Chapter 39

Faith

There are moments in my life I’ll never forget. This was definitely one of them. The entire time I felt I might cry tears of pure joy. Thankfully, I was able to hold them in.

Sam, for the first time, was setting eyes on his father. Jackson was setting eyes on his son. Words can’t describe the flood of emotions that flowed through my heart at that moment. It was terrifying, overwhelming, and at the same time, the most natural thing in the world. Anyone watching would have sworn they’d known each other their whole lives. It was surreal.

I’d introduced Sam to men before, random dates, and it was always really awkward. They’d try to be friendly to each other but it would come across as stilted, unnatural. This was anything but awkward. It was easy. I didn’t even have to do anything. Sam didn’t know Jackson was his father, but it was almost as if he didn’t need to know.

“Jackson,” I stammered, “fancy meeting you here.”

Fancy meeting you here? What was I saying? I sounded like my mother.

“I come here all the time,” he said. “I’m an ice cream addict.”

I looked at him and felt my cheeks flush. Oh god. I wasn’t equipped for surprises like this. I glanced at Sam and prayed he couldn’t notice how hot my cheeks were.

“I see your friend is a fellow addict,” Jackson said, motioning to Sam. “What is that? Hot caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry?”

Sam’s jaw dropped. It literally dropped. I’m not exaggerating. It was like he’d lived his entire life on a foreign planet, and had only just for the first time met someone his own species.

“How did you know that?” Sam said.

Jackson shrugged. “Damn, kid. I’ve been having those since before you were born. I bet if I ordered one now I’d have it finished before you.”

Jackson ordered a sundae from the waitress.

Sam’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. Jackson swore in front of him. It was the last thing he should have done, but somehow, I felt that it wouldn’t do Sam any harm.

He was going through such a hard time at school, seeing how a tough guy like Jackson acted might do him good. It might give him some confidence. Sam was excited. He watched the waitress making Jackson’s sundae. It was like he’d never had anyone else to eat ice cream with in his life.

“Why don’t you join us?” I said to Jackson, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude. You two look like you’re having a nice evening. This isn’t a date, is it?”

Sam scrunched up his face.

“This is my son, Sam,” I said, looking into Jackson’s eyes. There was a tear in his eyes and it made me want to cry too. I looked at Sam before my emotions got the better of me. It was hard to speak without my voice breaking. “Sam, this is my friend, Jackson.”

Jackson squeezed into the booth next to Sam and shook his hand. I’ve never seen Sam shake hands with anyone in his life.

“Jackson Jones, at your service.”

“Sam Jones,” Sam said.

I could see the thought going through Sam’s mind. He and Jackson had the same last name.

“Sam was my father’s name,” Jackson said.

“My grandfather’s,” Sam said.

For a terrible moment I was afraid Jackson was going to cry, he looked overcome with emotion, but he held it together. He caught my eye and there was a look in it I’d never seen before.

Was it gratitude?

“So, is this a regular thing for you two?” Jackson said. “An evening ice cream?”

“Sort of,” I said.

“We just saw a movie,” Sam said.

“In the theater?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Kid, I could tell you things about that nickelodeon that would blow your mind. Some of the things I’ve gotten up to in the back row.”

“Sam’s eleven,” I said.

Jackson looked up at me while the message sunk in.

“Oh,” he said. “I see. You’re probably too young for that sort of stuff, Sammy. But another couple of years, and you’ll be real interested.”

Sam nodded. I was surprised that Sam wasn’t more shy. He was taking to Jackson like he’d known him his entire life. They seemed like old buddies. If anything, I was the outsider.

The waitress brought Jackson’s sundae and he took a big bite.

“Good, isn’t it?” he said to Sam.

“The best.”

“You in school?”

“Yes, sir.”

I almost laughed. Sam never called anyone sir. What had made him start with Jackson?

“Call me Jackson,” Jackson said.

“Yes, sir.”

Jackson laughed.

“You like sports?”

“Not too much.”

Jackson nodded.

“But you like movies?”

“Yes,” Sam said, stopping himself at the last second from adding sir.

“Me too,” Jackson said. “Me too.”

Jackson was silent for a few moments. I didn’t know what he was thinking but I tried to imagine what it must have been like for him, after twelve long years, to finally be sitting next to his son, having a conversation, eating ice cream.

I looked into his eyes and he looked back at me. There was a glow in his eyes like fire. It was as if they were made of molten lava. They were burning with passion for me. They were burning with love. I could physically feel it.

I shivered under his gaze. I remembered what he’d done to me in the back of the truck. I remembered the things he’d said to me when I first met him. He’d wanted a child. He’d made no attempt to hide that. He told me he’d put a baby in my womb, and he had. He’d told me he’d get rid of anyone who was a threat to me and the baby, and he’d done that too. A shiver ran down my spine as I flashed back to the orgasm he’d had inside me, less than twenty-four hours earlier.

Jackson was talking to Sam in a way no man had ever talked to him, other than possibly Grant, Forrester and Grady. Jackson was genuinely interested in everything Sam said. He wasn’t just making conversation to impress me. He wasn’t trying to pick up Sam’s mom. He was just talking to the kid like he was a real person, someone worth talking to.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Sam said one of those things I completely didn’t expect.

“I have no dad,” he said.

My eyes widened. I didn’t know what possessed him to bring that up. I looked to Jackson but he didn’t miss a beat.

“I hear that, kid,” he said. “I don’t have a daddy either. Not anymore.”

“Your dad died?” Sam said.

“Yes, sir. Not to speak ill of the dead, but he probably deserved it. You know the ravine bridge when you’re coming up from the city? The one that seems like the perfect place to do some bungee jumping.”

Sam’s eyes lit up with recognition. “I know that bridge.”

“My daddy crashed right over the edge of that thing. The explosion could be seen from the valley dam.”

“No way.”

“Yup. So if you want some advice from me, be very careful when you’re driving a car. It’s the single most dangerous thing you’ll ever do in your life. Even if you smoke. Even if you join the army. It’ll be your car that kills you if you’re not careful.”

“Good advice,” I said.

“Especially don’t drink and drive. Next time you’re drinking, call your mom, or call me. Don’t get behind the wheel.”

Sam laughed. I looked at Jackson but he was kidding. He laughed too. “I’m messing with you, kid. I’m messing with him,” he said, looking at me. “I know he’s too young to drink.”

“And too young to drive,” I said.

“Not for long though, right buddy?” Jackson said.

Sam nodded. He’d been too busy listening to Jackson to eat his ice cream. Jackson’s was all gone.

“Voila!” Jackson said. “Told you I’d finish first.”

“Oh man,” Sam said, slapping his forehead.

“See, man. I distracted you. Asking you all those questions. You’ve got to be on the lookout for that shit. You can’t be letting people pull the wool over your eyes.”

“I know,” Sam said, shaking his head. “Damn.”

“Sam Jones,” I said. “We don’t use words like that.”

“He did,” Sam said, indicating Jackson.

Jackson shrugged. “Old habits die hard,” he said.

Sam laughed, as if that somehow justified him.

To me, the whole thing was amazing. Sam was actually listening to every word Jackson said. If he’d had a pen and paper, he’d have taken notes. I could tell my little boy had been starved for this kind of attention his entire life. Jackson wasn’t just a man, he was a man’s man. There’s a difference. And that difference seemed to mean the entire world to my little boy.

I was enjoying sitting there but it was past nine and Sam had to get to bed. I wasn’t sure what Jackson had in mind. Had he really just been stopping by for an ice cream, or had he been stalking me? To be honest, I hoped he’d been stalking me.