Rising Sun, Wyoming
Nine and a half months later
Emme
Fear. A paralyzing emotion for many people. I am one of those people. Fear can not only keep you immobilized in a position of weakness, but can also damage the most important parts of your life before you even realize what has happened. Fear forced me to stay in a physically and mentally abusive relationship for four years longer than I should have. Fear can kill. It did nearly ten months ago and, to this day, it is slowly killing me.
My friends knew that that relationship had gotten bad, but they didn’t know just how bad until it was too late. Even after all this time, they still didn’t know just how bad it had been for me. I didn’t figure telling them all the gruesome and gory details would do any good.
When I moved from Ventura, California to Rising Sun, Wyoming almost seven months ago I thought it would allow me to make a new start where fear didn’t control every aspect of my life. The problem is that I knew my past could come back at any moment to torture me. That knowledge crippled me.
Thankfully, I was not alone and I now lived with my best friend, Charley. I thought for sure that once she learned I was responsible for the death of her brother she’d never speak to me again. To my surprise, she wrapped me up in her arms and held on tight. She hasn’t faltered once in her love and support for me.
The first couple months following Taj’s death were extraordinarily difficult for the both of us. I spent several weeks in the hospital recovering from the beating I took that night. I had several broken ribs, a punctured lung, a busted lip, two black eyes, a jaw that needed to be reset, and severe bruising covering most of my body. The worst of my physical injuries was to my kidneys. The repeated kicks to my lower back had caused such trauma to my kidneys that I ended up needing to have surgery. The damage to one of the kidneys was so bad that it needed to be removed, but I was fortunate enough to not lose both of them. Over the weeks and months, my body slowed healed. Emotionally, though, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover and knew my life would never be the same.
One of the biggest reasons I questioned whether I’d ever get back to normal was the fact that I lived every day seeing the pain in Charley’s eyes. Knowing you were responsible for the torture your friend lived through day in and day out leaves you feeling raw. Charley’s parents were killed by a drunk driver back when we were fifteen. Taj was the only family she had left and I took him away from her. Not only did I take Taj away from her, I took her passion. She always aspired to be a graphic designer and ever since Taj died she hasn’t touched her artwork. It broke my heart to know I had ruined her life. For that reason, I made a promise to myself and to Taj that I’d do whatever I could to make sure she found happiness in her life again.
So, this morning when Charley and I were surprised by our two other best friends, Nikki and Monroe, who traveled from California and insisted on going out for a fun night to celebrate Charley’s twenty-fifth birthday, I sat back quietly to let her make that decision. Regardless of any fear or reservations I had about going out, I would suck it up for her. She deserved that much from me.
After we spent the better part of the day shopping (the girls insisted Charley and I get new dresses for the occasion), we returned home to get ready. Charley called Hannah, her friend and co-worker at the coffee shop she worked at in the lodge of Parks Ridge Ski Resort, to get recommendations on where to go for a night of fun. Hannah suggested Big Lou’s Restaurant and Saloon; so, after we all got ready we made our way there.
Big Lou’s was a two-story building housing a restaurant on the first floor and the saloon on the second floor. It was a huge place that had that true rustic, western feel to it. We decided on having dinner first and would then decide on the plans for the rest of the evening. Our waitress suggested that we head up to the saloon following dinner, especially since Monroe and Nikki were on the hunt for a good time. I wasn’t necessarily thrilled with the idea, but since it was Charley’s birthday and Nikki and Monroe were leaving tomorrow I decided that how I was feeling about it didn’t really much matter. We met Lou, owner of the place, who was the most generous man I’d ever encountered. He found out that it was Charley’s birthday and gave us our meals and drinks on the house along with no cover charge to the saloon. We finished our dinner and made our way up to the saloon. Lou told us that one of the hometown favorites would be performing tonight so Nikki and I went to find a table while Charley and Monroe went to get drinks. Nikki and I sat and she didn’t hold back.
“So how are you really doing, Em?” she asked.
“I’m good, Nik. I’m so happy you and Monroe could make it out for Charley’s birthday. She deserves to have a great day.”
“Cut the bullshit, Emme.”
