Jake

“Is that…” Whitney reaches out and touches my forehead before pulling her hand back to her. I watch as she wrinkles her nose and sniffs whatever it is she now has on her finger. “…bananas?”

Blair laughs from behind me and I toss her a look I’m hoping reminds her I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say it doesn’t.

“He fed Izzy her lunch.” Blair takes a step back when I lunge for her. “He said he had it covered, but the only thing that got covered was him. He insisted on feeding her while holding her on his lap after she refused to eat while strapped in her seat.”

Whitney snickers and Blair grabs for her stomach once again as a round of laughter rips through her. I take it as my chance to attack and suddenly she is tossed up over my shoulder, squealing and wiggling around in an attempt to break free.

“Oh my god, put me down.”

“I thought I said we weren’t gonna talk about it.”

“You said that,” she says breathlessly. “I didn’t agree. Because it’s too funny not to share.”

“How the hell did you get banana on the back of your arm, Jake?” I look back over my shoulder to see Whitney staring at the space on my arm. I have no response because quite frankly I don’t have a fucking clue.

“Isabelle threw her spoon and when he turned around to get it she squealed.” Blair’s body shakes against my shoulder with deep laughter. “It was like a fountain of banana’s heading right for him.”

I slap her ass and again she squeals, sounding much like our daughter.

“Put me down, you Neanderthal.”

Not a fucking chance. This is the first time I’ve felt this relaxed since I got to Iowa. There’s no way I’m letting it go.

“I’m going to Trevor’s,” Whitney announces, and I want to thank her for giving us more time alone. Though I know she isn’t doing it as a favor to me, I still feel thankful for the chance.

“Whitney,” Blair whines as she kicks her legs, still attempting to wiggle free from my hold on her.

“Bye.”

I can hear the humor in her tone.

I begin walking toward the stairs that lead to the upstairs bathroom and Blair places her hands against my back, using them as leverage to look where we are going.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna clean this shit off myself,” I reply without a second of hesitation. “Since I have it in my hair, on my back and god knows where else, I’m going to need a little help.”

She grows silent and I don’t question it. Stepping in to the bathroom, I lower her feet to the floor and look around for a rag. Finding a basket on the stand behind the toilet, I grab one and hold it out to Blair.

“Here,” I lean back against the vanity, “help.”

I ignore the way her hands shake as she reaches past me to hold the rag beneath the water. I take the time to breath in her scent, one I’ve missed every day since she’s been gone.

When she stands tall once more and holds out the now damp cloth, I shake my head and point toward her instead. She hesitates; I already know she’s questioning every second that has passed and those coming next. Instead of letting her find some way out of this, I place my hand over hers, guiding it to my forehead. I watch her closely, her gaze connecting with mine instead of the spot she is now dragging the wash cloth across. Without a second to change my mind, I place my hands on her hips and she takes in a deep shuddering breath. I know we are alone, our daughter fast asleep in her bed, which only adds to the intimate feeling of this time between us.

I allow my eyes to close when the cloth lowers and skims over my cheek before touching the side of my neck. She may not have meant for her touch to leave me unsteady, but that is exactly what it does.

“I’ve missed you,” I confess, opening my eyes to find her staring back at me. “Missed the way I feel when I’m with you.”

“Jake.” My name falls from her lips in a plea.

“No one has ever made me feel as whole as you. I don’t deserve it, Blair, but damn it, I want another shot.” I can already see her retreating as she lowers her hand. “I want the chance to show you how good we could be together.”

“I can’t.”

My movements surprise her as I pull her body against mine and she stops talking.

“Can’t or won’t?”

Tears pool in her eyes and she presses her lips into a tight line, fearful, maybe, of what she might say next. I lean in, my eyes locked with hers, craving the feel of her lips on mine. Just as they’re about to touch, her breath fanning out over my mouth, she lowers her head.

“Both,” she whispers in response to the question I’d asked only seconds ago.

“What’s stopping you?”

I feel her stepping back and a huge part of me wants to hold her hips tighter, but instead I let her gain the distance she needs.

“Every time I look at you I’m reminded of that night.” Blairs confession slices through me. “I’m reminded of the things he said to me, and the way he touched me. It’s almost like I’m brought back to that very minute, feeling dirty all over again.”

“God, no.” I reach out for her and she shrugs away.

“I see you standing before me, but I hear the echo of his threats.”

“He’s gone, Blair. They all are,” I regret not pulling the trigger to end my brother. Prison isn’t a harsh enough punishment.

“He’s not gone.” She lifts her hand to her head and points just as a tear falls over her cheek. “He’s in here, always in here. And when I look into your eyes, even though I know you aren’t him, I’m reminded of him.”

“Let me wash away those memories, please,” I beg, feeling myself slipping beyond my control. “Let me remind you of us, of who we were.”

“You can’t.” Blair shakes her head.

“Why?” I suddenly feel frantic as I think of my chances with her being gone forever.

“Because those times, they were all a lie. We were only playing a game, a fantasy. Those times are gone.” It’s my turn to shake my head.

She backs away even more, bumping into the wall behind her. I reach out, grip the back of her neck and pull her in to me, the front of her body crashing against mine. With my forehead pressing to hers, I do my best to convey what I’m feeling without acting on the emotions racing through me.

“Nothing about my time with you, of who we were together then, was a lie. That was me, and everything I said to you, every touch I gave you, that was me loving you.”

“No.” I ignore her attempt to deny it. “And I still love you. I know I always will.” I take the chance, one I know I will probably regret, and I cover her lips with my own. She turns her head, moving her mouth away from mine and I follow. “Yes,” I kiss her once more and warmth fills me. “I fucking love you, Blair, and I want this. I want my family, please don’t deny me that. You and Isabelle are my family, the only one I have and the only one I want.”

