Chapter 25

Grant

I was about to climb down the ladder. I was going to give Lacey the letter and let her make up her own mind. If she wasn’t interested, that would be her choice. At least I’d have told her how I felt. I folded the letter neatly and put it in my back pocket. Then I put the pencil and envelope back on the beam above me and reached for the ladder.

I hesitated a moment at the top of the ladder. It was a perfect evening. The air was still, the evening sky a deep crimson. It was a momentous night. The night I would finally tell Lacey that I loved her.

And then I heard someone at the doors of the barn. I was about to call out. I figured it was Jackson coming to check on the horses, but it wasn’t. It was Lacey, and she was with Rob.

What was she doing, bringing him there, to my place? To our place? The place we’d been intimate together?

I know I should have said something, but I was too taken by surprise.

“Lacey,” Rob said, “there’s something I need to say to you.”

Immediately, I knew it was going to be something important. The tone in his voice, the mood in the barn, he was going to say something I didn’t want to overhear. But there was nothing I could do. I took my hand off the ladder and stepped back into the loft.

“What is it, Rob?”

“I want to ask you something very important.”

“You can ask me anything,” Lacey said.

I was shaking my head. I thought about climbing out the window but it was more likely they’d hear me if I moved. The only thing to do was wait it out.

“What are your feelings on marriage?” Rob said.

My breath caught in my throat. What was I about to overhear?

“I love marriage,” Lacey said. “You know that.”

“Well, we haven’t talked about it much.”

“Because we’ve only been going out for a few weeks,” Lacey said. “From what I’ve seen, marriage is the last thing guys want to talk about.”

“Not me,” Rob said.

“You mean, you like talking about marriage?”

“It’s something I’ve been meaning to take care of.”

“Take care of?”

“Well,” Rob said, “my business is doing well. I’m becoming a more important person in certain social circles in the city. I can’t be a bachelor forever.”

“I see,” Lacey said.

“There comes a point,” Rob continued, “where I realize that being married would probably be more of an advantage to my career than being single.”

“An advantage to your career?”

“You know how it is. My clients are married women. The men who send them to me would probably prefer if I was tied down. It would make my business seem more stable.”

Lacey said nothing. I was standing at the far end of the loft, where I couldn’t be seen. For some reason, beads of sweat were dripping from my forehead. I felt as if I was witnessing a crime. Not only was Rob proposing to the woman I loved with all my heart, the woman I was about to give a letter to confessing my love, but he was also doing it in the least romantic way possible.

I mean, I’m no expert, I’d let Lacey down and I knew it, but Rob wasn’t even telling her he loved her. He wasn’t giving her anything near to the proposal she deserved. He was making it sound like a business proposition, like it was something that would be useful for his public image. I felt like punching him out, just for messing up his proposal.

It made me realize just how badly I’d screwed up by not committing to Lacey when I had the chance. I was mad at Rob for letting her down, but when I thought about it, I’d let her down just as badly. She’d been ready to start a relationship with me. I knew it. But I’d been too concerned about my own shit to do what I should have done.

“Rob,” Lacey said, “are you saying you want to marry me?”

Rob cleared his throat. “Well, I mean, I’m just saying, it would be a good career move for me right now.”

Lacey’s voice sounded uncertain. “So, this is a proposal?”

“If that’s what you want to call it,” Rob said.

There was something strange in Lacey’s voice. I don’t know if she was happy or sad, but there was definitely a lot of emotion in her voice, and she was struggling to contain it. I could always tell when she was emotional, I just couldn’t always tell what it meant.

“Then, I guess I accept, Rob.”

“Really?”

“You know it’s my dream to settle down with a good man, a man who loves me. I want to create a real, meaningful life. A life full of love and laughter, and hopefully, a life full of happy little children too.”

“Well, let’s not get carried away just yet. I don’t want to make a big deal over it.”

“But it is a big deal.”

“Not for me, it isn’t,” Rob said. “It’s just my next move.”

Lacey’s voice caught in her throat. “It’s a big deal for me, Rob.”

“Come on,” Rob said. “Let’s go back into the house. I’m not in the mood for a big emotional display.”

They left the barn. I didn’t know what to think. I reached behind my back and took the letter I’d written from my pocket. Just one more letter I’d written for Lacey that would never be delivered.

I moved mechanically, pulling the envelope down from the beam and slipping the new letter into it. Then I put it back up on the beam, grabbed the whiskey, and drained the bottle.