My eyes widened at her. She was a no-nonsense type of girl, which was one of the things I loved most about her, but I hadn’t been expecting that. “I’m sorry?” I asked.
“I can see how distressed you really are, babe. It’s not lost on me that this is the first time the four of us have been out like this since that night. This is torture for you. Is it getting any better?”
I felt my nose stinging and tears threatening to fall. I simply shook my head.
“Maybe you should consider seeing someone and talking about it — a professional. I was thinking I’d be saying that to both you and Charley coming out here, but hearing that Charley’s at least now talking to a guy and trying to get back some sense of normalcy in her life I’m sure she’s going to be fine. I’m worried about you,” she said, genuine concern in her voice.
It was true. One of the greatest pieces of news I’d received over the last couple of days was that Charley had met a guy named Wes Blackman. From everything she had shared with me up to this point, he seemed like a really great guy. I had yet to meet him, but yesterday she told me she wanted me to meet him. I was genuinely happy for her.
“I’ll be fine, Nik. I haven’t had any nightmares since about two months after we moved here. It’s not been easy, but at least that has gotten better for me.”
“That’s not enough, Em. I know you doubt your worthiness right now and you believe you don’t deserve to be happy. Just as much as I know you want Charley to find her happiness, we all want that for you.”
I looked away.
“Just promise me you’ll hear what I’m saying and think about it. You don’t need to make any decisions today.”
I nodded at her.
At that moment, Monroe and Charley walked up to the table with the drinks. I immediately knew something wasn’t right. Nikki cut to the chase and immediately insisted Charley tell us what was wrong. As it turns out, Charley’s new guy was at Lou’s with another girl. My heart instantly broke for her. Charley pointed him out to us and then told Nikki about how serious things had gotten between them. They’d been having daily make out sessions every night when she finished work at the lodge. He insisted on walking her to her car every night. He had also been giving her snowboarding lessons for the last week, and most importantly, they’d slept together two days ago. She had talked with me about him several times before now and every time she spoke about him she lit up. I was now beyond pissed because I hated seeing the hurt back in her face. She was devastated.
To make matters worse, Big Lou took the stage and announced the hometown favorite. Turns out, the woman with Wes was the woman who was performing. We all looked to Charley who said she wanted to say for a couple of drinks and then leave. I think she was more curious about this woman and needed the alcohol to numb the pain she was feeling.
Elle, the singer, was only a few songs in when I heard Charley say something. I turned toward her, but was instantly distracted. Three gorgeous men had just walked in and were walking toward the front of the room. My eyes rounded at the sight of them. Sure, I knew I would never pursue a romantic relationship with anyone again, but I could certainly give credit where credit was due. These men deserved credit; they were breathtaking.
The four of us watched as, unfortunately, the guys walked past our table over to Wes’ table.
Charley let us know that she was ready to go, so we all got up to leave. As we started walking toward the door Wes spotted Charley and called out to her. He went on to ask her if she was a fan of Elle’s music. Charley answered honestly, telling him that since she’d just moved here she had never heard of Elle. She also told him that she hadn’t expected to come out tonight, but that two of her other best friends surprised her today for her birthday. He was surprised by the news that it was her birthday. For a moment, I thought he really seemed to care. I didn’t have too much time to really think about it because that was when I saw the tears fill her eyes. My heart broke for her, but I needed to do what I could do for her in that moment. I walked toward her and grabbed her hand. She looked to me.
“Charley, sweets, let’s go.”
She nodded at me and we began to walk away.
“Wait, Charley. Stay. I’d love to introduce you to my friends and Elle,” Wes said.
Charley turned back to face him, which meant that I turned with her. “Sorry, Wes. I have no interest in playing this game and meeting your girlfriend.”
A look of confusion washed over his face before he began to laugh. What. An. Asshole.
That’s when Nikki, our fierce protector, stepped in and gave Wes a piece of her mind letting him know what we were all thinking…he was an asshole for hurting our friend.
I squeezed Charley’s hand offering her what support I could. That was when Wes spoke.
“Charley, look at me.”
She looked to him as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Gorgeous,” he said, “Elle is my baby sister.”
“What?” she whispered another tear falling as her hand squeezed mine even tighter.
