Emme
“I’m so afraid I’m going to fall.”
I was currently standing at the top of the beginner’s slope next to Zane at Parks Ridge Ski Resort. Nikki and Monroe arrived early this morning and we all met at the lodge bright and early. Charley had gotten lessons from Wes weeks ago, so she knew what she was doing. I had never been on a snowboard before in my life. Nikki and Monroe were in the same boat as me. Stone was sticking with Monroe while Luke stayed to teach Nikki.
“First, we’re on fresh powder here, Emme,” Zane began. “If you fall, it’s not going to hurt. Second, if you do what I say it’ll decrease your chances of falling. Next, I’m right here and I’m not going to leave your side the entire time we’re out here. If I see you going down, I’ll catch you. I would never let you get hurt, sweetheart.”
I sucked in a breath at his words. I genuinely believed he would do whatever he had to just to be certain I didn’t get hurt. I felt his words deep down in my soul.
I took in a deep breath and said, “Ok. I’m going to go now.”
“Good. Remember, keep your knees bent and if you feel like you are going too fast just lean back on your heel edge or turn to your toe edge. That will stop you.”
I nodded and started to go down the hill. I didn’t make it more than a couple feet before I felt off balance. I was about to go down on my ass when I felt Zane catch me.
“Thank you,” I said, standing up on the board again.
I felt like I had such a long way to go to get to the bottom. How was this considered the beginner hill?
“Keep going, Em. You have to keep trying.”
I kept going. This time I made it a little farther than I did on the first attempt. Unfortunately, though, I went tumbling and fell face first into the snow. I’m not sure if he felt bad or what, but Zane went down with me. Given he was one of the top snowboarders in the world I knew he didn’t accidentally fall. I appreciated the fact that he wasn’t willing to let me look like an idiot on my own.
“Don’t stand up,” he advised. “You didn’t keep your knees bent and you didn’t stay in the squatting position. When you stand straight up like that, it’s going to make you more prone to falling forward like you just did.”
“Oh,” I said, my voice laced with disappointment. “This is so much harder than it looks.”
“You’re doing great, Em. You went much farther that time. Just remember what I told you about your stance.”
“It hurts, though.”
A look of concern washed over his face. “What does, sweetheart?”
“My thighs. I stay in that position too long and it makes my thighs and my ass start to burn.”
He grinned at me and said, “You’re using muscles you aren’t accustomed to using. When it starts to burn, use your edge to slow yourself down and stop. Then you can take a break for a minute.”
“Ok.”
Zane stood up and helped me up. I started again. I rode down a bit and began to feel the burning in my thighs. Not wanting to fall again I tried to do what Zane said. I leaned back on my heel edge, which made my thighs burn even more, but I eventually came to a stop. He immediately came up behind me, put his arms underneath mine and said, “Give it to me.”
“What?” I asked.
“Your weight. Give it to me to take the pressure off your legs for a minute.”
I leaned back into him and gave him my weight.
“Oh, that’s such a relief,” I said, practically moaning.
“Christ, Em. Can you not be sexy right now?”
I turned my head to look up at him and gave him an innocent smile.
He looked down at me and just shook his head at me before he said, “Really want to kiss you right now.”
I immediately stood up and took my weight off him.
“Emme, relax. I said I wanted to. That doesn’t mean I would just do it and I already know what your expectations are for this weekend. I’m not going to go against your wishes, no matter how much I want to.”
The problem is that I wanted him to kiss me, too. If I had stayed there in his arms a second longer I would have probably told him to do it. I needed to listen to my brain for the next few days because my body and my heart were going to get me into trouble. On that thought, I said nothing to Zane and took off down the hill again. I don’t know if it was determination to get away or if Zane’s words about what to do on the board were sinking in, but I made it the rest of the way down the hill without falling.
When I stopped at the bottom, I bent down to unstrap one foot. When I stood up, Zane was standing in front of me. He was glaring a bit and his jaw was clenched.
“What?” I asked, a little nervous at his demeanor.
“Proud of you. Congratulations on making it the rest of the way down successfully.”
Ok, definitely wasn’t expecting that.
“Thank you, Zane. I had a great teacher.”
“Yeah, one you want to run away from, unfortunately.”
I looked away and said, “I’m sorry. This is difficult for me.”
