Today
“You’re really going to stay?” I sit up and swing my legs to the side of the bed, keeping the covers tight around my waist, because, for some reason now, I’m all about modesty.
“Ruby invited me. I’ll go if you want, but I wouldn’t want to disappoint a little girl on Christmas morning.”
“She’ll get over it,” I quip. “Besides, why break the habit of a lifetime.”
“Oh, come on, Reggie, those noises you made last night didn’t sound like I was disappointing you, but I’m happy to try again if you’re saying I’m off my game.” He slides perilously close to my part of the bed, and a wave of his sensual heat drenches me. His playful gaze darkens to something much more dangerous as I teeter both on the edge of the mattress and my sanity.
“Fine. You can stay, but stop all this.” I wave my hand up and down between us with a flat palm, creating a much-needed invisible force field.
“All this?” His faux innocence is cute, if wholly misplaced on his sinfully smug face.
“All this flirting shit has to stop. I have all my friends coming round for dinner later, and I can’t have them knowing.”
“About us?”
“There is no us, Joel. There’s just me, my dry spell, and your talent for distraction.”
“Hear that, buddy? She called you a talent.” He lifts the bedcovers, directing his slick comment at the organ currently tenting the sheets. I roll my eyes, fighting the very real pull of raw lust and desire to dive back beneath that all too tempting hotness. What the hell is wrong with me? I’m like a horny fourteen-year-old with zero control and no fucking sense whatsoever!
“There are towels in the cupboard in the bathroom. Please lock the door. Ruby doesn’t need the full Joel experience. Finding you in her mother’s bed I’m sure will scar her for life as it is,” I snark.
“She seemed to like me.” A flash of worry makes his brow wrinkle, but he shrugs it off.
“It’s Christmas morning; she’s in a good mood.” I dismiss his observation with a tight sarcastic smile.
“That makes two of us. You sure you don’t want me to try and sort yours out? Because, honestly, that scowl you’re sporting is putting a bit of a downer on my Christmas.”
“Aaand you know where the front door is. Don’t let it hit you on the ass as you leave.” I snap. I can feel my hackles dancing the length of my spine, only I don’t understand why. I asked him to stay last night, and Ruby does seem to like him. He’s not the devil; he’s just Joel, and that, I think, may be the real problem.
“Oh ,baby, you couldn’t get rid of me today if you tried,” he taunts.
“I bet I could.” My tone isn’t as impassive as I hoped, and the accusation in my words is deafening.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,”
“It clearly isn’t nothing.”
He holds my gaze, and as much as I should just shut my mouth, because this really isn’t the time… I clearly have no fucking sense.
“I could tell you I love you, and then we’d not see each other for another five years.”
“What the fuck! I didn’t leave because you told me you loved me, Regan. I left because I had a job offer I couldn’t refuse.” His eyes are wide with disbelief, and his neck muscles bulge with tension. He practically snarls the next words from his mouth. “I was dumb enough to think you’d understand. Stop laying this one at my feet. You ended us, not me.”
“Potato, po-tah-to, Joel.” I aggressively fling the covers back, grab my PJ bottoms and hop-jump into them as I hurriedly head for the door. He leaps from the bed, gloriously naked, caging me against the closed door before I can make good my escape.
“I didn’t want us to end, Regan. I never wanted us to end.” His breath washes over me. The warm scent engulfing me is a heady mix of him, us, and a sinfully long night together. This is all wrong.
“And you healed your broken heart by fucking a close friend and her mother two days after we broke up?”
“What?” He pulls away as if I’ve slapped him hard across the face with my revelation.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter. We both made mistakes, and I’m really not about to make another one. You can stay for presents and Christmas dinner, but the minute Ruby falls asleep, you are out of here, and this”—I wiggle my finger between his heaving chest and me—“this doesn’t happen again. Are we clear?”
“Crystal, Regan, crystal fucking clear. But while you’re riding high on that horse of yours, you might want to check your facts and tell me, did you become pregnant while I was in the departure lounge, or did you wait a whole week once I’d set foot on New Zealand soil?”
“I…I…I checked my facts and saw the pictures. Believe me, Symphony was more than happy to sing your praises in the sack.” I deflect his accusation. I don’t have to justify myself to him. He made it perfectly clear he didn’t want a baby. Ruby is mine because I wanted her. How that happened has fuck all to do with him. He left.
“Symphony is a fucking liar, but whatever eases your conscience, babe. Wouldn’t want that fucking halo to slip.”
“Okay, out…out now!” I snap on every level; I lose my shit, yet still manage to keep my voice tempered to a hushed vitriol.
“What?”
“Did I stutter?” I roughly push him hard and in the centre of his chest. Taken off guard,, he stumbles back, his face comically stunned at my sudden change of mind. I pick up his jeans and bundle them up with whatever is in the vicinity that looks like it belongs to him. I’m fuming that he’s riled me like this. Anger, hurt and unbearably painful memories consume every rational thought, and all I see is red…so much red. “Get out!” I thrust the ball of clothing against his bare chest and push him toward my front door.
“Regan, calm down. I’m sorry, but I didn’t do anything wrong,” he pleads, genuine remorse and hurt evident in his expression. He hops into his jeans and slips his shirt over his head.
“Neither did I.” So much sadness tumbles out with the soft exhale of breath that I sag against the wall.
“I know, and I’m sorry. Please let me make it up to you.” He steps closer to take hold of the tops of my arms and prevent me from slipping to the floor.
“I know you surgeons like to think of yourselves as gods, but trust me, Joel, this is one you will never be able to make right.”
“Then it’s lucky for me that you are you.”
“Because?”
“Because at least I know you’ll give me a another chance. ‘Everyone deserves a second chance.’ ” He quotes my mantra, waving the words like a white flag. He arches a knowing brow and softly traces my jaw with the back of his knuckles.
“That’s a low blow, Joel.”
“And that surprises you?” He dips his head to keep the eye contact when I try to lower my gaze. “I just want to stay with you and Ruby today.”
“And Joel always gets what Joel wants.” I sigh as my anger and resolve disintegrate in the intensity of his sincerity.
“I hope so.”
“Momma, Momma, pancakes! I want pancakes, please. Come on, Joel, come and see our tree.” Ruby rushes from the living room and grabs Joel’s hand, tugging him away from me. He steps slowly in the direction he is being dragged by a very determined little girl. He turns back to me and asks with genuine uncertainty, “So I can stay?”
“I like that you asked, since you already know the answer has been decided by that little girl pulling your arm from its socket.”
“I need to know it’s okay with this girl, all the same.” He motions to me, and I swear my heart feels the force of his non-touch like a lightning bolt. Shit.
“You can stay.”