Zane
Silence. Despite the noise that had been surrounding me over the last couple of days at the X Games and most recently at the pub where the Blackman Boards’ post-Games party was held, I was now sitting in silence in the back seat of the Tahoe.
I had gone in search of Emme at some point while we were at the pub. When Charley and Wes told me that she left about an hour prior, it left me wondering why she wouldn’t have come and said something to me before leaving. It’s been a bit frustrating lately for me. Since I’ve met Emme, I’ve been trying to get to know her better. I want to pursue something a bit more serious with her, but she isn’t interested. Actually, correction — according to her, she is interested, but she insists that she can’t get involved in a relationship. I have tried to be respectful of her choice, but it’s evident from the way she is when nobody else is around that she’s miserable with the decision she’s made. And what makes it all even more difficult is the fact that she refuses to share with me why she’s made this decision. I know her reason for it is a serious one that clearly has her scared and hurting, but it’d really help to know what I was up against.
So now, I was sitting in the back of the Tahoe because once I learned that Emme had left early from the party I decided to leave to check on her. Wes and Charley were ready to head out so they said they’d drive back to the house. It wasn’t even five minutes into our drive back when Charley dropped a bomb on us. Apparently, a little less than a year ago her brother died. Wes and I both already knew this. What we didn’t know and what Charley decided to share then to shed some light on the situation surrounding Emme was that Charley’s brother, Taj, was actually murdered and evidently Emme blamed herself for it.
My body went solid at the news and I sat there frozen while Charley stumbled out of the truck and vomited on the side of the road. Wes jumped out to take care of her while I sat there and wondered what the hell had happened to that sweet girl. After Charley and Wes got back in the car we drove in silence the rest of the way to the house. As soon as we got back Wes took Charley upstairs, but not before she said, “She deserves to be happy. Be patient with her. What she needs from you…if you give that to her, I promise she’ll give it back. Tenfold. She just needs time to realize you are what she needs. There’s more to her story, but that’s hers to give.”
I wanted Emme. Not only was she the most incredibly sexy woman I had ever laid my eyes on, but she was also sweet, smart, loyal, and a badass cook. And her laugh — fuck me if it wasn’t a sight and sound to behold. Sadly, she didn’t do it very often; in fact, I had seen her cry more than smile, but when she smiled she lit up the room. When she laughed, though, I felt that deep in my gut and I wanted more of it.
As Wes and Charley took off upstairs I walked to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water before I went up to check on my sweet girl. She didn’t know it yet, but she was, without a doubt, my girl. I closed the refrigerator door and something caught my eye in the living room. Emme’s laptop was sitting on the coffee table. My eyes shifted to the couch to see her lying there, sleeping. I stripped off my jacket, set it on one of the barstools at the island, and walked over to her. I crouched down in front of her and just watched her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid my eyes on. Her delicate features at such peace while she slept with all of her hair spread out on the couch beneath her head. I could have sat there the rest of the night watching her sleep, but I didn’t want to seem like a total creep. Besides, I didn’t want her sleeping on the couch. I decided to take her to her bedroom and put her in the bed, but not before giving myself another two minutes to sit there and take in her beauty.
Three minutes later, I scooped her up in my arms. She immediately grabbed onto my shirt and pressed her cheek into my chest in a way that made me feel like she needed me to be there with her. I would have held her like that the rest of the night just to feel that need coming from her. I began walking, made my way up the steps, and carried her into her bedroom. Just as I was about to set her down she murmured a pained, “I love you, Zane.”
My body went solid. Fucking hell. Did this girl just say she loved me? I couldn’t fucking breathe. I stood there staring at her, holding my breath and willing her awake. I wanted to make whatever she was dreaming about a reality. I wanted her to open her eyes so she could see my face and say those words to me again. She didn’t. She just nuzzled her face closer to me; though, I’m not sure how that was even possible.
Reluctantly, I gently placed her body in the bed. Her hand had such a tight hold on my shirt I had to physically pry the shirt out of her grip. Even though I felt like it was her way of subconsciously telling me to stay with her, I didn’t. She left the pub without telling me, so I didn’t want her to wake with me in her bed. I was certain that wouldn’t be the best way to play this. After putting the covers over her, I pressed a kiss to her temple and walked out.