“Christ, Charley. You’re killing me here. Baby, don’t leave.” His voice was laced with agony and I realized he really cared for my friend. He held his hand out to her and she immediately dropped my hand as she threw herself into his arms. I felt my eyes get wet as I watched him hold her and whisper in her ear.
Seconds later, Charley introduced Wes to us. Nikki apologized for her earlier outburst, and surprisingly, Wes was not offended. He was happy that Charley had friends who were willing to take her back and look out for her. It was then he asked her to join him at his table, but she insisted she would not be leaving us. He smiled at her and told her that he hadn’t expected her to and that his three best friends would be more than alright with us joining them.
Fucking wonderful.
Nikki and Monroe were ecstatic. They’d seen the guys walk in earlier so I knew this would be their idea of a good time. It was also Charley’s birthday and I wanted this day to be special for her. I did my best to hide my anxiety and just laughed. With that, we followed Wes back to his table.
As we approached the table Wes introduced Charley to his friends, Stone, Luke, and Zane. Then, he introduced his friends to us. I was surprised I could remember the names of his other friends because the moment my eyes locked with Zane’s I saw nothing else and my belly tightened. Zane was incredibly beautiful. He had jet black hair that was long enough to run your fingers through, but not unruly. He had a strong jawline and cheekbones that were covered by a day or two of scruff. His eyes, though, were undeniably his best feature. They were ice blue and they hadn’t left mine from the moment we walked over to their table. His eyes were heated as he looked at me and I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was going to be in big trouble.
Stone and Luke stood to offer their chairs to Monroe and Nikki. Their movements snapped Zane out of his stare down of me and he stood to offer me his chair. We all sat and the guys pulled up a couple extra chairs. Wes’ sister finished up her set not long after and came over to our table. Wes made introductions, but she ultimately didn’t hang around. Elle took off to find Lou and at that moment Monroe stood and said, “Time to dance, birthday girl.”
It should be noted that Monroe’s life revolved around dance. She had trained in dance since she was a little girl and she now owned her own studio back in Ventura. Nikki and Monroe were already moving toward the dance floor. Charley looked to me and because I refused to ruin the night for her I said, “It’s your special day. I’m making an exception for you.” This was the truth. If it were any other occasion my booty would be parked in a chair, assuming I even made it out in the first place.
Two songs in and I realized how much I’d missed these kinds of night with my girls. We always had such a good time when we would go out, but of course, that all stopped after what happened the last time the four of us went out.
Two more songs and the guys joined us on the dance floor. The odd thing about it was that they weren’t dancing. I was barely surviving being there myself; I certainly wasn’t going to be asking them what their intentions were. I kept dancing with the girls, but I could feel Zane’s heated gaze on me. I glanced toward him and saw that he was, in fact, watching me dance. He was so good-looking that I really did wish circumstances were different. Unfortunately, I just grew more and more uncomfortable. Fortunately, Charley called out to me while reaching for my hand, “Emme, I need to run to the ladies’ room. Come with?”
God, I loved her.
I quickly nodded and walked off the dance floor with her.
As soon as we walked through the door of the ladies’ room, I nearly lost it. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and was going to break down into tears at any moment. It was truly overwhelming.
Charley wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, but couldn’t speak. We stood like that for several minutes. Eventually, I settled down enough to speak. I apologized to her for ruining her birthday. Being the incredibly supportive friend that she’s always been, she brushed it off and insisted I not do anything that made me uncomfortable.
My stomach twisted as I thought of my future. Would it always be like this? My eyes were filled with tears when I said, “When, Charley? When will I be able to have a normal night out with friends and not feel this way? Did you see Zane? My goodness, he’s beautiful. I see the look in his eyes and I know he’s attracted to me. As much as I want to dance and just have a good time, I can’t do it.”
“You’ll get there, honey. I promise.”
I seriously doubted her, but knew it would do no good to tell her that.