He put two fingers to my jaw and turned my head. His eyes searched mine a moment before he said, “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that. I know where you stand, Em, but it’s not exactly a walk in the park for me. You’re sexy and cute; that’s a lethal combination.”
I gasped and looked away again. It was at moments like that when he said those things that reminded me of what happened that I realized how much I needed to pull back. It was unfair to him to be stuck in this grey area where he wanted more and I couldn’t give it.
“Can we try to ride down the hill again?” I asked, desperate that he wouldn’t call me out on being a chicken and avoiding the conversation.
He was pensive as he looked at me a few moments. Eventually, he nodded and we walked to the lift together. Yep, he was one of the good ones and I was a shitty, shitty person.
We all spent the rest of the morning and afternoon with the girls getting riding lessons from the guys, stopping only to have lunch in the lodge.
“I think I speak for all my girls when I say we’ve had enough riding for today,” Charley began. “But, I think we’d all love to watch a little pipe riding if you guys are up to it.”
“Oooh, that sounds like fun,” Nikki sang.
“I’m good to ride for a bit,” Stone responded. “You guys up for it?”
“I’m down,” Luke answered.
Wes and Zane both nodded their agreement.
As everyone began walking toward the pipe I took off toward the lodge.
“Hey, Em,” Charley called out. “Where are you going?”
“My camera is in the car. Thought I’d grab it and take some pictures.”
“Ok,” she answered. “Meet us over there?”
I nodded.
The girls turned to start walking toward the pipe and the guys stayed there watching me. I took in their expressions and my eyebrows drew together. I didn’t know what their deal was, but I wasn’t about to stand around and find out. I turned around and started walking toward the lodge.
“Emme,” I heard Zane call.
I turned back around and saw him jogging toward me.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m walking with you.”
“I’m just going to grab my camera, Zane. I’ll be right back.”
“I know, but you aren’t walking out by yourself.
I decided not to argue with him on it.
“Ok.”
Zane and I walked out through the lodge to the parking lot. I grabbed my camera from the car and we walked back out to the mountain to meet the others at the pipe. Zane went over to meet the guys and I stayed with my girls.
I started snapping pictures as the guys rode. I photographed people a lot and candid shots were what I typically did, but this was a whole different level. I really enjoyed trying to capture the guys in the middle of a trick at just the right angle.
“Charley, babe, you hit the jackpot with that one,” Nikki said, referring to Wes. “And, just sayin’, considering those are his boys and we’re your girls, we’re pretty freaking lucky right now, too!”
I smiled. This was our Nikki. She always spoke her mind and it was one of the things I think we all loved most about her.
“Can’t say I disagree,” Monroe added. “I picked up the snowboarding pretty quickly, but was tempted to fall just to have Stone’s hands on me. He’s got good, strong hands. Manly hands. It’s such a shame I’ve got all these layers on.”
My eyes rounded as I looked to Charley. Monroe was a virgin and we didn’t hear her say things like that very often. When she did, it always threw me.
“I know. I told Wes I loved him,” Charley said.
“What?” Monroe asked.
“Christmas Day. We went to his place for a while after going to his parents’ house. He gave me my gift, which was this board and the job offer,” she said as she gestured to the board. “In that moment, I knew I loved him. Everything he makes me feel tells me this is the real thing. I didn’t want to wait any longer to tell him.”
“What did he say?” I asked.
“At first, nothing.”
“Oh my God. I would have been mortified,” I shared.
Charley laughed. “He didn’t say anything because he scooped me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom, kissing me the whole way there. Then, he made love to me.”
“Well then, I guess he was feeling the same way,” Monroe said.
Charley nodded and said, “Yeah. He said it to me after we made love.”
“So happy for you, babe. You deserve this,” Nikki began. She turned her attention to me and said, “You’re next.”
I looked away.
“Don’t play shy with me, Em. With the way Zane looks at you and the way you look at him when you think nobody is watching, your time is coming. Everyone can feel the sexual tension between you two,” she continued.
I looked at my girls. Charley and Nikki were simply smiling at me. I eyed Monroe. She gave me a smile and a wink. Shit. I didn’t want this. They were already getting ideas. Of course, it wasn’t exactly like their assumptions were far off the mark. I knew how Zane looked at me and I knew how I looked at him. If they only knew about our rendezvous two nights ago. I didn’t want to outright lie to them so I stayed silent and looked back to where the guys were riding. Thankfully, my friends didn’t push me any further.