The next morning, I walked down the stairs to find Emme standing at the island making breakfast for everyone just as she had done every morning since we arrived in Aspen. Wes and Charley were already awake. Wes was sitting on one of the barstools working on his laptop while Charley helped with breakfast. As I descended the stairs Emme’s eyes came up to meet mine. Thinking back to what she said in her sleep as I carried her to her bed I offered her a smile, but she looked away quickly with a sadness I hated seeing in her face. That was like a kick to the gut. I wasn’t going to turn this into something awkward around everyone so I decided to play it cool until I had an opportunity to talk to her alone.
“Morning,” I said to nobody in particular.
Everyone acknowledged my presence and returned the sentiment, but Emme barely made eye contact with me when she did. What the fuck was going on with her?
Wes started talking to me about the success they were seeing already on the Fire line, the first in the Elements Series of boards to be released by Blackman Boards. The Fire line had boards that were meant specifically for pipe riding and it had been debuted at the X Games. Stone and I competed using the new boards and that coupled with the fact that Charley had done the graphic design work for them apparently made them a huge success.
Stone and Luke seemed to have perfect timing as they arrived right as Emme and Charley had finished making breakfast. Everyone ate while discussing the past couple of days’ events. Luke and Stone filled everyone in on their antics from last night and despite the hilarity of stories I could only focus on my girl. She would smile and laugh at the things they said, but I knew it wasn’t real. The smile never made it to her eyes and the laugh wasn’t her genuine laugh that could make me fall to my knees. Her head was somewhere else.
We were all going to be leaving that afternoon to head back to Rising Sun, so after breakfast everyone took off to their bedrooms to pack up for the return trip. I already packed last night so I went to Emme’s door and knocked. She opened the door and looked up at me. She didn’t seem very happy to see me. She wasn’t angry; rather, she looked sad.
“Can I come in a minute?” I asked, deciding to tread lightly.
She didn’t say anything, but stepped back and pulled the door open further. I stepped inside the room and closed the door.
“I’m hoping you don’t mind, but when I came in last night and saw you asleep on the couch I carried you up here to bed. I thought you’d be more comfortable and would sleep better.”
The sadness that had been previously in her face turned to anguish.
“Sweetheart, are you ok?” I asked, now more concerned than anything.
She stared at me a beat before a single tear fell down her cheek. I wanted to reach out and swipe it away, but I had a feeling she would have pulled away. In fact, I felt like that’s what she had done since she left the pub last night without telling me. Finally, her voice just a hair over a whisper she spoke.
“You are such a good man, Zane. I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. And, I’m really very sorry for what I’m about to do, but I need to do it.”
My brows drew together, confusion, I’m sure, washing over my features.
“I thought I could do this,” she began. “I tried, Zane. I really tried to be friends with you, but I’m failing miserably at it.”
“No, you aren’t,” I cut her off.
“That’s not what I mean,” she said. “I’m failing miserably at being your friend because I want more than that between us. Every time I look at you I want to see more of you. Every time I hear your voice I want to close my eyes and listen while you talk to me all day long. And every time your skin touches mine, whether it’s your hands or your mouth, it sears my skin and leaves me wanting to be held in your arms forever.”
“I want that, too,” I began. “I’m not sure I understand why you look devastated right now, though.”
“I know you want it, Zane. And that’s precisely the problem. You deserve so much more than I can offer. I can’t ever give you what I know we both want and so I need to do what I am about to do to at least not feel this pain anymore. Because the truth is, Zane, that I want you so bad it hurts. And I made a promise to myself that I’d never put myself in a situation where I hurt again. The sad thing is, this already hurts more than I could have imagined.”
At that, the tears really started to fall down her beautiful face.
“Emme, what are you saying?” I asked, feeling the pit in my stomach grow colder and colder.
“I can’t be with you in the way we both want, Zane. I thought I could handle being just friends with you, but I can’t. Once we get back to Rising Sun, I have to go back to the way things were before I met you.”
