Blair

“I was beginning to wonder if I should fill out a missing person’s report.” I open my front door to find Whitney standing on the opposite side. She has her arms crossed over her chest and a displeased look on her face. “Did you even consider that I’d worry after being unable to reach you for more than twenty-four hours?”

“Sorry,” I say with a shrug, still holding onto the door to keep it partially closed.

“Is there a reason as to why you aren’t letting me come inside?” Whitney is so unlike Sadie. She’s more the mother hen type, always telling me what she thinks, hovering in a sense, ensuring things are how they should be. “What are you hiding? Or should I ask who?”

She knows my life better than anyone—she knows my past. A father who left when I was six and a mother who checked out shortly after. I practically raised myself for two years before I was taken from my mother and placed in foster care. Whitney was the little girl next door to the home I was placed in and quickly became my best friend. She defended me when kids would pick on me about my clothes. She would shelter me when the mean girls at school would whisper behind my back. I love her so very much for all the support she’s given me, but sometimes I wish she’d loosen the reins just a little.

“Jake.” The second his name leaves my lips she scowls in disapproval.

“Your boss.” She shifts her weight and juts out her hip.

“Technically, he’s not my boss,” I say with an innocent shrug, hoping to lighten the moment. “He’s just the manager.”

Whitney shakes her head. “When are you gonna figure out that if you keep going after that type of guy you’re gonna get hurt in the end?”

Looking back over my shoulder, I verify the shower is still running. “He’s not who you think he is.” I can see the questioning look in her eyes. “I think the dark and dangerous is just a show for the job.”

“Blair,” Whitney lets her arms relax in front of her as she steps closer, “you barely know him. Think about it. You can’t let yourself get wrapped up again and become oblivious to the signs around you.”

“What signs?” Now it’s my turn to get annoyed and maybe a little agitated.

“He’s a bartender, one who openly flirts with every woman that comes in.” I start to argue but she lifts her hand to stop me. “Before you say that's part of the job, let me assure you that there is a limit and that man doesn’t play by the rules. I just think you're blinded by the guy on the outside and in the end, I’m gonna be picking up the pieces of you that he leaves behind.”

Her words feel like a stab wound to my chest, partly because I fear them to be true. “It’s just fun,” I assure her, trying my best to keep my emotions clear. “Thought I’d take Sadie’s advice and have a little fling. You need to stop worrying so much.”

Whitney watches me, her gaze scanning over me as she analyzes me carefully. I can already tell she’s not completely buying my story.

“I just want you to be careful.” Finally, the hardness of her expression softens. “You deserve something better than a guy that just wants to use you. I wish you could see that.” Without another word, she leans in and offers me a quick hug before turning to walk back toward the elevator.

Not once does she turn back to face me, and I’ll admit, her disappointment and concern does leave me feeling slightly off-kilter.

Shutting the door quickly, I walk toward the kitchen to still see the mess on my counter from earlier. Old bills and invoices are scattered, plus a copy of the lease I’d forgotten I’d had. Seeing Nate’s name reminded me of that time in my life when I swore I’d be more careful with my choices. Whitney had the right to worry; she’s stood by my side more times than I can count as I went through the phases of grief: sadness, guilt, resentment, and anger.

One item at a time I start to place the papers back into the drawer. I fight against the uneasy feelings that begin to fill my stomach. I’m so lost in thought I don’t hear Jake sneak up behind me. He wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling my body back against his, and I feel like my heart lurches inside my chest.

“Jesus, you scared me,” I confess, and he chuckles.

“Sorry.” A gentle kiss is pressed to my temple, and it furthers the discomfort I’ve started to feel. This is how it starts, all relationships or whatever you want to call this. Everything is good, then it slowly starts to fall apart.

“What are we doing?” I ask the question before I can stop myself as I turn in his arms to face him. His eyebrows scrunch up as he tilts his head to the side, looking over my face slowly. “This,” I add as I motion between us with my hand, “I’m not sure what this is.”

Jake remains silent, watching me closely. Something passes over his face, a look of concern, insecurity maybe, I’m not sure.

“We have to go back to the bar tonight and work side by side and I guess I just need to know what—”

He silences me with a kiss as he steps closer and cups my face with his hands. Holding me firmly to him, he continues to move his lips and tongue against my own. I’m instantly reminded of how my body reacts to his touch.

“I like you, Blair,” he confesses, pulling back from our kiss for only a second. His confession manages to make me more nervous. “This,” again he pauses, letting his forehead rest to mine, “is two people getting to know each other. It’s us exploring the options of what we could become.”

My pulse quickens.

“We go to work, just as we always do.” Jake lifts his forehead and leans back, his gaze settling on mine. “Only now, when any guy openly gawks at you, I’ll be assuring them you’re not available.” I arch my brow and he smiles. “And you have the right to do the same.”

“Is that so?” I can’t help but smile when he looks at me so seriously, as if those words are set in stone and nothing I say or do will change them.

He nods his head.

“We don’t need to figure out what we are and what we'll be in one night or even one week.” Jake skims over my lip with his thumb. “I just know that being with you feels right, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt what I feel now.”

“What do you feel?” Maybe I should let it go and choose to protect my heart, only I can’t stop myself. I have to know.

“Like you could be the one person to change everything.”

My chest tightens and my knees feel weak. I know here and now that he is right. Because I feel it too.

Jake left only a few hours ago so he could go home and change for work. I spent the time alone trying to regain my sense of control. I know Whitney is right and that I need to slow things down. The last day and a half has been amazing, but getting completely wrapped up in a guy so fast isn’t a smart thing for a girl like me to do.

I have a terrible habit of latching onto other people to find the peace I think they hold for me. It’s my downfall, and easily allows me to forget that I have a whole set of my own issues.

I stand in front of my mirror, wondering how I’ll get through tonight. My stomach is a mess, my eyes burn with the impending feeling of wanting to curl up in a corner and once again cry over what my life has become. Not just over the last few days, but the past few years. I’ve let myself go down a path I swore I never would. I want something better than my childhood. Something better than the people who brought me into this world. I just want more, period.

With a deep breath in and a slow breath out, I look over my outfit one last time. A pair of dark skinny jeans, high heeled boots and a shimmering red top, low cut and revealing. I feel satisfied with my choice.

I spin around and square my shoulders as I walk toward the door. Over and over in my head, I remind myself that I don’t need a man, or anyone really, because I am strong and confident. Though each word I speak feels like a lie, I continue to chant them. Maybe if I say them enough I will become that person I so want to be.