Chapter 4

Audrey

I looked over at Dallas. His deep blue eyes were locked to mine. I sensed the anger coiled tight inside of him. No matter what I wanted, no matter our kiss last night and all the confusion I felt inside, I savored his anger and the way it made me feel protected. I was furious, but I was also mortified and embarrassed that any of it had happened with Matthew.

“Are you telling me he was cheating on you with one of your friends?” Dallas asked, his voice low and taut.

I took a breath and let it out with a sigh. Snagging my phone off the table and opening the screen, I spun it around for Dallas to see the row of calls from Matthew.

I wasn’t sure what Matthew had expected when I found out he’d been screwing Alyssa, but it was clear he hadn't expected me to dump him. Social impressions were important to Matthew, something that had annoyed me the entire time we'd been involved. He wouldn’t appreciate explaining our abruptly cancelled engagement and wedding.

Matthew had been a compromise in my mind and in my heart. Dating in general had been a compromise. There was only one man I’d ever truly wanted and that man sat across from me now. His eyes narrowed as he looked down at the screen on my phone. He looked back up at me, and my breath caught.

“Block his number,” Dallas said flatly.

A flash of anger rose inside. I was a mess emotionally. I’d driven all the way to Haven’s Bay yesterday. From New York City, it was a solid eight-hour drive. Add a little snow and my car breaking down, and I’d had way too much time to be alone with my thoughts. Having Dallas show up had only made my emotions more raw.

“Why do you care?” I asked.

He lifted his chin and arched a brow. “No matter what you think, I care about you. Even if I didn't and you were a random stranger, I would tell you to block his number. He's a fucking asshole. How long was he seeing someone else?” he asked sharply.

Restless, I stood. “I need coffee for this conversation.”

I walked quickly into the kitchen, aimed straight for the cabinet and poured a cup of coffee. I liked my coffee dark, just like Dallas. I hated that I knew little details like that about him. But I did. I wished I’d forgotten. I’d sure as hell tried over the last five years after he made it abundantly clear he wasn’t interested.

I spun to the kitchen window, looking outside for a moment. The lawn stretching towards the ocean was covered in snow. Waves rolled up against the rocks to one side of the beach, misting the air. I took a deep breath. I loved this place. It was home to me and always would be. I’d told myself I could make a life away from here with Matthew in New York City. We met when I was at law school at NYU. I’d tried my hand at dating here and there through college and law school, but none of it had been great. Matthew was the first guy who really tried to woo me. He’d pulled out all the stops. Even now, I had to admit he’d done quite the job—flowers, candlelit dinners, flattering me with compliments and then some.

I let out a small, bitter laugh thinking about Dallas’ question about how long Matthew had been fucking Alyssa. I didn’t have an answer to that. I was supposed to fly to Italy the day before him because he allegedly had a big case to wrap up. My flight was canceled due to the weather, but not until the last minute. I'd returned to our apartment to find Alyssa tangled up in the sheets with him. In our bed.

My bitterness was compounded by the fact I’d tried to call off my engagement with Matthew a month prior. We hadn’t had sex in months, and the distance between us had grown to a chasm. Matthew had sweet-talked me into giving it another try the weekend before and bought us tickets to Italy. It should’ve been a clue that we still hadn’t had sex in that week, but we’d both been working grueling schedules, or so I’d thought.

I’d torn my ring off, thrown it on the floor and left. I’d asked no questions, and I didn’t really give a damn about his explanations. Too much betrayal on too many levels. I took a gulp of coffee, savoring the bitterness.

***

Returning to the dining room, I slipped into the chair at an angle from Dallas. One glance in his direction, and I had to will my pulse to slow and my traitorous body not to have such a powerful response to him. Why oh why did I have to want him so much?

I took another gulp of coffee and set it down. He was reading something on his laptop. He glanced up, closed it and looked back over at me. With his deep blue eyes searching my face, I shifted in my chair, restless and hyperaware of my body's reaction to him—heat spiraling outward and need tightening in my belly. I tried to take a deep breath, but it wasn't particularly effective. Air was hard to come by when my pulse was going wild with Dallas’ attention fully on me.

I hoped perhaps he had forgotten his last question of me, but I knew better. He angled his head to the side.

“How long?” he asked.

“I don't know actually.”

I quickly summarized the events of my afternoon and evening yesterday. His eyes darkened when I explained I had walked in on Alyssa and Matthew. He didn't say a word, but I could feel the fury coming off of him in waves. He felt controlled and coiled tight. A hot shiver raced through me. It shouldn't turn me on to have him be protective and angry on my part, but it did. I should be more heartbroken over Matthew. Yet, I wasn't. I was just plain angry and embarrassed. I wasn't heartbroken because what I’d been trying to call love for Matthew was only a lukewarm version of what I felt for Dallas.