We stayed a little while longer watching the guys. I continued snapping shots of them riding and a few of my girls. Zane, Wes, Luke, and Stone walked over to us when they finished and we all decided it was time for dinner. We spent a couple hours at dinner and it was a really great time. There was no pressure or awkwardness and the entire night was laid-back fun.
After dinner, the guys came back to the condo with us and hung for a while. Throughout dinner and then back at the condo Zane stayed true to his word and respected my wishes to not give anyone anything to talk about regarding the two of us. After hanging with us for a bit, the guys took off, but not before giving us a heads up on the festivities for tomorrow night.
Charley, Nikki, Monroe, and I stayed up late catching up with each other. Nikki and Monroe filled us in on the happenings back in California. Charley talked a bit about the new job she’d be starting on Monday working as a graphic designer for Blackman Boards with Wes. Hours later, we called it quits for the night.
I was exhausted and hoping for a good night’s sleep free from a nightmare.
When I woke late the next morning I let out a sigh of relief. Other than Wednesday night, last night was the only night over the last week that I slept through the night without a nightmare. I heard a chime come from my phone. I rolled over and swiped the phone off the nightstand. Zane had sent a text.
Got a package in the mail yesterday, but didn’t realize it until I got home last night.
I smiled at my phone and sent back a reply.
Anything good?
His response was simple and to the point.
Fucking beautiful.
As I read his text I could hear his voice in my head. It melted my heart. On Thursday morning, I went through my photos from my day out with Zane on Wednesday. I pulled out some of the best along with the accidentally perfect one of the two of us, edited them, and then by Thursday afternoon I was at the post office mailing Zane a package. I had framed the photo of the two of us.
I sent him a reply.
So I’m guessing you liked it then?
Zane: No doubt. Thank you.
Me: You’re welcome.
Zane: Sleep ok last night?
I closed my eyes. He never forgot and he cared enough to ask. I was overcome with such emotion my eyes welled with tears. I tapped out a quick response as I felt the tears slide down my face.
Me: Success.
Zane: Happy to hear it. Look forward to seeing you tonight.
Me: Same here. Thanks for being so great yesterday, even when I was shitty to you.
Zane: You weren’t shitty, Em.
Me: I’ll do better tonight. Promise.
Zane: You don’t need to do anything. You were fine.
Me: Ok, agree to disagree?
Zane: Ok. See you in a few hours, sweetheart.
Me: Later, Zane.
I put my phone back on the nightstand and rolled to my back again. I stared at the ceiling and heard, “Ok, I’m going to need an explanation on what all that was.”
Shit. Fuck. Fuck.
I forgot Monroe slept in my bed last night. I glanced over to her and saw she was smiling brightly at me.
“How long have you been awake?” I asked.
“Long enough to know that you went through a whole range of emotions in less than five minutes.”
“So pretty much the entire time?”
She nodded and questioned, “What did I miss, Emme?”
I looked back up at the ceiling, debating on what to do. It was too late to hide it and I refused to lie to her.
“Promise to keep quiet about it?”
“You know I will if that’s what you want.”
“I made a choice on Wednesday. Zane asked me to spend the day with him and I agreed. He picked me up early in the morning and took me to Yellowstone. On the way there I decided that I was going to give myself one day to soak up all the happiness that I could. I wasn’t going to do anything out of my comfort zone, but I needed to feel good for just one day, Monroe.”
“How was it?” she asked.
I looked back to her and whispered, “Incredible.”
She smiled at me and I could see the wetness in her eyes. “Em,” she said, her voice just a touch over a whisper.
“Mama, it was amazing. I haven’t felt so good in so many years. We spent the better part of the day at Yellowstone. It was beautiful. I took tons of pictures; I’ll show them to you later. After, we went back to Zane’s house. I made dinner and dessert. He ate the dinner I made and he loved it. We played two games of pool and then we had dessert on the couch. After dessert and after an entire day of such good, he gave me more happy than I’ve had in years.”
Her eyes got big and she asked, “You slept with him?”
“No. We didn’t go that far. I told him before things got too crazy that I wasn’t going to be able to go there with him, but there was a lot of kissing and touching and oral displays of affection. He was so good to me, Monroe. I mean, aside from him being really good at all of that, the way he respected my boundaries was heartwarming. He never did anything without making sure I was ok with it first. It’s like he knew I needed that security. And now I feel like such a crappy person.”
