Chapter 5

Amelia

I rubbed the hem of Cade’s t-shirt between my fingers. His scent surrounded me and threw me full force back into the tumult of my feelings for him. My eyes canted in his direction. His truck was, well, it was what I’d have expected him to drive. It was a black light-duty truck and decked out with every imaginable high-tech feature, yet also battered and worn. He didn’t have a nimble, four-wheel truck for show. Cade was a man who used the hell out of his vehicles. He was no cardboard cutout alpha man—he was as rugged, mouthwatering, and alpha as a man could get.

In the seven years since I’d seen him, he’d gone from young, rough and wild to all man—raw, rugged, and so damn sexy it nearly set me on fire. He carried a sense of danger with him and a hard edge. I could only imagine the life he’d led. I’d spent seven long years trying to shove every thought about him far out of my mind. The only thing I’d succeeded in was refusing to listen to anything anyone had to say about him. In a town the size of Willow Brook, that was no small feat.

Willow Brook was situated roughly forty-five minutes outside of Anchorage with Denali, the highest mountain peak in North America, rising tall in the distant vistas. With its proximity to Anchorage and Denali National Park and Preserve, Willow Brook was a tourist draw for the hordes of tourists that descended on Alaska the minute the brutal cold blew away with the spring winds. As such, Willow Brook catered to the tourists with a mix of restaurants and shops.

I pondered how I was going to explain any of what had happened with my wedding and quickly shoved those worries away. Sadly, I didn’t have much to say other than the truth. The more pressing concern was what to do about Cade. Fat lot of good it had done me to block out any and all gossip about him. All I knew was he’d left for California as planned for his hotshot firefighter training and stayed on the crew there. He’d offered little else since he’d scooped me up off the floor last night.

A rush of emotion rose inside my chest. Dammit. I felt like an idiot. I’d cried last night in the shower after Cade unceremoniously shoved me off of his lap. I’d been good and drunk, but I couldn’t seem to forget my foolish display. Aside from our initial kiss—which he’d started, dammit—he’d pulled back. Questions flew through my mind. I was starving to know more. Fuck it. I might as well ask. I had nothing to lose.

I glanced his way, and heat coiled low in my belly. His profile was stark against the bright blue sky outside the driver’s side window—strong cheekbones and a blade of a nose with a slight bump in it. I remembered the afternoon he broke his nose. He’d gone mountain biking with his friend John and tumbled off when his front tire bounced off a boulder. Just thinking of that made my heart clench. I knew just about everything about him growing up. Even before we’d started circling each other in high school and then started dating, he’d been entwined in my life. His family lived nearby. To this day, his mother Georgia was close with mine. That had made it awful hard to avoid news about Cade, but I managed it somehow.

My eyes landed on Cade’s hand, hooked loosely over the steering wheel. Strong with a scar winding in a graceful curve over the base of his thumb, I recalled the feel of his hand on me when I woke in the night. I tore my eyes free and swallowed. This was incredibly inconvenient. Sweet Jesus. I hadn’t thought it possible, but I wanted Cade more than ever. A mere day after dumping Earl right before he stood in front of the altar, I was lusting after my ex. The very ex who’d betrayed me.

I’d had to get used to bumping into Shannon around Willow Brook for a few years, but Shannon had since moved to Anchorage, a huge relief. Dealing with Cade’s betrayal had been bad enough, but he’d been blessedly gone. Seeing Shannon had been like jagged glass in a wound. Even worse, our circle of friends had been caught in the middle. The scars ran deep, and to this day, I harbored lingering hurt over the friends who’d declared they couldn’t take sides.

With a mental shake, I brought my focus back to now. Cade was here and he’d kissed me senseless last night. I’d never been a coward and I wouldn’t be one now. “So how long will you be in Willow Brook?” I asked.

Cade glanced my way, his green gaze catching mine and sending my belly in a slow flip. “I’m moving back.”

I felt as if I was falling, my stomach dropping out and my heart beating so fast I could barely breathe.

“What?” I finally managed to ask, my voice coming out raspy.

Cade had looked back to the highway, but his eyes flicked my way quickly and back forward.

Tears pressed at the backs of my eyes, and my chest felt tight. My heart felt like it had been scored deeply, the pain stinging and sharp. I’d so effectively buried my hurt behind walls of anger I was surprised at its ferocity now. Cade being almost a ghost in my life had made it possible for me to keep the walls intact. The surprise of seeing him had sent them tumbling down to rubble and now I was picking my way through, wondering how the hell to pull myself together again. He was moving back? I so totally could not deal with this.

I stared blindly out the window, completely forgetting I’d attempted to start some kind of a conversation with him. The morning had been hard enough, but I’d had things to do, like get dressed and stuff my muddy wedding dress into a bag the hotel receptionist had politely offered me. Now, I watched the landscape roll by. It was midsummer in Alaska with fields of lupine waving purple in the wind. Denali rose tall in the rear view mirror, while lakes and rocky ledges flanked the highway winding toward Willow Brook.

Cade approached a stop where the highway intersected with another. I could feel him glancing in my direction, the feel of his gaze practically burning a hole in the back of my head. Fighting my tears, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I stayed silent and stared out at the view blurred by my tears.

“Amelia?”

I swallowed against the tightness in my throat, but I couldn’t manage to respond. He turned onto the smaller highway leading toward Willow Brook and immediately pulled over into a scenic view location off the side of the highway.

Confused, I glanced over my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

He turned the engine off and looked over at me. “We might as well hash things out now. I mean, I’m back. To stay. We have to be able to stand to see each other. Don’t you think?”