Dallas had held that place in my heart and in my body for too long. No one else elicited the same feelings inside. I’d probably managed to convince myself I’d moved on because I hadn’t seen him and had forgotten how powerfully I was drawn to him. As soon as I’d been old enough to be aware of men and notice them in a sexual way, he had dominated my fantasies. Five years ago, nothing more than a few minutes with him were etched into my body and mind as the hottest moments of my life. Those few moments had allowed me to think perhaps he returned my feelings, or at least my desire.

My mind flashed to last night—the feel of his lips against mine, and his cock, hot and hard, cradled at the apex of my thighs. My heart, my silly, silly heart, spent most of last night as I barely slept obsessing over what it meant that he’d been turned on. I gave myself a mental shake. Not the time or place to go there. Not with Dallas, the subject of way too many fantasies, sitting right across the table from me, his far too perceptive gaze on me.

“So what are you planning to do?” he asked.

“I broke up with him. I left, and I don't intend to change my mind.”

There were many doubts crowding my mind, but not that. I was done, completely done, with Matthew.

“Why do you think he's calling you?”

I laughed and took a sip of coffee, my laugh more bitter than the dark flavor.

“I don't know. Matthew likes things to look good,” I explained. “I'm guessing he's worried that it won't look good that I'm not in Italy with him for the month and that I've called off our wedding.”

Dallas nodded slowly, pausing to take a sip of coffee. “Good, I'm glad you're not having second thoughts. Are you listening to his messages?”

“No, I think I'll take your advice and block his number.”

I picked up my phone and did just that. Matthew wasn't worth it. Not when he’d been a compromise to begin with. When I looked back up at Dallas, he nodded firmly in approval. For a flash, I was annoyed again. I hated that he was right and that I should just cut Matthew out of my life with surgical precision. If I were being honest with myself, I hated how much Dallas meant to me and how much I wanted from him when I knew he returned none of my feelings. Except for desire perhaps.

“I would imagine you would call your family at some point in the next day or so if you were in Italy. Am I right?” he asked, his tone careful as if he wasn’t sure how I might react.

“I suppose it's best if I don't string them along and let them think I'm in Italy,” I replied with a sigh.

His eyes were carefully blank. “I’d say not. I'm assuming Matthew could be in touch with them, and it's probably better if they hear from you what happened rather than his version of events. Not that your parents would believe him over you, but it's always better to establish the narrative.”

I idly traced the edge of the placemat in front of me, taking another sip of coffee. I wasn’t worried about my parents believing whatever bullshit story Matthew might concoct, but I didn’t want them to be concerned. My chest and stomach had been tight with anxiety and anger since yesterday when I walked in on Matthew and Alyssa. The sensation hadn’t faded after seeing Dallas. His presence had only thrown something else into the mix. The ache in my heart and anxiety in my belly were for wholly different reasons.

I stood and walked to the dining room windows. We had a bay window that looked out into the trees. Snow was still falling softly. It had snowed throughout the night with several more inches piled on the lawn.

“How much food is in the kitchen?” I asked, spinning around to look at Dallas.

“Not much,” he said with a shrug. “I was planning to head into town for a run to the store in a little bit. Is there anything you'd like me to get? I'm also guessing that car I drove by last night on the side of the road was yours.”

I sighed. “Yup, it is. I suppose I need to deal with that today.”

“My SUV can probably get it out of the ditch no problem. We can take care of that before I go into town.”

I laughed a little. Of course Dallas was prepared. He always was.

“What's so funny?” he asked.

I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat a little. “I should’ve known you’d be prepared. I bet you have a tow cable and everything.”

His gaze never wavered. “Of course.”

“Well, maybe we can deal with my car and then go to the grocery store together.”

The moment I spoke, I wondered what the hell I was thinking. I needed to come up with a plan. I couldn't allow myself to stay trapped here with Dallas. I had intended to stay here for a few weeks and then head down to see my parents in the Berkshires. Those plans had not included Dallas being here. With my ego wounded and my doubts about my desirability in general crowding the front of my thoughts, the last thing I needed was too much time alone with Dallas.

No matter what though, I wasn't leaving today. I was too tired from the drive yesterday and the snow was still coming down. Looking out over the ocean, I could see the gray clouds extending as far as the eye could see.

Dallas was standing before I finished my train of thought. “Let's do it. We’ll take care of your car first and then we can run to the store. Anything else you might need in town?”

I shoved my worries about coming up with a plan to the back of mind and went upstairs to get my snow boots.