Chapter Ten

Jordan

"They're asleep," Mrs. Cooper informs me as she leads me up the winding staircase. "But that's no surprise. They tired each other out."

Sure enough, when I get to the upstairs living room, I find Lance and Claus on the couch, both with eyelids shut and snoring softly beneath the blanket they share. They're not snuggled together; Claus is sitting sideways with his back to Lance, his cheek against the back of the couch and his mouth half open. Lance, on the other hand, has his head resting against the back of the couch, his face pointed up to the ceiling. Even so, I can't help but think they look cozy. For once, I think they look alike, too. Maybe it's the bone structure. Or the eyelashes.

Looking at them, warmth bursts inside my chest and I clasp a hand to it.

Father and son.

And they don't even know it.

"Frankly, I thought Lance would lose it," Mrs. Cooper adds. "But he seems to have survived."

Survived? Does getting knocked out on a couch count as surviving? Then again, he's not the only one asleep. Also, he seems to be intact. No bloody nose or broken bones. So yeah, I guess he made it.

Claus looks fine, too. He's even cleaner than I expected.

"Did he eat?" I ask. "Claus, I mean."

Mrs. Cooper nods. "I made him a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch."

"And did they have fun?"

"Claus definitely did. Lance? I saw him smiling once or twice. Heard him laughing, too. Claus seems to like him."

"And he likes Claus?" I ask curiously.

"I think so. It's strange, because he doesn't seem the kind of man to be patient with kids, but he and Claus did seem to get along. Well, they're both boys, after all."

Great. So my plan backfired.

Still, I don't feel disappointed. In fact, I feel quite... happy.

"Well, I'll leave it to you." Mrs. Cooper gives my arm a light squeeze. "And thank you for the cupcakes."

"You're welcome," I answer.

After she leaves, my gaze goes back to the two sleepers on the couch. A smile forms on my lips.

Who would have thought Lance would make a good father after all?

Just then, Claus stirs. He turns around towards Lance and extends his arm. His fist nearly reaches Lance's jaw before falling on his shoulder.

Whether he's taking an afternoon nap or sleeping at night, his limbs always go flying in different directions. Why, I can't count how many times I've woken up from a fist or a foot to my face.

I go around the coffee table and approach Lance so I can take Claus's hand out of striking distance. I end up tripping on the rug, though, and stumble forward. I manage to keep myself from falling on top of Lance by leaning on my arms, but my face ends up scant inches from his. Maybe two inches. So close I can see his individual eyelashes. I guess they are like Claus's, thin and close together.

Suddenly, Lance opens his eyes. Those pools of moonless night, still shrouded in clouds of sleep, gaze into mine.

I find myself staring back into them, unable to look away until his eyelids eclipse them. Before I can move, though, his hand grips the back of my neck. He pulls me forward and my lips clash with his. His tongue slips in between.

I pull away, but his grip is firm. We tumble down on the rug, him on top of me.

"Ouch!" I complain as my back hits the floor.

Lance stares at me. As the haze of sleep fades, his eyes grow wide. Mine narrow in frustration.

"Mommy?" Claus sits up and rubs his eyes.

I quickly push Lance off me and get on my feet. "What do you think you're doing?"

He puts his hands up. "I thought I was dreaming."

I frown. "Yeah, right."

I grab Claus's arm. "Come on, sweetheart. We're going home."

I pull him away as he drags his feet along.

"Bye, Lance," I hear him say.

"Bye, buddy," Lance answers.

Buddy?

"See you soon."

I don't think so.

Lance may have done well with Claus today, but it's not like he did it because he wanted to, or for Claus's sake. He only did it because he wanted to get close to me.

That bastard. To think for a moment that I believed he'd make a good father.

"Are you angry?" Claus asks as we go down the stairs.

"Not at you," I tell him.

"But Lance just played with me all day."

Ah. But that's the problem, isn't it? He's just too good at playing games.

I'd better not get caught up in his.

