Emme
“Will you do me a favor?”
I was currently looking up at Zane as I had my head resting in his lap while we sat on the couch in his great room. I loved this couch; it held good memories for me. Zane and I had just finished dinner. With the events from this morning, he refused to allow me to cook so we ordered in. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but he insisted I eat something. The way he took care of me today when I was ready to just walk out on him had me realizing that I needed to make sure my life and all of its problems didn’t affect his to the point I knew it already was.
“Anything, Emme. What do you need?” he asked.
“I want you to make me a promise that you are going to continue training for the US Open,” I said.
“Please don’t ask me to make that promise, Em.”
“I’m serious, Zane. I want you to train. I want you to compete at the US Open and I want to go with you so that I can watch you win.”
His face warmed and he gave me a small smile as he looked down at me.
“Sweetheart, I’ll give you anything you want, but I want to make sure my focus is on you and your safety. That’s my number one priority.”
“And I really appreciate that, I do. But today you called your brothers to my place so that they could handle this. There is a reason you did that. You trust them to get the job done and because I trust you, I believe that they will do what they need to just to make sure that I’m safe. I hope you know that I always want to be where you are, but I’m not ok with you giving up something so important to you. Who won the Open last year for the men’s half pipe?”
“I did.”
“So, you have a title to defend and I want you to do that. You’ve worked hard and deserve to be able to see the fruits of that labor. It’s important and it matters.”
“Emme…fuck, sweetheart, none of that shit matters. You do. You. Matter. Swear to God, Em, all of it — I’d give all of it up because everything I have means nothing without you.”
“You had this all before I came along, Zane. And you’ve worked hard for it. Of course it means something.”
“Wrong, Emme. It meant something before I knew you existed. Now, it means nothing because you exist in this world. And if something happens to you because I’m not around to make sure you are safe, I’m left with nothing.”
I let out a sigh. I was not going to be ok with all of this if he gave up his passion.
“Zane, please listen to me. Today, before leaving my place, Cruz said that you should focus on taking care of me and that he and Levi would focus on making sure I was safe. Let them do the job you already know they can do. You can focus on doing what your brother said you should and that’s taking care of me, which you’ve already been doing seemingly effortlessly. You refused to let me leave today; you wouldn’t let me run. I’ve thought about it all day and I need to be honest, I’m glad you made me stay because it made me realize that if I run he still has all the power. He took my control from me back then. If you give up riding because of this, he still has the control. I wasn’t strong enough on my own to fight him before, but I have you now to fight him with me. Baby, help me get back what he took from me.”
Zane held my eyes a beat. “Christ. Will I ever be able to say no to you?” he asked.
I smiled up at him. He was going to start training again.
“Here’s the deal,” he began. “I don’t start training again until you go into the offices to meet Levi’s crew. I want to know you are comfortable with everyone that will be with you. I know we’ve already programmed everybody’s numbers in your phone, but Em, you always call me first. I don’t care if I’m in the middle of training. You need to hold up your end of the deal and call me first. And then, five minutes or less, yeah?”
I nodded.
“What is your work schedule like from now until early March?” he asked.
“Light. Only a couple of shoots are booked, but they’re all during the week thankfully. It’s not wedding season so that helps.”
“You want me to train I need you to do me a favor,” he started. “Don’t want to take you away from doing what you love, but I need you to compromise and not book anything additional from now until after the US Open. Book all the appointments you want after that, but I’ll be able to focus better if I know you aren’t out there somewhere that I can’t be. Don’t want you more vulnerable.”
“Ok, I can do that.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Of course. It’s only a little over two weeks before the Open — it’s not a big deal. Besides, we’re fighting this together, right?”
He smiled at me a moment before his face got serious. “Every step of the way, sweetheart. I’m sorry that you ever had to do it alone.”
I took in a deep breath.
“I wasn’t very good at it, not recently and definitely not back then either,” I said as I looked away. I paused a moment before continuing, “Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder. I know physically I didn’t stand a chance, but mentally I gave up and allowed him to do what he did during that last year.”
“Emme, look at me,” he said.
I looked to him.
“You told us earlier today that you said no every time, but that you didn’t physically fight him. Was that true?”
I nodded.
“Then you didn’t allow him to do anything. You said no. He took advantage of you. You just did what you had to do to survive; and Em, what you’ve endured — fuck, you’re the strongest woman I know.”
