Jake

Who the hell does this guy think he is? And does he really think his pathetic attempt at staking some type of claim is really gonna work? I don’t give a fuck what kind of relationship he has with Blair. Well, I do, but at this point it doesn’t seem he is as close to this group as he is putting on. The looks on their faces definitely say otherwise.

I can see Blair’s hands trembling as she holds them down at her sides. This isn’t the time for me to put on a show. It sure as hell isn’t the place for me to show this guy that I don’t give two shits about what he thinks he has over me. He doesn’t have a thing.

“Now that I know I have a daughter…” I place my hand on Blair’s shoulder and give it a soft squeeze. She leans back into my touch and that is confirmation enough that what I think to be true is accurate. This guy is nothing special. “…I’m here to stay.”

Will must have picked up on the tension because he steps forward, blocking Shawn’s view of me. At this point all I can see is Isabelle. Her big beautiful eyes stare back at me as she chews on her fingers that are securely placed in her mouth.

My chest aches at the vision before me, this perfect little girl who knows nothing of my past. Everything I’ve done, all the wrong words I’ve spoken, none of it matters. This is my chance to make it all right. She is so innocent and pure, and she is mine. I squeeze Blair’s shoulder just a little tighter as I fight the emotions that build within me.

I want to reach for her, but I’m also so terrified of making a move. I’ve never felt so raw in my life, and suddenly she blurs as tears fill my eyes.

“Do you wanna hold her?” It’s Will who asks me and even though I can’t see clearly, there is absolutely nothing I want more. I nod my head and blink, feeling the tears run over my cheeks just before Isabelle is placed in my arms.

Here we stand in the middle of a restaurant, making one hell of a scene, but I couldn’t care less. This is my moment, one I’m not willing to part with.

I hug her close and feel the slobber goo that is all over her cheek smear against my neck. Mine is the only word that comes to mind. It may be wrong of me, but again I don’t care, I only react. I place my free hand on Blair’s hip and pull her close, hugging the two most important people in my life securely.

“Thank you,” I whisper, not just to Blair for giving me such a beautiful gift, but to Will and Marcy for simply loving this amazing little girl—my daughter.

“Let’s get you two some privacy.” I don’t question Will as he suddenly ushers us toward the back of the dining area. “Wilber said to take his office.”

I look up just in time to see us being nudged into a room with a desk and large couch in the corner.

“I was told to tell you to take all the time you need.” I give him a thankful nod, still unwilling to release Blair or my little girl.

I hear the door close behind us and Blair tries to pull back, but I hold her tighter.

“Not yet.” Please not yet. I want to hold them for as long as I can. I want to make up for the time I have already lost, for the times when she needed someone and I wasn’t there.

“I can never express just how sorry I am,” my voice shakes as I fight to get the words out, “for everything. I hurt you Blair. I should have fought harder to keep you safe. I should have gone to the police sooner. I never should have…” I take in a deep breath, feeling Isabelle start to squirm against me.

I release my hold on Blair though it is the last thing I want to do.

I gently bounce Izzy, feeling odd in my attempt to quiet her. I’ve never held a baby before; I was never presented with the opportunity. But with her, it feels natural in some strange way. I guess, maybe, because I know she is a part of me.

“She’s amazing, Blair.”

“She is.” Her voice shakes and I look away from our daughter to see Blair’s eyes are reddened and wet from the tears she too is shedding. “She likes when you pat her back.” Blair uses her hand to show me with my own how to comfort our daughter. “I sing to her sometimes, well mostly in the car because she hates to be in a car seat, and always nursery rhymes. Sometimes at night too, when it’s dark and she’s having a hard time falling asleep, or I talk to her.”

“Talk to her?” I ask, noticing the way Blair quieted after she realizes what she said. She nods her head. “About what?”

“Anything.” Crossing her arms over her chest she watches our daughter instead of me. “Everything,” again she pauses, “I’ve told her about how you.” She looks at me. “My version never includes the part I just want to forget, though.”

The deep guilt and regret settles in me once more. I’m well aware that the apologies I just gave her only minutes ago have been forgotten. I also know it’s gonna take time. Talking about our daughter has quickly taken the place of everything else. For now I’ll accept that, but later I’ll tell her all over again how sorry I am when she has no other choice but to hear me. I’ll say it every day if I have to until somehow, someway, we can move beyond our past.

“Her birthday?”

“January nineteenth,” Blair smiles as she holds out her hand and pushes back Isabelle’s hair to place a kiss to her forehead, “at two-fifty-two am, after almost eighteen hours of labor.”

I close my eyes as another round of regret fills me over those times I’ve already missed. “I don’t want to miss another second of her life.” I want to say the same of Blair’s too, but I hold those words back…for now.

“So how do we do this?” I understand what she is asking, and it would’ve been so easy right then to tell her that I want a life full of memories that overflow with nothing but her and Isabelle. It would’ve been easy to tell her that we should forget everything from our past and start fresh. Only I know that isn’t possible. If I want this, her and my daughter with nothing between us, I have to do this right.

“We’ll figure it out,” I assure her as I take her hand in mine. Looking between her and Izzy I feel overwhelmed with more love and appreciation than I’ve ever felt for any two people before in my life. “I’ll take everything you give me Blair, because a lifetime isn’t gonna be enough time to love her like I want to. I need her to understand how much I love her already and I know that with each day it’s only going grow.”

I know she gets it, I can see the love in her eyes as I watch her watch our daughter. We did this, even in a time when everything around us was falling apart, we created this perfect mixture of us. We made this life and I can damn well guarantee I’ll do everything I have to do to keep her safe. To keep both of them safe. I won’t fail them; I won’t fail Blair, not again.