“Please don’t say that,” I pleaded. I didn’t care if I looked like the biggest pussy in the world at that moment practically begging her to change her mind. “We can figure it out, Em. I know you have your reasons for believing you can’t be in a relationship. I will respect that, but please, sweetheart, don’t take away your friendship.”
“Zane,” she croaked out, despair in her eyes.
Seeing that coupled with everything this girl, my girl, was already telling me had my heart breaking. And then, she spoke again and it shattered.
“You’ve always respected me, Zane. Please respect this and don’t make it any harder than it already is. I’m barely holding it together right now.”
“Emme,” I said, my voice hoarse.
“Please,” she pleaded.
And suddenly, I was angry. I didn’t exactly know what I was angry at I just knew that whatever put that sadness in her eyes and the despair in her voice had my blood boiling. With that look burned into my brain I turned to the door, walked out, and slammed it behind me.
I walked into the bedroom I had been staying in and sat on the edge of the bed. With my elbows resting on my thighs and my hands clasped in front of me I stared at the ground in front of me and tried to get my emotions in check. All I could think about, though, was how I was going to fix this. How would I get her to realize how big of a mistake this was? I sat there for a long time and came up with no solution. I finally grabbed my bags and walked out. I loaded the bags in the Tahoe and when I came back into the house I saw Luke carrying Emme’s bags down the stairs.
Fucker.
We left the house not long after and I rode with Stone and Luke. I was going to give Emme what she asked for and hope to hell she realized, sooner rather than later, that she had made a mistake. When we got to the airport, I stepped out of the car, and my phone rang. I pulled it out of pocket and saw that my brother was calling.
“Levi,” I said, taking a few steps to be out of earshot of the rest of the group.
“Would have called you sooner, but I was working on a case that had me unavailable for an extended period of time. Congratulations on the win, brother!”
“Thanks, man. Appreciate it. Everything go alright with your case?”
“Doesn’t it always?”
I smiled into the phone. “Good to hear. Getting ready to board the jet and head home now.”
“How’d it go with your friend? I remember you said she was going to be out there taking pictures.”
“Her name is Emme and it’s a long story.”
“Seriously, Zane? You can’t tell me you haven’t locked it down with her yet? What are you waiting for?”
“Working on it, Levi. She’s got other shit going on that she needs to work through and she hasn’t exactly shared with me what it is. I can’t push her on this; I just know it’s some serious shit.”
“Need me to look in to it?” he asked.
“No, man. Appreciate the offer, but I want this to come from her when she’s ready.”
“Fuck, dude. You’ve got it bad.”
“Don’t fucking remind me. Gotta run. See you when I get back.”
The asshole laughed at me before he said, “Alright, Zane. Catch you later.”
I disconnected the call, grabbed my bags from the back of the Tahoe, and walked to the jet. Everyone else had already boarded. When I stepped inside I saw Emme sitting in a window seat with Luke parked right next to her. It took everything I have to not go over and lay him out. Luke was like a brother to me and I knew he was doing this just to yank my chain, but I’m not sure how much longer I could deal with his antics. My hands in fists at my side, I clenched my jaw and tried to calm myself. I turned around and sat in a seat that faced away from Emme.
A few hours later, we arrived back in Rising Sun. Wes took Charley and Emme home. Luke, Stone, and I had all driven our own cars. I drove home and spent the rest of my night thinking about Emme.
Over the course of the next couple of weeks I tried to get back into some kind of routine. I spent very little time in the office because I knew I’d be tempted to talk to Charley about Emme. I texted her once about a week after we got back to tell her that I missed her, but she never responded. It was evident she had made up her mind so I didn’t want to torture myself further by asking about her. Fuck, is this what love did to you? I had to admit it. I loved her. I hadn’t even fucked her and I knew I loved Emme with everything I had. Go figure.
The weekend arrived and Wes called me earlier in the week letting me know that his sister, Elle, was going to be performing at Lou’s. Unless we were away at a snowboarding contest we all have always gone to support her when she performs at Lou’s. I didn’t know if Emme planned on going, but I knew that if there was the chance that I could see her I was going to take it.
I showered, got ready, and made my way to Stone’s. He ended up driving himself and Luke. I drove separately. I’m certain the reason I did it was in hopes that I’d see her there and she would come to me, realizing she didn’t want to do this anymore. We walked in and found everyone already seated at a table. Elle was already in the middle of her set.