I swallowed hard debating how to ask him what I needed to ask. In his typical mind-reading fashion Zane said, “Just ask me whatever it is because I can see there’s something.”
“Am I a complete turn off now?” I asked quietly.
“Come again?”
“Now that you know the whole ugly truth of what happened, are you repulsed by me?”
“You serious?” he asked, disbelievingly.
I nodded.
Zane looked at me a moment before he admitted, “I fucking love you, Emme.”
He lifted me up and pulled me into his chest. He then nuzzled his face into my neck and I soaked up the warmth that I felt in hearing him say those words to me.
“I love you, too,” I said, my voice a hushed whisper.
He squeezed a little tighter and held me a minute longer before he pulled back to look at me. I continued talking.
“And I’m sorry.”
“For what?” he asked.
I answered, “The first time I told you I loved you should have been beautiful. I’m sorry that it was marred by him.”
“Sweetheart, it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t the definition of a perfect setting for what you said to be beautiful. The affirmation from you that you love me could never be anything but beautiful.”
“Baby…” I said, trailing off.
“Fucking love that, too, Em.”
My brows drew together.
“Hearing you call me that. Love it, Emme.”
I smiled up at him while he ran his fingers through my hair.
“Will you do me one more favor, Zane?”
“Anything.”
“I’d like to go up and take a shower to wash away the bad stuff from today. After, I’d like you to replace all the bad, ugly stuff with something beautiful. Will you make love to me tonight?”
“Not sure I’d consider that as me doing you a favor, but yeah, I’ll give that to you.”
With that, Zane snaked an arm under my knees and wrapped the other around my back. He lifted me up while he stood and then he carried me up to his bedroom. He walked through the room to the bathroom, set me down on my feet, and turned to put the shower on. When he turned back to look at me he said, “Told you I’ll fight this with you. I’ll fight every part of it until you get back everything you lost or until it’s been replaced by something better, something beautiful. A week ago, I told you that you don’t do this alone anymore. I know more now than I did a week ago. I’m still not going to let you do this alone, but I think it’s important that you tell me what you want my role to be in some situations. One of those situations is right now. You want to wash away the bad, Em, you’ve got to let me know how you want it to happen because it needs to be your choice. You feel like you need to do that by yourself and have me waiting to give you the good, I’ll do that. But sweetheart, if you want me there to help you wash it away as well, I can do that, too.”
My eyes got wet and a lumped formed in my throat. Seth took away my control. Zane was going to give it back to me. I tried to swallow past the lump, failed, but managed to get out, “I want to get rid of it and I want you to give me beauty after.”
He gave me a small smile before he pressed a kiss to my forehead and said, “You’ve got it; I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Then, he walked out.
At that, I stripped out of my clothes and walked into the steaming shower. The water temperature was perfect and I stood there allowing the hot water to ease some of the tension in my body. I wasn’t so naive to believe that a couple minutes in the shower would take away all of my stress and worries, especially considering my ex was still out there, but I’d settle for the little bit of relief I could get out of the shower and then the peace and love I knew Zane would give me afterward.
I got to work on doing my business in the shower before I stood under the spray one last time allowing the water to take away any remains of the ugliness from the day. Finally, I switched off the shower, dried off, wrapped a towel about my body, and moved to pull my hair dryer from my bag of toiletries that Zane brought upstairs for me earlier when we got back to his place. I dried my hair, brushed my teeth, put lotion on my face and body, and walked out into the bedroom.
“Random question,” he said as he looked at me from the bed, where he sat in a pair of boxer briefs.
Damn, he was one fine man.
“Ok,” I responded.
“You always dry your hair after you shower?”
I nodded and said, “I hate having wet hair. I especially despise it when I am about to hop into bed because I’ll wake up in the middle of the night feeling cold. I hate being cold. It’s worth the extra ten minutes now so I don’t freeze later. Why?”
“No reason. Just curious.”
I had to laugh a little. Zane always managed to surprise me with his unplanned inquisitions. I loved the way he would take these moments occasionally to learn more about me.
“Feel better?” Zane asked, now walking toward me.
I nodded as he stood in front of me.
He took one of my hands in his and brought his other up to my scalp. He ran his fingers through my hair as his eyes followed his fingers down my strands. When he reached the end of the strands his hand came up to cup the side of my face and his thumb brushed back and forth across my cheek.