"Can I play with him again tomorrow?" Claus asks.

"No, sweetheart."

We reach the bottom of the stairs.

"But I want to."

"Well, I'm going to the supermarket tomorrow." I place my arm around him. "Don't you want to come?"

He looks up at me. "Are you getting ice cream?"

"Fine. We can get a pint." I raise a finger. "But you have to promise not to run around."

Claus grins. "Okay."

~

I should have known he'd run around.

Of course he would. He's a five year-old boy with more energy than a nuclear power plant.

"Claus!" I shout as I push the cart down the aisle.

When I turn the corner, I find him running down the next aisle, but Perry pops up to stop him at the end.

"Hey, kiddo!" he greets as he grabs Claus's shoulders.

Claus just laughs.

Perry turns to me. "Missing a kid?"

"Always," I tell him. "I look away for a second and he's gone."

"I'm a wizard," Claus says.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Very funny."

Perry squeezes Claus's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Claus, but there are no wizards allowed here."

"What?" Claus's eyebrows go up.

"You heard him," I say. "You know Perry's the boss."

Claus frowns. "So I have to leave?"

"Well, since I'm the boss, I can let you stay," Perry leans over to speak right in his ear. "As long as you promise not to cast any spells."

Claus looks at his feet. "Okay."

Perry points to the shelf. "Now, why don't you go and get a chocolate bar? I'll pay for it."

Claus runs off.

"Just one," I tell him before turning to Perry. "You almost did a good job, if not for the chocolate bar."

He grins. "It's part of my job to help sell the merchandise, right?"

"I don't think paying for it yourself counts."

"Plus a chocolate bar is a small price to pay for a few moments alone with you," he adds as he steps forward.

I look away.

"I meant to go back to your house, but you know, with the holidays and all, things are getting busy around here."

I nod. "Busiest time of year."

"How have things been?"

"Well, I've been baking," I answer.

"Good. So that means Claus has been behaving?"

I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Well, yesterday, I had Lance watch him for me."

Perry's eyebrows crease. "You what?"

I tap my fingers on the handle of the cart. "I had to bake for the town council, so I asked Lance to watch him."

"But I thought you didn't want him to find out - "

"He still doesn't know about Claus, and I still don't plan on telling him," I say.

"But you let them spend time together."

I shrug. "I didn't have a choice."

"Jordan."

"Well, I didn't actually think he'd like taking care of Claus. I thought he'd kick him right back to the house and then he'd never bother me again."

Perry's eyes dart to the ceiling.

"Okay, fine." I sigh. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea."

"So what happened?" he asks.

I shrug. "They just... spent the day together, playing."

Perry frowns.

I narrow my eyes at him. "You're mad?"

"Only because I'm supposed to be Claus's father, remember? What? Did you tell Lance I agreed to your plan? Or did you ask him not to tell me?"

I let out a deep breath. "Perry - "

"Jordan, I don't think you understand the situation." He lowers his voice as he glances at Claus. "Claus's father is here. You have to make up your mind whether you want him in or out. There's no halfway. Whatever you do, someone gets hurt, but if you dawdle, everyone will."

I place my hands on my cheeks. "You're right. This is not just about me. I'm sorry."

I was the one who asked him to pretend to be Claus's father in the first place, so why didn't I consult him about letting Lance and Claus spend the day together?

"Sorry," I repeat. "I guess I wasn't thinking straight. I don't know why I couldn't help myself."

"You don't have to." Perry touches my shoulder. "I'm here to help you."

I smile. "Thanks, Perry."

He glances at his watch. "You know, we might be busy, but I can still get off at eight. If that's not too late, do you want to have dinner at my apartment?"

My eyebrows arch. Dinner? At his apartment?

I've never been to Perry's apartment before.

"It will help make our charade more convincing, don't you think?" he says.

I touch my chin. "That seems valid."

Perry places his hand over mine. "If you want to keep Lance away, don't use Claus. Use me."