At that, Charley suggested we get our friends and head home. I already felt guilty enough. There was no way I was going to ruin anything else for Charley, or Nikki and Monroe for that matter. I told her I was fine to stay, but that I would just grab a seat, a drink, and stay off the dance floor. She seemed to be content with this. She winked at me, grabbed my hand, and we walked back out to the table. Wes and Zane were both sitting there while Luke and Stone were still on the dance floor with Nikki and Monroe. I sat next to Charley thinking this was the better choice. I should have reconsidered this since I was now sitting directly across from Zane. He was looking at me; however, now he had a different look on his face. This looked to be more like one of concern. It was like he could read me and knew something was wrong, but couldn’t quite figure out what it was.
Charley knew how tense of a situation this was for me so she called out to Zane to draw his attention away from me. She distracted him with talk of snowboarding. That was when it happened. She said, “So Zane, Wes tells me you snowboard?”
“Wes speaks the truth,” Zane answered.
Oh. My. God.
His voice.
He had spoken to Elle earlier, but I was sitting too far from him to actually hear him speak. But now that I was sitting across from him and nobody else at the table was talking I heard him loud and clear. He had a deep, gravelly voice. It was, by far, the sexiest thing I had ever heard. Earlier I had settled on the fact that his eyes were his best feature. Nope. Not a chance. His voice was off the charts.
“Nice. Are you as good as he is?” Charley asked.
Zane looked at Wes and grinned.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
He was exquisite. His smile was blindingly white and somehow, he became even more delectable.
“Wes spends more time working on the business than he does riding, darlin’. I’m training every day. It’s safe to assume that I’m as good as he is,” he answered.
Fuck. His voice could soothe my soul. I had to stop focusing on him. I looked back out to the dance floor to distract myself while they continued to talk.
I’m pretty certain it was a combination of needing the distraction and the fact that Nikki and Monroe were being absolutely ridiculous about trying to get Stone and Luke to dance with them, but I started laughing. I hadn’t intended on drawing attention to myself, but the next thing I knew Charley was saying, “It’s times like this when having your camera would come in handy. At least we could have had pictures of this and then used them to help convince those two to move out here with us.”
The conversation then turned to me. Crap.
Wes looked to me and asked, “You’re a professional photographer or it’s something you do for fun?”
“That’s my full-time gig; though, I do it because I love it.”
To my relief, Nikki, Monroe, Luke, and Stone all walked up to the table.
Monroe was not happy about having to leave. The girl could spend hours dancing. It’s kind of how I felt about photography. I loved it.
Nikki, not surprisingly, announced her displeasure at having to call it a night, so she began attempting to plan her next visit out. The guys agreed to make themselves available for that visit.
“I’m in. It was pure entertainment tonight,” Stone said. “Though, can we not be on a dance floor next time?”
Nikki, Charley and I all laughed. Monroe gasped. “How dare you?” she practically roared.
A look of confusion washed over his face.
I put him out of his misery and said, “Monroe is a dancer. You’ve just insulted her livelihood.”
“In that case, maybe we’ll come to California to see you dance,” Stone said.
“I’m not a stripper. I TEACH dance,” Monroe corrected him.
“Even better. And we’ll still come to California. There are great mountains out there for riding. Besides, I haven’t seen the beach in a while.”
No. No. No. The thought of California sent my head spinning. I looked to Charley and knew instantly that we were both having the same exact thoughts. She finally spoke up and said that we all had a long day and needed to head out. We said good-bye and the four of us walked toward the door. As we walked away I could still feel Zane’s eyes on me. I glanced back to see that he, along with the rest of the guys, were right behind us.
Panicked I asked, “What are you guys doing?”
Zane looked me square in the eyes and said, “Lots of bad people in the world, sweetheart. Lou’s lot is well lit, but not going to let you and your girls looking the way you do, which is hot as all fuck, walk out to your car in the parking lot this late at night without making sure you get there safely.”
Oh no. I sucked in a breath. Did he even realize the significance of what he just said? I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and prayed for a distraction. As if on cue, Nikki yelled, “Reason number six!”
Monroe and Charley laughed. I let out the breath I had been holding.
“What? What the fuck does that mean?” Luke asked.
Monroe answered, “Nikki is making a list. All the reasons she and I should move here. She’s up to six now.”
“How many reasons do you need?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” Nikki answered.
As we all started walking to the parking lot, I looked to Nikki and mouthed a ‘thank you.’ She winked back at me.
If nothing else, I knew I had hit the jackpot with these girls.