Ruby has been like a hyperactive spider monkey all morning since I said we were going to stay overnight at Joel’s apartment. Trinity left late, and I didn’t sleep a wink. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to make this situation right. I’m still not sure how I’m going to do that and keep her burden secret; Joel’s not an idiot. I can only hope my sharp U-turn makes him happy enough, it distracts him from asking why. Ruby’s hand tightens in mine as we walk across the marble foyer of Joel’s apartment building. Her overnight case trundles behind her, and the noise fills the space and bounces along the walls just behind us until we reach the elevators.
“We’re just going to stay for the weekend. If you’re not happy at any point, we can go straight home, okay?” I say as the doors close.
“Why wouldn’t I be happy, Momma?” She scrunches her face as if I’m being so silly.
“Well, it’s a strange apartment, not like our home.” My knees buckle when the lift lurches upward. At least that’s what I tell myself.
“Will I have my own bed? Or have to share, like when I stay with Ophelia and Bobbie?”
“Trinity said you have your own room here.” The doors open.
“Why?” She asks as the doors swish open. Joel is standing with his arms wide, his smile wider, and his hair still damp from the shower. He looks…deliciously distracting.
“Hey, my favourite girls. To what do I owe this pleasure?” He launches himself at Ruby and lifts her straight into his arms. She giggles and wildly wraps her arms around his neck. The sight does the weirdest things to my insides, a strange pull that is getting harder and harder to ignore.
“We’ve come to stay,” Ruby announces, pointing at her case that she abandoned and I’m now carrying, along with my own overnight bag. Joel’s face morphs from stunned to bright and dazzling joy.
“For real? For how long? Are you moving in?”
“You really think we’d fit all our stuff in two cases? We’re not moving in. Just one night. Call it a trial run.”
“You could, you know?” He holds the door to his apartment open with one hand, his other firmly circled around Ruby.
“We could?” Ruby squeals with excitement, and I fire a warning glance at Joel.
“Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I don’t want Ruby growing up in the city.”
“Then I’ll buy us a place in the ’burbs.” He shrugs off my concern and offers up an equally ‘thoughtful’ solution.
“Joel.” I sigh, and he mocks my exasperation when he says my name in the same tone.
“Regan.” He switches his attention before I can dampen his enthusiasm further with actual reality. “Hey, Ruby-roo, do you want to see your new bedroom?”
“Yeeessss!” She bursts out in a fit of infectious giggles as he leaps them both over the back of the sofa, jogs and jiggles her to the other end of his apartment.
“Joel, wait!” I call out too late. Dropping my bag by the door, I carry Ruby’s case to where all the noise is coming from. The door is sprung wide open, and Ruby is already pulling cuddly toys from one of the shelves and lining them up on her bed, ready to make her selection of who makes the cut to sleep with her tonight.
“Joel, please.” I wave him over, and my hushed tone makes him frown.
He walks to me and continues to close the distance as I step us out of earshot. When I hit the corridor wall, I think he’s going to stop. He doesn’t, not until his large and incredibly firm body is millimetres from mine, not touching, yet still generating enough heat in me to scorch the wall I’m pressed against.
“I like when you beg, but maybe this isn’t the time.” His throaty rumble seems to come from deep in his chest and rakes across my skin like urgent fingernails, I almost forgot the reason we’re here: Ruby.
“You’re funny.” I quell the untimely rising of my libido. “I never thought I’d hear you say that.” I force a light laugh, even as my throat dries, and my fingers itch to touch him.
“I know. It felt weird, but right too.” He smiles and casts a glance over his shoulder at the animated conversation Ruby is having with her new friends. When he turns back, I’m hit with the full force of his incendiary gaze. “Later though, Regan, you are mine.” Oh, shit, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.
“In your dreams.” My mouth dries as my attempt at a jokey dismissal fails to deliver.
“In my reality, we’re inevitable, Regan.”
“Okay, stop it. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” I shake myself, killing the direction of this conversation. I firmly press my hand on his chest to create some much-needed distance.
“I know that look; stop doubting us, Regan. This is a great idea.” His hand captures mine, and he leads me back into the living space. He sits and faces me as I do the same.
“It’s not that, not entirely that, at least.”
“What is it, then? What’s wrong?” He shuffles closer, his voice tinged with fear, and I know his mind is racing to all the wrong conclusions.
“Ruby is fine. I mean fine for Ruby. It’s not about her illness.”
“Okay, thanks for that, but you’re going to need to tell me what made you change your mind?”
“Your sister.”
“Trinity?”
“You have to promise me something.” I swallow thickly, and it hasn’t helped that his eyes are now boring right through me.
“Anything.” He takes both of my hands in his, and I get a flash wave of comfort from the sincerity in his voice that drenches and coats every part of me. I believe his anything, still in this instance that’s not necessary.
