Chapter 34

Faith

“Well?” Lacey said.

It was the next morning. The morning after, I think they call it. My pussy still tingled with pleasure at what had happened the night before. I’d slept like a baby. I’d even missed my alarm clock. That was a first. Poor Sam was late for school.

I was on the phone with Lacey. I sat there, my mind rushing through a million things before I answered her. Make me yours. That’s what Jackson had made me say. Tell me you’re mine. I claim you. My spine tingled as I thought back on it.

“Faith,” Lacey said again, “tell me about it.”

“Tell what?” I said

“Don’t be coy with me, girl. Give me the details.”

“Lacey!”

“I mean it. I want to know everything.”

“We did it.”

“Made love?”

“Made love?” I repeated, laughing. “Not exactly.”

“What do you mean?”

“I believe the correct term is fucking.”

“Oh, excuse me. You fucked.”

“We fucked like jackrabbits, Lacey. My pussy’s still quivering. I’m afraid to touch myself. In the shower this morning his sperm dripped down my leg.”

“You mean you didn’t use protection?”

I paused before answering.

“What’s the point?” I said, after thinking about it. “I’ve already had his child. I’ve been waiting for him for twelve years. I think we’re pretty committed to each other.”

“Faith, honey,” Lacey said. “Girl, you’ve got to look after yourself. I know he drives you wild. I know you’ve been waiting for him to come back to you. But you still don’t want to throw everything to the wind and get pregnant again. What about the business we’re building? What about finding out for real if Jackson’s sticking around this time.”

“I know,” I said, embarrassed at how stupid I’d been.

“I mean,” Lacey continued, “I love Jackson and I completely believe he’s here to stay, but don’t you think you owe it to yourself to make him prove that to you before you let him put another child inside you?”

“You’re right,” I said. “Of course you’re right. I got carried away.”

“I know,” Lacey said. “And I’d have done the same in your position. But I wouldn’t be doing my job as a best friend if I didn’t tell you to look out for yourself. But you’re a big girl. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.”

I shook my head. I usually knew what I was doing. Jackson Jones was a distinct exception. I didn’t know what had come over me. Every time I was with him my body seemed to beg for his cock. It was crazy.

“When are you going to see him again?” Lacey said.

I felt butterflies in my stomach when she said that. I wanted to see him again so badly. Of course I did. My body did. My pussy especially wanted to see Jackson Jones again. My pussy wanted to move in with Jackson Jones. It wanted to give itself to him, be his slave. My pussy wanted to tattoo Jackson Jones’s name on itself so the whole world knew who owned it. But I was more than a vagina. I was a full person, a mother, with responsibilities. I had to be reasonable.

“I don’t know,” I said.

“What did he say?”

“We didn’t make a plan, but I know he intended to see me again soon.”

“Did he take your number?

“No. I wanted to give it to him but it didn’t come up. I don’t know if he has a cell phone. He’s so old school.”

“Well, I dare say he’ll figure out how to get a hold of you when he needs to.”

“Lacey,” I said. “I was embarrassed. I let him go down on me. He sucked my clit, licked my asshole, fucked me without a condom.”

“He did all that?”

“God, yes.”

“Where?”

“In the back of his truck.”

Lacey laughed. “I get it. So when it was all over, you were feeling a little sheepish.”

“I just had to get out of there and collect my thoughts. He dropped me off.”

“At least he knows where you live.”

“Yes,” I said. Then, turning the subject from myself to Lacey, “What about you? How was your night.”

“I had a few drinks with Grant and then he dropped me off at home,” she said.

“That means we have to go back and get your car,” I said, half excited at the proposition. What if I saw Jackson again? I just wanted any excuse to go down to the valley.

“I already picked it up this morning,” Lacey said. “Don’t forget. I’m in a committed relationship with Matt. I can’t leave my car outside of the Rusty Nail. You know what that does to a lady’s reputation?”

I laughed.

Then I heard a crack in Lacey’s voice. She was crying.

“Lacey,” I said, startled, “are you all right? Are you crying?”

“I’m all right,” she sobbed.

“What’s going on? Why are you crying? What happened?”

“It’s nothing, Faith. Really. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Lacey, that’s not how we work and you know it. If something’s happened, you have to tell me.”

I already knew it was about Matt. That prick was really fucking with her mind. I wanted to tell her I’d get Jackson to take him out. Seriously.

“It’s not the right time. You’ve been waiting twelve years for Jackson to come back to you. I don’t want to overshadow that with my own petty problems.”

“Matt cheating on you is not a petty problem, Lacey. You don’t have to protect him all the time. You should talk about it.”

“You know if I tell the brothers about it they’ll fuck him up. I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not? That’s what he deserves.”

“Just promise me you won’t tell Jackson or the others what I’m about to say,” she said.

“You have my word, Lacey.”

“Oh, God,” Lacey said. She was starting to cry again. “I don’t think I can tell you all this on the phone,” she said.

“Get in your car,” I said. “Right now. Meet me at the diner on Main. I’ll buy you coffee and a massive dessert.”

A half hour later I was sitting in a booth at the diner across from Lacey. She’d stopped crying but her eyes were red. I ordered our coffee and a huge overindulgence of desserts—pecan pie, apple pie, lemon meringue, an ice cream sundae, and a chocolate brownie. The waitress raised her eyebrows when I placed the order.

I gave Lacey lots of room, didn’t pressure her, just let her speak when she was ready.

“I can’t believe what I’m about to say,” she said at last, after at least two mouthfuls of each dessert.

I nodded. Matt’s cheating was a fact we both knew but that didn’t make it any easier for Lacey to swallow.

“The thing is,” she continued, “I thought he was cheating on me. But he wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“He isn’t cheating on me, he’s cheating with me.”

“Lacey, I don’t understand.”

“I’m the affair, Faith. I’m not the relationship. I’m the fucking affair.”

“What?”

“Matt’s got a wife.”

“What? You’ve been dating him for years. How could he have a wife.”

“He’s got a fucking wife, Faith. They have a fancy house together in Palo Alto.”

“But, I don’t understand. Haven’t you been to his apartment?”

“It’s a company apartment, for when he’s in the valley on business. I thought he went to the city for business. But no. He lives in the city. He came here on business.”

Lacey wasn’t crying. She was refusing to allow herself to cry. She was holding herself together through nerves of pure steel.

“Oh, Lacey,” I gasped.

She shook her head.

“How did you find out?”

“A voicemail.”

“A voicemail?”

“A fucking voicemail, Faith.”

I looked around the diner. It was pretty empty. No one could hear us. Lacey’s eyes had watered up but she was still holding it together. I felt like I should get her home. I didn’t want her to drive.

“What did it say?”

“It said his wife found out about me and he had to call the whole thing off. That’s pretty much all it said. After two years, that’s how he ended it.”

“Oh, Lacey. I’m so sorry.”

She started crying then.

“He said we’d never see each other again.”

“Lacey,” I said, helplessly.

“I loved him, Faith.”

“I know,” I said, soothingly.

“I loved that asshole, and all I got was a voicemail. I tried calling him and I’m blocked. I couldn’t get through, even to tell him what an asshole he is.”

“Fuck him,” I said.

“The entire time I thought he loved me, Faith. He had a wife at home waiting for him the entire time. It was all a lie. The night we met, oh God. I thought I’d found my soul mate. He had a wife.”

“Oh sweetie.”

“One great big, fat, fucking lie.”

“Let me tell Jackson,” I said. “He’ll take care of Matt for you.”

“No, Faith. You promised.”

“All right. I won’t say a word.”

“I just feel like such a fucking idiot,” Lacey said. “He’s one of those compulsive, pathological liars who likes to have two separate lives with two different women at the same time. And I was one of those ridiculous women who allows it to happen.

If I saw myself on a reality show I’d roll my eyes. When he told me he didn’t have a landline, or social profiles, I just ate it all up. The business trips. Fuck. He spent more time in the city than here.”

“It’s not your fault, Lacey. You didn’t know.”

“He’s crushed my heart, Faith. He’s shattered it. How will I ever get over this?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but you’ll get over this with time, Lacey. He’s the asshole here. You’ll forget all about him.”

“Then why do I feel so dirty?”

I could see she was going to take this really hard. Only a woman whose been cheated on could understand the sort of pain she was going through. It was the ultimate betrayal.

I put my hand on hers. I prayed her ego would be able to bounce back from this eventually. I felt helpless to do anything.

“I just feel so worthless, Faith. Like no man will ever value me or love me.”

“We’ll get you through this, Lacey,” I said.