Jake

I lie awake, unsure of exactly what time it is. My legs are tangled with Blair’s beneath the sheets as she practically covers my body like a blanket. It is perfect, she is perfect.

We’ve spent the day getting lost in one another. It’s an easy task when it comes to her. She is the kind of girl who takes all the ugliness in my life and makes it feel nonexistent. Getting lost in her is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done.

For hours, I’ve allowed myself to believe what she and I are experiencing isn’t tarnished by my father and his expectations. I just want to feel like what we are doing, what we are sharing can be real. I understand that I’m setting myself up to be disappointed, but I also can’t stop my need to know, the need to experience what it feels like to fall for someone. I’ll admit, nothing has ever felt this extraordinary.

Now as I lie here, knowing I’m about to deceive her and the trust she’s given me, I feel sick. Her cell phone begins to ring across the room and by that alone I know it’s now eight in the evening.

I’ve been expecting it to ring, almost willing it not to, but knowing it has to.

I planned for it.

“Blair,” I say in a husky voice. I want it to appear as though the call has woken me. “Your phone’s ringing.”

“Mm,” she groans as she tries to bury her body even closer to mine. The thought of allowing her to do so and ignoring the call crosses my mind. But instead I nudge her side and she reluctantly sits up and begins moving from the bed toward the ringing phone.

“Hello.” I want to laugh at her obvious annoyance. “Sadie,” Blair complains, whines really, “how many times can one person lock their keys in their car?” There is a pause before she sighs. “Fine, but I’m not getting dressed and I sure as shit am not combing my hair. And when I drive by you better be prepared to catch ’cause I’m not even gonna stop as I toss your spare key out the window.”

I lie perfectly still, acting as if I’ve fallen back to sleep. I hope the plan works and she doesn’t insist on me riding along with her. I just need a little time alone inside her apartment.

The room grows silent just before I feel the bed dip at my side. Then the feeling of her lips brushes over my cheek as she presses a soft kiss there. The gesture makes me feel like an even bigger ass than I already am.

I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her, I know that. But it was almost impossible not too once I got to know her. I found myself wanting to protect her and do whatever it took to get her out of the middle of Nate’s mess. No matter how hard I’ve tried to convince my father she knows nothing, he won’t listen to me.

“I need to take Sadie her spare key,” Blair whispers near my ear and I remain still. “I’m hoping when I get back you’re still here.”

I wasn’t sure if she bought that I’d fallen back to sleep, but I had to believe she had. I doubt she’d be so openly sharing her thoughts if she believed me to be awake.

“I like being in your arms, Jake, I like how you make me feel. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this safe.” She may as well have punched me in the balls. That would have been less painful than her words.

I wait, remaining very still until I feel the bed give at my side, an indication she is standing once again. Then I hear the sound of her bare feet tapping along the floor as she retreats toward the living room. I lie very still until I hear the sound of keys just before the door to her apartment clicks shut.

I know I have very little time, so I move fast. Ignoring the empty ache in my stomach, I start with the closet and under the bed, sifting through boxes and containers in search of anything that may lead me to Nate. With each passing second, I feel my heart beat faster with the idea of her returning to find me going through her things. I sort through drawers, careful not to make a mess in the process.  

All I need is one little piece of information, anything that will give me something to take back to my father. An old envelope, a bank statement with an old address of his parents. Any relative, really, that he may have run too.

When I’ve gone through everything in her bedroom I move quickly to the living room and start doing the same thing. My hands shake as adrenaline courses through me. My stomach twists and turns with the deceitfulness of my actions.

I’ve just completed my search of a drawer in the kitchen and am in the process of carefully placing the items back inside when the front door opens. I spin around as Blair steps inside and eyes me with curiosity.

“What are you doing?” She looks past me toward the mess on the counter and all I can think is I have to act fast.

“I was looking for takeout menus.” Her brows are still scrunched up in the middle. “After the workout you’ve given me today, I feel like I need to refuel.” I offer a wag of my brows, attempting to lighten the moment and am relieved when she smiles back at me.

“I think you’re the one that gave me a workout.”

Ignoring the mess behind me, I move toward her in a desperate need to have her close. Hooking my arm around her waist I pull her to me, her chest pressing firmly to mine. Blair’s eyes search my own and that hollow feeling inside me returns. I want to tell her that very second who I am and what I’m in search of, but I’m fearful that things have already gone too far. The idea of losing her even though I know in the end I will anyway is too much. I’m living a lie, I know that, but it feels so good to let go of reality.

“What do you say we order something for dinner and then crawl back into bed after we eat?” Lifting my hand, I push the hair away from her face and cup her jaw. “I kinda like sleeping next to you.” More like fucking love it.

She has me saying and doing all sorts of shit I’ve always managed to avoid before. Having connections to anyone was something I’ve refrained from because when people were close, they only became a means to hurt me, something my father could hang over my head and use against me if he found it necessary. But I can’t stop myself. Blair has gotten beneath my skin, so fucking deep that all I can feel is her.

“Are you getting soft on me, Jake?” She smirks knowingly, and I shift my hips forward, biting at her lower lip and giving it a gentle tug.

“Whenever you’re near, I can assure you there is nothing soft about me.” I thrust my hips forward more suggestively and she gasps when she finds out I’m hard. It’s an unavoidable reaction to Blair.

“You do know we can’t hide out inside my apartment forever.” Oh, how I wish we could.

“We have until tomorrow when we both have to be back to work to remain just where we are.”

“Almost another entire day together.”

She looks up at me through her long gorgeous lashes and appears so sweet and innocent. She weakens me with that simple look, makes me feel as though I can barely breathe, and has no idea how she affects me. I think that’s what attracts me the most about Blair. She is the light in all the darkness that surrounds me.

“What will we do with all that time?”

“I can think of a few things.” I allow my hand on her waist to loosen as I wrap my other around her then cup her ass in both palms. When I lift her, she gives a little hop and immediately wraps her legs around my waist.

“But what about the food?”

“Suddenly I’m not hungry for food anymore.” I kiss her jaw and her head tilts back, opening up more for me to explore. “I think I’ll feast on you instead.”

“Yes, please,” she pants, and I smile against her neck. This is gonna come back to bite me in the ass, I just know it. But again, how can one stop doing the things they know they shouldn’t when it feels this fucking good? Being with Blair, getting lost in her world is an escape for me. She is everything I know I don’t deserve, and knowing that one day it’ll end makes me desperate to take all I can now.

It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop.