. Many times he just wanted to grab her and hug her, but he didn’t. He knew she needed her space.
These were the hardest last couple of days that he could remember going through. It became worse when he made the decision to leave the castle for a few days. He had discussed his plans with her for once, but she hadn’t even noticed it. Oddly, it felt good to discuss them with her. Connor had expected her to be sad that they would be separated for a short time but she was emotionless.
“I’ll be leaving the castle tomorrow for a little over a week’s time.”
“Really? Why?” she asked, not bothering to look up from her sewing.
That bothered him, but he made no mention.
“I’ll be visiting another clan.” He didn’t elaborate.
“Alright, well, I’ll miss you,” she had said, almost mechanically, still looking down.
Connor got up and slowly went to her. He leaned down and was inches from her face. She hadn’t heard him approach.
“Will ye, Maddie? Will ye miss me?” he asked softly.
Her head snapped up and he saw her glowing golden eyes. They stared at each other for long moments.
Maddie was held still by his blue gaze. This would be the last time she’d see him. It would be the last time she’d ever lay eyes on his beautiful, lying form.
She couldn’t hold back anymore.
The finality of their relationship and their situation hit her. Although he didn’t love her, she loved him. She needed to make love with him again, if only for the last time.
Connor moved in for the kiss but he didn’t have to go far. Maddie met him halfway. Their lips crashed together like violent waves on the shore during a storm. The kiss, so unlike the other paltry kisses from the last couple of days, was explosive. Tongues met and caressed, and moans were set free from her throat like rays from the sun. Connor took her needlework and tossed it on the ground. He picked her up and placed her on the bed.
“I have fantasized about making love to ye for so long. It’s been too long, Maddie,” Connor said thickly, mesmerized by her body.
“It’s only been a week,” she said breathlessly, as she looked into his eyes.
“Seven days too long, love. Ye are in my blood, in my veins, and in my heart. Ye are my soul,” his voice shook with conviction and emotion. “Every breath I take is for ye, just as every heartbeat is for ye. I am nothing without ye.”
Maddie’s heart skipped beats. How she wanted to believe everything he was saying. Dear Lord, tonight she would pretend one last time, and she would believe him.
Tears fell from her eyes. She couldn’t stop them. She was helpless, torn, and devastated.
“What’s the matter?”
“I love you!” she yelled brokenly. Her heart felt as if it would explode. Bitterness, hope, and heartbreak warred against each other in her chest, not allowing air into her lungs.
Maddie’s soul was fragmenting one piece at a time. Her breath was hard to catch. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her to reject him all the while ordering her arms to hug him closer. Her chest seized tighter. She felt physical and emotional pain.
More tears fell from her eyes.
“I love you…I love you…” she chanted on and on in an anguished whisper. The words were set free from the prison she’d sealed them in a week ago. She couldn’t stop them if she tried. It seemed as if the words had minds of their own running through the gate of her lips, wanting to be set free from their confinement. Her voice broke and she sobbed. She placed her palms on both sides of his face and murmured thickly, “I love you.”
Connor studied her, watching the different tormented emotions appear on her beautiful face. He felt his heart stop at the obvious pain on display. But why?
Connor claimed her mouth. Her primal chants of love flayed his chest open, exposing his beating heart. There was a note of dejection and desperation in her voice that he didn’t understand. He didn’t know how to help her, but he could make her forget.
His kiss was hot and searing. He quickly took off her clothes and kissed her all over. She clutched his hair and moaned. She was mindless with the pleasure she had denied them over the last week.
He sucked on her breasts and nuzzled them.
“Connor!”
He moved lower, kissing the little bulge of her stomach. He looked up.
“Ye’re healthier,” he said with a smile, as he kissed her belly. He unknowingly caressed the cocoon where his child was growing.
“Is that your way of telling me that I’m fat?” she asked, laughing. It felt good to laugh again.
“That’s my way of telling ye that I love yer body, Maddie. The body that will one day carry my heir.”
She gasped at how close to the truth he was, and at the reminder that he had indeed wanted an heir from her.
And that was all he wanted from her.
Before the pain could shoot into her heart again, she gasped and groaned as Connor licked the very heat of her.
“Nay, Connor! ‘Tis not right!”
“It is verra right!” Connor said and delved in.
His tongue licked her and he sucked on her nub of pleasure. Maddie’s hips lurched upwards and she screamed out his name. Her hips moved with a grinding rhythm.