“What? Why?” she asked, concerned.
“He wants more, Monroe. I don’t mean physically…though, I’m guessing he wants that, too. He wants to see what else there could be between us. I keep telling him I can only offer friendship. What kind of a person tells someone they can only be friends with them, but then does what I did with him?”
“You told him this before you two did anything?”
I nodded.
“Emme, you can’t feel guilty. You did what you did. I’m sure it was just as great for him as it was for you. And it seems like it was really great for you, right?”
“I want it, Monroe. What he gave me on Wednesday is something I want every day for the rest of my life.”
“And he wants to give it to you?”
“Yep.”
“So take it, Em. Take it and enjoy it for as long as he wants to give it to you. And while he’s giving it to you, I know you’ll be giving back just as good as you get. Don’t stay in this place where you seclude yourself from everything good and remain numb for the rest of your life. You deserve so much more than that.”
“I wish I could. I can’t get out of my own head, though. And then the nightmares come back and remind me why I can’t do this.”
“Emme, you need to see someone about them. Don’t let the past ruin your chances at a happy life. It breaks my heart to see you giving up.”
I stayed silent because I had nothing else to say.
“So what happened this morning?” she asked.
“We had taken a picture together at Yellowstone. I told him I’d give him a copy. I edited and printed it on Thursday morning and sent it out to him that afternoon. He got it last night when he got home after leaving here. He said it’s, and I quote, fucking beautiful. And you know what, Monroe? He’s right. It is fucking beautiful.”
I paused a moment trying to settle myself so that I didn’t start crying.
“He always asks how I’ve slept. He cares if I’ve had nightmares and I don’t know what to do with the concern he shows for me. I’ve never had that.”
“I love this guy, Emme. I understand completely where your head is at and I know you have every reason to be hesitant, but this guy is special. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for the things that Seth did. I’m not going to push you or try to make you do anything you don’t feel prepared for, but I am asking you to think about it.”
“Ok, Monroe. I’ll think about it.”
“That’s my girl. You ready for some food? I’m starved.”
“Yeah, me too.”
With that, Monroe and I made our way out the kitchen for some food and found Charley and Nikki were already there. I spent the rest of my morning and afternoon soaking up the goodness that having our foursome together again brought, even if it was only for a couple days.
A few hours later, the four of us were ready for a night out and we looked smoking hot, too. Nikki, our resident badass, was in a pair of black skinny leg, sparkly pants with a white tank, black leather motorcycle jacket, and a pair of black stilettos. She wore her hair down in big, loose curls. It was tough for her to ever style it up since she had so much of it and it was so thick and heavy. Apart from her porcelain skin and ice blue eyes her jet-black hair was, without question, her greatest physical feature. Charley had a silver sequin mini-skirt on with a black cap-sleeve top and a pair of black booties. She pulled her platinum blonde hair into a delicate chignon that sat at the nape of her neck. Monroe, with all the gloriousness that was her legs, donned a pair of gold-sequined short shorts, a white drapey tank, and a black blazer. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head. The girl was, no doubt, a sex kitten. And then there was me. I didn’t go with sequins like my girls did, but my black, skinny leg leather pants had a bit of a shimmer to them. I wore a black tube top with a crisp white blazer. On my feet, I went with my knee-high black stiletto boots. While I didn’t have nearly as much hair as Nikki, I did have a lot of thick, long hair so I typically wore it down. Tonight, I decided to put some curls in my hair and kept it down.
I had just taken a couple pictures of the four of us when Zane, Wes, Stone, and Luke arrived. The guys came in and a there was a bit of banter between Charley and Nikki. While everyone else was preoccupied with the two of them Zane looked to me and ran his eyes up and down my body. When his eyes came back to mine, he smiled and gave me a wink. I smiled back at him. Monroe broke up the friendly exchange between the girls. Before we took off I asked everyone if I could grab a quick photo of all of us. The guys agreed and because everyone had pretty much paired up — Wes with Charley, Luke with Nikki, and Stone with Monroe — there was no choice but for me to come stand directly in front of Zane. As soon as I was standing close enough to him, Zane reached out and gripped my hip with one hand and pulled my back to his front. His other arm came around the top of my chest so that his hand was wrapped around the opposite shoulder. My hands instinctively came up to hold on to his forearm. It reminded me of the photo we took at Yellowstone on my cell phone. The timer on the camera went off and it snapped the photo. I walked over to the camera and checked out the photo to make sure it was good. Then, we all took off for the celebration at Lou’s.
