Blair

“That was pretty intense.” Whitney sits down on the couch next to me and twists around to face me, tucking her legs in close. When she holds out the glass of wine, I take it without hesitation. Lifting it immediately to my lips I take a generous gulp, welcoming the sweet taste.

“I’ve always been honest with you.” I nod because she has. “That scene tonight, it both broke my heart and mended it. The way he held onto her like she was his lifeline, you could just see it in his eyes, Blair. He loved her instantly.”

“I know.” Tears cloud my vision and I close my eyes, taking in one slow breath after another.

“And you.” I open them once more and find her staring at me. “He loves you too.”

I shake my head.

“You didn’t see what I saw. He messed up and truth is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him for the hand he played in that mess. But not for a minute do I believe that he ever intended to hurt you. I think in some crazy way he felt that accepting that task from his sick father, in turn he was keeping you safe. Because if he hadn’t been the guy to play that role, it would have been someone else, and we both know that things could have been a lot worse. He was stuck with doing the wrong thing or letting some innocent girl get trapped in a world of destruction.”

“I still got trapped.” I take another drink of the wine I hold, welcoming the taste that soothes the dryness in my throat.

“We both saw the condition of his face that night he showed up at my apartment.” He looked awful and my heart hurt, thinking of what he’d gone through that caused such damage. “He obviously put up a fight to get to you.”

I know everything she is saying is true, but it still doesn’t ease the pain of his betrayal.

“I won’t stop him from seeing Izzy.” Not after all I know now. He loves her, and in my heart I know without a doubt he’d never hurt her.

“And you?”

“For now that’s all I can give him.”

He still reminds me of a time I need to forget. When I look in his eyes, though they are gorgeous, they still bring back Gabe’s callous, hateful look. His eyes are both a hard and sweet addition. Hard because they are the eyes he shares with such an evil man. Soft because they are also the same eyes he shares with our daughter.

Whitney and I sit in silence as my heart and head battle it out over what I should do next—how to share Izzy without losing the independence I’ve been building for myself. A huge part of me wants more with Jake then simply sharing her. But the fear in me, that haunting despair, reminds me how I felt a year ago. I don’t want to be that girl ever again.

“Will said Shawn tried to claim you.” I allow my head to hang forward as I fight the laughter that bubbles up in my chest. “Like he owned you or something. She’s mine, you back off, the whole banging on his chest and peeing on your leg kinda shit.”

“It was so ridiculous.” I lift my head to meet her gaze and find she is smiling wide. “He’s a nice guy, truly he is. But honestly, I just want to beat your brother for ever guilting me into that first date. He’s like a bug you can’t swat away.”

“Will told my dad that he thought he was gonna have to referee a full out claim the woman match.” I can almost imagine their father smiling as he listened to Will lay out the scene before him. “All Dad had to say about it was that any man that stands between a father and his daughter deserves to get a beat down.”

“Sounds like your dad.”

Again the silence settles in as we both sit there in the dark, drinking our wine.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I nod, though I’m not sure. I feel like one day I could be, but right now I still feel so torn, so raw.

“No matter what happens, whatever choices you make, know I’m on your side.”

“I know.” She always has been.

“I’m gonna head to bed.” Whitney leans in and kisses my temple. “I love you Blair, and I love that little girl in the next room like she’s my own. I don’t care what happens, nothing and no one will ever trump that. You two come first, you always will.”

Her words only make it even harder to fight that empty ache inside of me. I have never in my life been so torn over what move I should make next. There’s too much at stake, mainly my daughter. I want her to have a life with two loving parents; that has been something I’ve wished for from the start. I just never thought it could be a reality. Now here we are, with me and her father loving her. Throwing in my own unsettled feelings about Jake will only complicate things. So for now, I’ll tuck them away safe and ignore how hard it is every time he’s near.

For Isabelle, I will do anything.

“We’re just going around the block,” Jake says as he tucks Isabelle into her stroller. “I promise.”