“It’s amazing to me that someone so beautiful could ever be made to feel anything but.”
I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat again and managed to get out a throaty, “It doesn’t matter what happened before because now I have you and beautiful is all you’ve ever made me feel.”
“Sweetheart,” he said tenderly, as his hand made its way around the back of my neck and squeezed.
“Make love to me, Zane.”
At that, Zane brought both of his hands to the top of the towel I still had wrapped around me. His fingers gripped the edge of the towel and slowly pulled it apart and away from my body. As the towel fell to the floor Zane’s lips came crashing down on mine. This kiss was different than any kiss I’d ever experienced before; it was claiming. I felt the possessiveness in his kiss and gave myself in return. He was taking so I was giving. Zane’s hands went to either side of my upper back while he began trailing kisses down my neck to my breasts. My hands went to his shoulders and my fingertips dug in. Zane’s mouth captured one of my nipples. He sucked, licked, kissed, and teased it while one of his hands came to my other breast to squeeze it. After paying proper attention with his mouth, Zane switched sides and took my other nipple in his mouth. I felt the wetness pooling between my legs with his relentless assault on my sensitive body. Soon enough, his mouth moved from my breast and he kissed his way down my abdomen. With his hands now at my hips, Zane pulled his mouth from my body and looked at me. The heat in his now liquid-blue eyes was mesmerizing, but I was unable enjoy them for long because Zane’s mouth went straight to my core. My head dropped back and my knees buckled. Zane caught my weight in his hands, which were now at my ass holding me in place, and he didn’t cease in working me with his mouth. I felt the onset of my orgasm with the tightening low in my belly within minutes.
“Oh, baby,” I moaned as he swiped his tongue through my core and pushed two fingers inside me.
Zane kept at me with his mouth as his fingers slid in and out of me. I cupped my breasts in my hands and brushed my fingertips across my nipples. Hearing Zane groan, I looked down at him to find he was looking up at me and watching me touch myself. His mouth worked me harder and his fingers moved faster. Seconds later, I was coming undone and screaming his name. I couldn’t stand any longer and Zane immediately caught me, lifted me in his arms, and carried me to the bed.
After putting me down on my back, Zane settled his hips between my parted thighs while he brought his hands up to frame my face.
“Couple days ago, I said I didn’t know if the way you looked or the sounds you made was sexier. Just realized that as beautiful as both are, the answer is neither. Watching you touch yourself — Christ, Em, nothing fucking sexier than that.”
I felt my cheeks flush and I couldn’t look away since Zane’s hands had my head immobile. So, I stared back at him and made a mental note of his preference and knew that I’d have to do something about seeing to it that he got the full show.
“Going to love you and give you beautiful now, Emme.”
I smiled up at him and ran my fingers through his hair.
He then pushed inside me, filled me with beauty, and loved me good…twice.
*****
Darkness.
I was back in the alley.
I was out of breath, running as fast as I could. I knew he was coming after me. I had to get away this time. He had found me and he was going to try to kill Zane. I had to keep running.
I saw the light in the distance. I ran harder, faster. I kept looking for him in the distance just past the light, but I couldn’t find him.
“Zane,” I whispered as I approached the lighted area. “Where are you?”
I kept running, trying to get to him wherever he was when I lost my footing, twisted my ankle, and came crashing down to the ground. The skin on my hands was instantly burning as I used them to break my fall. The pain radiating from my foot wouldn’t allow me to get up and walk, let alone run. I tried to crawl away, but with the scrapes on my hands I didn’t get very far.
“Emme, get up,” I heard Zane’s voice call to me.
I looked up trying to find him, but didn’t see him anywhere. Tears welled in my eyes.
“You won’t find him here, Emily.”
Seth. Oh God, please no.
“Please, let me go,” I begged, the tears pouring down my face.
“Emme,” Zane called out.
“Zane,” I cried out.
Seth grabbed my shirt up near my shoulder and turned me so that I was now on my back facing him.
“Get up, Em,” I heard Zane’s voice say, though my mind was consumed with fear now face-to-face with Seth again.
“You aren’t getting away from me this time, Emily. No matter how far you run, I’ll always find you. And if you think he’s going to save you or stop me, I’ll just have to get rid of him first.”
