Chapter 21

Amelia

I leaned my elbows on the counter and watched as Cade practically inhaled the omelet I’d served him a few minutes ago. I’d managed to get through most of the morning without letting my pushy, critical mind get in the way of the best morning I’d had in as long as I could remember. Last night had been amazing. This morning had been amazing. It felt so strange and familiar at once to be with Cade like this again. It was hard to believe the ugly part of last night had even happened. I still didn’t know quite what to think of how easily I’d let go of Earl. In hindsight, it was brutally clear I’d never loved him. My mind and heart were filled with Cade and Cade alone.

I wasn’t in the mood to avoid anything anymore. I’d wasted two years of my life on Earl and far more all because I’d been so good at avoiding anything that made me think about Cade. Funny thing was, despite my stubborn, herculean efforts, Cade had never been far from my mind. All I’d succeeded at was blocking myself from the truth. What a waste.

The coffee maker beeped and I turned to check it. After filling two mugs, I slid one across the counter and sat down across from him. “So, when did you say you start work?”

“Monday,” he said between bites.

“What are you doing today?”

He took a slow sip of coffee, his green gaze assessing. “Whatever you’re doing,” he said, a slow grin curling the corners of his mouth.

I smiled straight through to my toes, emotion rocking me as tears pricked at my eyes.

His smile faded, and he set his coffee down, reaching over to curl his hand around mine. “Hey, if it’s too much, just say so. There’s what I want now and what I want long-term. I don’t want to take it slow, but I know maybe the timing’s not the best.” He paused, his throat working and his eyes locking to mine—his intent gaze making me feel as if he could see right into my heart. “I don’t want to fuck this up again.”

I swallowed against the emotion clogging my throat and shook my head. “It’s not that. It’s just everything feels so good and I’m so glad you’re here and I just don’t want to mess up. As far as I’m concerned, you should just stay right here and never leave.”

He chuckled, the low rumble curling around my heart. “Well, that’s easy. As it is, I’m shacking up with my parents until I find somewhere else. Trust me, my mom’ll do a dance if I tell her I’m staying with you.”

“She probably would.” I paused to sip my coffee. “I think I should feel bad about Earl, but I don’t. I walked out on us before I even knew you were coming home. And all the reasons I did were because it had never been right.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and looked over at Cade. He took another bite of his omelet. After he finished chewing, he eyed me and shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not thinking so much about Earl, but us. If taking things slow means we don’t screw this six ways to Sunday again, I’ll do it.”

I took another sip of coffee, savoring the bitter flavor and pondering how to say what I knew needed to be said. “We might have done things differently, but Shannon’s the one who lied.”

Darkness flashed in Cade’s eyes. “It’s fair to say we’re both pretty stubborn,” he finally said.

I squeezed his hand. “Maybe. Tell me, are you still mad at me?”

He arched a brow in question.

“For getting so angry I never gave you a chance to explain,” I added.

He squeezed my hand in return and took a swallow of coffee, his eyes considering. “I was, but I’m not now. Look, I don’t blame you for a second for getting pissed that morning. Hell, I couldn’t even deal with you sitting at a table with Earl even when I knew why you were there.” He paused and set his coffee down, reaching for my other hand and holding both in his. “We can’t change the past. I came home prepared to get used to living without you when I knew you were nearby. It was fucking hell when I was over three thousand miles away, but I didn’t have to see you. Then, well, everything changed and now we’re here. Let’s just take it one day at a time. If there’s one thing you don’t need to worry about it’s me going anywhere and wanting anyone else. Hell, I missed you so damn much, I didn’t even bother trying to find someone else.”

“You didn’t see anyone? At all?” I asked. I couldn’t help the tiny swirls of doubts in my mind. The old seeds of insecurity planted by Shannon’s manipulation and the reality most guys just didn’t know how to deal with me were hard to move beyond. It wasn’t like I went around thinking I was an ugly duckling. No, rather I knew quite well most men preferred women who didn’t stand eye to eye with them. It was what it was. I’d never bothered with the bigger implications of that and what it said about the world we lived in. I stared over at him.

He gave my hands a squeeze before freeing one to snag his coffee cup and take a long swallow. “I wasn’t celibate if that’s what you’re asking, but I haven’t slept beside anyone since you.”

His eyes held mine, and my heart set to hammering so hard and fast I could barely breathe as the enormity of what he meant sank in. I’d thought I was alone in my complete acceptance that no one else would ever measure up to what I had with Cade.