He peeks up at me and I realize I have yet to say a word. Instead I’ve been nodding the whole time while I watch how careful he is with our daughter. How he ensures her little legs are free and clear before he snaps the buckle in place. He then tests the strap that crisscrosses over her chest, leaving nothing to chance. I’m completely lost in how easy he’s falling into a protective mode with her.

“Do you wanna come with us?”

“No.” I take in a deep breath and he smiles up at me. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be so leery or—”

“I get it.” He stands. “You have my phone number but you shouldn’t need it. I promise, just once around the block.”

“It’s okay.” I take a step back. “This is your time with her. I trust you.” Even he seems surprised with that declaration. “Stop.” He chuckles when I roll my eyes. “I’m gonna go in and take a shower, maybe paint my toenails.” He looks down toward my feet and I wiggle my toes, which only seems to widen his smile.

“You mean to say that you’re gonna go inside and stand near the window, peeking out every couple minutes to see if we’re back yet?”

He’s right, except most likely I will be pacing the floor in between each peek. It’s hard for me to let her go, even if it is for a short time. “I’ve never had to share her before.”

“What about when you’re at work?”

“Those are the hardest times of my life.” He chuckles but the sad part is I’m not lying. It kills me to leave her. Each time I do it’s with a lump in my throat and a burning ache in my chest.

“My offer still stands,” he adds with a tilt of his head. “You could tag along.”  He stares at me, my heart races, and Isabelle squeals, gaining attention from both of us.

Suddenly I’m very thankful for my daughter’s outburst. Stepping forward I place a kiss to her forehead and then hold out her pacifier to Jake.

“Just in case.” He takes it and I try not to shiver when his fingers skim over the palm of my hand.

“Say bye to Mommy, Iz,” Jake says, still staring at me. His gaze falls to my lips and he pauses for a few seconds before turning around and pushing the stroller down the driveway. I remain right where I am as I watch him walk away. A pair of jeans hug his ass just right, and the dark shirt he wears shifts from the movement of his taut muscles beneath. I find myself wondering if he still looks the same without those clothes on.

A shiver rushes through me and I turn around, hurrying toward the safety of my apartment. It is only a walk, but it already feels like they’ve been gone a lifetime.

When I finally hear the soft knock on the front door, I already know it is them. I’d watched only a few seconds before as Jake pushed her up the driveway then unbuckled her from her seat. I tried to allow a little time to pass before I open the door, but the second I do I know he has me figured out.

“Good attempt at a cover up, Blair, but I saw you watching us through the front window.” I hide my smile as I reach out and take Isabelle from him.

“She lasted about two minutes before she started squealing.” Jake steps inside and I don’t even question him as I walk toward the kitchen. “She’s got a set of lungs on her.”

“That she does.” I toss him a glance over my shoulder as I pause before the refrigerator. “Try being woke up by that squeal at two in the morning.” The minute I say it regret passes over his face, and I feel awful for even bringing it up. “Do you want to feed her?”

“Yeah.” Gone is that look of loss he held only seconds ago and in its place is a smile of pure excitement. Never did I ever think I’d feel turned on by a man wanting to do nothing more than feed his infant daughter, but I’m proven wrong. Seeing him with Isabelle is hell on my strength to remain nothing more than friends.

“We have apple, peach, or banana.”

“Bananas.” He reaches out for Isabelle and she goes to him willingly. Seeing her in his arms is a beautiful vision. I reach in the cabinet and grab the bananas and a spoon before pointing toward the highchair.

“Can’t I just hold her?”

“Depends,” I say with a laugh. “Do you want to wear this?” I wiggle the small jar of food and it’s his turn to laugh.

“Point taken.” He walks toward the chair and after a very delicate maneuver he has her securely strapped in. “Okay.” Jake rubs his hands together eagerly as he looks over his shoulder at me. “What now?”

It is time to break Daddy in, I think to myself. I hold out the bananas and the spoon.

“Feed your daughter.” I notice immediately the way his nostrils flare as if he is fighting off some emotions that the word daughter brought out in him. But before either of us brings it up he grabs both items from me and turns back to Isabelle.

“All right baby girl, let’s do this.”