Emme
“It smells absolutely fucking amazing in here right now, Emme.”
I was currently in Zane’s kitchen, also known as my dream kitchen, and dinner was in the oven. We had gotten back to his house about an hour and a half ago. I chose to keep the clothes Zane brought to me that morning on, except for the outer layers. So now, I was standing in a pair of black leggings and a long-sleeved form fitting charcoal gray shirt and was in the process of making dessert so that I could put it in the oven as soon as dinner was finished. Zane had a double oven, but I wasn’t going to spoil myself in this kitchen just yet. I’d just be disappointed when I had to go back to using a single oven.
“Thanks. The lasagna needs about ten more minutes in the oven and then another ten when it comes out,” I answered. I made my spinach and mushroom lasagna. I didn’t know prior to today where we were going, but Zane did tell me to dress warm. For me, any time I spent a day in the cold there was nothing like some comfort food to warm you up. I just hoped Zane would enjoy it.
“What is this?” he asked as he stuck his hand into the bowl I had in front of me, pulled out an apple, and popped it in his mouth.
“It’s dessert. This,” I said gesturing to the bowl, “is the filling for my apple crumb pie.”
“Well it’s not even baked yet and it tastes awesome.”
“If you think it’s good like that, just wait until it’s warm out of the oven and we put some vanilla frozen yogurt on top of it,” I teased, as I poured the filling into the crust.
“Looking forward to it,” he said as he winked at me.
Zane poured some wine while I finished putting the crumb topping on the apple pie. I pulled the lasagna out of the oven and quickly closed the door. The olive oil and rosemary biscuits I made needed another couple minutes in the oven. The two of us set the table together while we waited. I brought the lasagna dish over to the dining room table and cut it. I served the first pieces for each of us, setting two on Zane’s plate and one on mine. I had already plated our salads while the lasagna was cooking. Finally, the biscuits had finished so I pulled them out of the oven and popped the apple pie in. I brought the biscuits over to the table and sat with Zane.
He held up his glass of wine and asked, “So what should we toast to?”
I picked up my glass and suggested, “New friendships?”
Zane thought a moment and conceded, “Alright, Emme, I’ll give you that. To new friendships.”
I quickly chimed in, “And dream kitchens!”
He laughed and said, “And dream kitchens.”
After our toast, we ate. Zane couldn’t compliment me enough on the food and actually went in for a third piece of the lasagna. The biscuits were a hit with him as well. I loved it. It felt so good to have someone to cook for, even for just one night, that thoroughly enjoyed the food I made. For the last ten months, the only person other than myself that I cooked for was Charley. It just wasn’t the same, though. Zane really appreciated my food and that made my heart swell.
“So, as it turns out it looks as though I’ll be getting lucky,” he said.
I dropped my fork and looked up at him, scared. “Excuse me?”
He chuckled and said, “Relax, Emme. Wes called and left me a message earlier today while we were out. Apparently, your girls are coming from California on Friday to spend this weekend celebrating the holiday. Said he talked to Charley about it and the two of them wanted all of us to go snowboarding on Friday, followed by dinner. New Year’s Eve celebration will be on Saturday at Lou’s followed by New Year’s Day celebration at Wes’ place on Sunday. I’m thinking I’m pretty lucky considering I thought it’d be a couple weeks before I’d get to see you again.”
The smile on my face was huge. Nikki and Monroe were coming back out to visit. I couldn’t wait. Of course, the promise of seeing Zane three days in a row added to the excitement. I’d just have to distance myself a bit from him so that nobody got the wrong idea. The thought saddened me.
“Happy to sad in about ten seconds. What’s that about, Em?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. I am excited. I haven’t seen the girls in a while and I miss them, so I’m super thrilled and very much looking forward to seeing them again.”
“Damn it. I thought that smile a few seconds ago was because you realized you’d get to hear my panty-melting voice and see my sex-bomb face three days in a row.”
I shook my head at him. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
“Not for a while. It was a huge ego boost for me.”
“Oh, please. I don’t, for one second, believe that I’m the first to have said something like that to you. You can’t be surprised by it.”
“No, Emme. I won’t lie to you. You aren’t the first to hint that I’m good looking, but the whole ‘panty-melting voice’ is news to me. Still, even if I had heard that before the ego boost comes more from the fact that it was you who thought it, not someone else.”
I looked away.
He put his hand to my jaw and turned my face to his. “Don’t be embarrassed. I’m teasing you about it, but it’s mostly because I’m hoping to change your mind on this whole ‘friendship only’ decision you’ve made. Knowing I’ve got some things in my favor is encouraging. I’m just making sure you don’t forget them.”
His eyes searched my face before he asked, “So, you are happy your friends are coming to visit. Why the sad face a few minutes ago?”
I closed my eyes and let out a breath. When I opened them again, I said, “Because despite what you might think I am not only looking forward to seeing them and spending time with them, but I’m also looking forward to seeing you. The problem is I don’t want any of them getting the wrong impression. I don’t want them thinking there is more to this than there is. They’ll get their hopes up and I’ll just disappoint them. I haven’t told any of them about us spending the day together today for this very reason.”
His jaw clenched and his eyebrows drew together. “Am I understanding this correctly? You want to keep our friendship a secret?” he asked.
“No, not at all. I just don’t want the pressure to date somebody coming from them and that’s exactly what will happen. I talked to Monroe on Christmas. She’s the only one who knows that you spent the day with me and took me to meet your parents and even her reaction to that tells me that they’d all push for us to get together. Charley knows we spent Christmas together, but she has no idea we went to your parents’ house.”
“If they’d all be pushing for us to get together, I’m beginning to think telling them is a great idea.”
“Zane, please. I’m begging you not to tell them about today.”
“Why not, Emme?”
“Because they’ll not only be happy for me, but because they will also want to know the details of today. And that means I’ll have to tell them the truth.”
“Which is?”
I took in a deep breath and admitted, “That it was perfect. That it was the best day I’ve had in years. And that it was so wonderful that I wished I could have the happiness I felt today every single day for the rest of my life.”
“What makes you think you can’t?”
I looked away as I felt my nose stinging and my throat getting tight. “Because I can’t. Not anymore.”
“I hope you don’t really believe that, Em. I don’t know what you are scared of or what you’ve been through, but I know it’s bad enough that I see that pain in your eyes a lot and that you have had some pretty bad nightmares. I won’t say anything to your girls, but sweetheart, don’t live your life being unhappy.”
“I will be happy knowing my friends and family are safe and loved. That’s what is most important to me.”
He shook his head at me, but said nothing. I stared back at him a while and finally said, “I’m going to check on the pie.”
I moved to clean up our dishes when Zane’s hand came out to wrap around my wrist. “It’s ok, Em. I’ve got them.”
I looked at him and my heart melted. He was such a good guy.
“Thanks, Zane.”
I walked back into the kitchen and checked on the apple pie. It was finished so I pulled it out of the oven and set it on the countertop. Zane walked into the kitchen behind me carrying the plates from dinner and looked to the apple pie.
“We’re going to need to give it some time to cool before we cut it,” I explained, moving to the sink where Zane was now standing as he placed the dishes in it.
“Dinner was really good and I overate a bit so holding off on dessert right now is not a problem.”
“Thanks. We should give it at least an hour to cool,” I said.
I heard my phone chime alerting me to a text. I walked over and pulled the phone out of my camera bag. Turns out I had more than one text. Charley had texted telling me that she and Wes were picking up dinner on their way to the condo and wanted to know if I wanted anything. I told her I wasn’t home and would be in late, but did not elaborate on anything. From what I knew of Charley, she wouldn’t question me on it. Monroe also texted to tell me about her and Nikki coming to celebrate with us this weekend. I responded and told her how excited I was to see the two of them and couldn’t wait for them to get here. I tossed the phone back in the bag and looked to Zane.
“I’m sorry. Charley and Wes are stopping to pick up dinner and wanted to know if I wanted anything. And Monroe was just filling me in on the plans for this weekend.”
“Emme, you don’t need to apologize to me. You do that way too much. And, if you want to share things with me, I’m all for it, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell me things. You telling me all that felt too much like you thinking you needed to tell me what was going on instead you wanting to do it.”