She shudders against me when I press my lips to hers once more. Placing one hand on the center of her back I ensure she can’t escape. I need her to understand me, to accept my feelings. The idea of her rejection terrifies me.

“I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”

Her words shatter me and I forgo the attempt at kissing her and simply hold her in a desperate hug instead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. I don’t want her apologies, I just want her love.

“You look like shit, man.” I roll over in my hotel bed and come face to face with Farris. The guy appears like he’s been dancing on clouds. I assume it’s because he spent last night tucked safely in bed with Sadie. My guess at his feelings for her were right. The guy is smitten. I think he loves the idea that she needs him so much; he likes that kind of shit. Plus, she busts his balls and he feeds off the banter they share.

“Is there a reason why you’re standing over my bed at,” I lean up and look at the clock at the side of my bed, “seven in the morning?”

“Sadie said you need a friend.” He shrugs. “Also because we need to talk.”

“About what?” I try to roll away and he only places his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

“Your new job.” This gains my attention. “Thought you’d be interested in knowing that just yesterday I met one of your new superiors.”

“Dick?”

“Can be.” I wait for him to elaborate. “Real hard ass, stickler for paperwork, follows the straight path. Doesn’t care much for those in his command thinking they can get something past him.”

“So he’s your clone.” I throw my arm up over my face to block out the light of the room. It would seem that I’ve hit an unlucky streak. First last night with Blair and now this.

“Guy’s a real prick when things don’t go his way.” He is loving the idea of me working for some douche. “Good thing you know just how I prefer shit to go, so we shouldn’t have any problem working together.”

I take in a deep breath, thinking that maybe I can convince Blair to move, knowing already there is no way that will happen. Then Farris’ words register in my mind.

I lift my arm, and peek up at him through squinted eyes.

“Working together?” His smile widens. “You’re my fucking superior?”

“It looks that way.”

“But…” I pause as I sit up on the bed and shake my head in disbelief. He’s gotta be out of his damn mind. “You took a job in Ankeny?” He nods. “But you love being a detective in Chicago.”

“Yeah,” he sits down on the bed beside me, “but sometimes you gotta make hard choices, not just for yourself but for those you care about. You’re here and there’s that woman in the next room, too. I can’t pretend that she didn’t take my heart with her when she left the city to come here with you. She’s got me all bound up inside, I think she has since the minute I found her hidden in her apartment after she hit fucking rock bottom. I love her, Jake.”

“Like I didn’t already know that.”

“So, she tells me that you’ve been struggling with this woman of yours.”

“She’s not my woman,” I say in correction. “She made that clear as glass last night.”

He chuckles and I look at him, wondering what in the hell is so funny.

“You giving up, just like that?”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“You fight her until she accepts the truth,” he tells me, like it should be obvious to me.

“And what truth is that?”

“That you love her and your time is not over. That her place is with you, her life is with you.” If only convincing her was that easy. “I’ve seen you so determined on something that nothing else around you seems to phase you. I’ve watched you take down men that share your blood and not once did you break. This woman, she’s got you so fucking tied up, that alone tells me all I need to know.”

I look him dead in the eye, wondering what shit he’s about to spout now.

“Your heart belongs with her and your daughter. You deserve the family they took from you, Jake. Don’t give up until you have it. Now let’s go get some breakfast. I know the perfect place.”

I should have said no, but I was living in a fantasy as I got dressed and convinced myself that somehow I could swoop into Spencer’s and show Blair that her brushing me off last night was a mistake.

I really should have thought things through a little better.

Fifteen minutes later I’m sitting in a booth at the restaurant where she works, and she is standing in the doorway that I believe leads back to the kitchen. She is glaring at the table where I sit like she’s seen the devil. Only it isn’t me that has made her so angry, at least not until I rush to her and open my fucking mouth, only driving yet another wedge between us.

“What is she doing here?” Blair says as she looks over my shoulder toward the table where not only Farris sits, but Sadie sits too.

“She is the woman that came here with me.” Blair pulls her attention from them and stares at me with anger, and maybe disappointment. “She’s not the same person you left in Chicago.”

“I left?”

“You know what I mean.” I try to ease through this situation and I only manage to irritate her more in the process.

“First off, we asked her to come with us. But that was before I found out that not only was she addicted to god knows what kinds of drugs, she’d been screwing my ex-boyfriend to get those drugs. Forgive me for not patting her on the back and telling her that her betrayal didn’t crush me.”

“Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“No, we can’t.” She doesn’t even attempt to think it over. “I have a job to do and you have company waiting for you. But just so we are clear, she is not to be anywhere near my daughter.”

“Our daughter,” I correct her.

“Fight me on this.” She steps closer, her eyes locking with mine. “It’s good to know where your loyalty lies.”

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair is that she has now managed to wiggle her way into the bed of not one but two men from my past.” Her insinuation pisses me off. “He supplied her drugs and I guess you supply a roof over her head.”

“I told you before and I’ll tell you again, she and I are just friends.”

We stand face to face, glaring at each other as we each refuse to back down.

“She doesn’t come anywhere near Isabelle.”

“But you can bring Shawn around her.”

“The only times he has ever met her was when she was with Will. He and I went out once, that was it. I’m not interested in him.”

“I believe you.” She narrows her eyes. “Imagine that.” I don’t wait for her to respond because I need some space of my own at this point. If not, I’m going to end up doing something real fucking stupid, like dragging her ass out of here and locking her in a room until she has no other choice but to face our demons.

All of them.