None of it mattered to me, though, because I saw my girl. She looked tired and I was certain she was still having nightmares. Regardless, she was still so fucking beautiful. And her dress. I thought I might die. It was a pink dress the color of ballet slippers that had these incredibly thin straps holding up pieces of fabric over her tits. Fuck, they were perfect. I’d seen them before, had them in my mouth, and this dress had me practically salivating, teasing me with hints of her cleavage.
Stone, Luke, and I went around the table saying hello to everyone. When I got to her, I nodded at her and said, “Em.”
She responded, “Hi, Zane.” And then I saw the sadness wash over her features. It only brought me a little comfort to know that at least she wasn’t happy about all this. The tension between us, though, was still so palpable.
The guys and I grabbed chairs and listened while Elle finished her set. After she finished, Elle, Charley, Emme, and Charley’s friend, Hannah, all went out to the dance floor. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Of course, watching her dance had been a major turn on and I was currently sitting very uncomfortably at the table. It didn’t matter, though, because while she was dancing she seemed a bit carefree. I wanted that for her.
The girls finally trotted off the dance floor to the ladies’ room. That was when we had the pleasure of witnessing Wes’ ex-fiancée, Dana, trying to talk him into getting back together with her. He told her he had moved on and was happy with Charley; he told her there would be nothing between them ever again. The bitch wouldn’t take no for an answer and it was then that the girls came back from the restroom.
Charley marched right up and apparently spoke in a language that only women understood.
“It’s okay, honey,” she said to Wes. “Despite everyone else here understanding what you said and knowing what that means you aren’t speaking in a language that she understands.” She turned her attention to Dana and said, “Last week, Wes and I sat in his great room in front of the fire and he asked me to decorate his place. Actually, correction — he asked me to, and I quote, decorate for us.”
There was a realization in Dana’s eyes that it was really over for her, and after taking a bit more of a lashing from Charley learning that Wes also asked Charley to move in with him Dana stalked off. My eyes were then directed to a very sad Emme. She was standing in front of Charley with tears in her eyes.
“Em, I’m sorry,” Charley said.
Why was she apologizing?
Tears spilled down Emme’s cheeks and I fought to not go to her and wrap my arms around her. What the fuck was going on?
The girls went back and forth and I realized that Emme just learned, at the same time as Dana, that Wes asked Charley to move in with him. Charley kept trying to explain that she was scared to tell Emme because she didn’t want to abandon her. Emme was hurt that Charley didn’t trust her enough to know that she’d be happy for her. Charley tried to get her to realize that she was just worried about her.
Then, Emme said, “I get that, but Charley, come on. Don’t you think it would be finally fucking freeing for me to know that my life isn’t continuing to ruin yours? I’m the reason Taj is no longer here. You think I wouldn’t want this for you?”
I’ve talked to Charley before about Emme. I never got the impression that she thought Emme was a burden.
“You haven’t ruined my life, Emme. And Taj’s murder is not your fault. I don’t know how to make you see that.”
“Are you kidding me? It was my psycho ex-boyfriend who decided to pull the trigger.”
Shit. Emme’s ex-boyfriend murdered Taj. Why?
“Exactly. He’s the one responsible. Not you.”
“I called Taj. I should have never called Taj that day. If I hadn’t called him he’d still be here,” she said, shaking her head back and forth as the tears streamed down her face.
“And it’s very likely you wouldn’t be. You barely survived as it is, Em.”
She barely survived? Barely survived what?
I saw red.
“What the fuck?” I all but roared.
Emme’s eyes searched the table we were all sitting at before she said, “That’s right, everyone. It was almost a year ago when Taj was murdered and I nearly died right next to him. My ex-boyfriend, Seth, beat the shit out of me for months, years actually. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. I decided to call Taj one night because it had gotten so bad I knew I wouldn’t make it out alive if I didn’t get to the hospital. He was able to get me out of there to safety, but he was ultimately shot and killed. So, you see, the problem is that Taj succeeded in saving me, but lost his own life in the process.”
And then my girl, sad and broken, walked out.