I look into his eyes and see only seriousness there. And maybe an offer of something more than just help.

Use him, huh? Well, isn't that what I did already?

"Okay," I answer.

Who knows? Spending time with Perry might help me stop thinking about Lance. At the very least, if I'm at Perry's apartment, Lance won't be able to come over. I can avoid him for one more night.

"Dinner it is."

~

"That was a beautiful dinner," I remark as I sit on the couch with Perry after the meal. My half-filled glass of sparkling grape juice sits between my fingers.

In the armchair, Claus is already curled up like a cat, asleep. This after being high on sugar for about three hours.

"Really?" Perry's eyebrows go up. "It was just stir-fry, though. I would have prepared a roast chicken if I had time. Maybe next time?"

"It's fine," I tell him. "The food was delicious. Then again, your food always is delicious."

He grins. "Well, you know what they say. When you're cooking for someone you like, the chef in you tends to come out."

I take a sip from my glass and say nothing.

He rests his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands. "You know, I've been wondering if I should ask you about Lance or not."

I glance at him with wide eyes.

He rubs his thumbs together. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out how you met and what happened between the two of you or not."

Is Perry... jealous? Or is he embarrassed? I've never seen him with either expression before.

"So, do you?" I ask him.

He shrugs.

"I don't really want to talk about him," I confess. "But I guess you have a right to know since I got you involved and all."

Perry shakes his head and places his hand over mine. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

I set down my glass on the coffee table. "There's nothing much to tell anyway. We weren't together long. I never thought I'd see him again."

Perry nods. "It's a cruel trick of fate, isn't it?"

"I've been thinking the same."

"But that's fate. It makes you meet people you never thought you'd meet, but somehow, everything just falls into place."

"Oh, don't worry," I tell him. "Lance and I aren't going to get back together."

"I wasn't talking about Lance." Perry squeezes my hand. "I was talking about meeting you. After my girlfriend cheated on me, I told myself I wasn't going to get involved with a woman ever again. I thought I'd just work for the rest of my life, spend my weekends watching Netflix..."

I grin.

"But then I met you." His fingers entwine with mine. "And I just realized that there was something missing in my life and it was you."

I smile. "That's sweet of you, Perry. Well, you've always been sweet. And kind to me. A good friend. But - "

"I'm just a friend?" Perry finishes.

I look away without giving him an answer.

Again, he squeezes my hand. "I understand if you're not ready. I can wait. I just want you to be happy. I can see that your whole world revolves around Claus, but you deserve to be happy, too. You deserve someone who will take care of you, too."

I turn back to him with another smile.

His words mean much to me. They really do. Why, then, can't I accept them? Why can't I say the things he wants to hear?

Perry lifts his hand to touch my face but stops. He shakes his head.

"Sorry. I've been talking too much."

"No." I shake my head. "It's fine."

"I almost kissed you," he confesses. "I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't kiss you unless you give me permission."

My eyebrows go up. Well, that's unlike someone I know.

Perry sighs. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to invite you here. Because I'm in my comfort zone, I - "

"It's fine," I cut him off. "You can kiss me if you want to."

Maybe I just can't stand his babbling. Maybe it's just guilt. Or maybe I just want to kiss another man beside Lance. Whatever the reason is, I don't mind if Perry kisses me.

"Sure?" he asks.

I nod.

He turns to me and touches my cheek. Slowly, he brings his face to mine.

I close my eyes. His lips press gently against mine. I press mine back against him slightly. Over and over, our lips meet.

And yet, strangely, I don't feel anything.

My heart remains still in my ribcage. No flames dance in my veins.

Why?

Perry isn't a bad kisser. I think. And he's a good man.

And yet, I feel nothing.

Fuck.

I pull away. "Sorry. This isn't..."

"It's alright," Perry tells me. "You don't have to apologize and we don't need to rush."

I nod.

Right. Maybe I'm just not ready for him yet.

But does that mean I'm still not over Lance?