And then his fist came down and blasted me in my left eye. I screamed out in pain and brought my hands up to shield my face. He grabbed me by my hair and began kicking me repeatedly. I could no longer breathe.
“Zane,” I rasped out. “Baby, please help me.”
“I’m right here, Emme,” he said, as I felt his hands on me. “Come on, sweetheart.”
I shot up in the bed, out of breath, and took in my surroundings.
“Jesus Christ,” I heard Zane say beside me.
I turned my head to the side to look at him and the second my eyes came to his pained ones I lost it. My breathing was rapid, the tears were spilling down my cheeks, and I grasped at Zane’s arms and chest, searching for something to hold on to that would keep me safe. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap as he rested his back against the headboard.
“It’s ok, Em” he whispered in my ear. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. You are safe with me.”
My body trembled and shook with the fear I was feeling as I continued to cry on Zane’s chest. He held me tight and continued to whisper in my ear, reassuring me that I was safe and that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to me.
“It hurts so bad, Zane. My whole body hurts.”
“I know, Em, but you are safe. It wasn’t real.”
It took a good long while, but I eventually began to settle. My breathing returned to a somewhat normal pace, the tears had stopped falling, and I was settling into the comfort that Zane was giving me.
“Can you tell me about it, Emme?” Zane asked.
I’m not sure if it was something he really wanted to hear or if he was asking out of obligation. Regardless, he’d been there for me through too many of my nightmares and always asked me to share with him, but I’d always refused. He deserved better, so I nodded.
“I started having nightmares shortly after Taj was killed. Charley and I didn’t move here until about three months after that night. I had been having them nearly every single night for those three months. Shortly after we moved here they stopped. I’m not sure if I felt a bit safer being away from Ventura or not, but I didn’t dwell on it either way. I was simply relieved they stopped.”
I paused a moment, taking in a breath before I continued, “The night after I first met you at Lou’s on Charley’s birthday they started again.”
I felt his body tense, “That was over two months ago, Emme.”
I hadn’t really paid attention, but I guess he was right. “Yeah,” I agreed.
“Sweetheart, I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with these for that long. Please tell me they weren’t frequent,” he said.
“I wish I could. I’ve had them regularly, several times a week.”
“Fuck,” he mumbled under his breath. “Tell me about the nightmares.”
“They started off relatively tame and have gotten progressively worse each night. It’s always the same scene. I’m out of breath as I’m running down a dark, narrow alley. I can’t see anything, but I do know that I need to keep running to get away. I know that I’m scared out of my mind. I eventually see a light off in the distance and I try to keep pushing myself to get there. There is a rut in the pavement and every single time, even though I know it’s coming and I try to avoid it, my ankle twists in the rut and I go crashing down to the ground. I use my hands to stop me and they get all scraped up. I try to get up, but I can’t walk because my ankle is injured. And within seconds of me falling, he’s there. He tells me how I can keep running, but that he’ll always find me. He insists that I belong to him and nobody else.”
After taking a deep breath I continued, “I was waking up shortly after this, but now they are worse. The morning Nikki and Monroe called you was the worst they had been to that point. He had beaten me, badly. It was brutal and the only reason I woke up from that one was because after he insisted that I was his and couldn’t continue running from him or he’d kill you, he pulled out a gun. I remember waking after that nightmare and all I could think about was you. I was so scared for you. After the girls called you the pain kicked in. It was like I could feel everything he had done to my body. I’m sure it was because I was so tense as I was asleep, but the pain is very real.”
“Em,” Zane gently whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“There was eventually one nightmare where I had been running down the alley and I saw a shadow step out in front of me as I approached the lighted area. It was you. I tried to get to you, but I ended up twisting my ankle as I did every other time and falling. You kept telling me to come to you and that you’d keep me safe, but I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t get to you, and you…you never came to me.”
“Emme…” he trailed off. “Know this, sweetheart. If anything ever happened and you needed me I will always come for you. I will do whatever I need to just to get to you. I’m sorry you are having these nightmares, but please know that what’s happening in them is not what will happen in real life. I love you, Em. You need me, I’ll always get to you. I promise you.”
And I knew he always would. The nightmares were horrific, there was no denying that. But with every moment I spent in Zane’s arms I felt more and more protected than ever. I still feared for his safety, but I had to trust that he and his brothers knew what they were doing. On that thought, I snuggled into him and settled into the peace he gave me.