I looked away. I guess I hadn’t realized how conditioned I’d become over the years. Apologizing whenever I thought I messed up to hopefully soften the blow or trying to rapid fire details of things so that I wouldn’t be accused of doing something unbecoming of a girlfriend. This was not to say that I thought I was Zane’s girlfriend. I knew that this was absolutely not the case.
The next thing I knew Zane had his hand at my jaw and was gently pushing against it so that I had to look at him.
“And you look away too much. It’s like you’re ashamed of something. Never feel that way around me, Em, ok?”
I swallowed hard and nodded.
“You said earlier that today was perfect and you wished you could feel this happy for the rest of your life. I don’t like your thoughts that you can’t have that, but at the very least, I’m going to do my part to make sure the rest of this day feels just like the start of the day. So, it’s your choice on what we do while we wait for dessert.”
“What are my options?” I asked.
“We can play a game or two of pool, watch a movie, or swim in the heated pool which, just saying, is my top choice.”
“You have a pool?”
He smiled and winked at me before saying, “Got a hot tub, too.”
There was no way I was getting in a bathing suit in front of Zane, not that I had brought one with me, but even if I had it wasn’t happening. Not with the scar. No way. Not a chance. In the same regard, I didn’t want to disappoint him so I let him down gently when I said, “Well I didn’t bring a bathing suit, so that’s out.”
“Undergarments, or nothing at all, work as well.”
I rolled my eyes at him and said, “Nice try, but it’s not happening. I’d love to play a game of pool and then maybe a movie when we have dessert.”
“I can work with that,” he said as he reached his hand out to hold mine. “Come on.”
Zane walked me through his home, which I was now able to take in. We walked down the short hallway that angled off the back side of the kitchen toward the back of the house into the sunken great room, which was the coziest place I’d ever seen. Upon my initial inspection I immediately, yet silently, declared my favorite part to be the U-shaped pale grey sectional. I was very much hoping to try it out later. It had two, fluffy cream-colored blankets neatly folded and thrown over the backs of each corner. The cushions were deep and looked perfect for snuggling up to watch a movie or read a book. There was a floor-to-ceiling stone fireplace with a beautiful hearth that didn’t have much in the way of decorations on it, but I imagined it filled with picture frames. It was currently dark out so I couldn’t see outside, but nearly the entire wall on the back side of the house was made up of huge glass window panes. To the back wall, opposite of doorway to the kitchen was another hall. We walked down the hall and passed by a set of double doors that Zane told me led to the theater room. We continued to the single door a little further down the hall. Zane opened the door and let me in ahead of him. I walked in to find a pool table in the middle of the room, a wet bar off to the back corner of the room, and a couch with two oversized armchairs set up in front of the wall mounted television.
“I know I haven’t seen all of it yet, but your home is beautiful, Zane.”
“Thank you. I wanted a place that I’d be able to entertain in when I wanted, but also a place that was comfortable. I travel enough for snowboarding so it was important to me to make sure that when I’m home I’m in a place that I actually enjoy living in.”
“I can see why you’d be comfortable here. If this were my home, I’d never leave,” I said.
Zane said nothing, but something in his face changed. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was and just as quickly as I noticed it it was gone.
We walked to the pool table and as he handed me the cue stick he asked, “You know how to play?”
I gave him a coy smile and said, “How about you rack ‘em and I’ll break?”
He struggled to fight a grin from spreading across his face. With that, Zane racked the balls. Twenty minutes later, he racked them again in hopes of a rematch. Since I was feeling good and soaking up all the happy I could today I decided to give him the rematch. He won the second round.
“Tiebreaker or pie?” I asked.
“Pie,” he answered.
“Really? You don’t want to just settle this now and admit that I’m the better player?” I asked.
He smiled as he walked toward me. He stopped inches in front of me and said, “Don’t give a shit if you are the better player, Em. Want to wait to find out for sure because in doing so, you’ll have to come back.”
I swallowed hard as I looked up at him and whispered, “Oh.”
He gave me a sexy grin and I was convinced he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I was so damn attracted to him and my body wanted what it wanted. My heart also knew what it wanted. It was my mind that kept getting in the way and bringing me back to reality. The truth was, you didn’t always get what you wanted. I needed to stop thinking about how much I wanted Zane, so I finally found my words and said, “Ok, let’s get some pie.”