My heart felt like it might crack a rib, it was pounding that hard. Pull yourself together. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Did you think Cade would stay away forever just because it was easier for you? Actually, I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about that. It hurt too much.

I gulped in air and stared back at him, scrambling to gain purchase in my mind. I felt off balance and caught in a riptide of emotions I’d staved off for years.

Cade stared back at me, his gaze direct and unflinching. A mess inside, I fell back on what got me through our break up before—anger.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, almost cringing at my bitchy tone.

He arched a brow and leaned back in his seat, never once looking away. I couldn’t have felt more of a mess if I tried. I had a black eye, wasn’t even wearing my own clothes, and had encountered Cade at probably the worst possible moment I could consider. Seriously. I would’ve had to try to pick a worse time.

“Since you’re still pissed at me, I’m guessing you never bothered to figure out that nothing happened with Shannon and me. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it, but you asked me for a ride, so I figure you at least owe me a chance to clear the air.”

I felt like I was falling again, hurtling through the air with the ground racing up at me. “What?”

“Just what I said. You know, you seem to think you’ve cornered the market on who gets to be pissed off. I had nothing to do with Shannon. I…”

I started to cut him off, but his glare was so dark, I snapped my mouth shut.

“Did you ever even try to find out the shit Shannon pulled?” He shook his head and kept going. “I don’t know what her fuckin’ deal was, but she stirred shit up. You walked in as shocked as me when she showed up. You never stuck around to see me shove her away, or to hear the bullshit she spewed. I. Never. Did. Anything. So while you were busy thinking I screwed you over, I got to wonder why you couldn’t be bothered to find out it might not have been what you thought,” he said, his tone dark and laced with hurt.

He finally snapped his eyes from mine and looked out through the windshield. I sat there stunned, my mind spinning and my gut churning.

“You mean…?”

He swung back to me, lasering me with his gaze. “I mean just that. You iced me out so fast, I never got a chance to explain. I’ll admit I was such a fuckin’ mess after you bolted and blew me off for a whole week. I steered clear of trying to talk to you about this because, well, because I didn’t know if I’d ever come home. By the time I started thinking about it, my mom told me you were with Earl. So…?” He shrugged and looked away again.

I could hardly compute. I’d been clinging to his perceived betrayal for so long, I didn’t know what to think. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “You mean nothing happened with Shannon?”

His green gaze swung my way again, sending my stomach into another tailspin. Dear God. I was a mess on every possible level. My emotions were swirling like a tornado.

“Cade, I…” Flustered, my words sputtered.

His eyes softened, just the slightest bit.

“I know what you saw was bad, but I didn’t even know she was there. She woke me up climbing in bed bare ass naked. That whole morning was a shitshow. You were gone, and I wake up to find fucking Shannon. Then you show up and storm out. Don’t get me wrong, I understood why, but you didn’t give me time to explain anything. When you wouldn’t even talk to me for a whole damn week, I saw red and said fuck it. Took me three damn years to think maybe I should talk to you. By then, you were dating—hell, I don’t know—someone. Time kept passing and then I heard you were engaged to Earl, so I figured it was best to let the past stay in the past.”

Tears were hot in my eyes and I could hardly hear over the rushing sound in my ears. “Why, why would Shannon…?”

Cade shrugged. “Hell if I know. She was your friend.” He started to say something else and stopped, swinging away to look out the window again.

After seven years of holding tight to my anger, I was struggling to let go. Strangely, I didn’t doubt Cade. My anger, my pain and my frustration were all bundled together in a fist inside and looking for another target.

“How come you didn’t try harder to talk to me?” I asked, feeling prickly all over.

After a few beats of silence while the space inside his truck became heavy, he spoke again. “Amelia, look we both blew this one. You had every right to be pissed off walking in on what you did. I knew I had nothing to do with Shannon’s move, but I know how it looked. Maybe if I hadn’t already been scheduled to leave so soon we could’ve kept from blowing things up so completely. By the time I calmed down, my life was in California and you were here. I meant to come back sooner, but then I heard you were with Earl and planning to get married. I, uh…” He paused to stare out the windshield again, his throat moving with a swallow.

“When the job opened up, I figured I’d come home. I missed it, so here I am.”

“What job?” I asked, inanely focusing on the one detail that didn’t hurt to think about.

Cade looked back at me, his gaze inscrutable again. “I took the foreman position with the hotshot crew in Willow Brook.”

I nodded, but couldn’t seem to think what to say next. Everything was all jumbled up inside. A teeny, tiny corner of my heart was doing cartwheels. I’d missed him so damn much for so long. To hear he was moving home was like the sun coming out after years in the dark. Yet, I’d worked so hard at shoving my feelings for him into a locked closet in a corner of my heart. I wasn’t used to allowing myself to even think about those feelings, much less experience them.

“So, sounds like the wedding is off?” he asked, jumping tracks in our conversation.

We were traversing in such emotionally loaded territory, a linear track hardly made sense.

I nodded, wondering how much I’d said to him in my tipsy state last night.

“Yeah. I, uh, made a mess of it. Never should’ve said yes anyway.”

“Why did you?”

Once upon a time, I’d loved how direct Cade was. At the moment, it was brutal. I wanted to bolt, and I couldn’t. You’re no chicken, so don’t start acting like one. Thing was, Cade got to me. He was the only man who ever had. He made me feel vulnerable and off kilter. For crying out loud, I ran my own construction business—Kick A** Construction. I pushed against the uncertainty inside.

“I, uh… My answer sucks, but it is what it is. I figured it was the best chance I’d get.”

At that, the tears I’d been fighting off flowed freely. I had to get the hell out of here. I fumbled with the door handle and stumbled out of his truck.