Connor responded to her cries. He licked her and sucked on her, as her moans drove him to the brink of insanity. He felt her beginning to unravel and felt the tremors as her release racked her body. He moved back up, kissing a trail from her belly to her breasts.
Connor was perched above her and thrust deeply into her tightness. She didn’t want him to go slow. She pulled him within her forcefully. Her nails dug into his back while her moans enveloped him. He was mindless, feeding off her like a starved man. His back arched, and beads of sweat covered his body and hers. He let loose a lusty, savage, and guttural groan as he pumped into her. His hips snapped with fierce energy and speed.
Maddie was mindless now. All that she knew and felt at that moment was Connor deeply imbedded in her. Her moans rivaled his own.
Connor massaged the nub hidden in her slick folds and Maddie felt her passage tighten in ecstasy. She chanted his name again, mindless to the pleasure he was giving her. Her body was slick with seat. The blood pumping in her veins had a potent drug that made her hover over the edge of bliss. Finally, his hard thrusts took their fire to a new heat and both of them erupted in an explosion.
“I love you!” she screamed and chanted it again. Tears washed down her face.
Connor’s roar of pleasure shook the rafters. He looked down at her, clenching his teeth while breathing through his mouth as he slowly descended from Heaven. She was looking up at him with a weird light in her golden gaze but it was gone in the next blink. The aftershocks of his release made him close his eyes again and groan. He slowly caught his breath and settled on his back, bringing her into his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder.
Connor felt invincible and connected to Maddie once again.
Maddie felt as if her world was ending. She felt as if the happiness she just experienced would always be a memory, never to be visited again.
She played with the thick mat of chest hair. Tears came forward as she realized it would be the last time that she would share this- share the same bed and breathe the same air.
“What is the matter?” he asked as he turned her chin upwards.
She shook her head, while the damned betraying tears fell.
“Tell me, my love,” he said softly.
“I just love you so much,” she said in an anguish whisper that tore at him. Fresh tears streamed down her rosy cheeks.
Finally, he thought. She was breaking through the walls that kept her from him.
“I love ye, too,” he said thickly and kissed her again.
They had made slow, sweet love twice more before giving in to sleep.
The next morning, Connor had left without waking her. Maddie thought about it as she packed her satchel. She carried three dresses that had been let out to accommodate her new and growing size. She also packed food and a lot of it. She had to travel relatively light, though, in the interests of speed and time.
Maddie feigned goodbye to Miriam and Katie when they left. Miriam pulled her aside to say that she couldn’t wait to celebrate the conception of the bairn when they returned.
Maddie inwardly laughed.
Never!
Maddie left the letter she wrote to Connor on the desk. She couldn’t go without letting him know about her feelings.
Maddie had observed others during the last few days, and timed her actions carefully.
The stable master always took noon breaks and Maddie sneaked in. She grabbed a mare, and thank the Lord she was already saddled. Maddie pulled on the hooded wrap loosely around her, not bothering to tie it on. She waited until she saw them pass, counted to twenty, and followed.
They wouldn’t know she was there. She would follow closely behind, but with enough distance between them. After all, she was the best at Hide-and-Go-Seek, and at the moment, she was hiding and no one was seeking.
Maddie followed, but they were going at a rough pace. She went into a full gallop and the hood flew off her shoulders and into the loch furthest from the castle.
She looked back but didn’t dare to stop. It would take too much time and effort to retrieve it, and she didn’t have enough of either. Besides, she didn’t want to lose her ‘escort’.
Maddie was beyond frightened. Terrified was more like it. Hadn’t Connor warned her not to put her safety at risk? Aye, but what did it matter? It was all a lie! It had all been a lie. How long would this trip last? How long to reach the border?
She would have to rest when they stopped. She would have to do as they did, but she would make it. It had taken nearly a week when Connor had brought her to Keisealle. It might take a little longer because Miriam and Katie traveled and would probably require breaks.
It would be just enough time, too. Connor would return to Keisealle when Maddie reached the border. It couldn’t have worked out better.
Maddie had stuffed a feather pillow in the bed and let black fibers show through so that any who entered would think it was her head resting and sleeping. They wouldn’t bother her if they thought she was resting.
Nay.
They knew she still slept a lot.
Her hand moved to her belly.
Maddie was starting to show. Even Connor noticed when they made love. He noticed her little pouch forming. By her guess, she was about three months along.
She would be damned if anyone would take the baby from her, even if she was in love with the one who would attempt it.