Jake

Pretending to be okay with what my family has done to Blair is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Each time I see my brother or hear his voice I want to make him pay. I want to destroy him and make him beg for forgiveness. Then just when he thinks he’s been granted what he’s pleading for, I would end it all. All while my father watches, then I’ll turn on him too.

The anger and need for revenge is eating me alive. It’s making me no better than them, but it’s all-consuming and I feel like there is no way out.

That need only grows stronger as I sit in my vehicle a few cars down from the front entrance of Blair’s apartment. Watching her and the girls carry out one box after another of what I assume are her belongings only makes the emptiness inside me feel stronger.

I should feel shameful that I’ve been following Whitney around for days now, but she is my only connection to Blair’s whereabouts. I’ve held out hope for the chance to talk to her, only she never left Whit’s place. Not until today, but she left with escorts, and I know Whitney, for one, won’t allow me to get within a foot of Blair.

I also want to hold up my end of the deal and leave Sadie alone, but again I am selfish. When it comes to Blair, I can’t.

Me: Is she moving in with Whitney? Or getting a different place?

I wait, my thumb drumming against the steering wheel with agitation and impatience. I wait for the bubbles to appear, only they don’t.

Me: Have you told her yet about your alter ego?

It’s a dirty dig, but in desperate times, you do what you have to do.

I look up just as Whitney exits the front doors of the apartment building carrying a small box in her hands. She walks toward her car, pops the trunk and carefully lowers the box inside. When she closes the trunk, she looks around and for a minute she pauses staring in my direction. My body tenses and I slouch down in my seat further, hoping that the tint on my windows hides me well enough. I’m not driving my car, but one of my father’s. Having my pick of his fleet has come in handy because driving my own vehicle would have announced my presence.

When she turns back toward the apartment I feel relief wash over me just as my phone vibrates, indicating a message.

Sadie: She’s moving.

Vague, and I find myself chuckling as I picture her. She actually thought I’d be happy with that response, but she really should know better by now.

Me: Good start, but I know that already. Where?

Again I am met with a silence that only further aggravates me. I am just about to send a follow-up message when the bubbles appear, indicating Sadie is responding. My patience is thin, not just with this, but with everything. I’ve been riding on the edge of igniting for days, humming with rage.

Sadie: I can’t tell you that.

I grip my phone tighter, feeling my chest grow tight and my breathing become ragged.

Me: Are you sure about that?

Sadie: Yes.

My hand is on the handle of the car door before I can comprehend my movements. I step out onto the sidewalk, my feet moving with purpose. Looking down at my phone, still held firmly in my hand I see the bubbles reappear, making me stop in the middle of the walkway.

Sadie: Threatening me isn’t gonna work anymore. You don’t have to tell her what I’ve done, I’m going to tell her myself. She deserves better, better than you and better than me. She’s already been hurt enough.

I feel my body sag in defeat as I read over the words she sent. She’s right, but it doesn’t make accepting this as the end any easier. I should walk away and let Blair leave. I should forget her and the short time we shared. But I can’t. I’ve had a taste of what the sweet life could be with a girl like Blair and I want it. Fuck, I want it more than I can control. It’s like desperation and no matter how hard I fight it, I can’t rid the desire from my mind.

Now I have to do whatever it takes to get it back. To get her back and to right the wrongs I’ve committed.