“No, not anything, just this one thing. Ruby is never to stay at your mother’s, ever.”
“Regan, what’s going on?”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, of course, I promise. Are you going to tell me why?”
“I’m not. I can’t.” I wince at the instant recognition and blind fury that darkens his features.
“Fuck! I’ll kill him.” He jolts to his feet, his hands fly to his head as he pulls the tension in large fistfuls of his hair. His body shakes with impotent rage, and he paces like a wild animal. I leap to my feet to try and calm the beast garnering to explode
“Joel, don’t, please.” He finches and instantly checks himself when I reach for his arm. I thread my fingers through his and manage to coax him back to the sofa. His eyes flick with concern over to where oblivious joyful sounds continue to filter into our background. “If Trinity wanted you to know, don’t you think she would’ve told you by now?” He closes his eyes and is silent for long seconds before he lifts his head and speaks. His jaw is bouncing with tension, and I can see it’s taking every ounce of effort to cage his anger.
“And she only told you because of Ruby. That’s why you’re here now?” His brow furrows with confusion, which seems to have eclipsed his anger, for now at least.
“Yes.”
“That’s the only reason you’re here now?” I can hear the hurt edge in his accusatory tone.
“Joel, one thing at a time, yeah?” I exhale heavily, guilt and conflicting emotions messing with my crumbling resolve.
“Time isn’t exactly our friend is it, Reggie?” His voice catches, and he is quick to pull me into his arms, sweeping his large palms over my cheeks and drying the few tears that escaped with the painful truth of what he just said. “As selfish as this is, you and Ruby are my only focus. Honestly, I can’t even give Trinity headspace right now. I will, and I’ll find a way to make that bastard pay without breaking my promise, but at this moment in time, I need to know why you won’t let us happen. You know damn well we belong together.”
“How do I know that exactly?
“I can see it in your eyes, Regan. You know it here, and you feel it here.” He points first in the centre of my forehead and then slowly drags his finger down the centre of me until it hits his target. I swear my heart stops the same time his finger does. “You just need me to remind you?”
“Momma, come and see my room.” Ruby crashes the moment, and I gladly let her drag me away. This was a bad idea. Ruby jumps around, waving her arms and dashing from one new thing to the next. “Look, look at the walls, Momma. It’s a fairyland and the sky. Look, real stars,” she gushes, excitement splitting her face in two with laughter and smiles.
“Oh, wow, it’s…it’s amazing.” I lean against the doorframe and back against Joel when he presses his body flush to mine, his arms wrap my waist, and I let him hold me.
“You like it?” Hesitation in his voice makes me smile.
“What’s not to like, Joel? It’s a ‘show home’ child’s bedroom, and that library there will keep her busy until she goes to college.”
“I hope so.”
“So what do you want to do with the rest of the day, Ruby?” He steps around me, into the room, and drops to his haunches next to Ruby.
“Can we go to the pier and the park and then can we watch Tangled?” She looks from Joel to me expectantly. “Can we, Momma?”
“We can do either the park or the pier, not both.”
“Pier, pier!”
“Pier it is. Let me show your momma her room.” Joel is back on his feet, and, with a wave of his hand, leads the way the short distance to the other bedroom, his bedroom.
“Um…do you have a put-up spare bed or—”
“You can have my bed. I’ll take the couch.”
“Oh no, I can’t, that’s not fair, we’re grown-ups, I guess we could share.”
“You guess? What are you scared of, Reggie? Worried you won’t be able to keep your hands to yourself?”
“Something like that.” I sniff and cross my arms, my first and futile attempt at a barrier against Joel’s not inconsiderable charms and talents.
“I won’t do anything you don’t want. I never have, and I never will.”
“And somehow I don’t feel any safer.”
“Oh, I never said you’d be safe. I just said I’ll wait until I’m asked.” He turns along my body and holds my hips to prevent my escape.
“You think I’m going to ask you?” My response is breathy, and I can feel him harden against me. Shit.
“No, Reggie, I think you’re going to beg.” The sensual threat makes more than my mouth water. This might not be the time, but damn, it feels good to feel normal for once, even if normal is off the charts horny.
“Come on, Momma! Joel!” Ruby yells, and I snicker at Joel’s audible groan as he adjusts himself.
“Mmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought.” Grinning, I pull the collar of my sweater, and heat escapes in a puff of air. And only by stepping away from his hold does the temperature between us become bearable.
“Preaching to the blue balls, over here.”
“Welcome to parenthood.” I playfully pat his cheek, my eyes dipping to take one last longing look at the package he’s still struggling with. “Still time to change your mind.”
“Never. Painful erection aside, I couldn’t be happier.”
“Come on, before I change my mind.” I walk ahead and then cry out when he lifts me high, and spins my body until I am over his shoulder.
“Never gonna’ let that happen. Mine.” He slaps his large palm on my ass and strides into the living room where Ruby is waiting.