The limo pulled up outside of Lou’s, we all climbed out, and made our way up the stairs to the saloon. Not long after we arrived, Elle took the stage and performed. Elle worked full-time as a singer and the locals loved her. She traveled and played gigs, but mostly, she stayed local and performed at Lou’s. Elle’s set that night lasted about an hour. We all sat around talking and enjoying each other’s company.
Charley, Nikki, Monroe, Elle, and I all made our way out to the dance floor. The guys refused to dance, but were at a table right near the dance floor so they watched us the entire time. We had been out on the dance floor for quite some time when I felt a firm body behind me. I went solid and didn’t move.
“Relax, sweetheart. It’s just me,” I heard the gravelly voice say into my ear.
I immediately relaxed and leaned back into him. Then, I realized I was in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by all of my friends. I looked to them to see that they were all preoccupied with one of the guys. Elle had taken off at some point.
“Love these pants, Emme,” Zane said as I felt his arousal pressing into my ass.
I closed my eyes and arched my back so my ass pushed a bit more into him.
He groaned.
I turned around to look at him, but didn’t say anything.
He snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me toward him.
“Want to start the year with you in my arms, Em. Will you give me that?”
I took a moment to think and realized I had asked Zane for a lot the last two times we were alone together. The least I could do was give him this one thing.
I nodded.
The countdown to midnight began. I wrapped my arms around Zane’s neck and looked him in the eyes. His were heated as he looked down at me. As the countdown got to five Zane pulled me even closer to his body and started mouthing the numbers. When the clock struck midnight, I heard people shouting and wishing each other a ‘Happy New Year’, but I didn’t have the opportunity to really focus on any of that because Zane bent his head to mine and pressed a firm kiss to my lips. When he pulled away his eyes searched my face.
Since tradition states that it’s practically a crime to be in the presence of a hot, single guy on this holiday and not kiss him, I decided to not become a fugitive. I used my hands around his neck to pull him toward me, pushed up on my toes, and leaned in to kiss him. His mouth took mine and we kissed.
I eventually pulled away, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Happy New Year, Zane.”
“Happy New Year, Emme.”
Not long after, we all decided to call it a night and head out. On the way to the condo, Nikki, Monroe, and I all urged Charley to spend the night with Wes. Nikki and Monroe knew, as did I, that Charley hadn’t yet spent a single night at Wes’ place. She did this because she knew there was the very real possibility that I’d have a nightmare. I felt horribly guilty about it and unfortunately, without someone there for me she would never have agreed to leave me alone just to spend the night with Wes. I hated being that burden in her life.
The guys walked us in and waited while Charley packed a bag. Before leaving, each of the guys gave each of us a hug, and in some cases a kiss, and wished us a ‘Happy New Year.’ When Zane came up to me he held on to me just a bit longer and a little tighter. It was the greatest feeling. Everyone said good-bye after Wes told us what time to be at his place tomorrow.
After everyone left, Nikki and Monroe followed me to my bedroom where we all changed out of our outfits and put on sweats and t-shirts.
“Ok, babe,” Nikki began as she sat down on my bed. “You’ve got to fill us in on the details with Zane.”
I looked at her, but said nothing.
“Em, the guy has got it bad for you. And I caught the tail end of that kiss. Don’t act like there’s nothing going on.”
“I was just following through on a tradition. When it’s New Year’s Eve and the clock strikes midnight, you need to kiss somebody. He was close enough, so I gave in and kissed him.”
“Ugh, fine. Don’t share. I’ll just have to gush about Luke. But, will you at least answer one question?” she asked.
I looked to her waiting for it.
“Is he a good kisser?”
I gave both Nikki and Monroe a devilish smile and answered, “Let’s just say that it would have been a tragedy if I never experienced his mouth on mine. The man has got some skills.”
Monroe squealed with excitement as she fell to her back on my bed and said, “Oh, I so love this!” I couldn’t help but look at my girls and laugh. Boy did I miss having them around all the time.